Justarandomsimp77 - JustARandomSimp77

Cricket!! Not my OC btw!

Random Little OC ig

Nose? Nose.

That's Not My Neighbor OC! (She is a Widow / woman with a dead husband)

DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO TOPICS INVOLVING ABUSE TRAUMA OR PTSD!!!! You have been warned I guess??? Keep reading if ya want, but I'm not forcing you too.

So it is Easter. A time to eat candy and have a fun time with your close family and friends. Unless you are me. Will you believe me if I said that today I almost had a panic attack because of candy? Probably not right? Well... I did. And why you may ask, well I know nobody is going to care and it's a bad idea to vent onto the Internet but I need someone or at least somewhere to put my problems and this is a last resort. I may just be acting like a moody teenager but I actually feel like this is a problem. So back on topic, why did I almost have a panic attack over some candy? Well, a long time ago back when I was around the age of 7 I had this big dog that I do not remember the name of. And he was my best best friend! It was early in the year and somebody in my family, not saying who, would abuse the hell out of our dog. I mean he would pull the collar to the point our dog would scream choke and cry, he would yell at him anytime he made the most small sound, beat him if he even tried to poop on the floor and so on and so on. But this dog was my favorite and I always slept with him because i thought he would protect me. I was a very skittish and fearful child at night, and knowing that I had such a big strong dog around made me happy! But I don't know what happened but my dog got really really sick one day. And we couldn't afford a vet, so I had to slowly watch day by day as this dog would get more skinny, puke, shut blood, and shake. Even though he was dying the person (not saying who) would still harm him, and I was like 7 what am I gonna do tell him to stop? Anyways it was late at night and I was munching on these rainbow candy strips and the dog looked at me with the biggest puppy eyes known to man. So being an ignorant and unknowing child I have him one. And about ehhh five minutes later he was starting to hurl blood on the carpet profusely and I watched in fear with a pale face. My grandma was sleeping at the time and the other person who abused the dog was outside smoking. So I watched as the dog 'passed out' in his crate with a bloody mouth and all this blood was on the floor. I looked down at the candy in my hands with rivers of tears streaming down my face and the only thing repeating in my mind was 'this is your fault'. I still think it's my fault to this day, and I'm unsure why. But after that day I never ate rainbow candy again, no rainbow cotton candy, no rainbow types of candy. If it looked like a rainbow, I didn't eat it. And today at easter I was doing an Easter basket hunt with my two brothers (they aren't actually my brothers but it's close enough) and I found my basket. I grabbed it and saw the rainbow candy. I ignored it and as soon as I came up to my room I was in tears sobbing and thinking about all the blood I saw and my dead dog and having flashbacks of when he was abused. And my father came into the room and said "why are you crying?" I didn't tell him. I don't like to talk to my father about my problems, he always turns it into a joke or says I'm being overdramatic. And I was being overdramatic, it was my fault and I was being extremely overdramatic. It happened over 6 years ago, I have no right to be crying over it. But my father sat down with me and gave me the 'disappointed' look. In short words he turned my crying into a joke, and left the room after i smiled. Of course I didn't want to smile, but I wanted to be alone. And after I smiled I just went back to crying. did I have a panic attack? Almost. Did I have a mental breakdown? Yes. Absolutely. But yeah that's about all, you don't need to like share or repost I just needed to get that out in some way. I feel a bit better now, but I probably will never feel truly better about what happened. Thank you for taking time out of your day and reading, it really means the world to me.. goodbye, hope to see you again?