And Now I Think Of You

And now I think of you

Working your ass off

And it’s crazy to think

That you’re playing first division now

I am extremely proud of you

I am happy for you

That all your hard work paid off

And I hope one day our paths will cross again

One day you’ll play A national team

Wish you all the best

An old friend

I breathe in

Possibilty

I breathe out

Fear

I breathe in

Pride

I breathe out

Shame

I breathe in

Honesty

I breathe out

Secrecy

I breathe in

Love

I breathe out

Hate

I breathe in

Friendship

I breathe out

Enemies

I breathe in

Brotherhood

I breathe out

Sisterhood

If you would say those things

In a different context

It wouldn’t be okay

But us being unethical makes it okay?

Why do I have to hurt myself to live freely?

Why do I have to live a lie?

Cause no one understands it.

And you say those things to hurt us.

To claim that we can’t be human.

That your morals are more important than my life.

Why me?

And why disphoria again?

Where am I

Where are we

Gone forever

I will never get back my childhood

I will never get back my past.

The same mistakes.

The same heartbreaks.

I have isolated myself.

I have destroyed my future.

Out of the fear of failing it.

Trying sucks.

Trying the wrong things sucks.

I am too far gone now.

I am someone who can be helped

But my contradiction

And my violence against myself is unbearable

I use myself as a tool

To get what I want

But I am wrong

And I will forever be wrong

When will I be right again?

No one knows how much it hurts

To have a part that doesn’t belong

No one knows the pain and the grief

Of suffering from something that is without any logic

The pain and the joy

So close together

Who I am doesn’t change

But how you see me does

Verteufelt

Stigmatisiert

Stillgeschwiegen

Versteckt

Unverständnis

Hass

Ungläubigkeit

DAs einzige was hilft ist das moralisch verwerfliche und vermeintlich gefährliche

Denn medizinische Hilfe gibt es nicht

Weil die Ethik wiederspricht

Nur ominöse Torwächter

Ohne Sinn und Verstand

Der Schmerz der bleibt

Komm nimm mich an die Hand

Zeig mir die Welt wie du sie siehst

Ohne den ganzen Schmerz.

If you paint a black canvas white,

is it not black anymore?