Have Some More CHAOS BEEZ And Angel Crowley!

Have some more CHAOS BEEZ and Angel Crowley!

Psst! I only need 12 more followers to hit 15,000 and I’m kinda over the moon that so many people enjoy my brand of nonsense!

Thank you for the follow!

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?? - Russell Crowe, probably

cheers, everyone

i love that nate is meant to be the Normal Guy in the leverage team bc he wasn’t a thief, but what we know of nate’s past tells us he was a guy who:

had weird tense post-work drinks with his rival on rooftops

was frenemies with sterling

dropped out of seminary school... to become an insurance claims investigator

but still stayed friends with at least one person who actually completed seminary and became a priest

has a masters degree in statistics. which is not necessary for insurance investigation (not like it’s unhelpful of course, but it’s very much not a job requirement). it’s also clearly not necessary for being a priest, so idk why he has that exactly. just did a masters in statistics for fun

would love to receive a secret button camera as a gift. to the point his wife would buy him one as a birthday present.

is the first person you’d suspect of faking a miracle

caught the eye of world-class grifter sophie devereaux, long before he had any inclination of becoming a thief too

seemed more shocked and taken aback by being called a wanker than by being SHOT

Batfam Cooking Boot Camp

Thinking about the Batfam and the concept of geniuses who are capable of hacking and fighting and swinging and general vigilante stuff, many of whom canonically or often in fandom "Can't Cook"

And it makes sense: many of them never had to and many of them never had a chance to learn. And people who are learning to cook make a lot of mess and a lot of mistakes and can waste food and cause danger and damage and there's no way Alfred wants that in His Kitchen unless someone really wants to learn and is going to put the time and effort into it.

But imagine for a moment. Alfred overhearing friends and partners of his charges joking about how they always have to get takeout or come to the manor when it's the bats' turn to cook.

Specifically I'm thinking about Kori asking Dick to take Mar'i to the Manor or invite Jason over with some frequency when she's going to be off world so that she (Mar'i) can have some home cooked food that's not pb&js, cereal, or burnt Mac and cheese.

And Alfred isn't oblivious to conversations happening; he knows that outside of the Manor where food is His Job and only Approved Cooks are allowed in the kitchen, there's conversations about division of chores/home labor and he's heard the term "weaponized incompetence" thrown around and he's like.

Maybe telling certain people they're terrible at cooking and Not Allowed to cook has left some of his charges lacking in essential life skills when they leave the nest. And like. He Knows about Dick's cereal obsession and he had thought of it as an issue of nutrition to be dealt with by Alfred when Dick came to the manor. But. It's an issue beyond that.

And it's not that he (or I) think any of the bats are weaponizing incompetence, or in any way deliberately shirking their responsibilities to their friends, roommates, teammates, partners, but there's a point at which telling people they should stay out of kitchens instead of figuring out How and Why they are burning water when they make an honest attempt is doing them a disservice.

But also. Learning to cook can be messy and destructive and dangerous and he Does Not want that in His Kitchen.

So he talks to Jason, who can cook well and Tim who can cook to survive and be a somewhat healthy vigilante, who are also people with connections and resources. And they put together a plan.

In a warehouse (maybe in Crime Alley or the Narrows where the leftovers and better food made can be given away) that has been refitted to have multiple cooking stations and whatever tools and machines and utensils they can imagine, Alfred and Jason put together a Cooking Boot Camp, using Tim as a guinea pig.

And because Tim genuinely would love to make a nice meal for his boyfriend, (Kon and/or Bernard, readers choice), and he's smart and would love to have this skill but never learned it -- because he was mainly teaching himself to cook well enough to survive and then Be Robin rather than cooking for enjoyment or to get better or to cook for other people, all this -- Tim learns really fast!

And he makes some mistakes and needs some accommodations to help him not forget stuff on the stove when he has a thought about a case. And he learns that the fact that he's only given himself food poisoning a few times is a miracle. But he also learns about flavor pairing and how to make things that taste good. He learns the vocab and individual skills he needs to better follow recipes and cooking videos. And he is Alfred's Kitchen Approved in just under 2 months.

He's making good food that people want to eat and he's enjoying it and proud of it and can make meals for his boyfriend(s).

So Alfred, Jason, and Tim get ready to put the rest of the Bats through the Bat Cooking Boot Camp. They don't need to be Good or even Alfred's Kitchen Approved. But they need to be able to cook for themselves and anyone they might live with/have over for dinner passably well.

Boot Camp attendance is mandatory under threat of being signed up for Worst Cooks in America: Celebrity Edition, and honestly Jason and Alfred are less intimidating than Ann Burrell and all of America.

I will probably have thoughts about every bat and how this goes for them including strengths weaknesses accommodations and how long they're willing to stay/how far in their training they'll go but it's well after 3am and I need to go to sleep. So for now I'm going to post without proofreading. Feel free to add your own thoughts

Alfred and Leslie pretend to be bitterly, scandalously divorced at parties for no apparent reason. They have never been married or attracted to each other in any fashion. They try to see who can get the most people on their side by the end of the party. At the end they shake and say 'good game'.

tanya freemont literally the gayest and most homosexual lesbian imaginable