Jess Rambles - Tumblr Posts

You know, I don’t think that Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok, Kim Namjoon, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, and Jeon Jungkook really understand how devoted ARMY are to making them as happy and successful as we possibly can.

The way we would go to war for these men, who came together under an unknown entertainment company slotted to fail against the Big Names. They came from humble origins as a group and was never expected by the industry to have even one (1) hit, let alone be the hottest group on the planet and achieve so much that they were told and believed was impossible. The way they are people, doing what they love, and being themselves and we love them for it. The fact that yes they may be unattainable, but they connect with ARMY so easily and share so many of the same experiences. The way they talk about heavy things so openly, and have brought so many people together through these things and their music.

Purple means something more because of them.

I know they know we’re here for them. I know they know we’re prepared to show up, post up, suit up, etc.

I just don’t think they truly know the joy and acceptance they have brought to the world, just by chasing their dreams, speaking their stories, and being authentic (well, as authentic as allowed in K-Pop). I don’t think that they understand that most of us have no expectations on them to be perfect, because to us they will be regardless. They’re selfless, kind, goofy, dorky—so much, and we love every minute of it. They make us feel like we’re not alone, even when the world tells us “they don’t know you exist”, “they’re just a boy band”, “you’re so obsessed over something so stupid” and worse, because it doesn’t matter what the world says. We have BTS, and they have us, and it is one of the best relationships in the world. So much has been accomplished. So much is yet to come.

They will always be bulletproof, because they have an ARMY behind them. Purple will always mean never ending love.

Wherever they go from here, they will be those seven boys chasing their dreams with their whole beings, collecting other lost souls along the way.

And that is beautiful.

💜

Why is it called wage “garnishing” when the IRS takes money from your paycheck? In cooking a garnish is something extra you add, but when the government “garnishes” they take away? Is it to make us think it’s a good thing? It’s not working, my guys.

This bitch—Buffy, if you don’t accept that you have romantic (and/or sexual) feelings for Spike, I will jump through this screen and take your place because yes please 🥺🥺

Who was gonna tell me Spike can freaking sing??

(if he sang like that to me I would literally rip my heart out my chest and give it to him)

TL;DR: I’m sending a gift to a friend (who has been repeatedly hit with darkness) that she loved and jokingly asked for in a post because she didn’t think anyone would actually buy it, and I’m doing it anonymously.

Ok so I am terrible at keeping certain secrets to myself. Tell me your deepest, darkest, shameful secret and I’ll die with it, but tell me about a gift or surprise you’re doing and it eats at me with excitement. I have to tell someone, usually my mom (which should be a given because she’s my best friend).

I’m even worse when it’s me doing the surprise or giving the gift. I just get so excited about how the person will react to it (I put a lot of thought, significance, and love into the gifts/cards/services I give). I have to tell someone (again, usually my mom. It makes it 1,000x harder when the thing is for her and I have to tell someone else or I’ll explode).

I have decided not to tell anyone who personally knows me in my life that I’ve done my latest secret gift. BUT, I’m dying to tell someone. No one on here knows me outside of Tumblr, and few people in my life even know I write fanfiction (let alone what fandom they belong to or that it’s Tumblr). A couple know I’m on Tumblr, but haven’t the slightest idea I actually post anything.

So, here’s my latest random act of…love? Kindness? Honestly giving gifts is my output love language.

A friend I met a few years ago when she started working at the bakery with me posted early last month (December) about a piece of clothing she was in love with and jokingly said “someone please buy this for me 😭😭🤣”. I tracked it down to a shopping website, and took a screenshot of the price and item name and everything for later, because after 2 years of no income I am officially broke. Well, I got a little spending money for Christmas. I bought a couple small things on New Year’s Day I need electronic-accessory wise. Then I was scrolling through my pictures for a particular one and found the screenshot of the top—and smiled.

Now, something you should know about this girl (10 years or more older than me), is that when we met she was in an abusive marriage. It had progressed past manipulation and emotional/mental abuse to physical about two years before I met her. She also has 2 sons from a previous marriage (also not a good one) who love their mother very much, and had reached that point that they were starting to interfere a little with the abuse. One of the first times she opened up to me in regards to this was when she had started to fear that her husband would start hurting her boys, but felt she was stuck. She didn’t make enough, she felt, to support them well enough on her own.

Over the course of the next 6 months, I repeatedly told her that she deserved better, that both she and her boys were in a toxic, unsafe environment. I prayed for and with her, and made sure to always be encouraging and show her that she was worth more than he led her to believe; that she had other people in her corner who were ready and willing to help her and her boys. I had a card in my wallet from way before at school for an organization that helped women in those situations, and had always wondered why I kept it. I gave it to her, which I feel was the reason I had it. She contacted them. She filed for divorce. They got her a divorce attorney. She and her boys moved in with her parents, and me and 4 others I rounded up helped her go get HER stuff from her now-ex’s place while he was under court order not to be there. He had cameras that he let slip he watched, and which rooms they were in, and as the others loaded the last thing into the truck, I said “hey ___, you’ve lost probably the best you’ve ever had, and probably will ever. Oh, and fuck you” as I flipped the room off (never knew exactly where the cams were, just that they were there). The women’s advocacy group helped set her up in an apartment complex that worked with them at a low rate (a nice apartment with more space than she had furniture to fill). They even paid for her rent and utilities while she was in divorce court. We helped her move her stuff again, and even gathered things from within our family and friend circle that was in good shape but not used/wanted anymore. She cried each time, and just kept thanking us and was worried she couldn’t repay us. I finally told her “___, you’re not going to repay us; we don’t want you to. This is what being a Christian, a child of God, is about. If anything, we want you to pay it forward one day, when you come across someone in need.”

The breaking point, when she said realized they were out of the dark, was that Christmas, when my family forwent buying things we didn’t need and instead bought her boys both wants and needs (at first she didn’t know why I was asking so much about her kids, then figured it out and cried). And for her, too. I watched this woman, who had been in 2 bad marriages and just wanted her boys taken care of, go from being timid and unsure to confident, happy, positive, and strong. She is very much the “fuck around and find out” type now that she’s herself again. She will one day be a bridesmaid at my wedding, she’s such an important part of my life now. She’s fallen on hard times again, and is fighting for custody of her kids (a family member of their father’s has legal custody and is doing a shit job and lying through their teeth in court), but she has an amazing guy and his son to keep her grounded. She says I seem to always pop up with cards or gifts or just kind words and encouragement when she needs it most. She doesn’t realize how much she helps me in turn, that she’s helped me in the struggles with my own faith the last 2 years of chronic long-COVID illness.

She’s a forever friend.

So, as I looked at the screenshot of that top she really wanted last night, I decided I was going to give a little more sunshine into her life to start the year on the positive. I ordered it, set the address to hers and put her name on it, and will be anxiously tracking it and waiting to see if she posts about it and/or figures out it was me (haven’t decided if I’ll admit it was me if she strongly suspects or not).

Everyone deserves little things to show that someone cares, that they’re not alone in the dark this world brings. That besides (or in spite of) people expected to care (who may or may not), there are people who have chosen to.

This makes me so happy 😊 she’s asking everyone who comments on the post if it was them, and sending on messenger to those she thinks might would do it. I’m so glad she’s happy, I really needed a boost today and she’s given it to me

The package arrives todayyyyy!

I guess I’ll find out soon if she correctly guesses it was me, or if I stay an anonymous Secret Santa 🤷‍♀️

Also, I have been awake over 24 hours and wish I was sleepy 😪

Okay, okay, I have a little story to tell. My grandmother got her eyeliner and brows tattooed years ago, and for a long while you couldn’t tell if you didn’t know (only her sisters knew, who also got their eyeliner done but not the brows). The brows started fading to green. I kid you not. They’re green. And we just assumed that’s the color she chose or something, before she told us last year that they were tattooed (I find it hypocritical that she criticizes others with tattoos that show, but whatever).

Before we found this out though, my brother and I were talking about the green tinted brows and her purple lipstick (it’s a faded purple, but still definitely not a good choice), and said something that to this day we laugh about.

He called her Yzma. From The Emperor’s New Groove. I thought my momma was going to suffocate from not being able to breathe, with me right behind her on the path to the afterlife.

You have to know this woman. She has very Yzma-esque moments.

Sometimes my brother does a good one, I tell you. Smh

I’ve been going through old pictures on our external hard drive, and I have noticed 2 things:

1. The Jess of today was being so harshly critical of the Jess of the past. I found myself criticizing everything. EVERYTHING. The unabashed smiles, the open silliness, the mismatched outfits, the fit of the outfits, etc. I absolutely was mentally tearing down this child. This child who was me, once.

2. When I finally looked at little me, and saw how happy her eyes were, how authentic the smiles were, how in the moment and not insecure she was, I realized I was doing exactly what had inevitably had changed those eyes, smiles, and confidence.

Now I wish I was her again, or at least still had her innocence.

You know, with the number of personal things I’ve posted on here, one day someone I know irl is going to happen upon it and I’ll be so screwed.

Anyway.

This year will be my parent’s 28th wedding anniversary, and I wasn’t really planning on doing much more than a card and free night out for just them, buuuuut.

A SongFinch add on TikTok caught my eyes and now I have ordered a custom song about their relationship and will give it to them on their anniversary (which isn’t until June but I’m impatient). I’m not sure if I’ll even tell my brother before I give it to them. I’m also going through pictures to create a slideshow, and I’m going to have a plaque with QR Code link to the song page and just—I feel so creative right now.

Thanks for reading!

People wonder why we barking at his concerts like?????

Have you seen this man????!!!

stunning