I Used To Be Angry With My Friend Who Took Her Own Life. Now I Don't. I Used To Be Confused About Why

I used to be angry with my friend who took her own life. Now I don't. I used to be confused about why she did what she did. Now I feel very bad. That poor thing would have gone through hell again and again to have pushed towards it. I feel sorry none of us saw it. I see it now.

I love me.

I knew what I was . I knew who he was .I loved the person he was.

Then he disappeared. I loved the person I knew.

Then he showed up just to push me away. I loved the way he loved me.

Then he said he found someone. I loved the way I loved him.

I don't know who he is anymore. I don't know who I am anymore. But I love him, and so I love the person I am.

Now the word 'love' has lost all its meaning. Catch is... Maybe it never had one.

-jay.

Solo dates are awesome.

Whoever gave me the ‘I’m responsible for my feelings’ speech did a pretty good job, growing up. Now, all I feel is guilt. Guilty for falling in love, for getting angry, for being disappointed, for trying to be happy. I feel responsible for whatever I feel.

Should I be?