I Don't Know Who I Actually Am! Like Some Days I Feel Like No One Is There As Kind, Loving, Caring And

I don't know who I actually am! Like some days I feel like no one is there as kind, loving, caring and supportive as me. And the very other day I feel like I'm the meanest, rude, sad and broke person ever existed in this planet. Why?

To My mid school Crush,

all of a sudden one day you took my attention. I never believed that I will like you. You remember when you first started to talk to me after years of school. At 8th grade, when I used to tease you by your elementary school crush name and you used to be mad at me. But soon you also get your tricks to tease. You used to take my name as your crush when I tease you. And that's where I fell for you first. Still I didn't know my feelings for you, and never even want to grow my feelings for you. Believe me, but I really got happy when the class used to ship us. Maybe you took it as a joke but I didn't. Soon this teasing game turns to our conversation and I really loved it. But I never feel the way you made me feel. Nor you were handsome and nor you were popular but those nerd boy sits at the very last bench made me sense my first crush. A real one. Things were good at that time, I never expected anything from you.

But the day I still regret to not tell my feelings. I know High school changes everything and it absolutely did it to me. The day you also have a crush on but unfortunately it's not me. I pretend to be happy when you tell me that you have a crush on that girl. It breaks my heart. And from that day no more teasing, no more talk, no more laughter, no more feelings between us still only tons and tons of tear rolling down my heart. I still think don't you ever knew that I liked you? I felt for you or didn't you feel for me that way? Yeah. I accept that I need to tell you my feelings but always this "BUT" stops me. Well, if you're reading this then do one thing for me just confessed your feelings to that girl. Don't be like me.

What is the last thing you will do if I die?

~ maybe a kiss on your forehead.

- no, just lean to my ears and tell me how much you love me through the years. Maybe my soul will hear you.

Why everyone assumes darkness as cruality, depressed and lonely state. While darkness meant for yourself. When you're in dark, you can't see anyone even can't see yourself but you can feel things. You can feel the inner spirit of someone. Can feel their life,loneliness, love, patience, heart and feelings. Darkness is a serene state. Not everyone can feel it.

Tips to feel dark academia aesthetic:

[  ] Close your door, switch off the lights and open the wide windows

[  ] Paint your nails black and open the dark long hair.

[  ] Play Achillies Come Down at the background.

[  ] And adore the beauty of moon surrounded my clouds.

What about a friend who would spend the entire day with you and still cling on you. Gives you hope everyday. Even wear matching dresses with you and bring you to your favorite  dating spot in your dull days. Do dance with you in the most unexpected moment. Who would gives you friendly kisses and  makes memories with you on a sunny drizzling evening. A friend who always stays by your side selflessly.