My Late Night Thoughts - Tumblr Posts

You’re starting to deceive yourself with insincere smiles and forced laughter, until suddenly you remember how truly dull and meaningless your existence feels.

In an instant, you find yourself pulled into the depths of your own mind, like a powerful vortex of thought that leaves you feeling trapped and unable to break free. It's as if you've been twisted into the gravitational pull of a black hole, and there's no escaping its indestructible grasp. Your thoughts swirl around you in a chaotic and dizzying display, leaving you feeling overwhelmed and disoriented.

No one around notices the many fragments you have been broken into, each filled with an overwhelming sense of shame, regret, and disparity.

Despite your self awareness of the darkness that has plagued you, you smile and you laugh hoping you reach a point where you not only deceive others, but also deceive yourself.

douleur-douce/douxsouffrance, the deceiver

In matters of the heart, I often find myself not playing to win, but rather simply trying not to lose.

I am haunted by the fear of heartache and the agony it brings. The thought of surrendering control of my heart to another fills me with dread that I can not overcome.

Due to my overwhelming anxiety and paranoia, I struggle with forming deep connections with people. The fear of being hurt makes it hard for me to trust anyone. Trust feels like a double-edged sword to me. Once I open up to someone, I feel powerless. It's as if I've handed them a loaded gun, waiting to see if they will use it against me. Is it really worth taking that risk? Have you ever heard of an unintentional discharge? Like a flawed firearm, humans can also have their imperfections, and that incompatibility could be destructive.

Regrettably, experience has taught me that if someone has the power to break you, trust that they most certainly will.

douleur-douce/douxsouffrance, Double-edged Sword

Often, I don't feel like I am inside the moment. I am crowded with a sense of detachment that throws me into a transitional state—as if I have been suspended into a space that exists outside of the sync of time and reality.

I take pleasure in the pain, I like the way it hurts

Whether it be from a razor, or summoned from a burn

I like leaving a scar behind,

Like proof of penitence, or like a caution sign, or trace of evidence,

reflecting the heartache that i must endure

while wallowing in misery and avoiding a cure

Because honestly I encourage your ghost in my mind ..

it's the only way to see you and look through your eyes

douleur-douce/douxsouffrance, proof of penitence

I screamed out your name as I submerged under the water. The air escaped from my lungs as I descended to the pool floor. At that moment, I longed for your lips to be eternally intertwined with mine, fused, never unlocking or escaping like the last air had done from my chest.

douleur-douce/douxsouffrance, fused

I felt myself on the verge of letting you break me all over again, succumbing to your embrace in the darkness of the night, your arms clenching around my waist too tightly, hands grasping my soul with an iron grip, refusing to let go.

But for some reason, you didn't allow me to let you break me, and I'm struggling to understand why. What kind of love do you call this? Is it a love that can't hold me without causing harm, yet it's also a love that won't let me back into your life to be shattered against the wall?

douleur-douce/douxsouffrance, Like Glass

I question my confidence, and I question my worth,

on the raft I get scared of falling—plunging into the water head first,

losing all breath,

sinking to the cold depths

of the abyss to drown.

unconvincingly telling myself,

all it takes is one step,

the water is not deep,

I can walk through the seemingly,

infinite abyss

—below,

I can swim,

I can float,

without my raft.

but will I dare losen my grasp,

will my float lighten their grip,

it has on my anxiety,

will it force me to flip,

will I fall silently,

I don’t think so,

I cling to my raft.

douleur-douce/douxsouffrance, my raft

sometimes all I do is school, work, and sit in my room.

i occasionally like to go out because it reminds me that the world is still here.

i can hear it

and when im in my head i cant hear it.

it disappears, it’s dark, absent of life.

douleur-douce/douxsouffrance, can you hear me?

I’ll say it again, the princess can save herself but she doesn’t want to because she wants to be choked and gagged and dragged down the towers helical staircase then violently fucked in front of the dragon her knight had to slay to get such sweet princess pussy