I Have A Very Extreme Viewpoint With My Life. Its Like When I Envision My Life, Even If I Have Many Of

I have a very extreme viewpoint with my life. It’s like when I envision my life, even if I have many of the things I want, if there’s not everything I want, then I immediately say “it’s not worth it. I don’t want it.”

like people always say “you can’t have it all.” but sometimes survival takes so much for me that I can’t hold onto having “some”. if it’s going to be enough for me to keep fighting, it has to be “all”. pretty tough

Olivia Rodrigo was so real when she said:

my first concert was Khalid

my last concert was bartees strange/dijon/clairo/boygenius at re:set

my next concert is hopefully Julien Baker on her next solo tour! (Also need to see Lucy solo, I’ve only seen Phoebe solo)

my favorite concert is boygenius. They were amazing and life changing.

put in the tags:

your first concert

your last concert

your next concert

your favourite concert

sometimes I can convince myself that I’m okay alone. I say that I like it better this way. I tell myself that I just “haven’t met my people.” but truthfully, when it’s just me, in the dark of the night…I hear the truth being whispered softly into my ear. If I had another option, I would choose it.

I tell myself that I don’t have friends because no one is able to understand me, but at some point, it must be something about me. I pretend that I love my solitude, but I really really really would like to have someone to love. I’d really like someone to hold my cheeks between their hands and say “I love everything about you.”

I feel my love being pumped through my body at speeds too fast to comprehend. My heart must work overtime to keep it all in rotation. At some point, something has to let up, and the body must remove its excess. At some point, I will be unable to contain it, and my love may take on another form. We’re all just trying to escape.

I have two modes:

(1) I love and adore you. I am prepared to do anything to be with you. I don’t care what the relationship looks like or how I’m treated, as long as I get you in my life.

and…the second an unknown, imaginary line is crossed in my head where I feel disgustingly clingy and it feels entirely unreciprocated:

(2) I am completely done with this. I feel disgusted at how much I am pouring into this. I will never reach out again or interact with you unless you facilitate it yourself. then I will re-evaluate

painfully accurate