Interrupted-plot - Girl Uninterrupted - Tumblr Blog

I have an eating disorder but I don't want to die.

I don't want to die. People think that girls with an ED want to die. I want to live but differently.Being skinny is never just about being skinny, it's about ascending and floating above this heavy world that we live in.

I hate capitalism cause it created ultra processed stuff filled with sugar, causing me to binge.

I wish I was without a body.

ps: pics are not mine

Things I love to do when I am bored:

Drawing and filling colouring page

Play PS3, mostly games like Tomb Raider

Staying with my twin sister to laugh

Going to ride my bike

Going for a super long walk with my headphones

Reading distopian novels

I can't wait for the end of the school year and at the same time I have not clue of what I'll do after college, but I have Jesus.

It's been 6 years of college, for degree which are pretty useless on the workmarket. I don't regret my bachelor in english literature nor my master degree in the field of education. Though I have a longing fear that I might not have enjoyed my student years as much as I should have. Six years of college but also six years of an eating disorder which both ruined my mental and physical health. Six years of spiritual journey which eventually led me to Jesus Christ. My heart feels heavy still but thanks to Christ I don't dwell into that feeling no more. I hope to get better, I no longer hope to put myself down.

I don't know what the future holds but I know that Jesus Christ holds it. Whatever happens I know I live in victory. The one of Jesus Christ. I won't let myself go to death.

ANGELINA JOLIE as Lara Croft in Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001)

My cat is my ray of sun, my fresh breath. Keeps the insanity out of me.

I feel psychotic from all of the stress caused by my studies.

I have a master thesis to hand at the end of next week and a internship which is litteral hell. I am loosing my mind.

I was walking to the internship when I started to hear voices telling me everybody was about to kill me. The voices sounded like my voice but it wasn't me.

Never again in my life I'll do something that I hate. I'm going mad.

It's gonna be 8 years of that hellish eating disorder messing with me. I can't stop counting the cals. I can't stop wanting to lose weight but can't go back to eating as little as I did before.

Something deep inside of me is convinced that not eating is the solution to all of my problem.

Being anxious is sexy until your health starts to leave the chat

I am so anxious, I wish a bus could hit me so that I wouldn't have to end it myself

I don't have time to be depressed, I'm busy running after usless academic success

Being desperate and christian, feels like I'm in a constant battle.

I wonder why life is so painful. Then I look at other's people life. I stop to ponder and realize, that it's my life that's painful not theirs. Their life is drowned in satisfaction from the earthly life. I wish it would satisfy me but everyday feels like another episode of cries and gnashing of teeth.

My mind longs for violence against what God chose to bring to life. Against myself.

My heart longs for thoughts of eternity that the Lord planted.

It's the alive me and the unalive me. It's the battle of the pain and the battle for love. It's the lost girl and the found daughter.

I am not suicidal, because even in my deepest despair I still laugh at cat memes

My ED recovery is a nightmare.

So many health issues and teeth issues. I don't deserve what's happening now. I feel like I have been abused by my ED, telling me lies about how good I'd look underweight. Now, I am filled with regret, cause nothing can buy my health back. I'm too young for what's happening to me

Please, contemplate recovery for the sake of your future health.

Imagine if everyone was kind, that would be so hot

I chose chaos as a teen

As a teen I willingly chose an aesthetic of chaos and self destruction. There is something incredibly beautiful in destruction. It looks and feels stylish. It feels empowering. Then one day I woke up. I realized what I had become. I had become nothing. I felt accomplished in my own destruction, and I was scared of how far I could keep on going. I couldn't keep on becoming nothing. I felt like Susanna Kaysen, I decided to heal and go out of the ward; to heal and not to fantasize about Lisa Rowe.

Anyways, as a young adult, my advice to all of the teens here: Choose life, don't waste your youth deconstructing yourself. the aftermath of self destruction is regret.