I Can't Wait For The End Of The School Year And At The Same Time I Have Not Clue Of What I'll Do After

I can't wait for the end of the school year and at the same time I have not clue of what I'll do after college, but I have Jesus.

It's been 6 years of college, for degree which are pretty useless on the workmarket. I don't regret my bachelor in english literature nor my master degree in the field of education. Though I have a longing fear that I might not have enjoyed my student years as much as I should have. Six years of college but also six years of an eating disorder which both ruined my mental and physical health. Six years of spiritual journey which eventually led me to Jesus Christ. My heart feels heavy still but thanks to Christ I don't dwell into that feeling no more. I hope to get better, I no longer hope to put myself down.

I don't know what the future holds but I know that Jesus Christ holds it. Whatever happens I know I live in victory. The one of Jesus Christ. I won't let myself go to death.

My cat is my ray of sun, my fresh breath. Keeps the insanity out of me.

ANGELINA JOLIE as Lara Croft in Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001)

I have an eating disorder but I don't want to die.

I don't want to die. People think that girls with an ED want to die. I want to live but differently.Being skinny is never just about being skinny, it's about ascending and floating above this heavy world that we live in.

Being desperate and christian, feels like I'm in a constant battle.

I wonder why life is so painful. Then I look at other's people life. I stop to ponder and realize, that it's my life that's painful not theirs. Their life is drowned in satisfaction from the earthly life. I wish it would satisfy me but everyday feels like another episode of cries and gnashing of teeth.

My mind longs for violence against what God chose to bring to life. Against myself.

My heart longs for thoughts of eternity that the Lord planted.

It's the alive me and the unalive me. It's the battle of the pain and the battle for love. It's the lost girl and the found daughter.

My ED recovery is a nightmare.

So many health issues and teeth issues. I don't deserve what's happening now. I feel like I have been abused by my ED, telling me lies about how good I'd look underweight. Now, I am filled with regret, cause nothing can buy my health back. I'm too young for what's happening to me

Please, contemplate recovery for the sake of your future health.