Let Go

️let go 

letting go might be one of the hardest part in the break off of a relationship. spending so much time with that one person can make you feel comfortable and not lonely, once the relationship is done it hurts to know that the one that you love won’t keep on being next to you. 

it’s hard to accept that you’re probably going to live sleepless nights, feel empty bed sheets, and miss those morning kisses you loved so much. not feeling in companion even when you’re alone, it’s probably the worst of all.

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from the outside yoongi’s way of letting go was kind of off. considering that whatever he was doing, was one of the reasons that him and jimin broke things off. 

he still drunk a lot, he was shit faced most of the time, oh well, that was when he was spending his time alone. around others he seemed pretty chill and collected without a worry on his mind, he looked as if he totally got over jimin, and once jimin saw his character being this way it broke him, more than he was before. 

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nights with friends, new found lovers and multiple none meaningful  kisses and touches. he was the one now doing it. he was the one giving himself to the lust and pleasure but then again feeling pain and shame for himself. he couldn’t seem to find a route anymore. 

his mind would barely travel through the memories of his old lover, he barely wondered how he was doing, he only thought about his feelings. absorbed by the loud and painful knifes that would hold those memories, he was scared to forget but even more to regret the decision he made.

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most of the times he wouldn’t dare spend his time alone. he was scared of what loneliness could bring. he spent time with friends, friends that jimin thought were his friends too since he has developed a relationship with them for much longer than yoongi, but then realizing he was wrong, the friends jimin thought were his, only left him to abandon him for yoongi taking yoongi’s side and forgetting all about jimin.

yoongi somehow, never cared for that, he really was an egoist, he really only cared for himself at that point, he somehow just forgot that his old lover was a person, and acted like he was not allowed to feel any pain. yoongi acted like he was the victim, and whatever he did and hurted his old partner had it coming considering he made him feel worst in retrospect. since yoongi learned from the miss information of his friends that for them probably jimin had all the fault. and it consumed him, it consumes jimin. til the point that jimin was so hurt, that he wouldn’t dare speak to yoongi ever again.

do you remember summer ‘09?

✨fire✨

being in love, is way harder than what people make it seem is.

loving, is developing yourself with someone by your side, depending not merely but gradually in someone else; sharing your deepest and darkest secrets; giving your truthful happiness and your saddest moments to someone, or something. getting to know someone deeply is hard, and showing your obscure self is indeed harder.

still we keep on dreaming that the perfect love is yet to come.

true perfect love, ah. that’s something we all should know doesn’t exist, not in its purest form not in its demonic way. we love, we act in love, and yet still we don’t belong.

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yoongi, he knew love wasn’t something he could just snap out of his heart, he knew he couldn’t just throw himself to love someone without fear, without knowing. well, that’s exactly what he did, when he met him.

jimin, he didn’t know to which extent he could love, he was naive, fresh out of a relationship hoping he could feel loved once again. believing that loving someone was a pure form of affection. and when he found him, he might have lost a little hope.

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fuck ton of shit happened in the while they’ve been together, arguments, fights, smiles, laughs. but all that couldn’t get them ready for what had been coming.

cheating, drinking, “friends”, parties and parties. maybe it was just toxic that they kept going, but they thought their bond was stronger than infidelity, harsh and disrespectful words, people meddling in and the constant substance abuse. love was blinding them so bad, that they didn’t even realize that love wasn’t the way they were feeling anymore.

pure hatred, pity, pettiness, lust, pleasure.

the best way to describe what those two lovers were feeling.

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while everything kept being as toxic as it was, they just thought of one way to amend things and make everything better. hiding themselves in the bedroom, constantly, kissing, touching, lack of meaningful words were spilled throughout this time. thinking that maybe just maybe every single action done there could actually fix whatever the situation was.

neither of them could talk about the urging fire that was going under their roof, they wanted out, but didn’t know how to get out without getting hurt or hurting the other.

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if you ever wondered who was the one at fault, well, both of them were.

· jimin cheated multiple times, brought friends to their house in more than one occasion, them turning out to be more than just a buddy.

· yoongi was drunk out of his mind and zone most of the time, meanwhile spewing venom to jimin. but he was just too in love to let go.

yoongi didnt care about the hurt and the pain that jimin brought to him, he loved him deeply and truly, he tried to look pass the cheating, the lust he felt for others. he couldn’t just let go of someone who knew his whole deep self. he confided in jimin, he told him stuff that no one ever knew about him, he felt so broken that the person he loved the most in his entire life could make him feel so worthless and useless.

jimin, a whole new story and a broken one, the confused one out of the two. he felt empty inside out, never in his entire life he felt comfort in others, and now that the situation got even worst he felt better, he felt fuller when he was with another one that wasn’t his lover. yoongi maybe never realized that the words he threw at him hurt so much, it hurt to the point that he couldn’t believe that the one talking was claiming that he loved him. and he could just never forget.

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leaving your old empty house is never easy, and for the two it wasn’t much easier either.

it all ended, with a simple goodbye, the house was burnt to ashes and the fire was still in both of their homes.

they were tired, that to say the least, none of them could keep going at the rhythm they were going. they were yelling, crying, hurting, they were hurting so bad. that just one simple sentence can set their world on fire once again.

the fight was intense, flying objects were all over the place, on the air on the ground, setting everything on the table was just one hell of an idea, but a much needed one. they cried so much. they loved harder than ever before. but they knew there was a time to let go.

yoongi spoke this word to jimin before the exile of their love “i love you, i do. as much as i don’t want to love you, as much as everything in my heart tells me not to love you, i do”. he said. not being able to look at him in the eyes, holding onto his tears, turning to face the wall, grabbing the concrete just so he doesn’t fall.

jimin then went ahead and answered “every cell in my body tells me i should love you too. but i can’t not anymore. but at the same times my brain tells me that is not time to let go, not yet. please don’t let us dry. i love you, and i love you so much more, and it hurts and im hurting. and i know you hurt to.” jimin said with a tear rolling down his cheek. feeling unpowered by love itself and so broken.

to which yoongi answered with his heart on his hands “i do think is time to let go. i can’t deal with the pain anymore we just destroy each other”. letting go of his tears.

jimin succumbing to the pain and the hurt said “goodbye then, i guess” opening the door, and leaving to never come back, with his heart on the hand and tears streaming down his face.

✧ i’m loving the breeze winter , i can finally feel the wind in my brain in my head in my cells. i’m hoping it never ends or my soul might finally be awake ✧

do you remember summer ‘09?

do you remember summer ‘09?