Me: I Would Never In My Life Do Commit A Despicable Crime Like That. I Am Insulted That That Would Even

Me: I would never in my life do commit a despicable crime like that. I am insulted that that would even cross your mind.

My Mom: Your’re the only one in this family who isn’t lactose intolerant. Just remember to throw away the milk carton next time.

Person A: “Why are you crying?”

Person B: “….I wish I knew.”

WRT "fertile trans man" reblog; a lot of times trans men can be on T for YEARS and if they want to get pregnant they are able to ease off and stop their hormone dosage and start menstruating again. Top surgery has no effect on this either, so that's how you end up with men with beards and flat chests able to become pregnant. Isn't that neat?

That is very neat! I did not know that. Thank you!

me: *finally opens up to some close friends*

my friends: *shower me with love and support*

me: what the fuck, what is this.

Therapist: front facing Phineas can't hurt you.

Front facing Phineas:

“You can’t be asexual, you have such a dirty mind!“

I tell people I’m going to eat them when I am hungry and yet they are miraculously still alive.