Whos Loneliness Is Up Manifesting Itself As A Prolonged, Deep Pain In Their Chest?

Who’s loneliness is up manifesting itself as a prolonged, deep pain in their chest?

I cannot do it anymore. I cannot open my heart to the darkness of the world. What hurts more than anything is that I know this is not true. I know that I will. I will let someone see my soul again. I will lay myself out bare for them to see. They will rip me apart. It will hurt bad. I will bleed all over. I know all of this. I wish I meant it when I say I cannot do it again. I wish I could abstain. I wish I was not so hungry. But I am starving, and I must eat.

I told you I liked you. I did. I cry these words out like a hungry, starving baby. the wails echo for years. you never forget that sound. you told me that you don’t remember me saying that, telling you. I think long and hard. It must have been a dream, I say, I must have forgotten. I always forget.

my heart is filled with such deep, irrevocable desire for you. for your delicate touch, for your angelic voice, for the light in your eyes. desire, desire, desire. such a light and romantic word. it does the real thing no justice. desire is enormous, expansive, cannibalistic, consuming. I love you to the point of destruction. I want for you so much that it kills me—do you understand? I eat my heart.

But if you bleed long enough, you start to miss the taste of your blood. You crave the metal in the back of your throat. You want it bad. You want the pain bad.

No, I don’t care that you’re messy and loud and sometimes annoying. I love you anyhow. Come over tonight. I will cook for you in the kitchen—it’s green tiles and the sun that peaks in through the windows. Come as you are. Leave your hair messy and your skin blank and your body cloaked in plain clothing. I find you most beautiful in that state—natural, beating, tender, alive. I will make us soup in my cleanest pot. It will be steaming and hot, but not too hot that it burns. I will love you enough for it to always keep you warm, but never in such a way that it hurts.