What Is It, You Fight For?

What is it, you fight for?

I keep asking myself the question. What is it that I fight for! This question, sprouted in thought because I feel that this planet is sooo fucking ghetto. I’m not saying that I have been on other’s. Or even know wha it’s like. But! What I am saying is that It has to be better some way some how!!! Why is it that we have to pay to live on this planet and for what! Also not to mention we're also kept in line by some fictional being that regulates how well you deal with bull shit it decides to put you through. To me! None of this makes sense. What so fucking ever.

Today I was on the metro north train. Headed from Yonkers to Grand Central. Me not paying any mind to whats going on around me. Because I’m busy being face down on my phone scrolling through “Tic Toks” to make me laugh or to feel righteous abut some social injustice done right. That I did not notice that I made it to yankee stadium. Where all of my alarms bells and whistles have gone off. Because a bunch of loud and drunken white folks have gotten on from the game.

You see I’m not always around white folk. And when and or if I am, It is because I have to be. This was crazy all of them were very loud. And very drunk and very disturbing. The group started chanting, fuck Biden. And other game like chants. I had no problem wit what they were saying I just had an issue with the volume. I became super perturbed and even greatly annoyed. My ears flickered and my face, it rested like it never rested before. This resting bitch face, felt so legendary that it could have starred in its own Movie. A movie that literally is made up of grunts and looks. I felt like a cat among dogs. I see why they sit there and make faces now. When all you are doing is sitting there trying to relax before your 12 hour shift in the hot loading dock.... and boom!!!! This wave of drunken entitled people come and just took over.

I’m writing about this because, These spaces they take up when they enter, is crazy. It’s almost as if the energy gets warped. Like a real ilife glammer spell is casted before your eyes. I had to ask myself. If any person of color were to come in to such a public space and create such a nuisance. Would it have been accepted or even tolerated. As they chanted in camaraderie of fuck the president or even when being vaguer with other statements. Would it have not been challenged? I started to feel unsafe. As a sea of people who are Notoriously known for violence when intoxicated. Started to take over the car I was in. It’s really the first time in my life that I felt like an other. Not for my sexuality like I usually do. But! Because of my skin!

Now! They did not do anything to me. They did not intimidate me. And! They did not have anything to do with me. My point is that in black and brown spaces. We’re inclusive of everyone in the space, "usually". We acknowledge and for the most part tolerate others as much as we can. We see each other. And we in a way create a psychic safe space. You can agree to disagree. But! As a spiritualist and psychic. What I learned is that white people don’t always do that! But! Expect you to provide it. They walk around with is hard energy and take, take, take. I truly believe the mentality they posses is a cancer to this planet. This statement even ones for those who think like them. It’s tiring and annoying at this point in life. And I’m only in my mid 20’s This planet really needs a reshaping. A restart.

I just wanted to go to work. I’m tired. And this is how I fight this fight called the human experience. But! I don't wanna do this anymore. I’d rather live in the woods with the tree spirits and animals where I know at least there intentions are true. Where if there’s a real fight it’s because of survival. True grit! Not a created problem and blame the person who’s living in it,the issue.

Dear Tumbler Diary

This to me, will always be a dream. I have been told by the Goddess of "self love" herself. That I would always have issues with love. I honestly do not know how to unravel that per-say. But! if I had to guess. I would say that the ball will always been my court and I have such an awareness that. I should always do what's best for me. & if I don't then the issue is mine, because I know better.

And like 23 year old me would say. "If you know better! Then you should do better"! Now I see that's not completely true. Then I spoke with the mindset of someone who did not have what he has now. I spoke with privilege and arrogance. I spoke like I knew everything. I also think that's why I'm still single. Because I think I know everything. I can also see how that's a major turn off. I myself am turned off by it. I can see how others are too.

When It comes to love I'm very delusional and I know I cannot be trusted. My head and heart are always fighting about what they want and what they need. The modern gay is too free and uneducated on how to court and love one another. We have many examples of how to fuck and have safer sex. But! not too many examples of how to love yourself or how to love the same sex or gender. How to have a successful healthy relationship. That's why I think we as gays and we as non whites have an issues. The stigmas and history surrounding homosexuality and What love is supposed to be. Even what main stream religion says how we’re to love in our organic environments. They won't let it happen. & if it does. Someone, somewhere for the sake or morals and beliefs. Sacrifices something! It does not always have to be grand or even a big sacrifice. But! There's always something given up.

One of the ways homosexuals sacrifice love is, by doing what’s expected of them. Listing to people who probably mean well, but don’t walk in the shoes of us. Happiness is the of the worse sacrifices to make. When stripped of it. Resentment and self loathing kicks in like over watered roots of any house plants. From the inside out it rots. It decay’s. Over time killing the person of all that would have and even could have made them better! Better people and bette for there community.

When I though I had found the love of my life. I was lost in desire. Love spells or attraction spells are dangerous because, they need to be done by people who are of sound mind. To me, if you do not have a strong foundation of self awareness, aware of your own imperfections and well as your blessings. Then you sorta cursed yourself to be with someone who you! Become dependent on.

One night in my early years of adult hood. I took it upon myself. With my half baked mindset. To cast into the universe to bring to me the qualities in a man that I hold dear and desired. This man was a man who had the eye of everyone. But! who came home to me! He was wealthy in love and energy. And yada yada yada. So I wrote these qualities down on a paper bag. Written in devil blood ink. On the night of a new moon of blessings. I took my deck of tarot. "This is where I fucked up" and placed the Lovers first followed by the Six of cups. Here! is where I FUCKED ME! and hard too. Followed by other suits. It was a while ago. So forgive for not giving too much detail. I had a red votive candle blessed and charged the night before. I placed it directly on my deck and anointed the space with Freshly cracked black pepper and willow leaves from Central Park. I love working with willow. And yes of course the tincture was blessed and anointed by HECATE. So not only did I call out to the Universe. I called HECATE too. Which was not really a good Idea. because I did not offer her the things I was supposed to. And back then I was depressed and was looking for a way of escape. In that time of my life. Sexual pleasure was my way out. "Who says being a slut isn't fun!"

Now! fast forward many years later A child of Yemaya and of the other Orisha, I know more now. Even better! I should have not only respected myself. But! my craft. Looking back now I can say I disrespected HECATE. writing this I see I have a debt to pay! She too has always been good to me. Blessed me with all wishes i asked for. Now, i take into account of how I cast spells and what for. Not all things can be completed with magic. But! It sure helps. Lol to be honest a natural love. And health and bountiful love will come to me. I just have to be sure to be ready for it. And welcome it with light and love in my heart, money on the bank and foundation so strong. That even when the earth quakes, moves and cries we are undisturbed and unaware of the fires that are outside our door!

serve your plate first before serving others.

He asked me when I fell in love with him and I knew it sounded dramatic to say the moment I saw him, so I told him this story of my grandma who had Alzheimer's- she forgot her name and the words for fruit and food, she forgot her address and how to use the washroom, all her life lost to the disease. The only thing she remembered was her son's name and when that began to fade, the one thing she always remembered was that she loved him, even in illness, even in insanity. She saw this 6 foot 2 man with a scrubby beard and she didn't know him but she said she trusted him, she asked him to hold her hand when she died. When does memory end and love begin? All I know is- she loved him before she remembered him.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire

Pike recently has become obsessed with the nebula light in our livingroom.

This is the cutes thing ever!

this is creepyish I like it!

The Sixth Trial by Jorge Mascarenhas

How heart attacks are caused.

Heart attacks are serious emergencies when the blood supply leading to the heart is blocked. IF this problem ever occurs it must be treated straight away with no hesitation. This is usually caused by a blood clot in the artery, blocking all of the blood and oxygen from getting to the heart. To prevent the blood and oxygen from arriving at the heart, 1 of the plaques bursts open, causing a blood clot to happen in the same site where the plaque had ruptured. The clot could force the blood to stop flowing through the veins and make it unable to go through and get oxygenated, meaning if the blood cannot reach the heart it will not be oxygenated, and a heart attack will occur.  Symptoms of a heart attack Chest pains are a very common symptom of this disease, a feeling of tightness and heaviness upon your chest is a common sign, especially if it is reaching from the middle of your chest to under each arm. If there is a pain in the arms this may be another sign, it is usually the left arm that has the pain, as it is closer to the heart than the right arm. The reason there could be a pain in the left arm is if the plaques have popped in the veins that are starting from the left arm, leading towards the heart. If you have also been feeling lightheaded and dizzy this may also be a sign, it may feel as if the whole room around you is constantly spinning and giving you dizziness. The dizziness may be very major, major enough to make you fall to the ground and give you a feeling of unconsciousness as if you are drunk. Another sign is if you have been sweating more than usual if you are sweating more than usual and also getting sweatier by using less effort with what you are doing this can be another signal that you are reaching this disease. Shortness of breath will be a symptom; every person with any type of symptoms will have this symptom without any doubt.

They will realize they will lose their stamina quickly and they will lose their breath control after less effort being put into the activity they are doing, if they were doing this without symptoms of a heart attack they would have more control. Naseousness is another sign, you can feel this at any time, and it can strike you at random times. It can also be common that you feel this while eating, brushing your teeth, or just having anything in your mouth. This will mean you will also vomit a lot. Anxiety. Anxiety is a very important symptom, if you are always feeling stressed, this can be a very big sign. Anxiousness is always a big signal that ahead of you there is a heart attack waiting for you. If you are panicking over small events that you usually would be able to handle easily, there could be unfortunate events waiting for you. If you have any of these symptoms and you are worried that you may be having a heart attack, speak to a doctor as soon as possible. How to prevent a heart attack One way to prevent yourself from receiving a heart attack is to quit smoking. If you smoke there is a high chance that you could have a heart attack or any other disease. If someone in your household smokes, encourage them to quit immediately to save them from the risks as well as you. A healthy diet is a great weapon to use while fighting against this disease, if you keep a balanced food plan, there is a high chance you can save yourself from this disease. Choose nutritious food over unhealthy food, it is important to eat food that keeps your vitamins up. Emphasize fruits and vegetables, they are the healthiest choices. They can keep you away from having a heart attack and improve your lifestyle, away from obesity. Lower high blood pressure. Take your medicines prescribed by your doctor every day and make sure your blood pressure is as low as possible. Another important way to prevent, this is by being physically active every day. Keep a plan to try and fit in 150 minutes of exercise, anything that is good for you, as long as you don’t overdo it and pull a muscle or leave with an injury. One thing you should aim for is weight loss, this does not mean eating less, but it does not mean overeating either, it means that you should keep everything high in nutrition and vitamins, and then you will watch your weight slowly go down to where it needs to be. Managing diabetes, the insulin in your body could affect your heart, 68% of people with diabetes died of a heart attack over the age of 60, this doesn’t mean that you have to be over 60 to have this problem but at any age, you must be very careful and try to avoid as much as you can. Reduce stress, you may have a very healthy lifestyle but if you have a lot of stress you can easily have a heart attack. You need to stay away from stress as much as you can, it is more harmful than you may think. Limit alcohol, drinking alcohol increases blood pressure and is even more dangerous for people who have cancer. If you drink alcohol, limit your daily dose to 2 glasses a day, this is enough to keep you away from a heart attack and many other diseases. It is better that you completely quit drinking as it is very dangerous and could not only give you a heart attack but many other diseases that may be even more deadly than a heart attack. If you are looking for a medicine that you can use to prevent a heart attack, Antiplatelet (Aspirin) is the best option. They help to stop dangerous blood clots from forming. This can stop heart attacks from happening. After you have a heart attack, you will likely be in hospital for 3-5 days more, so that the doctors can make sure that your blood pressure is at the correct level and that you are fine to be discharged. Some people can also develop other conditions, their blood levels could rise again; however, they can be treated with insulin.