Things To Keep Out Of Your Healthy Relationships!

Things to Keep Out of Your Healthy Relationships!

(Alternately: how to identify problematic YA romances.)

Written by yours truly, contributions from @jltillary, @theinkrepository, @time-to-write-and-suffer, and @sakrebleu.

Non-consensual physical intimacy, especially in situations where it’s portrayed as being done for the benefit of the victim or situations where the victim forgives the forced intimacy because they decide they like it after it’s already been forced on them. Examples:

Forcing a partner to accept physical comfort when they don’t want it.

Kissing a partner in the middle of an argument.

Framing consent as unnecessary simply because one person is attracted to the other.

Stalking the other person, even for their own safety.

Forcing the other person into some form of physical intimacy because they “liked it last time.”

Implying that it’s normal for a certain physically intimate act to hurt and/or their partner should grin and bear it.

Skipping over their partner’s preferred forms of intimacy in favor of what they want to do with/to their partner.

When in doubt: Consent should be explicitly given!!

Non-consensual communication. Examples:

Physically stopping a partner from leaving in order to continue talking with them.

Bringing up a topic the other person has made clear they don’t wish to discuss yet.

Forcing the other person into conversations with people they previously showed they did not wish to talk with.

Manipulating the conversation so that the other person shares a secret, especially one that doesn’t affect their partner.

Emotional manipulation. Examples:

Telling the other person to do something (i.e. ‘go away’) as a test, where the person is at fault if they follow through and do as their partner asked.

Blaming the other person for things beyond their control, especially “I wouldn’t be like this if not for you/your interests/your goals.”

Claiming they’ll die (or kill themselves) if the other person leaves.

Not wanting the other person to have friends of the same gender as their partner (i.e. a man not wanting his girlfriend to have any male friends).

“If you really loved me you would do x, y, and z.”

Demanding to be the most important part of their partner’s life, above and beyond their partner’s other responsibilities.

Cheating on their partner as a form of punishment.

Acting as though physical intimacy (or any other sort of intimacy) isn’t important, but then blaming the other person for not supplying it.

Acting distant or cruel until the other person does what they want, or because the other person didn’t do what they wanted.

Demeaning actions and words, especially in instances where they blame the actions and words on internalized sexism, racism, etc as a shield, in instances outside of high-stress arguments, and whenever the character isn’t sincerely sorry for what they did or makes no point to change. Examples:

Stating the other person’s interests or hobbies are inferior or a waste of time.

Telling them they were look better if they did x, y and z.

Demanding they stop doing something or start doing something else based on their gender, race, etc.

Placing the other person in a subordinate role without their partner’s explicit consent.

Not sharing certain pieces of information because they believe they know what’s best for their partner and don’t need the other person’s consent to act upon it.

Bonus: Glorification of a partner simply for not demeaning the other person, (i.e. for acting like  an average, decent human being,) especially when the partner in question boasts how amazing they are for loving their “curvy”/non-white/bisexual/not-like-other-girls/etc partner.

Please add more, if you feel so inclined! 

Fantasy Guide to Immortality

Immortality is the ability to live forever while staying somewhat young. Sometimes it is awesome but really it sucks ass.

Thanks for the Memories

You are immortal so you have seen some shit. You have witnessed the rise and fall of empires, the building of the pyramids, the world’s most interesting events. But will you remember these things? Do you as a mortal remember everything? Can you remember what flavour your birthday cake at your fifth birthday? Do you remember the face of your first teacher? Maybe you do, perhaps not. Living over hundreds of years means millions of memories. What will you remember?

Means

How did your character become immortal? Just born that way and ageing slowly? Bitten by a vampire? A spell from a witch or a blessing of a god. Immortality can be a blessing but think on it: if you live forever, you will surpass your family, friends and people you know. You could be left all alone after a few decades and the gift will seem like a curse.

Something to lose

If you’re immortal, what can you lose? You can’t die, or lose friends/family or be wounded fatality. What can you lose?

Types of Immortality

No holds barred: You are immortal. You can’t be wounded. You are powerful as a god.

Semi-immortal: You may live forever but you may get injured.

Conditional: You are only immortal if something happens. If magic is real, perhaps. If you do a certain ritual like drink a magic potion. Can you lose your immortality based on not fulfilling a promise or a ritual?

Warning to writers

While you are worrying about whether beta readers will steal your ideas, there is a more genuine threat on the horizon.

When offered a publishing contract, please do all your research before you sign. There are a number of fakes and scammers out there, as well as good-intentioned amateurs that don’t know how to get your work to a wide audience. I won’t tell the heartbreaking stories here - there are too many.

Being published badly is worse than being never published.

It can destroy your career and your dreams.

The quick check is to google the publishing house name + scam or warning.

But, to be sure, check with these places first. They aren’t infallible (nothing is) but they can help you protect yourself. They are written and maintained by expereinced writers, editors, publishers and legal folks.

Absolute Write: Bewares and Background Checks

Preditors and editors

Writer Beware

and the WRITER BEWARE blog

Keep yourself and your work safe.

This is really important, so if you are a writer or have writer friends, or you are a writing blog, please reblog it.

An old and homely grandmother accidentally summons a demon. She mistakes him for her gothic-phase teenage grandson and takes care of him. The demon decides to stay at his new home.

Writing is so stupid because you’re like it’s just putting down words I know words this will be so simple and then it’s the most difficult thing you’ve ever done

some iconic dialogue that sounds like its from the great canon of literature but are actually from memes

I will face God and walk backwards into Hell

“I’ll do whatever you want” “then perish”

I have been through hell and come out singing

feel free to add more!