For Us, Being An Endo System:

For us, being an endo system:

1. Timeloss - not noted as of yet

2. Dissociation - in small doses, non-pathological for the most part

3. Fusion - No, because we don't want to, but we can temporarily merge with others sometimes - never tried doing that for longer periods of time

4. Switches - Usually a few times a day, sometimes we can have a day without switches.

It feels like your "essence" steps out of the body while another headmate steps in, and then the POV changes and you *become* the other headmate (it's basically an identity change). There's this "vibe" (for lack of a better word) that every one of us has so we know if a switch was successful or not depending on whether we "feel like ourselves" enough, among other things like how our resting face looks and how our voice is.

5. System size - it depends, really can't tell

6. We're a created system, so there was no hiding for us

7. It's... Comforting. It will of course vary system by system, but for us, we care about one another and having somebody always have your back is encouraging. Loving and being loved in turn is a gift. The fact that we know exactly what's it like being one another also helps in our understanding of where we're all coming from, which helps in conflicts.

Playing sports together is fun, as our skill level varies between us somewhat. Going into system spaces feels like a punch in the gut, because we're rarely welcomed anywhere (especially outside of Tumblr, but even here at times). Constant fakeclaming of ourselves by ourselves is something that also sucks a ton.

Learning about what types of music each of us likes is interesting. Waking up fronting/being blurry for no reason is kind of disorienting but also kind of funny after the fact. Random voice jumpscares after we speak and our voice is way lower than we expected are a treat but also kind of cursed. Mental hugs feel nice. Being able to rant to each other without the fear of judgement is relieving. Having to constantly watch your speech to not use your own pronouns on accident because you have to pretend to be our host is exhausting.

Trying to give everyone equal attention is also tiring, but worth it, in the end. Switching during studying once someone gets off track is really helpful, too. Feeling blurry is frustrating. Looking back at other's messages and laughing at their sense of humor is great, as is making memes of one another.

There are many others, but I think these are enough to show the general gist :]

curious about natural systems

We are a diagnosed traumagenic system but are curious about other experiences of plurality. We are really curious about the experience of being an endogenic system and how it may or may not overlap with DID. Do endos experience timeloss? Dissociation? Fusion? What is switching like and how frequent is it? Are endo systems generally larger or smaller than traumagenic systems? Do endos generally know they are a system naturally or does their system hide itself like in DID? What is it generally like to be an endo system? Very curious about the experience.

Thanks for reading. I'd say thanks for sharing any experiences but my blog isn't super popular so probably like two people will see this, haha.

Thank you for your response! :D

So, right off the bat, I'll say that we're one of those systems that just... Happened, one day. To be honest, the exact mechanics of how that worked is still quite unclear to us, but I feel it's only fair to share it! So, for 19 years it was just one of us, the OG if you will. So I figured she'd explain it from her point of view.

-- (warning: this got quite longer than I intended it to)

1. So, there are a few things that make me believe that we don't have a dissociative disorder. For one, I never experienced any identity confusion in the slightest before I became a system. Like, zilch. There weren't any times when my interests/behavior suddenly changed, and I didn't experience any dissociative episodes either to my knowledge. We also don't experience any amnesia between each other, so that's that too.

Does it mean that I *definitely don't* have a dissociative disorder? No, but so far, I haven't seen any reason to believe that I do. I am open to the possibility though, just in case.

2. I mean, it's hard to say. There are some obvious differences between traumagenic and non-traumagenic systems, like amnesia barriers, communication difficulties, dissociation episodes, uncontrollable switches, and many other things that aren't as common in endogenic spaces.

However, at the same time, I've seen many different folks relate to the experiences of systems from many different origins. Some DID/OSDD systems found really helpful advice in the willogenic community (specifically the Tulpa community, though we personally don't

use the tulpa language), for example, which would be really odd if the experiences

were fundamentally, completely different in every way. Some even realized that they were systems in the first place because of those communities!

I've also seen people describe experiences that I immediately related to despite not sharing the same system origin. If I were to see the same things being talked about when I was still a singlet, however, I don’t think I’d be able to “get it” in the same way. There’s also the possibility that it’s describing something completely different and I’m simply mistaken, though.

3. We're a created system, so yes, I do consider us fully plural. Now, how does the whole thing work brain-wise? At this moment, I have no idea. We really just hope that more research will be done.

4. Well, for one, we don’t experience dissociative amnesia, in the sense that we don’t lose time. I think we may be experiencing some barriers when it comes to emotion, though. For example, when one fronting headmate was in a very bad mood and another switched in, the mood completely disappeared, which surprised us a little. There’s also the body crying or smiling because one headmate near the front was either sad or amused, while the fronting person wasn’t experiencing the same emotions.

Our switches are generally controllable with both parties agreeing to switch with each other, though there was at least one instance when one of us tried to switch and fight for front (nothing serious at all, but worth noting since it was the first time that this had happened). We experience blurriness/identity confusion at times now too, when you’re supposed to be switched in but just don’t fully feel like yourself? Like, your vibe feels off, for lack of a better description. Your voice feels too high or too low and you act in a different way and you just feel like something’s off. There are also times when we wake up as somebody else and we’re like “??? Why am I here, what”.

We can have somebody move the body while another one is fronting, which is sometimes called “possession” in some endo spaces. Basically, you’re A, for example, but headmate B is moving your body and you’re just kind of looking. You can take control back if need to, but still. It sometimes is a little trippy, so we only do it if both parties are comfortable with it.

We didn’t know the term for it before, but our switches feel similar to how some people describe non-possessive switches  - basically, it feels like an identity change. Your mannerisms may change, how high your voice is may change, how you think and feel about the world may change, your music taste may change, but it feels like there’s this one consciousness that changes identity. For this reason, we cannot just experience the headspace while somebody else is fronting like we assumed we’d be able to - there’s only one “experiencer” at a time. It’s just a matter of who “the experiencer” is.

We usually can talk to each other - it feels like an inner monologue, except it doesn’t come from you but somebody else. There were times when we just couldn’t reach somebody and were freaked out by it, though. We also don’t hear the talking 24/7 - you usually need to prompt somebody to “wake up” a little for them to respond if they haven’t been active for a bit. With DID/OSDD systems, sudden thought intrusions from another headmate seem to be more common? However, don’t quote us on that.

This already got pretty long, so sorry for that ^^’

Thank you for reading all of that, and for answering our questions! Feel free to ask us something else if you want to or if you’d like us to clarify some things.

hey y'all! this is my dedicated syscourse blog, because I felt like syscourse was taking up too much space on my main.

i am the host of a traumagenic system of 6. our collective name is the Storm System, but the one running this blog is Ray. our alters range in terms of opinions, but we all lean towards anti endo (some, like me, more so than others).

I'm the most opinionated on syscourse and the most common fronter, so I'll probably be the main one posting. I wouldn't be surprised if Grey hopped in sometimes, though, too.

endos and antis alike are welcome to share opinions or debate me. I can't promise I'll agree/not argue, but the reason I bother with syscourse is to learn about other experiences and perspectives, so I will listen and try to understand if nothing else.

I have a tendency to be very strongly opinionated (sometimes to a fault), so if I seriously cross a boundary or am being unnecessarily rude, please do let me know. that being said, though, there is a difference between being actively cruel and expressing a controversial opinion, so while I will do my best to be respectful, I won't soften my opinions for that sake.

tl;dr: discussion/debate welcome, just don't be a total dick and I'll try my best to do the same :P

hogwarts middle courtyard, 1972

(and if everyone was happy and normal)

Cupioromantic -  “Cupioromantics have a desire to fall in love or be in a romantic relationship, despite not being able to experience romantic attraction”

(Just substitute Color with Love :’) )

imagine you're a fifth-grade teacher and one day a crow just flies into your classroom, steals some food, sits on some kid's head, and shouts "fuck off"

Anyone who reblogs this post will have their user written on a poster saying "We Stand With Palestine" that I hope to put up somewhere in the village I live in, or the town that the village is next to.