I Screamed Out Your Name As I Submerged Under The Water. The Air Escaped From My Lungs As I Descended

I screamed out your name as I submerged under the water. The air escaped from my lungs as I descended to the pool floor. At that moment, I longed for your lips to be eternally intertwined with mine, fused, never unlocking or escaping like the last air had done from my chest.

douleur-douce/douxsouffrance, fused

I question my confidence, and I question my worth,

on the raft I get scared of falling—plunging into the water head first,

losing all breath,

sinking to the cold depths

of the abyss to drown.

unconvincingly telling myself,

all it takes is one step,

the water is not deep,

I can walk through the seemingly,

infinite abyss

—below,

I can swim,

I can float,

without my raft.

but will I dare losen my grasp,

will my float lighten their grip,

it has on my anxiety,

will it force me to flip,

will I fall silently,

I don’t think so,

I cling to my raft.

douleur-douce/douxsouffrance, my raft

I was looked at, but I wasn't seen. — Albert Camus, The Misunderstanding

i’m afraid to cry so i run away,

but i make you cry when i run away.

There were days when you peered into yourself, into the secret places of your heart, and what you saw there made you faint with horror. And then, next day, you didn't know what to make of it, you couldn't interpret the horror you had glimpsed the day before.

Yes, you know what evil costs.

Jean-Paul Sartre, No Exit