The Question

The question

And the answer

The master of myself

The question

Of redemption

The colours of

My name

The freedom

In surrender

The joy

In Breaking free

The colours of my pride

I’m ready to be me

My body is my home

My freedom is my pride

The question for the people

Why do you say I’m not right?

Why do you say I have to be fixed?

Why do you say my body is mixed?

It’s mine

You don’t get to name it

You don’t get to ask about it

You don’t get to talk about it

It’s mine

My home

Whereas I am a person

A feeling of the time

Where I live I am free

Where I am I am mine

This is the place of freedom

Within myself and me

Not running anymore

In fact here I am free

It is not your opinion

It’s mine I need to fight

The judgement of myself

It’s not good for my pride

I am the one

Standing in my way

I am the one

Who want’s me to be straight

Straight marks

Straight friends

Straight body

Straight work

But this just stops

Because I am me

And I am free

But it is my responsibility

To let myself be free

And connect to my abilities

Let myself be myself

Let myself laugh and hide

Let myself let my guard down

I need to let myself be me

It’s not about what other people did or say

It’s about myself letting myself be me

And letting myself be free

Because I have joy in my abilities

I have joy in my body

I enjoy my feelings

I enjoy being home

In myself

My enjoyment is my guide

As long as I don’t harm

I’m fine

This is me

I am free

And big in my abilities

There is something quite wrong

In the right

Is it worth the fight?

A fight that I can only loose

But we will win

One day

It might be after my time

And that is to fight for the future

I will not see

Is that worth it

To suffer greatly?

For someone else’s better future.

I don’t think so.

But maybe we‘re faster you know?

Change can happen

And not so slow

But it feels so dragging

And we are slacking

The resources are there

We are willing to share

But not tell 100 times

Get the knowledge

It’s hard to find

Some don’t pop up

Is it worth the grind?

Forever

No sleep

Tired

Unfree

Missing the sense

My growing defence

I need

So much

Silence

I need

Freedom

My own space

Why is it so hard to take care of myself?

There is a loss

Of words

And ways

And days

And wonder

When did I stop to be curious?

When did I start to be scared?

Of everyone

And anyone

When did I run off?

Where am I?

Who can I be?

With all the ideas other people have off me?

I need so much

I need to have clear boundaries

I need to stand my ground

I need to ask and ask for help

Dependent on your shout

If you don’t care

I can’t spare

My energy

Without me

Where am I?

I’m not here

And yet I stand with fear

I need to connect

Yet there’s respect

Too much

Distance

Far away

The glass window

Above

And Beyond

Who are we?

More than one?

The question is

Why don’t we run?

Anymore

Are we here?

Where are we

We are there

And now we care

More about us

More about the world around us

I wish the fear was gone

But begone

My hope

Of chaos

Changing into

Non-chaotic circumstances

We are there and we are fair

There is so much more

Always

Tired

Scared

Well-prepared

Too informed for the world

Curious

Whenever

Wherever

Respecting boundaries

Creating distance

Better than overstepping

Though isolating

Alone

Not lonely

But lonely in ways

No one seems to comprehend

Ambivalent

Contradictory

Complex

Me

Ambivalente Erfahrungen zieren mein Leben.

Und das ist ok so.

Und manchmal wünscht ich dass ich jünger wär

Dann wär vielleicht alles nur halb so schwer

Dann hätt ich vielleicht Freunde finden

Mich verbinden

Können

Mit Gleichgesinnten

Dann hätt ich mich vielleicht nicht so falsch gefühlt

So anders

Wie ein Eindringling

Als wär ich nur der Beobachter

Ich Gehör da nicht hin

Was mach ich da

Und doch bin ich jetzt froh

Erwachsen zu sein

Gewachsen zu sein

Nicht mehr abhängig zu sein

Doch rennen will ich immer noch

Gleichgesinnte finden

Und nicht hinter Mauern verschwinden

Doch hätte ich die früher gehabt

Vielleicht hätt ich’s dann noch weiter gebracht

Die Isolation

Das ist die Gefahr

Wir sind oft allein

Das ist uns klar

Und jetzt da fängt das Leben doch an

Doch alles was ist

Hängt schwer an mir dran

Gekommen zum gehen

Gegangen hierher

Um wiederzukommen

Das Leben ist schwer

Zu zweit

Allein

Das Schicksal

Vereint

Zusammen

Zu finden

Wir sind schon

VERBUNDEN

So my last two posts are two days apart

And I still don’t know what happened between the first one and the second one

Like one is so positive or at least seems to be

And the other one is like so depressing and negative

And I wish I knew

What’s wrong

But all I hear

Is I‘ve known all along

That you’re a fraud

You’re not aloud to be yourself

Because you don’t know who you are

And you never knew

I feel like I lost my brain.

Like what

Like I am a different person

But I still remember everything that happened

But I don’t know what happened

That now I feel so bad

And two days ago I felt fine

And also my English seems to have gotten different

I feel like there is more an accent to it now

Idk

So weird