An American Posts "do We Wanna Fuck Brits Because Afj Is Dating England Or Is Afj Dating England Bc We

an american posts "do we wanna fuck brits because afj is dating england or is afj dating england bc we wanna fuck brits" and starts an entire discourse

which leads to a massive debate about who infected who with wanting to fuck a brit "because this is ABSOLUTELY a disease, guys, i once watched a one hour loop of colin firth coming out of the water in pride and prejudice" + "unrelated but can i blame my attraction to thick eyebrows on afj too" + "i'd love a rich older man who treats me like his sugar baby, this is DEFINITELY an afj acquired trait"

of course everyone involved ignores the (probably canadian) voices of reason who point out its been proven over and over again that nations don't influence citizens and vice versa

I don't know what to think about anti proshippers anymore.

Antishippers say "stop normalizing child x adult ships" "stop normalizing incest" "stop romanticizing child x adult ships" "stop romanticizing incest" while being okay with romanticizing murder in some shows/movies and romanticizing cannibalism in some shows/movies. I didn't see any antiship throw hands the moment someone said "I like Hannibal" although it romanticize cannibalism. It's weird, isn't it?

Antishippers say "shipping fictional minor x adult ships is gross and disgusting" "shipping fictional incest ships is gross and disgusting" and "shipping X is gross and digusting" while being okay with telling real people to kill themselves. While being okay with telling real people "you should be raped" "you should be tortured" "you should burn in hell" and more things. Do you even pay attention to your actions and the actions of other people? How shipping two characters is worse than telling a real person "kill yourself"????

Antishippers say "you are gross" "you need help" "you're insane" "you need therapy" while being the ones who tell proshippers "you deserve to have trauma" "you deserved to be raped" (for those proshippers who were raped and were told they deserved it by antis- I'm so sorry). I'm no therapist, but if I were I would honestly find more disturbing an anti saying "kys" to a real person than a proshipper liking problematic fictional content.

Antishippers say "protect the children" "children could see this and think it's okay" "victims of pedophiles/abuse don't deserve someone romanticizing their trauma". You have no right to claim you want to protect children when you're harassing or telling children to kill themselves. Because yes, in the proship community there are minors. And no, they haven't been groomed into being a proship. Actually, if anything, they would have been groomed into being an antiship because they're scared of people telling them "kys" "you're a pedo" "you're fucking disgusting". And what are children doing in Tumblr/AO3/Wattpad anyways? They're not supposed to be here. They're not supposed to see content not made for them. If they are in these websites, I'm worried about why their parents aren't there to tell them "this is not a safe place for you". And if people were hurt by real pedophiles or were abused, I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry for them. But why the hell they're seeing fictional content that triggers them? If it upsets them, then block the content, ignore its existence, and trust me, you will feel less upset and more happy.

Antishippers say "you deserve to be harassed" "if you don't want to be harassed then stop being weird" "if you don't want to be harassed then stop sharing that type of content". Do you realize you sound like those people who say "if you don't want to be harassed for being gay, then don't be gay" "if you don't want to be harassed for being trans, then don't be trans" "if you don't want to be bullied, then stop being a weirdo", right? Or you didn't realize that?

Antishippers say "this ship is fucking gross" "this ship is fucking disgusting". I'm sorry, didn't you see the thing that said "block button" "filter tags"? Because you can do that. If you don't like some kind of content, use the filter tags/block button. Watch the content you want to see. Use the block button and filter the tags. Search for the ships you like instead of the ships you don't like. I forgot something? Oh yeah. Use. the. block. button. and filter. the. tags.

Antishippers say "why there are so many fics of these ships on AO3?" "why people are so gross?" "why people have to write about this?". Bro- I'm sorry that you didn't realize before but- AO3. IS. A. FUCKING. WEBSITE. FOR. PROSHIPPERS. So don't start with the "Proship DNI" in your tags because AO3 is a PROSHIP web. If you don't like it, GET OUT of AO3 and go WATTPAD or FANFICTION. AO3 is for PROSHIPPERS and we're TIRED of your "Proship DNI" bullshit.

Antiship community is honestly one of the worst communities I've ever seen. There's no other community so inmoral, digusting, and horrible in the Internet.

To my proshippers fellows, if I forgot something antis say you're free to add it.

Don't harassed people over fictional character please thank you

Notice how I ship UsUk while respecting other shipping preferences, very demure, very mindful. I don’t go harassing people over which fictional characters kissy-kissy who. I don’t go accusing people of ludicrous, wild ideas because of a certain ship. I’m very mindful in the Hetalia community. See how I act mature? The way I respect my shipping community is how I respect the overall community. Those that decide to willingly insult others over fictional characters—*disappointed head shake* not demure.

Where The Stars Collide - Chapter 1: Loke

AO3

Summary: Loke has a dream. tw: mentions of abuse.

prologue | 1 | 2 | TBC

The first thing Loke the Celestial Spirit noticed was that his pants were missing.

Now, this on its own wasn’t too alarming. In fact, he’d go so far as to say that it was a common occurrence early in his playboy-days, where he habitually drowned his guilt in women and liquor– but rarely did he stir from such a night with a hospital gown in its place. 

He woke exactly like he’d collapsed; violently and without warning, his eyes flying open the same time as his lungs heaved for air. 

“AQUA– HAH–– HAH–– AQUARIUS–“ he gasped out, bolting upright in the infirmary bed much to his nurse’s horror; cat-like pupils dilating under the fluorescent lighting.

“Shh, it’s okay, Loke. Loke, look at me.”

The second thing he noticed was that his nurse looked a lot like the love of his life: renowned celestial mage and once-heir to a multimillion-jewel corporation, Lucy Heartfilia. 

“Lucy?” He wheezed.

“Mhm,” the nurse’s blurry face swam across his vision but he’d recognise that sunshine-blonde hair anywhere. 

“Don’t over-exert yourself okay? Master Makarov said it would take you a few minutes to adjust to Porlyusica’s healing elixir since you’re part celestial spirit and all.” 

As Lucy gently took his his face in her hands Loke felt his breathing regulate and panic recede, gasps giving way to steady respiration as she eased him back against the wooden bed-frame. 

By the time she’d replaced the cold towel on his forehead, Loke had recovered most of his eyesight and found himself clearly staring into two large, worried brown eyes.

He bit the inside of his cheek to not let something embarrassing (like I love you) slip out; Lucy didn’t really respond well to advances, his or others, and the last thing he wanted to do was make her uncomfortable. Especially on top of everything else he had to tell her.

“You look.. Wow..”

Real smooth.  

Lucy to her credit, looked more sheepish than anything at the mention of her appearance. She was still in her travelling gear, face and hair streaked with grime and dirt; it had only been a few hours since they’d returned from Edolas for her, after all. 

“Oh, I know. I’m a real mess,” She huffed, “Didn’t have time to change out of anything but at least Natsu’s cloak keeps me from catching anything serious– Loke!“

Loke had opened his mouth to disagree, she looked beautiful to him either way, but choked at the mention of the pink-haired dragon-slayer. The tiny hiccup of jealousy turned into a full blown cough and suddenly he was keeled over hacking into his gown as she rushed to pour him some water.

“Natsu’s.. cloak..?” He tried to croak out once he’d set down the glass, but Lucy waved it away.

“It doesn’t matter. Now, what’s wrong with Aquarius?”

“It’s a long story,” he sighed, “but the crux of it is that she’s missing.”

“Missing?” Lucy looked horrified, “You mean, I left her key behind in Edolas?”

“No,” Loke shook his head, “Even if that were the case she’d simply reappear back in the Spirit Realm– but she never did.

“My working theory is that the anima must have interfered with her travel between worlds somehow. I wanted to see if you could summon her from your side, but it seems like whatever blocked her return, destroyed her celestial contract as a result.”

“What are you saying?” Lucy’s voice became very small and her eyes began to well up. 

“You can’t mean.. you don’t think..”

Watching the colour rapidly drain from her face Loke grabbed her arm quickly to keep her from assuming the worst possible outcome.

His time as a spirit had not only desensitised him to the whiplash of emotions that came with being a human, but also how hasty they were in considering their own death. Celestial Spirits almost never died before their time (though they were by no means eternal), but she had no way of knowing that.

“Don’t worry, Lucy,” He shook his head again, “Celestial Spirits aren’t bound by the same rules humans are. If their key is broken it just means that the spirit has accidentally ended up in a closed-pocket realm and involuntarily broken their contract.”

This momentarily put a stop to the tears.  

“A closed what?”

“It’s like an Edolas, but for spirits,” Loke frowned aloud, absentmindedly still holding her arm, “Essentially a realm that nullifies their magic.”

“In the rare occasion that this happens, it’s usually the Celestial Spirit King’s responsibility to find them and bring them back, but since there are an endless number of pocket dimensions they could’ve fallen into, it takes a while to locate them.”

“But aren’t Celestial Spirits made of magic?” Lucy asked, squeezing his hand back in concern.

“Not anymore than you or anyone else from Fairy Tail. Our magic can be shut down under the right circumstances.”

“So Aquarius is––“

“Out of commission, yes. But only briefly,” Loke added reassuringly, “Once I return, I’ll make sure we find her and reinstate her contract right away.”

“I see,” Lucy nodded, brows furrowing. She then dropped his hand in favour of standing up to pace the length of the room.

Watching her walk back and forth and back forth, pondering the temporary absence of her oldest spirit companion, Loke tried not to wince in pain as a dull throbbing began at the base of his skull; the cause of which could’ve been his depletion of magic energy, or just plain guilt. 

He hadn’t lied to Lucy exactly– he’d just omitted to tell her certain crucial details that might alarm her; like, for example, that the search for Aquarius was already underway, or how he hadn’t slept in over a month (in celestial days) and used up the final dregs of his power to transport himself here in the hopes that she could summon her friend herself. 

The truth was that no matter how lost Aquarius might’ve gotten in the Spirit Realm, her key wasn’t supposed to go missing. The contract with her Celestial Wizard should’ve remained unaffected regardless of the location of the spirit, since the key was made with the sole intention of being an anchor, in both their worlds.

Loke wasn’t sure he could tell her the whole truth until he got some answers himself; as the Leader of the Twelve Zodiac Houses, Aquarius’ disappearance weighed hard on him more-so than normal. He’d only just been back in the Spirit Realm for a few months now but the backlog of centuries’ worth of responsibilities had nearly run him into the ground, so much so that he’d underperformed each time Lucy had needed him in the past month. 

As if the humiliation at the hands of the Oración Seis wasn’t enough (he hadn’t expected to see Aries on the battlefield so soon), Loke cringed to think how he’d been so overworked he’d blatantly flirted with and subsequently gotten rejected by Lucy’s Edolas counterpart, mere hours ago.

“Loke? Hello? Earth to Leo?” He snapped back to reality.

Lucy had stopped pacing and had returned to hover over him, hands on her waist, shrewdly giving him a once-over. Loke held his breath, wondering if she could tell that he was hiding something; Lucy was smarter than people gave her credit for.

“Sorry milady,” he faked an easy grin, leaning in closer to distract her, “I got lost in your beautiful eyes for a second there.” 

Lucy blinked once, twice then rolled those same eyes in disbelief, breaking the spell.

“Someone’s confident today,” she huffed, resuming her seat, “How’d your little date go, by the way? Virgo told me all about it.”

Loke made a mental note to never joke with Virgo about dating his workload ever again.

“Terribly,” he pretended to pout, wondering if Lucy would take the bait.

“And why’s that?” She did.

“Well, to start with, she wasn’t you,” He said, reaching over to tuck a strand of blonde hair behind her ear, sure the classic Loke move would leave her in pieces. It was a little cheesy but it worked in a pinch. 

Lucy only smacked his hand away, her exasperation bleeding into irritation.

“Loke, you can’t keep doing this,” She said, crossing her arms, “What’s going on with you?”

“You were exhausted even before the Edolas fight.. when was the last time you slept?”

Loke blinked in surprise. Much smarter than people gave her credit for.

“Not for a while,” He admitted, shoulders slumping and leaning back into the pillows, “Not since the run in with Aries.”

“Loke!” Lucy’s worried gasp had him ducking his head with something like shame, “That was weeks ago!”

Between the overwhelming amount of paperwork on his table, attending every Spirit World event he’d been absent for, and now Aquarius’ disappearance, Loke counted himself lucky that he didn’t have silly human needs to tend to anymore like eating or sleeping, but his body seemed to think otherwise. The Celestial Spirit King had warned him that readjusting would take some time, of course, but Loke hadn’t listened; he couldn’t just throw away the second (and last) chance he’d been given at the expense of Lucy’s dignity–  he’d break his own key before letting her suffer for him again.

“Celestial spirits don’t need all that y’know–“ He said, trying his best to sound nonchalant about it, but she quickly cut him off.

“But you haven’t been a spirit for that long!” Lucy scolded, “Remember what the Spirit King said about–“

“I know, Lucy,” He sighed, unable to meet her eyes, “I just.. didn’t want to let yo- uh everybody down.”

“Oh..”

“You know,” He added, only half joking, “-can’t have people saying I wasn’t worth all the trouble, after all you did for me.”

At this, Lucy reached out and grabbed his hand, forcing him to look up at her.

“Loke, you’re my friend,” She said sternly, “I would do it again in a heartbeat.”

Loke wondered how she could look at him like that, like she would defend him to the ends of the Earthland, and expect him not to fall in love with her.

“Ah,” He put his other hand on his heart in mock despair, lightening the mood instantly, “You shouldn’t get my hopes up like that, Lucy.”

“W-What?”

“Just friends?” He pulled her hand to his chest then, “I thought we had something special, milady.”

“Yeah right,” Lucy smiled, relaxing a little, “Me and every girl within a five-mile radius." 

“Don’t you think for a minute that I’ve forgotten what happened with my Edolas doppelgänger, you flirt!” 

“I see, does that mean you only want me to flirt with you, Lucy?” He teased, leaning in to see the sudden influx of colour that rushed to Lucy’s face.

“I- I never-“ He tried not to enjoy it too much as she floundered around for a comeback and settled for pulling her hands away in protest.

Although Loke did his best to keep his foot out of his mouth, he constantly found himself toeing the line between cheeky and tongue-in-cheek with his flirting, mostly because he had no idea how to talk to Lucy otherwise. 

Addressing her formally (like he’d been accustomed to with Karen), felt foreign and ill-fitting and it definitely didn’t help that Lucy herself often blurred the line between spirit and friend herself– insisting everyone call her by her first name, and being determined to fight on equal footing as though they were partners. But even he knew better than to delude himself into hoping that anything might come of it.

Before Lucy could reply, however, they were interrupted by a sharp, sarcastic rap on the door. 

“Break it up ya lovebirds, the Master wants to see ‘er.”

“Gajeel!”

Loke tensed up. 

Though it had been well over four months since the iron dragon-slayer had joined the guild, along with Juvia Lockser, his popularity (unlike Juvia’s) hadn’t skyrocketed in the least. While this had, in some part, to do with Gajeel’s prickly personality, the greater blame lay in his mistreatment of the Fairy Tail members during the guild war with Phantom Lord, and, among the casualties, a certain celestial mage with sunshine blonde hair.

Loke glowered at the red-eyed wizard, still bedridden but now imperceptibly shifting his torso to shield Lucy from whatever would come next.

Gajeel only snorted, no doubt considering the implications of starting a fight with a guy in a hospital gown, and pointed over Loke’s shoulder instead.

“Just ya, Blondie,” He crossed his arms, “Somethin’ about losin' his keys or whatever.”

“Oh,” Lucy got up to leave but Loke involuntarily grabbed her hand and shook his head. Gajeel threw them another withering look.

“Look, I don’t wanna be here either, alright? Got better things to do than run around playing errand boy to that old man. I’ve got an exceed to feed y’know.”

It was only then that they noticed the animal on his shoulder. Bearing a striking resemblance to Happy and Carla, this one was covered in black fur, with stark white wings and a scar running across one eye. 

Both Lucy and Loke jumped a little when the exceed opened it’s mouth to say “Hello, I’m Panther Lily,” with the voice of a fifty-year-old war veteran.

“It’s nice to meet you.”

“Hello,” Lucy replied bravely, not to be deterred, “I’m Lucy Heartf- uh just Lucy! Welcome to Fairy Tail!”

Loke tried not to look up at her then; he knew how self conscious Lucy had become after her run in with her father, especially about her name. The other guild members had teased her about her ‘princessy’ demeanour for months on end, and though she’d laughed it off in good faith, Loke had heard from Virgo that she’d marched down to the Magic Council to have Heartfilia removed from all her legal documents.

“Loke,” he grunted reluctantly when the exceed turned to him. He didn’t want to tell Gajeel’s pet anything but his rudeness wouldn’t reflect well on Lucy.

“You’re a Celestial spirit,” The Exceed noted, fixing him with a strange look. 

“Is that a problem?” Loke raised an eyebrow.

“But not a full one. Interesting..”

Loke’s hackles raised, and he opened his mouth to ask just what exactly the little bear-cat-like creature meant before he felt the squeeze on his arm and realised Lucy was looking at him.

“I’ll be right back,” She’d already dropped his hand before he could voice his objection, so instead he watched her leave, deliberately narrowing his eyes as Gajeel made to close the door.

“If you touch one hair on her head..” He gritted his teeth.

“Yeah, yeah,” Gajeel said carelessly, scratching at his jaw, “Word of advice? Get it together before ya go off makin’ threats loverboy.”

The door slammed shut with a THUD!

Loke released a breath into the air and pressed his hand to his temples. What was he doing? 

Gajeel was right, he wasn’t in any place to sit around and growl at people like Lucy’s lapdog. Karen had loved seeing him do it, almost as much as she’d loved to torment Aries to get a rise out of him.

“Aren’t I lucky,” The green-haired, green-eyed (in more ways than one) Karen Lilica had crowed, brandishing her chain-whip, “I have both the strongest and the weakest spirits of all the Zodiac.”

Before he could realise what was happening, Loke had already slipped into the dream. 

The familiar periwinkle and gold interior of the Blue Pegasus guild hall rose up to swallow him and suddenly Loke wasn’t Loke anymore. Now he was Leo, confident and glowing as he reached out to shake the hand of the sweet, green-haired girl who’d summoned him.

“Oh wow!” She gasped, shaking his hand with both of her own, “I’m so honoured to meet a member of the Zodiac! I’m Karen by the way!”

The ground fell away under him and suddenly Loke was crouched at the foot of a plush red sofa as an older Karen lovingly stroked his head; teary mascara streaking down her face. Gone was the youthful girlishness, now replaced by a garish lipsticked smile.

“You know I didn’t mean it right, Leo? I just got so angry– I don’t know what came over me.”

He looked on dumbly as Karen cooed and fussed over the large gash above his right eyelid.

If only he had known sooner. If only he had seen it coming. If only, if only, if only.

The roar of a waterfall cascaded from somewhere inside him and Loke looked around, confused, before the ceiling opened up and released a flood of water down on him, drowning, drowning, drowning and then.. not.

Now Loke was kneeling on a rocky outcropping overlooking a great waterfall, in front of Karen’s grave, but the grave was empty and Karen was standing next to him, all pretense of love leaving her eyes as she dug the sharp tip of her heel into his shoulder.

“Why won’t you just leave me alone? Go. Back. Go back, go back, go back!” She shrieked, shoving him backward. Loke caught his balance before he tumbled into the hole and finally found the words to defend himself.

“What.. happened to you?” He choked out as Karen proceeded to loop her chain-whip around his neck and pull.

She laughed as he fought for air, grasping at the rusted metal in vain.

“What’re you on about?” She taunted, leaning in to press a kiss right above his eye, “You turned me into this, Leo.”

Her kisses felt like acid.

“It’s all your fault,” She whispered as his face began to burn and his vision began to darken, “And now you’ve gone and dragged that poor girl into it too.”

Loke turned around in horror to see Lucy now lying inside Karen’s empty grave, eyes closed, clutching his key to her chest like a lifeline. 

“Gate.. of the lion.. close.. gate..”

“Lucy! LUCY!”

Loke reached out to grab her, but it was too late. The ground closed over the hole, as he started to disappear, grass and flowers sprouting beneath the gravestone and sealing Lucy away forever - his name the last words on her lips.

“Leo.”

Another fainter voice overlapped with hers, originating from somewhere at the back of his skull; a voice that sounded suspiciously like Aquarius’. 

“Leo,” Lucy-Aquarius repeated, quiet and urgent, like she didn’t have much time, “You need to be careful.”

“The Eclipse is coming.”

Loke woke for the second time that day to a pair of worried brown eyes.

This time, however, they belonged to his long-time friend and confidante, Aries. As though dreaming about their former master had summoned her to his side, the pink-haired, Ram Spirit hovered over him anxiously, mumbling something to herself.

“Leo!” She repeated, relieved as he sat up a little straighter.

“Aries..” He replied, not fully able to process what was happening, “Did Lucy summon you? What’re you doing here?”

“Mhm,” She shook her head, “I came on my own. I learned how to after.. well..”

Loke winced as he recalled the phantom abuse in his dream, involuntarily feeling his throat to check for burn marks.

“The Celestial Spirit King wanted to know if Lucy-san still had the Aquarius key?” Aries asked hopefully.

The disappearance had left everyone in the Spirit World on edge, their monarch included. Loke had a feeling it was because it had been millennia since they were forced to confront their potential demise. That and because Scorpio kept giving everyone hell for losing Aquarius; Loke had to physically restrain his friend to keep him from ambushing Lucy on his own. 

“No,” Aries’ face fell as he continued, “For some reason, the key’s gone too. We don’t have any hint for where we should begin searching, and the closed-pocket realms are endless.”

“We can only hope she hasn’t fallen into any of the Disgraced dimensions.”

Aries’ eyes got wide at the mention of the Red-Key Spirits, former inhabitants of the Celestial Spirit Realm, exiled for breaking the code of conduct that all spirits were required to abide under. No decent spirit would be caught whispering about The Disgraced Ones within the earshot of Loke– after all, if Karen had been any less of a villain, he would’ve shared their fate. 

It was another thing he’d carefully kept from Lucy. His banishment to the human world was an act of mercy, only granted to him for his eons of unwavering loyalty to the Celestial Spirit King, and when it came down to it, Loke would pick dying in the human world over the twisted solitude of the Disgraced dimensions. At least he would die as himself.

“Do you suppose it was taken?” Aries said finally, her usual jumpiness replaced by uncharacteristic conviction, “Maybe someone stole it off Lucy-san when she wasn’t looking?”

“Maybe,” Loke shrugged, unconvinced, “But it’s unlikely. From what Lucy told me, they just returned from Edolas a few hours ago.”

“If anyone wanted to steal the key, it’d have to be from within Fairy Tail.”

“But–“

“No, Aries,” She looked hurt when he cut her off, “The people here aren’t like that. You should just go home– I’ll handle it.”

Loke tried to feign indifference as her big doll eyes began to well up with tears. He hated doing it but drawing boundaries between himself and the rest of the Zodiac had become a necessity when he returned. Aries, who’d arguably been the happiest of them all, quickly came to the realisation that her friend had become a completely different person in all their time apart.

Time worked differently in the Celestial Spirit Realm; sometimes it would go faster, sometimes slower, and there were even periods where it simply wouldn’t move at all. For the three years Loke had been in Earthland, time had spun like a roulette table and separated him from his friends by a whopping three hundred years, suddenly making him the youngest of his former team-mates. 

He lost the respect and acclaim that came with being the Leader of the Zodiac, the title going to Aquarius in his absence; no longer the notorious lion spirit, now just a cub with claws too big and too sharp for his feet. 

“I wish you would let me help,” Aries’ lip wobbled, still she rubbed at her eyes defiantly, “We used to do everything together, Leo.”

Loke clutched his hospital gown tightly, his mouth set in a thin, hard line.

After a few seconds of strained silence, where he pretended he didn’t see her shoulders quietly shaking, Aries said,

“I know you blame me for Karen’s death.”

He glanced up, surprised.

“I thought about it for years,” She frowned, not meeting his eyes, “‘Leo must hate me’. After all, you were only trying to protect me.”

“If I had just been better at standing up for myself, you wouldn’t have been punished so severely!”

“I don’t blame you,” He said gently, her tears had gotten to him, “But this is my job Aries, I can’t drag you into it.”

“But Karen–“ 

“Karen was a monster,” Loke bared his teeth, not an ounce of regret in his voice, “–and she got what she deserved.”

“She was so kind when we first met her,” Aries insisted weakly, “I can’t help but wonder if we had helped her more maybe–“

“Maybe she would’ve turned on us faster,” He snapped, “Maybe she would’ve done worse! You didn’t see her those last few weeks, Aries, I did.”

“She was unhinged– the girl I made a contract with died a long time ago.”

Loke refrained himself from adding ‘And it was all my fault.’ to the end of that sentence, because he knew Aries would never understand. She would want to share the blame for their former master’s descent into madness, but the cruel truth was that despite what Aries said, she simply couldn’t handle the pain that came with that realisation. Karen knew it too, its why she saved all the especially harrowing punishments for him. It was much more fun for her to watch him slowly begin to resent the friend he’d tried so desperately to save. 

“I don’t blame you,” Loke repeated, almost as though he was trying to convince himself, “And besides, getting banished was the best thing that ever happened to me. I wouldn’t have met Lucy, otherwise.”

“Then let me help you,” Aries refuted stubbornly, “Aquarius is my friend too!”

“And my responsibility,” He countered, “–as the Leader of the Zodiac–“

“If what happens to Aquarius starts spreading, there won’t be a Zodiac left to lead, Leo!”

Loke started at her tone. He didn’t think he’d ever heard Aries’ voice rise higher than 40 decibels.

“You’re not the only one suffering here! Remember how bad it was when we lost Capricorn– you wouldn’t even let us help you then! You had to ‘do it yourself’, well a whole lot of good that did you!”

“So just stop being so– so– pig-headed!” Even Aries looked surprised by her sudden burst of rebelliousness, and clamped both her hands over her mouth in horror.

The sight was so odd and unexpected that, try as he might, Loke couldn’t hold back the snort that spilled out from somewhere deep inside him. 

He was in tears within seconds, clutching the sides of his stomach as he keeled over with laughter, and, after a few seconds, Aries joined him; the two of them snickering like middle-schoolers over a dumb joke.

“Pig-headed?” He wheezed.

Stars, it had been a while since they’d laughed together. Truth be told, Loke wasn’t sure they’d even be able to talk normally again without the ghost of Karen hovering between them, but here they were. Stranger things had happened.

“I’m glad,” Aries said finally, as she paused to catch their breath, “I haven’t seen you smile once since you came home.”

Loke opened his mouth to protest but she held up a finger to stop him, “No, talking about Lucy-san doesn’t count.”

“Killjoy.” He huffed. Aries giggled.

“How is she taking the news, by the way?”

“Better than I expected,” He admitted, “She’s tougher than she looks, m–“

Loke caught himself just in time. 

He didn’t know what would be worse, actually slipping up and saying the words “my Lucy”, or watching his friend’s face scrunch up with pity as she hears it. Even Aries (the most optimistic of all the spirits) would click her tongue in disbelief if she found out just how deep his loyalties lay. 

Celestial Spirits don’t fall in love with humans. Capricorn had drilled it into his head since he was a boy. Especially not their bright-eyed, lavender-shampooed, beautiful, beautiful masters. 

“That’s good,” Aries affirmed, blissfully oblivious to his mental gymnastics as she rose from her seat, “I’d better head off then.”

“Is there anything you wanted me to look into while you’re.. taking your mandatory rest?”

Loke was about to shake his head and send her on her way, but a tiny voice in the back of his head made him pause, the lightness in his chest temporarily soaking in an inexplicable sense of dread.

“Actually,” he began, “There is one thing.”

She blinked expectantly.

“What can you tell me about the Eclipse?”

Next Chapter ->

Do antis deserve an olympic gold medal in reaching, or do they purposefully miss the point of everything we say just so they can keep arguing?

We say: Fiction is not reality OR Fiction does not reflect/affect reality on a 1:1 basis

They hear: Fiction has never, can never, and will never have any effect on reality

We say: Censorship is dangerous because it never stops with the "icky" subjects and is quickly used to target and silence queer people

They hear: Pedophilia is akin to being gay and should be part of the lgbt community

We say: Pedophilia isn't bad because it's gross, it's bad because it's causing harm to a real life human being

They hear: Pedophilia isn't bad OR Pedophilia isn't gross

We say: Let people ship what they want

They hear: I love abusing children and/or I want to fuck my brother

Love Olympus: the "charming" lessons we learned from it

Hi! Are you searching for a good story, filled with creativity, care, coherence and beautiful art style? Then please, turn left and you will find something worth your time.

Here we will talk about that beautiful, terrible disaster that is Lore Olympus. Ah, it's always so nice to read a new retelling of Greek mythology and find out it's basically the same 200 stereotypes slapped together into something that's way older and staler than the original. What did my ancestor ever do to the world, to be treated like that.

But I've already talked about what a waste of potential Lore Olympus is, how pathetic the writing is and how bad the protagonists are. I've spent more than enough words commenting on why this series could've been great and came out like this.

Now there's only one thing left: to make fun of it. To draw our conclusions on the whole thing and the finale and find out what "wonderful" messages we got from it.

Don't worry: the messages are absolutely wonderful and I'm not sarcastic, not at aaaaall.

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Planning in advance is for the weak

Don't you know how to fill your third season, after the "battle" that closed season 2? No problem! People will read you anyway, so instead of planning and moving the plot forward, waste everyone's time writing chapter after chapter of pure nothingness: your characters can have discussions so stupid, that people will question if they have been written by using ChatGPT. That will surely prove what a great writer you are!

And don't worry too much about the plot: just wait until inspiration magically falls from the sky. That's how it works, isn't it? Stories are just random events slapped together, with no planning, care or coherence whatsoever. When we write a story, we don't want to treat our readers like intelligent human beings, oh no: people are idiots, so we can just throw them the first shit that pops out of our minds and everything will be fine.

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Coherence is for the weak

After waiting for inspiration (that somehow hasn't fallen from the sky yet, jeez I wonder why), you still don't know what to do with your plot? Easy, use one of the villains! Like the rapist guy! Now he's running for President.

Yes, we know there is a monarchy in this land, because there is a king, but it doesn't matter. The rapist is trying to be President now. President of what, you ask? It doesn't matter! Presidents exist, right? So he's trying to be one, that's all you need to know.

Will he become President? He's running from it, that's all! You don't need to know what happens after that! As we all know, stories do not have closed plot points, they're just random shit thrown around. So why care about solving a problem you just raised? Just forget it, it's not important.

Is the story supposed to take place in Olympus or, at least, in Greece? Well, what's the problem? As we all know, Europe and the US are basically the same thing, so how different can Greece and America be?

I mean: one is a huge country with many climate zones and wide areas, the other is a small, hot country mostly made of mountains and islands. One has a millennia-years-old culture that influenced the entirety of the West, the other is literally called the New World, to emphasize how young it is. Same place.

So, since they're so similar they're basically identical, just fill your Greece with American stuff and give your characters English names. Greece is notoriously full of English names. It's not like there are millions of people with similar names because parents give their own parents' names to their offspring and sometimes all siblings give their parents' names to all their children and the result is that your cousins all have the same goddamn name and you all came up with nicknames to distinguish between them.

No, that's not based on personal experience, what makes you think that.

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The protagonist is better than anyone else

Is Zeus telling you he wants to give his child to some nymphs, because he knows won't be a good father? Well, clearly the most normal thing to do is steal his baby. No, not because you're a psychopath, but because you clearly know how to handle the baby better than some nymphs. Remember: you are the protagonist, hence you are better at everything anyone can do, especially a stupid nymph. You will care for the baby more and better than anyone else, no doubt.

Is the child you stole running around without supervision? But you took care of him! You even hired a babysitter! No, of course you didn't spend time with him, you were busy! What? It could've been better to leave the child with the nymphs as Zeus wanted, because at least they would've spent their time with the child and not hired someone else to do it? Listen, we don't work with logic here and you are the protagonist, so of course all of your decisions are perfect and should never be questioned.

Speaking of kids: is your mother telling you she had a son who died? Time for some favoritism! Your husband is the god of the dead, so death isn't a problem anymore. What? Death is supposed to be impossible to overcome? But you're the protagonist, so the mere mortals' rules do not apply to you. Death is nothing, compared to your perfection.

Oh no, you accidentally caused winter! And a genocide! But remember: you're the protagonist, so of course you're always perfect. And you didn't do it on purpose, so you're automatically innocent and people attacking you are just mean and jealous.

See? You're so perfect, you found a way to solve the problem! How? Easy, by believing in yourself ✨✨✨ And by talking (badly) about how life and death are linked. Yes, we know it's the equivalent of saying that 2+2=4, but we don't want to treat our readers like intelligent people, here. All they have to do is just revel in your perfection.

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More villains! Because Yes!

Do you still have no idea what to do with your plot, after too many useless chapters? Easy, use the cartoonish supervillain! He will do the trick! And throw another naked woman to defeat him: it worked once, it'll work again.

Is your cartoonish supervillain actually useless? No problem, make another villain even more useless. And make him appear out of thin air for two chapters. And since readers are stupid, just tell them that he was the evil mastermind behind everything. They'll eat it up.

Oh, and President Loser is in cahoots with SuperMegaVillain now. Why? Because Yes, of course.

You don't know how to defeat SuperMegaVillain? 🧑‍🤝‍🧑Avengers Assemble🧑‍🤝‍🧑and you're done. It worked for Marvel, it'll work for your story too. I know it's settled in Greece and fertility goddesses do not have resurrection powers or whatever the fuck they're doing, but shhhhh.

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Random justice is good

With all those villains to defeat, you forgot your story is supposed to be a retelling of the myth of Hades and Persephone? No problem, just stick a "Gaia Ex-Machina" here and let her solve the story with a power and authority she doesn't have. No one will notice the difference.

Speaking of justice: is the rapist gonna get the punishment he deserves? Sure, get this: he will fall in love with you and turn himself in. And he will get community service as punishment.

Are you saying that this isn't a real punishment? But of course it is! He turned himself in! The victim isn't allowed to expose him, nor to see him actually getting punished. All the victim can do is walk away. It's not that lack of control is a big deal for a rape victim, right? And seeing the rapist finally get punished won't give them the catharsis they need, right? And it definitely won't free them of the huge weight they carry on, because of the awful, horrible act they suffered from, right?

Of course not, so ah ah ah, the rapist gets to build places, very funny. And aside from that stupid punishment, of course he's free to walk around and, who knows?, maybe rape someone else. Wow, justice truly works well in this place! I would feel so safe to go around there!

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Queer people are stupid too (and ghosts, sometimes)

All those villains could've been great in a story centered around Zeus? We don't work with Zeus here: we hate men, all men except for the capitalist hubby of our dreams. So Zeus is a useless piece of shit and he will keep being a useless piece of shit until the end. Also, he's not a real king anymore, because apparently democracy popped out of nowhere and everyone just rolls with it. I wonder why it too centuries to accept it all over the world...

And Hera is a lesbian now. Why? I already told you we don't work with logic here. She's a lesbian because queer people are idiots too, so thrown them a queer character and they will like it, doesn't matter if it makes zero sense.

Uh? Are you saying that asexual and aromantic people exist too? No, of course not: they're just waiting for the hot lesbian of their dreams or for the hubby that will turn them into wives and mothers.

Hence why the organization centered around celibacy closed: it was just a cover for lesbians after all! And we all know that women can only be lesbians or mothers. A woman doesn't want or feel any romantic attraction? She doesn't exist, then.

Wow people, I don't exist! I'm a ghost!

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Feminism means gender stereotypes

As Wikipedia says, feminism is:

"... a range of socio-political movements and ideologies that aim to define and establish the political, economic, personal, and social equality of the sexes."

But Wikipedia is stupid, while we won a shit ton of prizes for some reason, so we're the good authors here. And we decided that feminism means "women good, men bad". This definitely isn't a point of view based on a warping of the original concept of feminism, that focused on helping women because, since societies are patriarchal, men already have a powerful position. Hence why, feminism fought (and fights) to give women a powerful position too: to make both genders on the same plane.

But nope, this is all stupid and wrong and doing research is underrated - after all, we wrote a story entirely based on the first shit that popped into our mind, so why do research about this? Let's focus on the superficial vision of feminism and fight for women's equality, by making them lesbians or mothers.

Because sure, feminism is good, but capitalism is better. And since capitalism wants you to have kids, go home to your rich hubby and have a ton of kids you definitely won't neglect, like the child you stole or the supposed godson you never cared about and only after he's an adult "sometimes" you have a conversation with. That's how a perfect, traditional family works, after all. And we know this didn't lead to any generational trauma at aaaaall.

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In conclusion

I don't know if you noticed the teeny tiny veil of sarcasm in my words. I know, it was so subtle, almost invisible. I made it oh-so-hard to find it, please let me know how hard it was.

But you know what? This story is over and I needed to let some sarcasm out. I am finally free to read something else, possibly (hopefully!) better.

And the next time I will approach another retelling... who am I kidding, I know I will fall for it like an idiot because that's what I do every time. They get me with something I love and once I find out it's shitty, I keep reading because I want to see how bad it is.

In this, Lore Olympus didn't disappoint: I expected something bad, I got something bad. And, sometimes, it was so bad, to make me laugh, so extra points for the stupidity: I appreciate something that makes me laugh, way more than something that makes me angry.

And, as I said in my previous posts, even something bad is useful, because it teaches you how NOT to do something.

So thank you, Lore Olympus, for being a terrible teacher. And thank you for making me appreciate the original myths even more. There's a reason why they still stand after millennials and can still capture the popular imagination, while this series will probably be forgotten in a couple years.

To you all, my readers: if you managed to reach the end of LO like me, congrats for surviving it, I hope you learned something useful about how to make better art.

But if you never approached Lore Olympus, don't do it: it's not worth the time you will lose.

Unless you want to see with your own eyes how does it look a story with zero planning and random ideas thrown everywhere. In that case, please, be my guest: read it and learn how not to write. You will learn a lot from this.

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(How about a coffee? ☕)

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