Me Ever Time I Get Called To HR At Work:

Me ever time I get called to HR at work:

Fuck I hope they fire me this time

Scrolling on clothing apps is always wild because your options are always:

1. Here’s a shirt that covers your nipples and nothing else. I hope you like shorts that are the size of underwear. Fuck modesty show the world your entire titty. Who ever said clothing should cover you up. You want a skirt that you can’t bend over in without flashing everyone? Say no more we have 40. Time is fading and your youth is too so here’s a skintight dress that leaves nothing to the imagination. Go wild.

Or

2. The biggest ugliest shirt you’ve ever seen. Completely unflattering t-shirts so no one can guess what your figure is like. Don’t you dare let the world see your body you slut. Cover every inch of your skin and look like shit doing it. Your body is disgusting and you know it so wear this dress that looks like a tarp. That skirt better not go above your knees Jesus is watching you. A plain black hoodie cause we know you look like shit in anything else.

And there’s no in between.

My brain honestly needs to learn how to prioritize it’s actions better. If I sing while I’m driving 100% of my brain power goes to singing and driving is just left up to muscle memory. Like I know this song is a bop but we should probably use at least 10% of our focus on trying not to crash the damn car.

ER Nurse: So you’re a chef?

Me: Yep. Have been for 2 years now.

ER Nurse: How’d you manage to cut your finger then? Aren’t you trained with knives.

Me: I never said I was a good chef.

If any of y’all didn’t know, there’s a free online library, aka

https://openlibrary.org/

and I found like, twelve ebooks I’ve been wanting to read on there, and blasted through like three of them during the course of a boring-ass shift.

Listening to really obscure artist is fun till you go to look for a concert near you and the whole tour is in one state on the other side of the country or a different country entirely