As Blitz Listened To Him, He Sat Down Next To Him. The Mattress Felt So Familiar, But At The Same Time,

As Blitz listened to him, he sat down next to him. The mattress felt so familiar, but at the same time, it felt like they had never been here before. And they hadn't, not really. He looked down at the bedspread for while, needing to look away if he was going to fully take the words in. Frowning a little, Blitz nodded along at several points; the things Stolas asked for, not just the way he asked, but the things themselves, said so much about how badly Blitz had wounded him. And not just Blitz, but damn near everyone else in Stolas's life, the imp thought.

When his beloved fell quiet, Blitz looked up and studied his face, unable to miss the fear--to miss how much courage Stolas was showing right now, with all of this. He was quiet for a moment, then offered Stolas one of his hands, and laid his tail up against his back--strong enough for Stolas to lean back on if he needed to, another way of holding him.

"You are the only one I want. And I don't want to be a convenient way for you to get off, either. I mean, I do, I want you to know that I always want you, so that it's like, so you never feel in-convenent... convene.. fuck, inconvenient. But I want to be something to you, too. Someone you're... proud of, you know? Where if we go to Ozzie's again, maybe neither of us ever has to look away or feel ashamed. I want to be someone that you feel good to want. To love.

"You want my commitment--babe, you got it. I'm yours. And yeah it's... kind of fucking terrifying, saying it," he admitted, eyebrows scrunching up, "but it's true, too.

"What I need in return is... try to... be, I guess, be patient with me? Because we're both learning how to do this right. Together. And we'll get there. We might fuck up along the way, but we'll get there.

"Do... okay. Shit. Um. Two questions. One: can I have a drawer? So that, you know, maybe we can spend more time together without it feeling like..." Like I'm your dirty little secret. "Like somethin' so rushed?

"And second--does it... how... how like, how open do you want things to be at first? If we're out in public, anywhere the other Goetia can find out, how do you feel about me like, you know. Kissing you, or holding your hand?" These were small things, but they felt important to figure out all the same. The way forward would be made of all of these small things, all of these questions asked and answered together. They could do this--couldn't they?

This conversation was a truly terrifying one but it was necessary, Stolas kept reminding himself. After this, if Blitz didn’t feel the same, he could lose the imp forever. He longed to hear the words but should he not receive them, the prince would have to learn to accept that. Though the concept was a painful one.

Stolas gave Blitz time to sort out his words, talons wringing together anxiously as he watched the imp try and put his feelings into words. He closed his eyes, ready for the rejection when he heard the words he had always been longing to hear, I love you. That couldn’t be right, could it? No, but Blitz said then again and confirmed that he was indeed, in love with Stolas. His eyes grew wide as he tried to process those three little words. How could he accept so much from the imp? He had wanted it but now that he had it, what did that mean? What were they? Where was this going?

Stolas’s mind raced as Blitz not only confessed his feelings but apologized as well. A genuine apology this time. It was all too much to process at once. Stolas sat down on the edge of his bed, head in claws as he sorted through everything Blitz said.

Now Blitz was asking what he needed? Stolas hardly knew at this point. The imp had never been so forthcoming, so open. He was already given exactly what he had hoped for from Blitz, why did he want to push the imp even more?

“Blitz I-“ Stolas took a deep breath and looked at the imp from his place on the bed, reaching out to take his claws and squeezing them tightly in his own. He couldn’t stop the almost sad, disbelief that graced his features. “I had thought the words would be enough, and they do mean a lot. Do not get me wrong, however, I need to see your actions reflect your words. I need to know that you truly do care about me-love me-the way you say you do. Words can only mean so much.”

Stolas took a deep breath, “Blitz, if you love me-truly love me-I want commitment. I want to be the only one you want. I want this to be a real relationship. I am tired of being just a convenient way for you to get off. I understand if I am asking a lot but this is what I want. I want commitment. I want companionship. I want love. And I need to see that in your actions, not just your words. I know it is a lot to ask, I encourage you to take your time to…reflect.”

"Yeah, I mean. Why not? I've got the crystal now, and you--you've been kinda stuck for a long time, right? And shit's been--I mean. Shitty. With Valentino. I thought it might be nice for you to just feel alive again. Feel the real sunlight. And remember that you're not just someone who died. You came from all of this, you know? This world, created for you people. That body was made for you. You're beautiful in Hell. You know that. I know you know it. And I guess, maybe to me, it's hard not to think that maybe some of your beauty comes because you, you have like...

"I don't know. I'm not good at this words shit. But you have some sliver of Earth still in you. Some of that magic that this place has. I remember that you thought the aquarium was boring, so I could be way off, here," he admitted, "but to me, Earth seems magical. I wasn't born here. I wasn't born to live. I was born to serve. That's what all of my people are for. It's why we exist. We don't get an afterlife. We don't get to gamble everything on the hope of Heaven, only to end up powerful in Hell.

"You came from this. And you're stronger than it seems like you realize sometimes. And you... I don't know. I don't know what I'm even saying." Blitz sighed, but smiled. He glanced down, checking that his board tether was still firmly in place around his ankle, then slipped off of his board and just sank below the surface for a few minutes, needing a minute, needing to try and--try and what? Calm the fuck down? Center his thoughts? He didn't know, he didn't do this shit, he didn't overthink like this, he didn't take dead souls out for walks, or whatever the fuck he thought he was doing here.

He looked down into the darkness, into the depths of the ocean. The morning sun wasn't high enough to illuminate it, and so below him was nothing but black, an endless abyss--and he could feel someone's eyes watching, sense a familiar presence in those depths. Just the barest hint of it, but there all the same.

Blitz didn't know whether that was a good thing or not.

He surfaced, climbed back onto his board, and nodded towards shore. "I'm gonna go walk around in the town. Or at least sit on the sand. You wanna come?" He had the absurd notion to offer to give Angel head once they were on the shore, to let Angel feel that kind of worship in his human body--but they weren't there yet, were they? Would that be weird to offer? Still, Blitz couldn't help but glance down at Angel's stunning body before quickly looking away. He didn't have red skin to hide his blushes now.

After clearing his throat, he laid on his board and started paddling for shore, falling into a natural rhythm, working with the waves.

"Maui." He's repeating, because it still feels like an absolute fever dream. And maybe it is. Maybe he's going to wake up in his room in theresort and this would all be made up. It would be an interesting dream, to say the least, but it wasn't like his brain hadn't come up with some other obscure thoughts before, especially after being dead as long as he has. And having Blitz be in the dream wouldn't be unusual either. Though if it was a dream, they'd definitely be making out.

Admittedly, he hadn't heard the imp's complete ramble about Pearl Harbor. Even if he had, he didn't know if he would entirely care, as bad as that sounded. Shit happened on Earth. People died. World War II was right before his death, and he had seen more than enough death at his own hands. His eyes only glanced towards the other at the mention of this working, how he hadn't known if it would. "...yeh' didn't know if this was gonna work. Have yeh'...have yeh' never done it before?"

His voice cracked a bit at that, a bit of concern in his eyes. What if it had killed them? For good? No, it hadn't. And he couldn't think like that. He was shaking his head loose, looking back over at the other, before his lips twitched into the smallest of smiles. "In shock? Otherwise, great. Peachy." He laughed, showing he was feeling more normal, though blue eyes were still looking at his hands. The slightly tanned skin, compared to the bright white fur he had been so used to for decades now.

"It's just....been awhile. Since ah've been...yeh' know." He gestured to his human form, though at least much like when he was Angel Dust, he wasn't embarassed that he was wearing pretty minimal clothing. He had been a spider longer than he had been a human, so it was all just readjusting, and he's pushing his curls behind his ears - oh thank fuck, he had ears again - blushing a bit and looking over at the other. "Yeh'....yeh' wanted t' do this....for....me?"

The Goetia's eyes were black, rich and deep and dark enough that all light seemed to flow into them, as if it was made only to be lost into those dangerous depths. All the same, when he smiled it seemed sincere enough. He looked Angel up and down, made a soft little clicking sound--one Angel would doubtless recognize as an assessment followed by disappointment and judgement--before he looked to the imp with him.

"I recognize you, Blitz. I've seen you quite often, at Lacerate. It's an honor to see you here as well. If you would ever enjoy a private tour? Find me at either of my offices; it will be my pleasure to show you around." Before the imp could answer, the tall, shimmering Goetia laid a hand on his shoulder, leaned down, and whispered something to him--

And Blitz's expression went entirely blank. For a moment there, he might have been a doll, he was so inanimate. Tears came to his eyes--and he snapped out of it. Blitz shook himself, pulled free of Vepar, and looked up at him with a furious, heartbroken, desperate sort of defiance. For a moment, he looked like he was going to snap at him, to say something really, really fucking stupid--but he couldn't do it. Instead, he hesitated--

And nodded.

"Thanks," he said quietly, frowning. "For--all of it. Thanks."

Vepar touched a hand to his chest. "My pleasure. It is always a joy to see one within whom wonder and joy remain. Have a wonderful visit, Blitz." He bowed his head ever so slightly to the imp, then glided off, moving smoothly as he disappeared into the crowd.

Blitz fought the urge to watch him go, struggling to come back to himself. Finally, after shaking himself again, he looked back up at Angel. "Uh... fuck. Where were we? What uh--you wanna go, say fuck this place? What do you like to do?"

Other kid? There was another kid!? Angel knew he shouldn't be panicked - this was a fucking first date, it wasn't like they were exchanging vows. But there would always be the thought that kids would be brought into his life - even if the kids were older. And Angel wasn't exactly the best role model, was he? Things that he was aimlessly thinking about, as the imp ran from tank to tank.

Angel wasn't all that amused, if only because these were naturally things he had seen before plenty of times. Some of them were pretty, though he found it amusing that a Hell-quarium would have the most boring of fish. His eyes did light up a bit seeing things like florescent jellyfish or angelfish - fish they didn't have in the Hudson. Though the enthusiasm certainly didn't match that of Blitz. If anything, his own joy came from simply watching how excited the other got.

At the other's comment, Angel was opening his mouth to speak, until he heard the other voice interrupting. His eyebrow raised, spinning to look at the bird-like male, upper set of arms crossed over his chest. Unlike Blitz, he didn't have any real interactions with the Ars Goetia, and hardly gave a fuck that they were royalty. "...do yeh' just happen t' always be hidin' in th' shadows waitin' f' people t' mention yeh'?" It had seemed awfully odd that the man would suddenly appear, as if being summoned.

Wait, could Ars Goetia be summoned? Fuck if he knew.

Blitz seemed way more tense than he did for reasons that Angel didn't fully understand, one of his lower hands grabbing at the imps, feeling how warm he was. He couldn't help but to snort in amusement at Blitz' absolutely crass commentary, squeezing his hand to silently tell him to behave, before Angel shrugged. "That's what we were doin', before yeh' showed up." He hummed, though he waved his one free hand.

"Though gotta say, they ain't much of sights if yeh' tryin' t' appeal t' sinners, too. Trout and salmon are things yeh' see more on th' dinner table than in an exhibit." He was being a bit sassy, but. "Now if yeh'll excuse us, we were kind of in th' middle a' somethin'."

Neutered huh? No balls then?

Blitz snorted and shook his head, taking a moment to sip and sip and sip on his straw. This stupid Strawberry Valentine drink was so good. Supposedly, supposedly it was some fancy new thing based on how Valentino and Angel Dust smelled together--which, weird, but whatever, this was Hell, people capitalized on everything--but it was the freshest thing he'd had in weeks. Blitz wasn't usually one for anything sweet, but this shit was addictive.

Once he'd had enough for now, he settled, eyes half-closed. "Oh, I got balls. Vasectomies don't remove all of that. Daddy's got plenty for you to play with--I just ain't gonna become a daddy. Again. So." More sipping on that stupid damn drink for a while, then he huffed and set it aside. Christ on a stick, he could act like an adult and not a sugar-addicted child, right? Maybe? Fuck.

"If you want to know more, go down the street to the corner store and get me an order of Fries Quatro Quesos Dos Fritos, stat. Whatever the fuck stat actually means, just--go, go. I ain't answering any more questions 'bout my gear til I have something to..." He side-eyed the smoothie again. Fuck, no. Nope. No more. "To eat."

But it was so good.

Happy as could be, Blitz went back to enjoying his smoothie.

If you will have me. Blitz didn't know what that meant, didn't understand what exactly Stolas wanted from him, and the impulse to assume something, to panic and just run with something, was strong. He quashed it, refusing--consciously refusing--to fall back into the old habits, to keep making the old mistakes, and forced himself to keep listening. When Stolas had hugged himself, it left Blitz's heart aching, because he could imagine, he could fucking imagine, how many times Stolas must have done that--how many times Stolas must have been the only one to hug him, the only pair of arms that wanted to hold him, always left to comfort himself alone.

Blitz shoved his hands into his pockets--then thought better of it and stepped over to wrap his arms around Stolas. Screw the height difference, he hugged what he could get, and he held on. Stolas needed that. He needed to be loved. He needed to be cared for. And Blitz needed to care. He couldn't pretend not to anymore, he couldn't pretend--fuck. He just couldn't pretend.

"I want whatever you'll give me, Stols. If that's... if you just want us to be friends, I'll take it. But what I really want is you. I want to be yours. Your stupid, lovesick, idiotic, unculture imp. And I want you to be mine. I want to--to find ways to convince you, somefuckinghow, that you are mine. That I want you. That I'm not gonna, not gonna just let go?" He tightened his arms. "Until you tell me to. I want to be together. Not just for fancy fucking, either. I mean together, together. Romantically. And I don't--fuck. I don't know how. But I want to learn. With you." He closed his eyes and rubbed his face against Stolas, having heard his own damn voice break. Fuck, Blitz, keep your shit together. Blitz hugged tighter, still.

"I don't wanna lose you. And I know I already did. But I just. I don't wanna lie anymore, either. I wanna tell you everything. And never be the reason you're unhappy anymore.

"I wanna be the partner who holds your hand proudly in public, and never cuts you down, never leaves you feeling unseen in your own life, or just... fuck. Fuck. I wanna be together--and I want to be good for you. Fuck, I want to be good for you." He didn't know if he ever could be, but Blitz would give his entire being to just trying, if Stolas wanted that.

A selfish wave of relief flooded him, and some of the tension leaved Stolas' frame. It wasn't fair to have wanted Blitz to himself during their separation, or maybe at all, and yet, he did. Still does, but that was a conversation for another time if they ever got it.

Stolas listens intently, giving Blitz a reprieve from the constant weight of his gaze by watching the path ahead. Though he stole glances any chance he could, unwilling to blink too often or let the imp out of his sight for a prolonged time. Everything between them felt suspended on a wire fit to snap at any moment. And if it didn't, they each held a pair of scissors, ready to cut it and each other loose.

It took so much willpower not to speak and interject, to correct Blitz or overlap his apologies with his own. Messy didn't begin to cover what any of this — of what they were.

He could fill the gaps between the stars and planets with everything he wanted to say. But would it be too much? Would he be too much? His hands link together, fingers grasping at each other with nervous excitement and uncertainty. At long last, the prince moves to step into Blitz's path, leaning down with a small smile. So much pain. There was an immeasurable amount of suppressed emotions and experiences between them both that could fill the world's oceans, he had no doubt.

❝ Blitzy — ❞ Stolas gives pause and shakes his head. One hand moves to rest on the imp's shoulder, the other to lift his chin to meet the owl's gaze. ❝ You think this is your fault, but it isn't. Not all of it. Please. . . . please do not bear the weight of it all without me. I was — I did some unfavorable things and. . . ❞ He trails off, beak clicking softly as he struggles to find the rest of his words. The problem wasn't that they weren't there; it was the struggle of unwinding them, untangling every thought and feeling from each other to form something coherent.

❝ You keep apologizing, but I could have stepped up too. I should have, sooner than I did, honestly. I hurt you too, and really I — it wasn't right of me, to bring up my feelings the way I did. Not so suddenly. Not like that. And I refused to give you a chance to properly take in what I was saying and suggesting. If I had just given you a chance to speak. . . ❞ It was his turn to withdraw, hands moving to his own arms, awkwardly hugging himself before falling to the prince's sides. He felt at odds with his existence, with the physical presence he held. It felt too small, and too much all at once.

❝ I care you for very much, Blitz. I just. . . want you to be aware of that. And to understand that I hold fault in what happened between us too. We. . . we hurt each other, unfortunately. But I — ❞ He sucks in a breath, head tipping to the sky instead, eyes closing. But when he speaks again, his gaze is back on Blitz.

❝ I still want to be a part of your life, and for you to be in mine, if you will have me. . . ❞

Blitz couldn't help but look on with excitement when she indicated he could check out the basket. Eyes bright with excitement, he poked through, loving all of it. "You guys didn't have to do any of this, but thank you. It's fuckin' sweet as shit." Selecting one of the gourds, he hugged it to his chest with one hand, then bopped back over to the kitchen with her; hanging out with Millie was always a guarantee to send his spirits sky-high.

"Some scorpion-pepper chicken? I tried to go light on the heat though, or... light-er? I know you like it hot, but if you wanna be able to kiss Moxxie when you get home," he teased, not meaning any harm by it at all, just happy and cheerful and loving. "There's some salad in the fridge, too. I stole a buncha that really crunchy shit, the 'Iceberg Lettuce?' Humans apparently hate it, but it's," he clicked his teeth together, sure she would understand immediately what he meant. It was good to bite, and there were few things more intrinsically satisfying to imps than a good crunching sensation.

Using his claws, he turned a few pieces of chicken over in the pan, making sure they crisped evenly, then looked back at her. "How have you been, though? Been a while since just the two of us hung out. You an' Moxxie doing good these days?"

It was always a bit of a struggle, trying to tamp down his effusive excitement whenever he got to hang out with one of them. Blitz cherished them both so damn deeply, but while he was at least a little bit romantically attracted to Moxxie? Millie was his bro, like sunlight to a human. She showed up and Blitz was just instantly happy. The two of them could talk about anything, it seemed, sharing a similar rough-and-tumble approach to life, and he appreciated her so damn deeply--buuuuut was always a little afraid of scaring her off. Or, well, scaring both of them off. Blitz loved them, really fucking loved them, and all he wanted was for them to at least like him in return. He chose to believe they did, though; considering what a menace he was to their lives, the fact that they were still around had to say something.

@doublejango ( continued )

Millie had stepped into Blitzo's apartment, greeted by the smell of something spicy and plenty of cooking oil. It reminded her of home on the ranch. It just needed some herbs and more seasoning. She set the basket she and Moxxie had put together on the dining table, fluffing up the bow once before she felt Blitz's hands lift her in the air. Immediately she adapted to the lift and giggled, spreading her arms and kicking her hooves.

"Heeey there, Big B! No way we'd party without ya. Especially with you stuck in the sinner world. It's all good. Just been worried about ya. Mox told me about the goat rescue. I'm sure little Billy is tellin' his friends about you too." She set a hand on her hip and sniffed the air. "What's cookin'? We bought you some spooky season desserts."

There were some pumpkin spice coffee packs included in the basket as well as other festive fun stuff. Millie packed a few colorful gourds too that she figured Blitzo and Loona might be able to use to decorate their apartment.