I Used To Go To This Institution, But Now That I've Left, Someone I Know, Who Currently Studies There

I used to go to this institution, but now that I've left, someone I know, who currently studies there told me, that people I used to study with talk about my hair (zulfe) with great admiration. I think I might have taken 'zulfe khuli rakhne lagi hu, kahi hawayein naaraz naa ho jaaye' a bit too seriously.

I'm feeling really hurt right now. You know, when someone talks about my friends behind their backs, I always make sure to say nice things about them because that's what friends are supposed to do, right? I genuinely mean the things I say, with all the love in my heart. But it's like, when it's my turn, all I get is betrayal, and the things they say, I wouldn't even say to someone I really dislike. It's just frustrating, yk? Why does it always have to turn out this way? Am I just that unlucky, unloveable, easy to replace? At this point, I'm not even sure if I can call them friends anymore. I'm just so drained. Making friends is one thing, but keeping those friendships genuine, that's a whole different story. I pour my heart and soul into my friendships, and I truly value them. But it seems like every time, I end up hearing and seeing things that could break even the coldest heart. I'm left feeling terrible, and honestly, I don't even know who I can trust anymore. It's like every time I trust someone, they just give me a reason not to. And what's really tough is that I'm always the one who forgives and tries to make things right. It's heartbreaking, but then I have to put on a brave face and pretend everything's fine when it's really not. Can you imagine your close friends, the ones you care about deeply, talking bad about you behind your back? It's like every friendship I build turns into a life lesson. The worst part is when you're fully aware that they're gossiping about you behind your back, yet they're completely unaware that you're onto them. So, you just play it cool, not doing anything, and watch as they keep spinning their web of lies. I'm worn out from the effort it takes to keep, nurture, and sustain these friendships that seem to be slowly breaking me in the process.

half the time I get too embarrassed to say anything

will you adopt me?

कोई तुमसे पूछे

कौन हूँ मैं?

तुम कह देना

कोई खास नहीं.....

एक दोस्त है

पक्का कच्चा सा,

एक झूठ है

आधा सच्चा सा,

जज़्बात से ढका

एक पर्दा है,

एक बहाना

कोई अच्छा सा !

जीवन का ऐसा

साथी है जो,

पास होकर भी

पास नहीं!

कोई तुमसे पूछे

कौन हूँ मैं?

तुम कह देना

कोई खास नहीं ...

एक साथी जो

अनकही सी,

कुछ बातें

कह जाता है।

यादों में जिसका

धुंधला सा,

एक चेहरा ही

रह जाता है।

यूं तो उसके

ना होने का,

मुझको कोई

गम नहीं,

पर कभी-कभी

वो आँखों से,

आंसू बनके

बह जाता है।

यूं रहता तो

मेरे ज़हन में है,

पर नज़रों को

उसकी तलाश नहीं,

कोई तुमसे पूछे

कौन हूँ मैं?

तुम कह देना

कोई खास नहीं...

साथ बनकर

जो रहता है,

वो दर्द बाँटता जाता है,

भूलना तो चाहूँ

उसको पर,

वो यादों में

छा जाता है।

अकेला महसूस

करूँ कभी जो,

सपनो में आ जाता है।

मैं साथ खड़ा हूँ

सदा तुम्हारे,

कहकर साहस

दे जाता है!

ऐसे ही रहता है

साथ मेरे की,

उसकी मौजूदगी का

आभास नहीं!

कोई तुमसे पूछे

कौन हूँ मैं,

तुम कह देना

कोई खास नहीं.....

*गुलज़ार साहब*

"I just don't want to disappoint you"

"you're already a disappointment, how much worse can you get?"

"thanks for the support."

"anytime!"