Wait A Minute-

Wait a minute- 

What if cryptids are just witches’ familiars?

Vampiric witches with chupacabra familiars.

Demonic witches with jersey devil familiars.

Weather changing witches with thunderbird familiars.

Moon maiden witches with mothmen familiars.

Desert witches with cactus cat familiars.

A powerful water witch having the loch ness monster as a familiar.

And so on~

Not Another Step - Creativitwins

Roman & Remus: * are running down the stairs after having completed a prank *

Patton: * is standing at the bottom of the stairs with his hands on his hips * I forbid you from taking another step down these stairs, misters! 

Roman & Remus: * share a glance * Okay!

Roman: * twirls around and slides down the railing *

Remus: * just fucking jumps out the window *

Patton: Wha- Get back here, kiddos! 

Roman & Remus: * have made a clean getaway *

(Yes this was inspired by that one scene in Cinderella 3, which is a movie I've never even watched before.)

SU AU: Spinel the Clown Pirate

Imagine a Steven Universe the Movie AU where Lars and the Off Colors continued to be Space Pirates and went from planet to planet helping out gems and maybe even other aliens. And they eventually stumble upon Pink's old garden and free Spinel before the announcement seen at the beginning of the film. They fill her in on what she's missed a lot more slowly and empathetically. She's obviously still extremely hurt and upset but now she has a whole crew of space pirates to help her out and become her new family!!!

I hear it's Logan's birthday so here's what the sides gift him: Roman painted him a giant canvas of the side's symbols as constellations in the night sky. Patton cooked him jelly donuts using Crofter's jam. Virgil wrote him a group of dark yet romantic poems. Deceit found a few rare philosophy books and tied them together in a ribbon with all of their colors on it. Remus gives him a collection of small animal skulls.

E.V.O.L Chapter 1 - Are You Satisfied?

Chapter Summary: A now fully grown Virgil goes to a meeting his parents set up with one of the city’s resident matchmakers, one Logan Sumner. Much more importantly, at least in his own opinion, he gets to meet the guy’s rather adorable familiar.

Warnings: Cussing, mention of past child death.

Pairings: Hints of one-sided analogical.

Word Count: 5k+

Chapter followed by Author’s Note then Tag List under the read more:

I was pulling out my hair the day I got the deal.

Chemically calm.

Was I meant to feel happy,

That my life was just about to change?

It was a tepid fall afternoon. The changing of seasons had not yet fully begun, leaving everyone waiting by a hair's breadth for the drop in temperature they've desired during the grueling summer months to finally arrive. Most trees still had their lackluster greens yet a few were beginning to step into their fancy new yellow and orange hues.

This certainly wouldn't be the scenery one would normally imagine for the beginning of a horror story...

Yet one cannot choose the perfect timing for when such situations are thrust upon you, as our current protagonist would soon find out for himself.

Speaking of which, here he drags himself along now. Scuffing his worn out converses on the pavement as he makes his way slowly to an appointment he oh so dreads is one Virgil Spurling.

He usually doesn’t visit this part of the city, known as Facilier Drive, for its clustered and cluttered buildings that look like they’re attempting to climb one another tend to set off his fear of crowds. Eugh, crowds. Yet his three annoying, doting parents insisted this was for the best and if he was anything Virgil was a man that knew how to survive. Pissing off a trio of well known, powerful supernatural beings certainly didn’t seem good for his health.

Now, don’t get him wrong - Virgil absolutely adored his parents. Those three adopted and raised him when no one else would. In fact, he would much rather be back at his comfy, spacious house hanging out with them than where he was heading right now. Which was- Which was-

Virgil sent a rock flying with his foot with irritation at the very thought of it. It stopped just short of crashing through a nearby store window. He wished the stupid stone would have hit it’s target so maybe he would have been arrested for vandalism or something and could have an excuse to get away from this place. But alas, no cheery coppers for him today. Instead, he was faced with this.

He pauses in front of one of the many store windows, seeing an array of bottles and jars filled to the brim with luminescent liquids. Slowly, his eyes drift toward the dreaded hanging sign. Please don’t be the place. Please don’t be the place.

His prayers are, as always, unanswered. The well-crafted, oak wood sign reads “Sumner’s Specialties : Potions, Hexes, and More” just as he feared it would.

“Dammit.” He hisses under his breath and pulls his hood further over his head. That was definitely the name his pops had told him over breakfast that morning. Meaning he had to go inside, despite how much he didn’t want to. Loathed to even.

People like to tell you what you're gonna be.

It's not my problem if you don't see what I see.

And I do not give a damn if you don't believe.

My problem, it's my problem,

That I never am happy.

It's my problem, it's my problem,

On how fast I will succeed.

A matchmaker! Why had he let them talk him into this again? It didn’t make any sense why he would need one, he was perfectly fine just being with his family. He didn’t need- He didn’t want-

Virgil was startled out of his troubled thoughts by the sound of the little silver doorbell ringing as it was abruptly swung open. A man around his age was glaring down at his hunched form with an upturned nose. The infamous matchmaking witch doctor himself.

“No loiterers allowed today, I have appointments to attend to.” He scoffed, sounding irritated about having been interrupted at whatever he was doing prior.

“I’m not loitering. I just don’t see the point of this dumb meeting.” Virgil snaps back, folding his arms and folding in on himself more. He was already on edge, and now this uptight hoity-toity guy was making it worse. The man seems to do a quick double take then hastily retrieves a small notebook from his pocket and rustles through the pages.

“Ah, then. Virgil Spurling, I take it? Age 26, self-employed, scheduled for a matchmaking meeting?” At Virgil’s quick nod, the guy continues. “You were supposed to be here at noon.” He makes a show of looking down at his watch, “And it is currently one-thirty.”

“Yeah, sorry I’m late I didn’t want to be here.” He shrugs with an air of indifference, but the shakiness of his limbs betray him.

“I see…” He eyes him knowingly before promptly holding out a hand. “My name is Logan Sumner, I will be your matchmaker as per the request of your parents Thomas Proudfoot, Joan Vivas, and Talyn Baines. Although I mainly specialize in hexes, potions, and the like I have also gained a reputation for my fortune telling and reading skills. So I have absolutely no doubt on my ability to find you a suitable match.”

Virgil hesitantly takes his hand while cringing at the sound of this gu-Logan’s rambling. He shouldn’t have left his headphones at home. His beautiful, noise-canceling headphones. “Er, Virgil Spurling… But you knew that already. Wait - All three of them talked to you? I thought it was just pops.”

Logan clicks his tongue, “Yes, all three of your parental figures have each contacted me multiple times. They were...very insistent that I help you.” He stepped back out of the door frame to gesture inside his shop. “Now, if you would please step inside. We have much to discuss.”

Now, normally Virgil detested having to walk in front of others; having his back turned to someone always triggered his fight or flight reflexes. It didn’t appear that he had much of a choice at this particular moment though so he sucked it up and took a couple of steps forward. Before promptly being accosted by a whirlwind of black feathers.

He sputtered and stuttered, trying desperately to both get away and figure out what was happening to him. “O-Oh god-d. W-What-”

“Caw!”

And instantly his fears vanished. He glanced to his shoulder to find a gorgeous crow, only this one had three pairs of legs clasped onto his hoodie and three pairs gleaming eyes staring curiously back at him. He couldn’t resist the urge to coo at it and reached up to scritch at it’s neck lovingly.

“Oh, it’s just you little buddy. You shouldn’t startle people like that, you know? It’s dangerous.”

The familiar cooed apologizingly back in it’s deep, throaty bird voice.

Meanwhile, Logan stood there dumbfounded - glancing back and forth between the two of them. Virgil, who had temporarily forgotten he was there, smiled back up at him. “Is this your familiar? If so, maybe you’re not as bad as I thought.” His smile fell into a teasing smirk.

The warlock’s mouth opened and closed a bit before he abruptly cleared his throat. “Why, yes. He’s-”

“-A Yatagarasu, right?” The client interrupted, his eyes shone with his knowledge and adoration of feathered friends. “I, uh, did I pronounce that right?”

“Indeed. And yes, you did, but-”

“-Does he have a name?”

“Moriarty!” Logan snapped. He gently yet promptly picked the bird, who was still rubbing his head on the newcomer, up from Virgil’s shoulder. “And he usually does not like anyone other than me.”

The beautiful bir-Moriarty let out a sad, soft caw at being taken away. Virgil pouted at him as he detached himself from his master’s arms to sit protestingly on his head. The warlock huffed up at his familiar’s unusual behavior but didn’t make any attempts to remove him from his hair.

High achiever don't you see.

Baby, nothing comes for free.

They say I'm a control freak,

Driven by a greed to succeed.

Nobody can stop me.

Virgil, suddenly remembering where he was and who exactly he was talking too now that his newfound bird buddy had been taken away from him, shrunk back in on himself. “Oh, ah sorry. “

He scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck. “I’m a bit of a ‘bird person’.” He made air quotes to show he wasn’t too sold on the term. “Most people don’t like me...but most birds do. Though I don’t really know why. I’m pretty unlikeable across the board.” He shrugged then rubbed his hands together nervously

Crap, I already ruined it. Great going, Virge! Now your parents are gonna be mad at you. I don’t want them to be mad I want them to be proud whymustiruineverythingi-

“I see.” The man thankfully interrupted his spiraling thoughts. “Though I do not wish for our appointment to have any further alike interruptions, so I will go place Moriarty upstairs.” The Yatagarasu in question cawed in protest at that but was promptly ignored. “I will be back shortly. Feel free to have a look around the shop while I am gone. However, Do. Not. Touch. Anything.” With that, he spun on his heel and stalked towards the sturdy stairway located in the far corner. His dramatic exit was somewhat hindered, in Virge’s opinion, by the adorable little bird still perched cutely on his head.

Oh well, he mused, at least I’ll have a moment to check out the place in peace.

The first thing he noticed was that two-thirds of the room was entirely covered in bookcases. They made up most of the two back walls along with half of the wall that led up to the staircase his shaky new acquaintance had just ascended.

Pfft. Figures as much. With that bookish, nerdy appearance of his.

The next thing, and perhaps his personal favorite if he was being honest, was that the entire ceiling was actually a map of constellations. Occasionally the stars on it seemed to twinkle curiously at him. Some sort of magic, he assumes. There were also strings of star lights, silvery in their glow, strung across most of the walls and fixtures. They made up most of the light in the shop, aside from a perfectly symmetrical lamp standing proudly beside the desk in the corner.

Wonder if I should get some of those little star lights for my own room. Sure Pops would be absolutely ecstatic if I did.

Virgil continued to glance around a bit more, taking a few careful steps here and there, still uncertain in this unfamiliar environment. There was a glass case of crystals here, a spice rack filled with strange dried plants there, the usual witchy stuff most warlocks would have he supposed. He slowly but surely made his way over towards the desk at the back of the shop.

Now, normally Virgil Spurling was not one to rifle through other’s stuff without their explicit  permission, and yet today...right here in this particular shop...

His instincts were telling him to make sure this guy properly checked out.

Though, of course, his parents had been the ones to find the witch doctor in the first place...

And he trusted them with his life.

With his entire existence, actually...Still, something seemed…

Off.

Resolute now in his decision, he treaded forward head first.

Lying on the shelves above the desk were the usual certificates and awards. Including ones that must have been from the man’s childhood, such as a “Best Little Potion Maker’s” award that had a cauldron mascot with tiny arms and feet posed proudly on top of it. On the desk itself were assorted papers, documents, a telescope-shaped pen holder, a laptop-

Wait, a laptop? Virge squinted, peering closer at the grey computer with a thick, navy blue stripe at the bottom. Strange, to see technology in a magic-based establishment. But he guessed most witches now and days would have gotten with the more modern world by now. Even so, it looked rather plain compared to its surroundings.

He decided definitively against trying to hack into a computer or anything equally ridiculous, and continued with his search.

There was also a small calendar with different moon phases on it, and more interestingly, a couple of photographs. One featured both Logan and another man with sunset colored scales on both of his cheeks and purple slitted eyes with orange rims. Both wore cliched witch hats and held a diploma in their hands. Moriarity perched proudly on Logan’s shoulder, while the other had what Virgil remembered was called a Pyrausta curled around his neck. His friend from school, then? Hmmm..

He turned towards the only other photo on the entire desk and promptly gasped.

He has another familiar??? Man, he’s been holding out on me.

Just as he was about to pick up the offending object for further inspection, he heard footsteps coming back down the stairs, and he proceeded instead to fumble himself into the guest chair like a child who was about to be caught with their hand in the proverbial cookie jar.

The man in question was descending the stairs with a sigh, his forehead pinched between his fingers. Virgil couldn’t help but smirk at that, wondering if Moriarity had been hard to convince to stay upstairs. The warlock then straightened, scanned the room, and promptly strode over to where he was sitting. The abruptness of the man’s movements had Virgil sinking into the cushion of his chair and digging his painted black nails into the wood.

Oh god. What if he knows I was snooping more than I should have been? He knows, doesn’t he? Oh dear fuck heknows heknowsandhe’smadatmenowwhatdoIdo-

“My apologies for the wait.” His out of control thoughts were once again interrupted, “Moriarity seems to be rather...temperamental today.” Virgil snorted at that, causing Logan to send him A Look before he continued with, “No worries, however, I have expertly rectified the situation so that we may continue with the interview.”

He sure likes to brag a lot. Wait! What-

“Interview?!” He squeaked, never one to like being put on the spot.

“Indeed, interview. It is part of my ‘matchmaking’ process.” He even did the air quotes, to Virgil’s astoundment and begrudgement, as he spun and sat primly in his own chair on the other side of the desk, “To ensure I know enough information about my client in order to properly place them with another individual that may satisfy their romantic and or sexual requirements.”

Wow, he makes love sound so clinical. Not that I care much for this mushy gushy crap either, but-

“So you’re gonna barrage me with a bunch of stupid one dimensional questions until you think you ‘know’ me enough to cuff me to life with some random stranger?” He aggressively did the air quotes back. “No thank you, I’d rather die alone. In my sleep. Peacefully. Curled under my covers and far away from all of the idiots that litter this world.”

“Charming.” He dryly quipped back,  “And rather thought out on the death part-”

“Death is unavoidable. Life is obsolete.”

“Yes, well,” He pushed his glasses up and shuffled the folders on his desk, “I assure you I am properly thorough in my questioning. Besides,” He plucked out a specific folder and placed it in front of them, “This is just the first step of many.”

“Spare me!” Virge groaned out and threw his head back on the chair, “Just how long is all of this garbage going to take, anyway?” He threw his arms up as well before hunching forward and crossing them.

“I have found that it takes anywhere from a few weeks to a few months of meetings in order to set up a proper match.”

“Merlin and Merryweather, I’m doomed.”

Logan seemed to pause in his perusal of the folder’s contents, raising a critical brow towards his client.

“What?” He snapped, “Isn’t that witch slang?”

“It is..and yet you are neither witch nor warlock.”

He shrugged before looking down at his nails. “I’ve met my fair share.”

“I see…”

“Anyways, didn’t my folks already tell you everything about me or something? Do I really have to do this? I don’t even want to be in a relationship…”

“They only supplied me with the basics, as per the hiring requirement. They also insisted that this matching would be in the best interest of everyone involved.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means, “ He pushed a few papers towards him and swiftly pulled a notepad from a drawer, “Let us start with the interview already, Mister Spurling.”

“Please don’t call me that.”

“Noted. Are there any nicknames or monickers that you do prefer to be called?”

“Uh, Virge. And V, I guess. Pops calls me Little Sparrow sometimes but that’s...just for Pops.”

“Mhmm. And are there any pet names you tend to respond well to?”

“Excuse me? How does that have anything to do with-”

“This is a matchmaking meeting Virgil, in case you were unaware of that. Romantic partners often refer to each other with assigned or improvised nicknames, known as pet names-”

“Ugh, fine. Darling or love or whatever. Certainly not sweetheart or sweetcheeks or anything with the word sweet in front of it. Fuck off with that shit. And if anyone ever calls me babe or baby I might just have to give them a Purply Nurply Swirly.”

“A- A Pur?”

“Trust me dude, you don’t wanna know.”

“Right, then” He cleared his throat, clearly perturbed, “Moving on. Would you look over those sheets and verify the information printed on them for me?” He pointed towards the papers he had pushed across the desk earlier.

Virgil glanced down and sure enough there were sheets containing his personal information. An overall ID, a list of his schooling achievements, and even a brief medical history.

What the actual fuck, dearest parents of mine? Why would you guys give him so much?

He sighed and skimmed over them.

Honestly, fuck my life.

“Yeah, it’s accurate and up to date and all that good stuff.” He snided. Realizing he was probably going to be there a while, he curled his legs up into the chair and rested his chin on his palm. Logan huffed at that, probably worried about the scuff marks that could result from him having his feet on the seat, but Virgil honestly couldn’t care less right now. It was his fault from having him do this stupid questionnaire in the first place.

Cause it's my problem,

If I wanna pack up and run away.

It's my business if I feel the need to,

Smoke and drink and sway.

It's my problem, it's my problem,

If I feel the need to hide.

And it's my problem if I have no friends,

And feel I want to die.

“Wonderful,” He slid the papers back over to his side and shifted them back into the folder, “That means we can skip that portion of the interview.”

“Thank the heavens and ancient mages of old, the sooner I can leave the better.”

“Thank the-?”

“I’ll mix slang however I want. Deal with it.”

“Right, then.” He cleared his throat while placing the folder back in the stack with the others, “What are your core values essential in any possible partner, romantic or otherwise?”

“Getting deep already there, Doc?”

“Well, it is integral that I-”

“I know, geez. I was just teasing. You’re such a wand in the quicksand.”

“A-A wand-?”

“In the quicksand, mister Parrot. Keep up.”

“So I am a Parrot, huh?” He looked both exasperated and amused at the same time. If Virgil was reading him correctly, that is. The warlock so far had seemed like a closed book with an old fashioned diary-lock around it for good measure.

“You’re more of a Finch, actually. Anyways, core values: Compatibility, Honesty, Reliability and Adaptability.” He held up a finger for each one, “But I would like to reiterate that I am Not. Currently. Looking.” He put the other three fingers down at each beat in order to leave just the middle one standing.

Logan stared at him for a moment before sniping back with, “How mature of you. I was looking for something more specific, however.”

“Specifics, huh?” Virge ran a hand through his hair before tucking his bangs behind his ear. “Um, a cool tatt?” At Logan’s sigh, he continued, “Listens to Evanescence?”

“Ah, some rock band name I presume? Do you even know what evanescent means?”

“To like evaporate or fade away quickly or whatever. But a cooler way of saying it. And also a cool band, you should check them out sometime.”

“I-I see. Well, perhaps. I vastly prefer classical orchestral arrangements however.”

“Oh,well, if you like violins then you should check out Lindsey Stirling. She’s a string playing badass. That’s the closest thing to classical I really ever listen to...”

“...Suggestions noted. Moving on with the partner preferences-”

“Oh god, there’s more?”

“Indeed.” He flipped to a new page in his notepad, presumably having already filled that one up with notes, “What pick up lines, if any, have been known to leave you with a positive first impression of the person who said them to you?”

“Pick up lines? Really? Are you shitting me?” Virgil gritted his teeth and balled his fists.

“Yes, pick up lines. Phrases often used as an opening statement of courtship in order to flatter the intended partner” He graciously rolled his eyes, “Such as: Are you made of Copper and Tellurium? Because you are-”

"No, but are you made of Helium, Iodine, Nitrogen, Oxygen, Uranium, and Sulfur? Because that pick up line is absolutely Heinous."

The warlock nearly dropped his pen,"Ah- Oh my-"

"And if you ever try to say something Fluorine, Aluminum, and Selenium like I'm Copper and Tellurium again then I'll go absolutely Boron, Aluminum, Lithium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon, got it?"

The pen promptly fell to the floor, as Logan ran his hands threw his face and hair, pristine and well manicured nails nearly catching on his only two piercings, one being centered perfectly on his forehead and the other being perfectly centered on his bottom lip. "Ah- Yes, um, message...well received.” He cleared his throat for the hundredth time that day and plucked a new pen from the holder, ” And, for the record, may I just say-"

"What?!" Virgil snapped, gearing up for another dreaded pick up line to try and be thrown his way.

"Well, that is…” Logan inhaled, rather shakily, “That was certainly the most elegant way I have ever been insulted in my entire life thus far."

"Oh." Virgil shrugged and deflated back into the cushions, "Thanks, I try."

One life pretending to be,

The cat who got the cream.

Oh, everybody said,

"Marina is a dreamer."

They continued on with more partner questions, which Virgil hated. Then family related questions, which he didn’t actually mind. Until they finally got to the friendship category, which dredged up bad memories for him.

“So, you do not currently have any friends outside of your family members?”

“No, not really. Why? What does it matter? I thought we were here to focus on dumb romantic stuff, not platonic guilt tripping.”

At this point, Virgil had propped his feet up on the other’s desk, much to his obvious disgust. Though the other man had surprisingly not called him out for it yet.

“Indeed, however, all interpersonal relationships need to be reviewed and put into consideration before we are to introduce a new one into the mix.”

“Right, well. I’ll make this short and sweet then. I don’t have any friends other than my parents and cousins. I’ve only ever had one friend. A best friend. And he passed away when we were both kids. End of story.” Virgil listed of, tapping his finger against his palm irritatedly.

“Oh.” He sent a fleeting look towards the photo perched on the desk, “My condolences. I could not even begin to imagine how detrimental that could be for a-”

“Thanks, yeah, utterly damaging. Still seeing a therapist ‘til this day. Can we move on now or?” He gestured a ‘hurry up’ motion before crossing his arms for the hundredth time that day. They were eventually going to get glued together like that someday, like what those parents tell to their kids who make silly faces too often.

“Right, of course.” He nodded curtly as he flipped to yet another page in his notepad. How many of those were he going through?, “Well, we’ve been over partner, family, and friends. So next we-”

“Call this a day and I get to go home and finish reading the Poe book I got for my past B-Day?”

“Well, no. We still- Wait, are you referring to Edgar Allan Poe?”

“Duh, gothic poetry is best poetry.”

“The more macabre pieces do tend to be the most fascinating…”

“Exactly.” Virgil winked and sent him a finger gun.

“R-Right.” He fumbled with his pen again but managed to save this one, unlike the last. R.I.P previous pen. You belong to the floor now. “Well, speaking of what you think is best; The next portion of the interview is about you and your personal likes and dislikes.”

“Oh great, I’m back in highschool again making About Me Powerpoints.”

“So I take it you do not like slide presentations, then?”

“Nah, I’d rather do essays. Less people peeking in on my stuff that way.”

“Well,” the warlock preened, “They are the superior form of literature. Though, if structured and utilized properly, a slide presentation could potentially-”

“Ugh, just shoot me, dude.”

“Shoot you?! Since when did you have a gun-?”

“I meant with the questions, ya’ ninnyhammer.”

“Nin- Right. Okay. Questions.”

Are you satisfied with an average life?

Do I need to lie to make my way in life?

Thus began the onslaught of queries that drained Virgil of what little energy he had to begin with. Self loathing 101: your least favorite subject to be hounded about is yourself. So instead Virge changed the topic whenever he could. Switching the focus of conversation over to either Logan or his shop or really any topic other than him and his rebeling, revolting self. Over the course of their talk, Logan seemed to lean in closer and closer to him. Or maybe that was just the claustrophobia kicking in. Who knows.

"So, which one is it?" Virgil cut Logan off mid-sentence again. He was doing that a lot to the witchdoctor, but the man has done his fair share of interrupting him too so really they were even. At least, as far as he was concerned.

"Pardon?" He blinked a few times, as if coming out of a trance.

"You gotta lotta star related stuff hanging around." The emo gestured around at all of the celestial paraphernalia,"So you into Astrology or Astronomy?"

"And you...actually know the difference between the two of them?"

"Obviously. Or I wouldn't be asking that, now would I?" He drummed his fingers impatiently on the desk.

"Well,” The other adjusted his tie,” I was just making sure. Since most people I have met-"

"Just answer the question, man."

"Astronomy.” He scoffed, “Obviously."

"Oh thank the Titans."

"Thank the-?"

"The gods just weren't enough for that one.” Virge chuckled,” Had to thank someone of even higher power."

"So then, I take it you do not care for Astrology that much?"

"Well yeah, it's a bunch of bull malarkey. Plus it ignores a lot of the other good constellations out there.” He shifted in his seat, almost jitteringly, “ Like Apus, Aquila, Columba, Corvus, Cygnus, Grus, Pavo, Tucana..."

"You...certainly like birds, do you not?" He tilted his head with a signature smirk of his own.

"Er. Um. Yeah? Kinda?" Virgil twisted his hands together, before throwing them out again,"Why? Huh? That such a bad thing if I do? You've got a bird familiar yourself! So you obviously like them too..."

"Oh, of course!” Logan automatically stiffened in his seat, finally sitting up straight after awhile of leaning forward,” I assure you I was not being hypocritical or anything of the sort. I was merely being-"

"Analogical?"

The warlock took a shallow breath,"Yes." Then proceeded to whisper, "I want to be the Cepheus to your Cassiopeia."

"Huh?” Virgil perked up himself,” What was that?"

"Nothing!" Logan hurriedly snapped then cleared his throat, "It was nothing. It appears we have let ourselves get far too sidetracked so far. These tangents have gone on long enough. Let us continue with the likes and dislikes part of the interview, shall we?"

"Yeah, okay, whatever." He sighed out and slid dejectectedly down back into a slump.

After that, they finished up the interview at a faster pace. Both of them were in much more of a rush, not that they weren’t before. But some sort of shift in the overall atmosphere of the room had occurred that was now stifling and strangling the two men. They felt that they wouldn’t be able to breathe until they were away from one another. Both for different, entirely separate reasons…

“Alright, and that will conclude today’s meeting. Thank you for your cooperation-”

“I wouldn’t exactly call it cooperating, but sure.”

“And please come again soon. I mean!” Logan squeezed his nose before hastily retrieving a pad of sticky notes from one of the drawers, “Please actually be on time for our next meeting, which will be two days from now at noon.” He handed the sticky note over to Virgil and stood up to offer a handshake.

“Noon again? Yippee Ki-yayyyyyy.” He sarcastically jazz-handed, gently smacked Logan’s hand away, and pulled his hood back over his head. “Can’t wait to see you again. Oh wait, I can and will. Later, calculator.”

With that, he swiftly strode over towards the door on his way towards much deserved and well earned freedom.

Back onto the street, the tightly wound and partly overlapped buildings of Facilier Drive surrounded him once more. Now, after being stuck in a small shop for more than a few hours, they no longer gave him as much anxiety. Instead, they conveyed to him the promise of heading home. And so home he went, more pep in his step now that he was headed towards a welcome, familiar place instead of a new, frightening one.

He stepped out of Facilier Drive, crossed through the always sweet smelling Merryweather Avenue, and headed into blissful Evangeline Lane. Now, Evangeline Lane was a neighborhood with reasonably well off occupants, yet they all stayed in touch with their friendly neighbors and were generally much less stuffy than most rich folks tended to be. It personally also happened to be the very neighborhood that Virgil had happily lived in most of his life. He stopped abruptly at the sixth house on the left and walked straight up the driveway and through the door. Which was wide open, as it usually was this time of day.

“I’m home!” Virgil called out to no one in particular, not even sure if any of his parents were home themselves.

“Welcome back bitch!” Someone shouted before wrapping him up in a surprise hug.

“Damn you, dammy let go-”

“Okay, okay jeez.” They stepped back with a warm grin. “So how was it?”

“Utterly horrible in every conceivable way.”

“That bad, huh.” His dammy, a parental nickname given by him to Joan when he was much younger and was currently starting to regret but was too deep into the habit of to stop now, leaned back and crossed their arms with a frown. Joan was a Valkyrie, a winged warrior overseeing clandestined battles. When they weren’t serving jerks their due justice on the battlefield, they either spent their time writing songs for his parents’ band or lovingly pestering the hell out of him.  “Was there nothing good about it all or-?”

“Well, his Familiar was rather nice, actually. Though I didn’t get to see much of him.”

A devious smirk. “I’m guessing it was some sort of bird.”

“It’s not always-”

Joan gave him a rather pointed look.

“Okay, this time it was but my point still stands.”

“Uh huh, sure kid. Whatever you say.”

“Ugh, I can’t even with you right now. Where’s pops and maddy?”

Joan chuckled before sweeping their arms in a half-hearted grand gesture. “They’re out shopping right now, so you’re stuck with me bitch.”

“Damnit.”

“Language!”

“You cuss all the time!”

They leaned onto the back of the couch and raised an eyebrow. “Your point?”

“It’s just- Ughh.”

His dammy snickered and ran a hand playfully through his hair. “You know I’m just messing with ya’ kid. Why don’t you go upstairs and recharge, you antisocial fuck, and I’ll stay here and help them bring in the groceries, yeah?”

“Yeah, okay.” He shuffled past them, through the living room, and up the stairs. Before he could fully ascend them, he glanced back down at Joan, who was now laying backwards with their top half on the couch and their legs in the air. “Thanks, dammy.”

“No problem!” They shouted back with a wave.

Virgil rolled his eyes fondly at that before continuing his ascent. Finally. Home sweet home and, more importantly, room sweet room. He flopped down on his circular bed, drowning himself in his assorted pillows, blankets, and stuffed animals. Maybe he could catch a short nap before his parents called him down for dinner. He looked down at his clothes and wondered if he should change first but decided fuck it and curled further into his plush nest.

He tried to close his eyes and rest, but unwelcome thoughts kept invading his mind.

Thoughts of how he was so lucky to have the wonderful, supportive family he had and yet he couldn’t help but resent them a bit for making him go through with this matchmaking bullshit. Thoughts of his stupid new matchmaker he was forced to interact with. Thoughts of how the warlock with auburn brown hair and hazel green eyes had started looking at him weirdly throughout the interview. Thoughts of how his birth father, who he didn’t even remember really, had continuously abandoned him until finally his adoptive parents had found him and given him the loving environment he deserved. Thoughts that told him that he didn’t actually deserve it and that they were giving their precious attention to someone who was unworthy of it. Thoughts about his dead friend, the one from elementary school, who he was still mourning to this day. Thoughts that he might have been able to prevent his death, if only he had just been a little more vigilant. Overwhelming thoughts. Troubling thoughts. Thoughts that had no right to torture him the way they did. Thoughts that he eventually but fitfully drifted off too.

Are you satisfied with an easy ride?

Once you cross the line,

Will you be satisfied?

A/N: This just in I’m an awful procrastinator. But if you’ve followed me for literally any amount of time whatsoever this isn’t news at all. X ‘ 3 Anyways, I’ve been feeling a bit better lately so hopefully I’ll be more productive with this. I’ve started writing chapter 3 at least. Sorry for the super long wait!  Hopefully ya’ll like it. ^u ^ “”” 

Tag List:

@accidental-sanders 

@ren-allen

@noneed4thistbh

@virgil-the-void-kitten

@totalwhovian

@bandgeek82002-love

@allycat31415

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@im-a-space-gay

@kai-the-person

Mini Steven Universe Theory : Lapis’ Next Fusion?

Now that they've become a solid trio, what if Lapis' first healthy fusion is actually a three gem fusion? 

Maybe to help her feel comfortable enough to fuse again she'll need the support of not just one but two people she trusts and loves: Peridot and Bismuth? 

(This could also be Peridot's first fusion, which could have been foreshadowed when Garnet offered to fuse with her. Garnet and Peridot would have also resulted in a three gem fusion being her first fusion. But it wasn't the right time for her yet...and perhaps...not the right other two gems?)