THERE IS A TINYTAN TAMAGOTCHI NOW?????

THERE IS A TINYTAN TAMAGOTCHI NOW?????

It’s $20, but man. The nostalgia. I never had one when they were so popular (we were poor. very poor) but my friends all did and I kinda want it but like—I’m barely keeping these kittens and this big babydog alive 😅

You guys, please pray for me, or send good thoughts and vibes my way.

I think I am having a psychotic breakdown. I was up the last 2 nights unable to sleep because I just absolutely could not make myself feel safe. I kept seeing people—full figured, defined—in whatever room I was in, walking into them and I’d turn to fully look at them and they’d not be there. My brother came into the kitchen and I nearly threw my drink because it scared me so bad. I hadn’t heard him coming. I refused to have the lights off. I heard footsteps and knocks and all sorts of things. A couple of times I heard voices that did NOT belong to my family. I stayed awake until the birds started chirping and the sky outside started getting lighter before I could calm down enough to actually try to sleep.

TL;DR: I’m sending a gift to a friend (who has been repeatedly hit with darkness) that she loved and jokingly asked for in a post because she didn’t think anyone would actually buy it, and I’m doing it anonymously.

Ok so I am terrible at keeping certain secrets to myself. Tell me your deepest, darkest, shameful secret and I’ll die with it, but tell me about a gift or surprise you’re doing and it eats at me with excitement. I have to tell someone, usually my mom (which should be a given because she’s my best friend).

I’m even worse when it’s me doing the surprise or giving the gift. I just get so excited about how the person will react to it (I put a lot of thought, significance, and love into the gifts/cards/services I give). I have to tell someone (again, usually my mom. It makes it 1,000x harder when the thing is for her and I have to tell someone else or I’ll explode).

I have decided not to tell anyone who personally knows me in my life that I’ve done my latest secret gift. BUT, I’m dying to tell someone. No one on here knows me outside of Tumblr, and few people in my life even know I write fanfiction (let alone what fandom they belong to or that it’s Tumblr). A couple know I’m on Tumblr, but haven’t the slightest idea I actually post anything.

So, here’s my latest random act of…love? Kindness? Honestly giving gifts is my output love language.

A friend I met a few years ago when she started working at the bakery with me posted early last month (December) about a piece of clothing she was in love with and jokingly said “someone please buy this for me 😭😭🤣”. I tracked it down to a shopping website, and took a screenshot of the price and item name and everything for later, because after 2 years of no income I am officially broke. Well, I got a little spending money for Christmas. I bought a couple small things on New Year’s Day I need electronic-accessory wise. Then I was scrolling through my pictures for a particular one and found the screenshot of the top—and smiled.

Now, something you should know about this girl (10 years or more older than me), is that when we met she was in an abusive marriage. It had progressed past manipulation and emotional/mental abuse to physical about two years before I met her. She also has 2 sons from a previous marriage (also not a good one) who love their mother very much, and had reached that point that they were starting to interfere a little with the abuse. One of the first times she opened up to me in regards to this was when she had started to fear that her husband would start hurting her boys, but felt she was stuck. She didn’t make enough, she felt, to support them well enough on her own.

Over the course of the next 6 months, I repeatedly told her that she deserved better, that both she and her boys were in a toxic, unsafe environment. I prayed for and with her, and made sure to always be encouraging and show her that she was worth more than he led her to believe; that she had other people in her corner who were ready and willing to help her and her boys. I had a card in my wallet from way before at school for an organization that helped women in those situations, and had always wondered why I kept it. I gave it to her, which I feel was the reason I had it. She contacted them. She filed for divorce. They got her a divorce attorney. She and her boys moved in with her parents, and me and 4 others I rounded up helped her go get HER stuff from her now-ex’s place while he was under court order not to be there. He had cameras that he let slip he watched, and which rooms they were in, and as the others loaded the last thing into the truck, I said “hey ___, you’ve lost probably the best you’ve ever had, and probably will ever. Oh, and fuck you” as I flipped the room off (never knew exactly where the cams were, just that they were there). The women’s advocacy group helped set her up in an apartment complex that worked with them at a low rate (a nice apartment with more space than she had furniture to fill). They even paid for her rent and utilities while she was in divorce court. We helped her move her stuff again, and even gathered things from within our family and friend circle that was in good shape but not used/wanted anymore. She cried each time, and just kept thanking us and was worried she couldn’t repay us. I finally told her “___, you’re not going to repay us; we don’t want you to. This is what being a Christian, a child of God, is about. If anything, we want you to pay it forward one day, when you come across someone in need.”

The breaking point, when she said realized they were out of the dark, was that Christmas, when my family forwent buying things we didn’t need and instead bought her boys both wants and needs (at first she didn’t know why I was asking so much about her kids, then figured it out and cried). And for her, too. I watched this woman, who had been in 2 bad marriages and just wanted her boys taken care of, go from being timid and unsure to confident, happy, positive, and strong. She is very much the “fuck around and find out” type now that she’s herself again. She will one day be a bridesmaid at my wedding, she’s such an important part of my life now. She’s fallen on hard times again, and is fighting for custody of her kids (a family member of their father’s has legal custody and is doing a shit job and lying through their teeth in court), but she has an amazing guy and his son to keep her grounded. She says I seem to always pop up with cards or gifts or just kind words and encouragement when she needs it most. She doesn’t realize how much she helps me in turn, that she’s helped me in the struggles with my own faith the last 2 years of chronic long-COVID illness.

She’s a forever friend.

So, as I looked at the screenshot of that top she really wanted last night, I decided I was going to give a little more sunshine into her life to start the year on the positive. I ordered it, set the address to hers and put her name on it, and will be anxiously tracking it and waiting to see if she posts about it and/or figures out it was me (haven’t decided if I’ll admit it was me if she strongly suspects or not).

Everyone deserves little things to show that someone cares, that they’re not alone in the dark this world brings. That besides (or in spite of) people expected to care (who may or may not), there are people who have chosen to.

Well. I was informed last night by a friend that Seoulmates has been uploaded without my permission not only on AO3 (under a far less creative name), but on here as well.

If your an OG follower, you may remember that the entire reason this blog exists is because the KPop blog I posted on before was shared with someone who had been caught plagiarizing (on a separate, non-KPop blog), and I didn’t feel comfortable being associated with her anymore. For good reason, it seems, because (surprise, surprise) she’s the one who stole my work and reposted it.

She has since blocked me (saw it coming), and deleted the blog (I have lots of friends to keep you in check chica) as well as has taken Seoulmates down on AO3.

Like…honestly. How did you think that was going to go? I haven’t updated in over a year. Were you planning on picking it up and writing the rest? How were you going to explain the shift in style, tone, even fucking grammar to your followers? Did you think it wouldn’t get back to me? Really?

Do better.

If someone could just get me like 30 minutes with the maknaes in a group hug I would never complain about feeling lonely again 😩😩

Well. An anon sent me a warning about SongFinch. They had wanted to get a custom song done but, unlike me, read all the reviews instead of just the ones on the website.

Apparently the actual songs are nothing like the sample songs they put on artists profile pages. Apparently they have a lot of mistakes with the information you provide. Apparently they are unwilling to fix the mistakes for free—you have to pay. No refunds.

So. I may have just wasted $200.

But. I have until the end of June to come up with something else or use a different service. So, even if it turns out terrible, it’ll be a lesson learned. I won’t regret it too much.

EDIT: I got my song and I love it! It’s perfect!

I will, however, be using a different service in the future. Bring My Song To Life let’s you review the lyrics until you are satisfied, and that seems important. But as far as my experience with SongFinch, I’m happy

EDIT 2: I let my brother listen to it yesterday and he shed a tear, so I think I’m good ☺️ Mom and Dad will definitely cry too