Codependency - Tumblr Posts
interview is soooooo difficult as somebody recovering from a lifetime of codependent relationship after codependent relationship after codependent relationship. I understand these stupid vampires completely and I feel the damage done onto them because it is my own. but I also feel their love, as that is also my own. One could not exist without the other and I know this from personal experience. By giving your love you're handing them the remote to a shock collar around your heart. I can't in good conscious ship them bcs practically all of them are like this, but also, how can i NOT ship them??? I feel the devotion they have for each other. It's there, tangible, in my hands. but how can I wish for my favorite characters to endure the emotional warfaire I relate to? How can I not wish for it if that's the very reason they're my favorite characters. Many such cases...
I love walking that fine line between feeling so seen and comforted & getting hopelessly triggered. Recovery is not pretty but these shows sure are!
God I love coping through media
I am normal and can be trusted with complex characters and depictions of morally grey relationships.
google, search how to not subconsciously force my healthy and loving partner into the role of an abuser bcs I anticipate and detect abuse where it genuinely is not happening (and then I think that the behavior is normal so I don't call them out and thus allow my perception of them to be warped beyond recognition) google, search for what to do when your mental health gets so bad you lose grip on reality and have episodes of your mind breaking into two and you can't do anything but hold your head hyperventilate and let go of your body as it jerks around uncontrollably until eventually your partner has to just hold you still and talk you down before you accidentally hurt yourself google, search for gift ideas for the most patient perfect boyfriend in the world
The one and only renfield fanwork ever. Basically a sequel. Basically everything I could ever want or ask for in a renfield fic. This is actually sooooo personal to me but idc it must be loved and spread. This bug guy gets my pain & mental anguish as I'm recovering & attempting to have a healthy relationship with my own Rebecca. Thank you for writing this <3
//A Sadness Runs Through Him//
Gen - Renfield Focused Explicit Tags: Depression, Grief/Mourning, Coping with Trauma Chapters: 3/3
Dracula is gone. Renfield finally has a life all his own. So why doesn't he feel free? a.k.a, a short study on the grief of losing ones former life, lover, and purpose
Coffin Mother - A poem.
I was born with splinters poking out I was held in bloodless arms My mother bore me skin and bone But she was a box, and never a home My mother's kisses were dusty and dry My mother's door rusted shut I am new and unaware of you How my father was a victim too There is only one way coffins show love There is an inevitability about it Submitting to the grave is your only one true fate and her chest cavity is beckoning you're late from dust to dust we always return at any moment you could strike to hold me sing me a lullaby while you take my life Death mother keep me safe You've kept me trapped from the sky burred under shrouds of darkness and dirt Like a blanket over my world to deny you is to open my eyes I break your fragile lid and rip your hinges Torn away I cast parts of you aside I crawl with my dead hands through the earth above until a rumored heaven breaks open my brown sky Light and colors fill my vision, the air is not stale my lungs sting and my muscles ache I was not built for standing, walking 6 feet below I can hear howling curses of forgiveness; "This transgression could be forgiven You've had your fun, now come down from there The pain you caused, the body you've broken All that you've abandoned in the home I've built Just try to use the muscles I raised you with I knew you weren't ready for this Come sleep on my chest and let the cold soothe you Everyone has to die eventually." Coffin mother I hate you the ultraviolet burns my malnourished skin There is wood in my lungs, skin, hair Headboards feel like tombstones, Bouquets are mournful Coffin mother I miss you walking on my own with these unused legs makes me yearn for the embrace of sleep laying down in you to turn my brain off Coffin mother I don't love you But I do, in the way you love starvation after awhile Recovery can't stop my memories of enjoyment the high I chased of emptiness you gave I won't ever return to you, I'll blow my ashes in the wind, and you can die with whatever scars my freedom cost. Nobody is coming to fix the hole I punched through you to reach the sky. I can't remove the dirt from my nails or the splinters permanently in my blood. But you can't catch me to engulf my soul in it anymore. I don't care if I'm a dead thing among men. I will die with more life than I was born with. Despite you and your version of the world.
@pretty-prince-lulu with the safest sheepe in the world!
collection of posts for a very specific dynamic
@pretty-prince-lulu ...definitely tower gang and also the bastard ship
Without You...
TW: Mentions of codependency and eating disorders (The smut is back, hoes)
Poppy has a busy day talking with the leaders of the other tribes. Branch is left at home alone, his brothers off at various places.
The bunker was quiet. Branch had grown used to his brothers being loud and rowdy. The quiet was nice, but something was missing.
Right, Poppy.
All the feral troll had to comfort him was one of her large, dark green and turquoise sweaters and one of her extra blankets that he had stolen. Both carried her sweet scent, one that was intoxicating to him.
But even while hugging the sweater and being wrapped in the blanket, neither provided the same warmth as her.
He was starting to get more and more agitated, his ears drooped as low as they could go, his tail twitching.
With her gone, he hadn't even bothered to leave his bunker, not even getting up to put clothes on. He just slipped Poppy's sweater on, the fuzzy material felt nice against his skin. The hem of the sweater reached his knees.
Branch whined, trying to think of anything other than Poppy. The Bergens? No, he remembered Trollstice. The Village? No, he thought of how well she ruled. His brothers? Nope, he thought of running off to save Floyd with her.
Anything he thought of, there she was. Even the most obscure things, such as rough housing with JD, as he would think about the first time she saw them play fighting.
He hadn't even gotten up to eat. Usually she would come down and wake him up, reminding him that he didn't need to ration his meals or go 2-3 days without food.
Branch hadn't taken his pills, either. He debated on whether he needed to take them, and ultimately sat up to grab the glass of water kn his bedside and swallow four pills consecutively. If he hadn't taken them, she'd have been pissed.
He sat uo when he heard footsteps approaching. The door creaked open and he growled. It turned out to just be Smidge, holding a freshly baked berry pie for him. She briefly explained that Poppy asked her earlier to make sure he had something decent to eat.
She was quick to leave. Branch looked at the warm, delicious-smelling pie in his paws. He didn't waste any time to grab a wooden tray he used to eat in bed from under his bed. He set the pie down, thinking for a moment. He grabbed his emergency fork from his nightstand drawer.
Branch didn't even care that the pie was still pretty warm. Smidge's baked goods were always amazing, especially when Cooper helped.
He dug in, devouring the whole thing within minutes. Branch drank the rest of his water, setting the wooden tray on the floor.
...
Hours later, he finally heard the bunker lift going down. The door opened, revealing Poppy. She held her arms out, and Branch didn't hesitate run over.
She just lifted him up as if he weighed nothing. Sure, her and her sister Viva were freakishly strong, but Branch was thin and small.
He snuggled into her, mumbling about how much he missed her and how much he needed her.
"Awww... You atleast ate and remembered your pills, right?" She asked him, sitting on his bed with the smaller troll in her lap. He nodded.
(SMUT WARNING HERE, LEAVE IF YOU ARE UNCOMFY!)
(BTW, I changed it because I didn't like how Branch just humped her thigh-)
Poppy leaned her head in close to Branch's neck, softly kissing a small scar there. When he didn't react, she licked it.
Types of Boundaries:
• Material boundaries determine whether you give or lend things, such as your money, car, clothes, books, food, or toothbrush.
• Physical boundaries pertain to your personal space, privacy, and body. Do you give a handshake or a hug – to whom and when? How do you feel about loud music, nudity, and locked doors?
• Mental boundaries apply to your thoughts, values, and opinions. Are you easily suggestible? Do you know what you believe, and can you hold onto your opinions? Can you listen with an open mind to someone else’s opinion without becoming rigid? If you become highly emotional, argumentative, or defensive, you may have weak emotional boundaries.
• Emotional boundaries distinguish separating your emotions and responsibility for them from someone else’s. It’s like an imaginary line or force field that separates you and others. Healthy boundaries prevent you from giving advice, blaming or accepting blame. They protect you from feeling guilty for someone else’s negative feelings or problems and taking others’ comments personally. High reactivity suggests weak emotional boundaries. Healthy emotional boundaries require clear internal boundaries – knowing your feelings and your responsibilities to yourself and others.
• Sexual boundaries protect your comfort level with sexual touch and activity – what, where, when, and with whom.
• Spiritual boundaries relate to your beliefs and experiences in connection with God or a higher power.
It’s hard for codependents to set boundaries because:
• They put others’ needs and feelings first;
• They don’t know themselves;
• They don’t feel they have rights;
• They believe setting boundaries jeopardizes the relationship; and
• They never learned to have healthy boundaries.
Boundaries are learned. If yours weren’t valued as a child, you didn’t learn you had them. Any kind of abuse violates personal boundaries, including teasing. For example, my brother ignored my pleas for him to stop tickling me until I could barely breathe. This made me feel powerless and that I didn’t have a right to say “stop” when I was uncomfortable. In recovery, I gained the capacity to tell a masseuse to stop and use less pressure. In some cases, boundary violations affect a child’s ability to mature into an independent, responsible adult.
You Have Rights
You may not believe you have any rights if yours weren’t respected growing up. For example, you have a right to privacy, to say “no,” to be addressed with courtesy and respect, to change your mind or cancel commitments, to ask people you hire to work the way you want, to ask for help, to be left alone, to conserve your energy, and not to answer a question, the phone, or an email. Think about all the situations where these rights apply. Write how you feel and how you currently handle them. How often do you say “yes” when you’d like to say “no?”
Write what you want to happen. List your personal bill of rights. What prevents you from asserting them? Write statements expressing your bottom line. Be kind. For example,
“Please don’t criticize (or call) me (or borrow my . . .),” and,
“Thank you for thinking of me, but I regret I won’t be joining (or able to help) you . . .”
“The inability to receive support from others is a trauma response. Your “I don’t need anyone, I’ll just do it all myself” conditioning is a survival tactic. And you needed it to shield your heart from abuse, neglect, betrayal, and disappointment from those who could not or would not be there for you. From the parent who was absent and abandoned you by choice or the parent who was never home from working three jobs to feed and house you. From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy but never offered a safe haven that honored your heart. From the friendships and family who ALWAYS took more than they ever gave. From all the situations when someone told you “we’re in this together” or “I got you” then abandoned you, leaving you to pick up the pieces when shit got real, leaving you to handle your part and their part, too. From all the lies and all the betrayals. You learned along the way that you just couldn’t really trust people. Or that you could trust people, but only up to a certain point. Extreme-independence IS. A. TRUST. ISSUE. You learnt: if I don’t put myself in a situation where I rely on someone, I won’t have to be disappointed when they don’t show up for me, or when they drop the ball... because they will ALWAYS drop the ball EVENTUALLY right? You may even have been intentionally taught this protection strategy by generations of hurt ancestors who came before you. Extreme-independence is a preemptive strike against heartbreak. So, you don’t trust anyone. And you don’t trust yourself, either, to choose people. To trust is to hope, to trust is to be vulnerable. “Never again,” you vow. But no matter how you dress it up and display it proudly to make it seem like this level of independence is what you always wanted to be, in truth it’s your wounded, scarred, broken heart behind a protective brick wall. Impenetrable. Nothing gets in. No hurt gets in. But no love gets in either. Fortresses and armor are for those in battle, or who believe the battle is coming. It’s a trauma response. The good news is trauma that is acknowledged is trauma that can be healed. You are worthy of having support. You are worthy of having true partnership. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of having your heart held. You are worthy to be adored. You are worthy to be cherished. You are worthy to have someone say, “You rest. I got this.” And actually deliver on that promise. You are worthy to receive. You are worthy to receive. You are worthy. You don’t have to earn it. You don’t have to prove it. You don’t have to bargain for it. You don’t have to beg for it. You are worthy. Worthy. Simply because you exist.” ~ Jamila White, @inspiredjamila
Today, my body needed rest. And so I was not present when the family came home. My stepsister could not get into the house because I was not available. My father felt he could not cook because I had not cleaned. They are often lost when it comes to technology. They are incompetent about parenting, because they don't do anything positive for my nephew. There is a reason why he is drawn to me and my brother way more than his own mother.
Without me as a mediator, this whole family loses its entire structure.
Frankly, I feel like it should fall apart. My father deserves no legacy that involves his savior complex and micromanagement. Having a permanent home with an obedient wife and successful children is his dream. Unfortunately he didn't take into account that his children have different views on success. And so he watches his dream crumble as his children decide to become themselves.
I'm not breaking the family apart. My siblings are not breaking the family apart. His toxic ways are breaking the family apart. He wants us to be stagnant. We all want to grow.
His name is Jacob, and he is my emotionally unstable emotional support coworker. His presence is mandatory, or there will be blood shed.
toxic codependent familial dynamics this. toxic codependent romances that. what about toxic codependent coworkers. i can’t do my job without this guy here or i’ll kill myself.
I question my confidence, and I question my worth,
on the raft I get scared of falling—plunging into the water head first,
losing all breath,
sinking to the cold depths
of the abyss to drown.
unconvincingly telling myself,
all it takes is one step,
the water is not deep,
I can walk through the seemingly,
infinite abyss
—below,
I can swim,
I can float,
without my raft.
but will I dare losen my grasp,
will my float lighten their grip,
it has on my anxiety,
will it force me to flip,
will I fall silently,
I don’t think so,
I cling to my raft.
douleur-douce/douxsouffrance, my raft
codependency
dominants
To all people who have what I like to call "the caretaker syndrome" (or "therapist friend syndrome") which is always caring too much about how other people are doing around you. This mentality is a lot more toxic that what you'd might think because you put the responsibility of your own mood and well being on the person you're "mentoring" because you think your personal worth depends on how much you can lift somebody up.
A lot of people justify this saying "well if I'm helping them doesn't that make me a good person" and the sad truth is no, it doesn't, because if you feel pressure to help someone who's in need and if you didn't help them you'd feel guilt and shame, it means that it's about you feeling bad about yourself and trying to fill that hole inside of you that is self hatred with always helping others even if that's against your own needs because you think that is what will make you worthy of love (which is simply not true)
It's okay to worry about your loved ones of course but feeling guilty because you didn't help someone is not, EVERYONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THEMSELVES, and truly caring about someone is simply helping them because of course you want them to be happy and that would make you happy too. But the difference is, if it was pure affection, you wouldn't feel guilty or not enough of a person if you decided to not help that individual, because it would be obvious to you that you are a person deserving of love without proving anything.
In conclusion, it isn't about them. It's about using them and their codependent way of connecting (because they rely on others too much, that is also toxic) to hate yourself a little less. And at the end of the day it's selfish, even though it seems like "OnLy wAnTiNg tO hELp"
This mentality of codependency is terrible for every relationship because the people you attract with your savior complex are the people that need someone to control them and be stronger than them because they'd feel like a bad person otherwise. They don't truly look up to you, they just need to feel inferior because they think they aren't enough on their own just like you.
submissives
Their victim mentality is about the same old "being in pain makes you a better person" which is such fucking bullshit and by the way it's also selfish even if it's about suppressing yourself because you don't truly love the person that controls you, you use them for their validation they give you when you "do well". Everything you do is for them and you can use that to feel like a better person, because you think sacrificing yourself and your own needs is what makes you worthy of love.
With that mentality you will never actually get better (unless you let go of the mentality), because your entire "personal growth" is for another individual, and you need them to mentor you and control you, so if you actually got better, you'd have to let go of them and their constant validation which you don't want.
in conclusion
At the end of the day both mentalities are about avoiding responsibility and using self destruction to justify the things you do saying "if it hurts me then I'm the victim" -> "it isn't my fault" -> "i am not responsible" WHICH IS NOT TRUE. Hurting yourself is just as bad as hurting someone else if not worse (!!!!!!). If you hurt yourself you're also going to end up hurting the people around you too even if you don't want to.
So for fuck's sake, realize the very obvious fact that you are deserving of love without having to prove anything to anyone. In fact you help the most if you put your own needs first, before others'. It's hard to believe but it's true, you inflict what you feel inside into the outside world even if you don't want to. Energy never lies.
Also if you have toxic relationships, you don't have to cut those people off, you can simply change your way of connecting and if they don't want to let go of their own toxicity, they won't want to connect with you, since they won't be able to use you anymore, because there will be nothing for them to use. They might get mad saying "you changed", if that happens honestly telling them what you think and feel would be the best, and if they don't understand, let them go.
Let that be a milestone for how far you've come and how hard you've worked. Be proud of yourself and be proud of loving yourself. Even though we are walking different paths, we are all in this together. You are not alone.
May 22. 2022.
?
'you should do something say anything.' 'all i do is remember the details. please linger, please forget meant the same.'
morning dew/eternal blue
friendship is beautiful when it's just me and you, and we say we're dreaming of nothing in particular, yet of everyone too, what I don't tell you is I'm dreaming of you. I sit and pretend I don't whisper and wish and pray and hope someday you aren't just an aubade I sing about who disappears when I wake up, and I dream of us sitting on our lake and watching the sunrise, but when I snap a picture it wasn't real and I'm standing in the morning dew and you disappear back into my mind.
but I still sit and hope you'll be that angelic blue light that appears in candlelit rooms after dark, and I hope you open your soul to mine like I have to yours, I know why you act that way but I don't know if you even know yourself like that, you're too blind to the echo of your voice, you don't fully understand why you act so humane, and why you have so much forgiveness yet so much love disguised as hate in your heart, I know more about how you love everything then how I love you. but do you want to look at me like that? it doesn't seem like you want to when we're standing in the morning dew It sounds like you hate everything I do.
I'll still wait for you, you're not going anywhere but I think I'll wait a little longer until you disappear maybe when you're gone I'll tell you about everything but no one will listen because no matter how many times I can repeat my echo it doesn't matter if the room is empty and the party's over. but maybe one day I'll wake up next to you and you'll kiss me good morning and we'll live in a house in the small coastal town in New Jersey you always wanted, like your characters, like your writing, like all you've ever loved. and maybe one morning when the morning dew rises I'll be laying next to you, eternal blue, I'll be laughing about nothing in particular knowing you love me, and I love you too. (this will never happen, this will never happen, this will never happen)