I Am Quite Literally One Inconvenience Away From A Hysterical Breakdown

i am quite literally one inconvenience away from a hysterical breakdown

me, grabbing an intercom in ikea: attention all customers. the store will be closing in five minutes. if you are present in the store after closing you will be hunted for sport 

say ayo if pt. 1

you used to think cinnamon was super sweet as a kid because of snickerdoodle cookies but instead got betrayed when you chucked a tablespoon of cinnamon into the back of your throat and proceeded to cough for two minutes straight while your family looked on in resignation

“we’re ruining the planet”

sorry where’s this we coming from, i don’t remember running a multibillion dollar corporation

*points at the sky* you see that? there it is. the last flying fuck i have to give.

for my fellow psychotics who struggle with thinking someone is in their house, a method I’ve found that really works are these guys:

i put them on my front door and anytime it opens they ring. that way if i think someone has broken in or i see someone who isn’t there i can think back to if the bells have rung, and if they haven’t i can assure myself it’s not real. obviously it’s not fool proof, like if you are prone to auditory hallucinations, but it has really helped me calm down in time to avoid major psychotic breaks. it’s a real lifesaver

nonpsychotics encouraged to rb