In 9x10 19:39 When That One Angel Said The Key To Happiness.. Its Getting The One Thing You Want Most

In 9x10 19:39 when that one angel said “The key to happiness.. it’s getting the one thing you want most and never letting it go.”

Versus Cas’ speech about how happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.

I’ll just leave this parallel up to your interpretation.

Every single day I see my neighbors‘ nametag on their door. And every day, without a fail, I crack up a little because they’re called „Heller“ and I‘m just way too invested in spn to not find that funny.

No need to call me out like that!!😭

Sam: Are you having a depressive episode again?

Dean: Depressive episode?

Dean: I’m having a depressive series and we’re on season 5.

Did you all realize how Dean‘s sex drive seemed to have decreased over time? Almost like he used physical intimacy to replace the emotional connections he could never allow himself to have. And once Cas entered his life and really saw him, Cas who looked into his soul, who understood Dean’s deepest feelings without Dean ever having to talk about them, Dean didn’t feel that need for sexual intimacy as much anymore. He didn’t need to replace emotional connections anymore because he had Cas who truly knew and understood him and stayed with him anyways, because he loved who Dean truly was.

The thing about Dean and Cas is.. They remind me of me and my friend. I’m very much in love with her and I think she might feel the same about me. Ever since we met there’s been this weird, awkward tension between us, but just like Dean and Cas we never opened up about our feelings because we didn’t expect that the other one felt the same and we didn’t want to lose them. (Or maybe she really just sees me as a friend and that’s just how I feel, who knows).

We watched every single episode of Supernatural together and then 15x18 came around and against all expectations we got this beautiful confession scene (which is the most romantic love declaration ever, fight me) and it felt like something between me and my friend shifted.

We were SO sure that we would get Dean and Cas seeing each other again and Dean reciprocating the confession. So while we were getting ready to watch 15x20 with this expectation I could FEEL that there was this super strong, weird, almost electric energy between my friend and me. And I was so sure that once we would see Destiel together, both having opened up and told each other how they feel, we would finally be brave enough to do the same.

But then obviously we got whatever 15x20 was and I think we both just felt discouraged and lost hope that we feel the same and went back to just ignoring whatever there is between us.

After watching the spn finale, my depression got really bad, couldn’t leave my bed, I cried all the time and couldn’t think about anything but spn. Right now I’m finally feeling better (although of course my depression didn’t magically vanish, after all I‘ve been struggling with it for years). But I finally feel okay again. Now I found out about the existence of twist & shout and REALLY want to understand all the posts I see about it. But I’m kinda scared that it will destroy my mental health again, or worse, throw me in an even deeper pit than the finale.

So to everyone who read all of it, what’s your recommendation? Would you think it’s okay for me to read or should I wait until I‘m mentally more stable?

Also, is there any site where I can find a summary of it so I can understand what everyone’s talking about, just without being so emotionally involved?