Change Of Plans

Change of plans

There was a change of plans. It's a holiday and actually it always goes like this, that my family meets sometime between 11 am and 1 pm o'clock.

This year they said we'd meet as usual, eat something, but keep it short because there were already so many parties coming up in the last few months.

It's at 1 pm. I go downstairs and I am told we won't meet until 4 pm. 

And what do I do? I cry uncontrollably. Forgive myself to my room and hope the crying stops soon.

I had my own little plans for the afternoon. Exercise after lunch. Then lay on the couch, watch my current Netflix series and crochet.

Both things that take time. In order to exercise I have to eat something first because I'm on the verge of starvation. Then I can't start right away because I'll get sick, but without it I'll eventually keel over.

After the workout I'm easier to get riled up than usual, which will only make the get-together more exhausting than it already is. Then you have to find that window of time where you can leave without being rude. Then I have to come back down first.

Means walking in circles and daydreaming until I'm relaxed. Which can take a good two hours.

Means goodbye hobby time, because tomorrow you have to get up at 5 again to go to work.

It may only be a small change, but for me it just ensures that my day that was supposed to be for relaxation has been taken away from me and is only causing stress again.

I'm tired and I'm crying about it. I crack my fingers non-stop and would love to throw everything around me. But I can't. That would be 'babyish' an 'over the top'. I would like to stay home entirely.

I am very tired and I am tired of my plans never being important enough to tell me beforehand that something is going to change.

(via)

But the thought of Eddie being so unapproachable and “scary” with everyone else, but when he is with you or talking to you he’s all

“I love you so much my sunshine, baby cakes, *kissy noises * no you hang up” kinda attitude!!!

twirling the phone cord around his finger while talking to you on the phone. One day the the hellfire guys over hear him on the phone not believing their ears bc that cannot be eddie talking?they start mocking him. The second he hangs up he is back to being all macho man again they start mocking him to his face but they start to get scared

Mood Ring

Summery: Eddie and reader share a quiet moment on the trailer roof. (bestfriend with a crush, may miss it if you blink)

Trigger warnings: light use of drugs

Eddie looked up at the starry night sky.

Every day he wondered anew if he might have turned out all right if he had had other parents. Parents who would have actually cared for him and not disappeared from his life at such an early age.

He blew the smoke of his cigarette into the cold autumn air and let his mind wander as he often did.

What would have become of him if his father had had an office job, or been a doctor? His mother a teacher, or kindergarten teacher? Boring people, just living their boring lives in a small town, in a small house with a white picket fence? Would he still be himself? Would he appreciate it? Would doctor-kid-Eddie know what he had, or would he just artificially complain about the bad, bad world like most teenagers?

He did not know. He was not the son of a doctor or a teacher. He was the son of a drug dealer and a woman who was afraid to leave the house. He had moved in with his uncle. The uncle who scraped together his little money to feed him.

And yet, this man had been the one to teach him how to ride a bike because his parents had never done it. His uncle was the man who had taught him how to shave. He was the man who had given him a home when the world had not wanted him. To his uncle he owed everything he had.

How selfish was he to wish for anything else? To want more, when in most of the parallel worlds of his life he would not even have what he had now. How ungrateful was he to still be on his back?

He should have just quit after the first screwed-up graduation and gotten a job. He could make money, but his uncle had objected. He shouldn't waste his talent. He would be intelligent. Eddie didn't notice much of that. He stumbled from one test to another. He was bad. Really bad. He didn't have to kid himself. He knew it wouldn't get him into college. And for what, anyway?

History. Sang the little voice in his head. He shook off the thought. What was there to do with it? Become a teacher or a professor? He and teacher? He grinned. Probably not. But otherwise, all that was left was to be a cab driver and continue to sell drugs. He sat up with a sigh.

A light shone intrusively at him from the side before it dissipated in a flash. Once more.

He turned to the left and looked from the roof of the trailer, where (Y/N) was standing with a flashlight and waving at him.

She had gotten into the habit of calling attention to herself that way because she didn't want to be too loud. In genrell she was one of the quietest people he knew. He pointed his head in front of him where the ladder was still leaning against the wall of the house.

(Y/N) wordlessly climbed onto the trailer roof and dropped down next to him. Without saying anything, he held out his lighter for her to light her joint. She plopped down on her back and stared up at the sky. Eddie did the same. 

"Head-chaos?" asked Eddie into the silence.

(Y/N) blew the thick smoke into the air. "It's like a damn train that just won't stop," she muttered, taking another big drag.

Eddie turned his head toward her. "What was it this time?"

She shrugged. "I was going to do math. Then I wondered why we have to studying something like that in the first place. Then I thought about Mr. Miller. Then of my teacher in elementary school. Then of a comment from a girl I went to elementary school with. Then of her now living at some fancy boarding school. Then about me being here. Then I thought about my relationships with other people and came to the conclusion that none of my friends actually ever really liked me." She continued to stare at the sky. "Now I'm thinking that I should work out more and watch what I eat so that maybe someday I'll be attractive to someone." Her eyes flicked to him.

"Hobbit.", he sighed. "We all like you."

She dropped her head to him. "Why?"

"Just like that. For no reason. Because you're you."

She shook her head and looked back up at the sky. "I don't even know how I feel." She was silent for a moment, thinking. "What if I'm a psychopath and I don't have any feelings at all? How do you know you have feelings?"

Eddie chuckled. "You had tears in your eyes when ET said goodbye to go home. I think we can be sure you have feelings."

"Well now I don't know what I feel," she mumbled, pouting.

He looked at her for a moment until he pulled the ring off his left middle finger. He reached for her cold hand and placed the ring on her index finger before pressing the two metal arches of the size-adjustable jewelry closer together.

She looked at him in irritation. "What are you doing?"

"It's a mood ring." He shrugged and smiled at her. "If you don't know what you're feeling, all you have to do is look at the ring."

She looked at the now black stone. "And what does it say?", he asked.

"Probably that my hands are cold," she murmured.

He smirked. "You have no sense of magic."

She boxed him, but smirked, too. She tried to pull the ring off her finger, but he stopped her. "Keep it. You can use all the magic you can get."

She boxed him again without emphasis before lying back down next to him.

They both looked out into the nothingness of the universe. "We had mathhomework?", he asked.

She laughed.

So I'm finishing 2022 exactly how I spend it.

Overstimulated, crying, dehydrated and feeling invalid.

Happy New Year I guess.

#overstimulated #crying

Take that as a threat

Summary: Reader is insecure about her body. August makes shure she forgets about it.

Word count: 432

Warnings: SoftDom!August Walker, princess, no smut, just foreplay, body insecurites

August had shown patience. Insane patience. He had waited and earned my trust. I felt all the worse when I noticed how my body twitched when he wanted to pull my shirt over my head. He had waited three long months, reading my every wish from my eyes, until now he was kneeling in front of me, setting me down on the edge of the bed and still towering over me as his hands stroked my stomach under my shirt.

"What's wrong?" asked August with warm severity, pausing in his movement.

I looked up at him with my best puppy eyes. "What's supposed to be wrong?"

"You're stiff as a board. You tell me." he returned dryly.

I shook my head.

August put his big hand around my neck and lifted my jaw with his pointer and index fingers. Forced me to look deep into his eyes. "Don't lie to me princess. I can tell."

My skin crawled. "It's nothing. Really."

He tightened his grip. "No lies." he commanded forcefully.

I exhaled a shaky breath. Taken in by his domineering manner.

"If you want to stop, that's fine." He stroked his thumb along my jawbone more gently now. "Because you should know one thing about me princess. I'm an insanely bad person, but I'm not a rapist."

I shook my head. "I don't want to stop... It's just..." i faltered. It was childish.

"Words princess!"

"I'm not a particularly big fan of how I look." I said hesitantly, looking intently at his cheek so I wouldn't have to look him in the eye.

August's eyebrows drew together. "Why?"

"Well you look like Aphrodite chiseled you as a graduation piece and I'm just me," I muttered as I looked over his shoulder.

August emphatically turned my face back toward him. His eyes bored into my soul. "Who made you think that way?"

"Some people.", I tried to laugh with a shrug, but August's grip tightened again. "I need names." he growled, like the animal he always said he was.

It took my breath away for a moment. "What would that change?", I breathed.

August took a controlled breath in and out before literally flinging me all the way onto the bed, trapping me beneath him. "When I'm done with you, you'll never think like that again." He kissed me so hard and deep it made me dizzy. "Take that as a threat." He said, sliding down my body.

And if one thing was clear in this grotesque world, it was that August Walker was making good on every single one of his threats.