25, 27, And 30 For The Soft Asks Please?

25, 27, and 30 for the soft asks please?

Thank you so much for the ask! 💙

25. what’s the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.)

I honestly love anything that someone makes specifically for me, but if I had to pick? A letter. I absolutely love getting letters, reading them and later re-reading them... It’s like a story between me and the sender that I can enjoy over and over again. I pretty much keep all letters I’ve ever gotten, and even if I lose them for a while, reading them again months or years later, it still makes me feel warm inside.

27. which character would you want to be? 

A difficult question mostly because it depends on what it means, exactly, to be a character. Do you have their powers, their adventures, their very identity? In general, probably one of the many self-inserts I’ve thought up over the years that have all kinds of cool powers (like my recent ‘elemental’ insert in the MCU) 😝

30. what reminds you of home?

A good hug. Sometimes my mind bounces a bit too much to enjoy it as I should, and it’s too busy, but those times where I can let myself enjoy a hug? Where I can lean into it and breathe it and feel it all the way through? That’s home to me.

Thanks again so much for the ask, and I hope you like the answer! 💙

The cold had always bothered Tony, especially considering the Arc reactor in his chest. When he realizes he's not the only one suffering, he decides to do something about it.

A fill for SFW Monday: Trope/AU - Arc Reactor/Metal Arm Angst for the @winterironmonth, as well as for my @tonystarkbingo:

Square Filled: K2 - Huddling Together For Warmth Card Number: 3022 Ship/Main Pairing: WinterIron Rating: General Audiences Major Tags: Arc Reactor Issues, Metal Arm Issues, Cold, Getting Together Word Count: 900

soft asks for soft Lys!!! 7, 8, 10, 18, 20

😍 Thank youuuuuu 💙

7. what color brings you peace?

Blue, mostly. It’s a color that I like seeing, so that gives me a good feeling.

8. tag someone (or multiple people) who make you feel good.

@journeythroughtherain @weethreequarter @somystark for asking me these lovely questions and making me think about positive things. @winterirondiscord for all the lovely people it contains that make every day a little better and brighter.

10. what’s something you’re excited for?

That’s kinda difficult since there’s nothing currently on my agenda which is a big ‘omg yes’-moment. I still have hopes that my boyfriend will propose at some point, so that’d be something 😅

18. do you still love stuffed animals?

I do. I very much do. There’s two currently actually in my bed, though I have loads more - my rabbit, which was given to me when I was born and is my oldest stuffed animal, and a red panda plush that I got myself last year. I love soft things, and stuffed animals are definitely included (to, occasionally, my boyfriend’s exasperation).

20. what do you want most in the world right now?

A couple of things that are mostly tied together. Overall, I think a) money would make a difference. Which I would get if I could get b) a job. Which would help me gain some c) self-confidence and peace of mind.

Thanks again for the ask, and I hope you liked the answers! 💙

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I recently came across a discussion on Tony Stark as a queer-coded character in the comics (which I’m not going to link to because many of the threads were already deleted, ergo I’m assuming that the participants didn’t want the conversation to be spread), and I found it very interesting. For years I have read Tony Stark as subtextually bisexual in the comics, which hasn’t really translated to the films – at least not to the extent that the character of Captain America has been coded as bisexual in them. There has always been a borderline homoerotic relationship between Tony and his armor especially. But adjacent to this conversation, there was also an interesting thread in which Tony Stark as the most female-coded superhero was discussed that I found fascinating.

Someone commented on the concept stating that while it may be true for the comics, movie-verse Tony Stark is certainly not female-coded.

But isn’t he, though?

We’ve discussed before how hypermasculinity sometimes seems to go so over-the-top that it does a full 360, coming out the other side seeming rather feminized, the hypermasculine male presented as a sexual object with assets on display (slim waist, thick thighs, full chest) for the consumption of the male gaze. But that’s not the case with Tony Stark; it isn’t his hypermasculinity that makes him seem female-coded, it’s the question of agency.

Tony does seem to possess many traits that we consider culturally feminine, female cliches, such as talking a lot and talking fast, using a rich vocabulary, a short and petite stature as compared to other superheroes, the narrative passing jugement on his promiscuity, the narrative passing judgement on his desire for junk-food, his passive demeanor, his self-consciousness about his body and having to wear underarmor in public to manage his chest, his avoidance of interpersonal conflict, looking for daddy’s love and approval, the way in which he conceals much of his intelligence because he knows that if people saw him for how he really is, they would be off-put by it ie. giving the appearance of being smart-but-not-too-smart, the eroticizing of his appearance in the narrative, the focus on what he’s wearing, his obsessive-compulsive behavior, meticulous grooming habits, delicate features, dressing to impress professionally, carrying conversations, his weakness being his heart, the fact that he has to dress into a suit that conceals his identity, his true self, to interact with the world, a hard outer shell that conceals his soft inside. There are aspects to Tony Stark in the films that are female-coded.

I think that some people might find these aspects difficult to see because there are three distinct personas to the character: there’s the Tony Stark that he projects to the outside world to hide who he really is that is his true armor, there’s Iron Man that is a prosthetic, an armor that shields him and allows him the protection of being who he really is, and then there’s Tony Stark, the person he is in his heart of hearts that we see only when’s alone with the artificial intelligences he created for himself, as his friends, the only friends that really, truly get to see him, because he knows that they won’t judge him (outside of him being alone, we see glimpses of the ‘real’ Tony Stark in Afganistan, in his interactions with Natasha and in two scenes with Steve: while they’re cutting wood and Tony asking Steve whether he knew).

These are the three sides to Tony Stark, and I see a lot of fans confuse his Tony Stark armor, his protective persona, with who he is because that is, by design, the loudest, most visible side to him.

There are many sides to him that are female-coded, but it’s the limited agency that he is given in the narrative that is the most telling. Most of his stories seem to revolve around the stripping of his agency and his struggle to regain it. This character – a genius, billionaire, playboy, philantropist – who ought to be the ultimate male power fantasy has all of his stories constructed around his lack of agency and his need of a prosthetic to claim agency for himself. It’s easy to assume that an able-bodied, rich, good-looking, well-educated, white CEO of the American upper crust has all the power and control in the world, but the narrative begins disabusing the viewer of this notion right off the bat. The narrative deconstructs his agency.

What I appreciated about the Iron Man films was how they subverted the role of the damsel in distress in Pepper Potts. Especially the end of the first film in which Pepper marched through broken glass in her stiletto shoes to save Tony Stark was something that made me stop and think for days afterwards. The third film basically recreated this subversion of the trope louder for those in the back that hadn’t caught it the first time. It was Pepper Potts that was the knight in shining armor, not the title character.

And it is Tony that we see as the damsel in distress, particularly again in the first and the third films. The first film contains the iconic scene of Obadiah Stane literally removing Tony’s agency in a scene that is filmed like a sexual violation, a none-too-subtle air of erotic violence in the air as he uses his date rape technology to incapacitate Tony. This is a turning point in the film. The third film contains a scene in which Tony Stark is zip-tied to a bed frame with the villain taunting him. It is implied that Tony is similarly submissive in bed. The main villain in the scene acts like a spurned lover, a definite air of seduction to his conduct toward the tied-up hero.

That is two cases of villains making eroticized advances toward a physically incapacitated Tony Stark. And it isn’t the violence or the incapacitation that makes the scenes female-coded, it is the eroticization of it. It is female characters that are subject to eroticized violence, generally speaking. The second film does not follow the pattern, but it could be interepreted as an obsessive, spurned man making unwanted advances toward our hero.

I wrote about the interaction between Natasha and Tony previously, on how she allows us to see a side of him that we usually don’t get to see. Some people have described Tony’s hiring of her as sexist, undoubtedly influenced by Pepper’s interpretation of his behaviour as he tried to figure her out (“And she is potentially a very expensive sexual harassment lawsuit if you keep ogling her like that.”), but his interest in her was never that kind of interest. His eyes don’t track her sexual assets. Tony saw something of himself in her, especially in the way she was playing a role, but even more than that, I think Tony saw in Natasha Romanoff something that he wanted desperately to be. In control.  

Natasha Romanoff gives the air of being in control even when she gives up control, and in this she is the opposite of Tony Stark.

With this in mind, and I don’t remember whether I wrote about this before, I was quite disturbed by the way the climax of Civil War was shot not unlike a pornographic sex scene, Tony Stark being double-teamed by the super soldiers. The ending of the scene especially, with Steve straddling Tony, pounding on him, grunting, finishing it off with breathing heavily as he falls off Tony having penetrated his arc reactor with his shield, having incapacitated Tony’s prosthetic. Tony spits out blood as the super soldiers walk away from him. It’s rather symbolic, the implications of the scene very uncomfortable.

While Bucky Barnes is another character whose storyline heavily features the stripping down of agency, the female-coding of the strong, stoic silent-type is largely absent. Bucky Barnes and Tony Stark share similarities, and in this he offers a contrast to Tony.

So, yes. I do see Tony Stark of the movie-verse as a female-coded superhero because his story revolves around desperately grasping for agency. Among these hypermasculine heroes, the genius-billionaire-playboy-philantropist is at a disadvantage, so Tony Stark invented, constructed, and put on a suit that hides his true identity in order to have a measure of agency in a hypermasculine world, that allows him to assert himself. And in Civil War he was willing to sign off on his self-created agency because the establishment had managed to convince him that as a person with near unlimited resources, he was a danger to the world that he had risked his life and the lives of his loved ones to protect.

I think one of the most telling aspects of his character vis-à-vis Civil War is that, convinced that it is too dangerous for him to attempt to influence the outside world and other people in it, Tony Stark instead turned within and attempted to modify his own internal world, to (literally) influence his own internal state instead – to accept what he can’t change. This is a classic strategy of the disenfranchised.

Tony Stark is the most female-coded of the male superheroes.

When Tony comes to see Bucky, it's easy to tell that something is very wrong.

A fill for SFW Thursday: Dialogue/Sentence - “Where did that bruise come from?” for the @winterironmonth that is also inspired by this post from @whumpster-dumpster. Also a fill for my @tonystarkbingo (card 3022):

Square Filled: A3 - Free space Ship/Main Pairing: pre-WinterIron Rating: Teen and up Major Tags: Mentions of abuse, mentions of child abuse, hurt/comfort, hurt Tony Stark, protective Bucky Barnes, Sunset Bain/Tony Stark (bad relationship), Howard Stark's A+ Parenting Word Count: 1234

I hope you like it!