Immortality - Tumblr Posts

it's always "immortals always lose the ones they love!" and never "this family has had this incredible, powerful, loving figure present through generations of their lineage, all because they are descended from someone the immortal loved long ago" and i think that's a shame!!

Little-known downsides of immortality:

Tearing your favourite article of clothing and discovering that it’s irreplaceable because the technique of its manufacture has been lost

Realising you’ve thought of the perfect comeback to someone who’s been dead for three hundred years

Not being able to eat your favourite dish anymore because the source of some critical ingredient has gone extinct

Having strong opinions about sports that are no longer played

Getting a song from the 13th Century stuck in your head and being unable to get it out because you don’t remember how it ends and you’re the only person on Earth who knows it

Having that perfect pun you’ve been waiting forever for a chance to use stop working due to linguistic drift

Immortality is not a blessing

I haven't thought so Even as a child

not once have I looked at this life

and thought I don't want this to end

I've seen everything and everyone I love

and begged the universe to take me

take me before my brothers

- "Apeirophobia" - zero (me)

Oh to have an immortal fall in love with you and invite you to drink from the magical spring of immortality so the two of you can be together always and forever.

(when is it going to be my turn?)

the best part is that he’s not even a teenager. our best teenager loser rep is the god of the sun himself.

maybe teenagers are just channeling the energy of 4000 year old lovesick gods sometimes. maybe they’re just being pathetic and blorbo in a ‘give me a few centuries to cry my heart out over this one thing some guy said to me and then i’ll be fine’ sort of wag

maybe we’re all lester is some way

born to be an impossibly old impossibly wet cat of a person, forced to be a teenager

lester is literally such a loser I LOVE HIM SO MUCH YOU DONT KNOW HOW…. He’s literally the BEST teenage loser rep I’ve ever seen ….

Do you have anything about writing about characters that are hundreds or a couple thousands years old?

Here. It’s about immortality, but a lot of it can still be applies to old characters.

List of Immortal AUs

obligatory ‘i’m a vampire who just woke up from a 1000 year nap to find my long lost loved one reincarnated as you’ AU

‘i’m a ghost haunting the antique you just bought, hope you’ve got room for one more in your house’ AU

‘i’m a vampire and i refuse to turn my dearest love because i don’t want to condemn them to a cursed life like this’ AU

‘we’re dating and you’re writing a book on vampires and no that’s not right, no vampires don’t do that, stop writing inaccurate things’ AU

‘i’m an immortal from the 1600s and you’ve been around since B.C. does this count as age difference?’ AU

‘we’re a feisty immortal couple who enjoy killing each other for fun because we know we’ll just come back alive again in 2 minutes’ AU

‘i’ve been looking for love for a thousand years and at long last, i’ve found you except you’ve fallen for someone else’ AU

‘I didn’t know you were immortal until you carried me out of a horrible car crash and you were completely unscathed’ AU

I would honestly prefer reading about the stupid paranormal romance where the weird non-human boyfriend can’t work out the DVD player over Brooding Manipulative and Controlling asshole trope

You are functionally immortal: you can die but instantly come back to life. Over the many, many years you’ve become jaded and bored, and now dying is the only thing that gives you any sort of rush anymore. You’re about to attempt your most elaborate and thrilling death yet.

Little-known downsides of immortality:

Tearing your favourite article of clothing and discovering that it’s irreplaceable because the technique of its manufacture has been lost

Realising you’ve thought of the perfect comeback to someone who’s been dead for three hundred years

Not being able to eat your favourite dish anymore because the source of some critical ingredient has gone extinct

Having strong opinions about sports that are no longer played

Getting a song from the 13th Century stuck in your head and being unable to get it out because you don’t remember how it ends and you’re the only person on Earth who knows it

Having that perfect pun you’ve been waiting forever for a chance to use stop working due to linguistic drift

You wake up submerged in water with only a flashlight and a note. The note reads “You’re now immortal. Welcome to the bottom of the Marianna Trench. This is your first test.”

For thousands of years, you have been cursed to grant the wishes of mortals. The problem is that you don’t really have magic, besides the one keeping you alive and bound, which means you have to jump through hoops and come up with creative but shockingly mundane ways in order to fulfill them. One day, a girl trudges through a dystopian wasteland to find you and for her first wish, asks for the downfall of a tyrannical king.

So in lore, vampires have this trait that I’ve almost never seen used, and that’s the fact that vampires are OBSESSED with counting things. Like, the Count on Sesame Street was almost certainly created specifically as a vampire because of this piece of lore.

Like, I read this vampire book years and years ago that explained that a surefire way to protect yourself from vampires getting into your house was to spread a ton of seeds on your doorstep–poppy and mustard seeds were particularly recommended for the purpose. Basically, if you suspected someone to be a vampire, all you had to do was drop a sackful of seeds on the ground in front of them.

If they didn’t immediately start counting them, they were not a vampire. However, if they WERE a vampire, they’d be seized with the urge to count all the seeds and they would not budge from that spot until they knew how many seeds there were in total. The point was to keep them there until the sun came up and killed them, because if they hadn’t counted all the seeds by sunrise they wouldn’t be able to leave. Presumably you could just go about the rest of your evening as normal, though no word on whether it’s possible to make them lose count and start over.

Having remembered this piece of lore, I want fewer stories about brooding tortured Edward Cullen-esque vampires. I want to start seeing more stories about math nerd vampires.

Vampire accountants who are an honest company’s best asset and a corrupt company’s bane because they are frighteningly accurate with the accounts and will not hesitate to blow the whistle on a CEO scamming money because fuck you for making the numbers wrong.

Vampire cashiers that don’t need to look at the register screen because they already mentally calculated your total. 10-items-or-less vampires who know goddamn well you have 20 items in that basket and NO, you cannot just slip in with the rest.

Vampire math tutors who are constantly in high demand and have to hold lotteries to see who gets to be tutored by them.

MATH NERD VAMPIRES

You’ve been faking your death for centuries to hide your immortality. Now, modern medicine is making things difficult.

“So you see,” said the Royal Advisor, wringing his hands, “the curse states the princess will die on the night before her twenty-fifth birthday–”

“Hang on,” said the princess, “‘ON the night before’–”

The Advisor nodded grimly.

“So what you’re saying is that, until that one specific date, I am effectively immortal?”

“Technically yes, but then–” the King stammered.

“Wow,” said the princess, who was sixteen and did not possess amazing impulse control. “I’m gonna go teach myself how to juggle chainsaws while hang gliding over shark-infested waters, catch you chuckleheads later.”

Concept: an immortal who doesn’t shy away from photos or paintings. Draws self portraits on cave walls. Photobombs everything with a pout and a suave pose. Commissions numerous portraits of themself as a literary Romantic before faking their death. Tries to be at least slightly famous every time they have a new identity. Creates a conspiracy blog linking all their past photos together before mysteriously disappearing in mysterious circumstances. Mysteriously. Usually only disappears for 10 to 20 years after “"dying”“ before making another appearance. Everyone else in the immortal community lowkey hates them. “Ah, fuck. You’ll never guess who’s resurfaced again.” “Fucking… Dave?” “Fucking Dave.”

Death keeps the hourglasses determining people’s natural life spans on a shelf, due to an accident he knocked your’s off the shelf causing it to roll where death can’t reach it. Effectively making you immortal.

Little-known downsides of immortality:

Tearing your favourite article of clothing and discovering that it’s irreplaceable because the technique of its manufacture has been lost

Realising you’ve thought of the perfect comeback to someone who’s been dead for three hundred years

Not being able to eat your favourite dish anymore because the source of some critical ingredient has gone extinct

Having strong opinions about sports that are no longer played

Getting a song from the 13th Century stuck in your head and being unable to get it out because you don’t remember how it ends and you’re the only person on Earth who knows it

Having that perfect pun you’ve been waiting forever for a chance to use stop working due to linguistic drift