Dreaming Boy

Dreaming Boy

Title: Dreaming Boy 

Pairing: Jimin x Reader 

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Heavily inspired from Sarah Kay’s poem “Dreaming Boy”, College AU, Feminine!Jimin

Word Count: 5788

Warnings: mature themes, gender confusion, shitty and judgy people, idk how to tag yet i’m sorry, Implied sex, fairly sfw

Description: Ever since you were old enough to have boobs, all the people around you already encaged you in a word you don’t feel particularly attached to. With how you talk, walk and dress, everyone just assumed that you are. So you try and search a language for yourself. That is, until Jimin comes along and shows you words are just there to cage you.

A/N: My first fic here omg. I would like to make a disclaimer that if ever I wrote something in this that may seem offensive or uneducated, I’m deeply sorry and you can tell me about it. I know that gender and sexuality has many grey areas and as a person who honestly does not care about labels and norms, I am open to criticisms about this topic. 

Listen to Sarah Kay’s poem Dreaming Boy, here!

In most of the dreams you remember from childhood, you were a boy.

Mudded knees and heels, you would raise your fist up high. The maiden in the tower, thankful as you rescued her. She would hug you and you would feel content. But it was not the maiden that made you feel that way. You know this because in other dreams you had, you were not rescuing someone in particular. You were just a boy. Definitely a boy. No maidens that needed saving but it excited you. 

Dreaming seemed to be not enough. You want to live that excitement when the sun rises too. So when you reached middle school, while the other girls wore skirts and pretty tops that some were already starting to fill out with their gorgeous body shape,  you walked the halls with your oversized shirts and snapbacks, hiding whatever feminine shapes you would grow to have. With the hell that is school and the abundance of unneeded stares and gossips from people you know, the scraps from all the people in that middle school have already labeled you with a word. “Lesbian,” they said. That’s what you are. Though, you never confirmed it to anyone, for it is not a word that you feel connected to at all when you sneaked into the computer room of your middle school to google search what it meant. Girls are pretty, sure. You can see yourself falling in love with them. But to be associated with the word just doesn’t seem right. And you wondered if you can dream yourself a gender. One that’s only yours. One that makes sense to you. 

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ೃ⁀➷ welcome to levisolace ! ♡

↠ about azri - she/they, 23, poc (asian), and afab - bisexual ↠ about my writing - this blog is dedicated to my writing, mostly will be aot or levi x reader works. other fandoms include: jjk, alice in borderland (tv), love and deepspace (game) - all my works are 18+ only. minors, do not interact. - i will not write about non-con, incest, and the likes that are heavily triggering but please still be mindful of the tags i will put. but i will probably mostly write angst. - i'm a busy person. i work full-time and is still in uni so pls don't demand updates ! it's ok to ask about it but pls be nice ! :(

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© levisolace. please do not copy, translate, claim any of my works. my works are cross-posted only on my ao3 account. thank you.

it'll pass.

pairing: levi ackerman x gn!reader summary: a drabble of that fleabag scene but in levi's version wc: 1,826 genre: major angst warnings: fleabag (tv) and aot spoilers obvi a/n: i was in my feelings sorry

“I love you.”

You know it wouldn’t end well.

You told yourself a million times, “Don’t expect. It will lessen the disappointment.” But as you sit there, side by side, shoulder to shoulder, and knees almost touching, with the one you need like water, there are no more expectations to break. It’s done. You’ve said it. You’ve let out those words that prick like thorns at the back of your throat, aching to be said longer than you can admit. Now, it hangs dead in the air, waiting to be caught—to be answered.

From the small distance between you, you can see his steel eyes glisten under the moonlight. You can see the dark lines under his eyes and the creases on his forehead. Life hasn’t been kind to the man you love. It never was to anyone. But if you could change one person’s fate, it would be his. You don’t know the extent of what you would give to lighten the load in his heart. You would give anything to have him smile, to have him laugh, and to have him live, that was your wish.

And yet, you know that by having done this, you’ve burdened his heart more.

His eyes bore into yours, a million words settling into his irises. Just like that, you were back to where it all started.

It started at stolen glances, cheeks heating up whenever his eyes meet yours. You tried to avoid his gaze, pulling yourself out of the trance it would give you. You wanted to get lost in them. But you know that having an eye for the Survey Corps soldier was a stupid idea.

There were things much bigger than the both of you, things that only he could do. Levi Ackerman is humanity’s strongest soldier. One of Commander Erwin’s greatest gambles in the war against the Titans. There was no room for you in it, a normal resident of Sina. You know that the expected fate for you is to accept a marriage from someone who can stay with you as long as you can live inside these walls while relying and waiting on the scouts’ mission to maybe end the suffering of the people in these walls. It’s what was taught to you for years. But as always, you weren’t one to listen.

You couldn’t help it. You couldn’t help but to shop on your own in the markets when you can have servants do it for you. You couldn’t help but to talk to the people there, asking them what new things they could offer you every time you were around. You couldn’t help but try out every new food and beverage you could find.

You couldn’t help but notice the timid and quiet man buying tea every third Sunday of the month. He would be there exactly at the time you first saw him and you would wait to see him, not even talk or be near him. You just want to see his face. He always looks tired. There were creases on his forehead that always seemed to be scrunched. His lips were either turned down into a frown or a straight line. Although he looked very neat with his long-sleeved white button and black slacks, his clothes don't seem to be of noble or great wealth. He doesn’t seem to be a servant or one of the workers from Rose.

He orders the same black tea every Sunday. The same one your father drinks every morning. It was rare and expensive, something about it being grown on a small plot of land protected here in Sina. You’ve tried it once out of curiosity but was not very fond of it. It was too bitter for your liking. But nonetheless, you thought that if the mysterious man had enough to spare for one canister of it a month, he must have enough of an income.

Eventually, he notices your stolen glances and thought you were suspicious. He cornered you in an alley one time on the way to the markets, having expected you to be there already. In fear and fluster that the man was finally in close distance, you sputtered out your apologies and told him the truth that you only found yourself being curious about him. He warned you not to do it again. You could only meekly answer an agreement.

In anticipation for the next time he came, you were fully prepared to offer another apology. Your next interaction would have to be better that time around, you thought as you have already carefully gone about your words and have been holding a canister of the same black tea he prefers. Unfortunately, he didn’t come by the next month. Still, you waited.

The month after that as you wait, it was running a bit late, and when you were convinced that you have officially run the man away from this market, you finally caught sight of the man you have been waiting for. He had the same tired expression on his youthful face, the same haircut that always seemed to be trimmed at the perfect length, and the same grey cold eyes. Except, this time, he wears a military uniform with an insignia you don’t see much on these walls—the wings of freedom.

You froze where you stood, just near the pop-up teashop. You see that someone strides closely behind him, towering over him with his upright posture and blonde hair. Of course, you know who that is. That’s Erwin Smith, the commander of the Survey Corps. People thought him to be the devil commander, ruthless and ambitious. And beside him is the man you’ve been following every month, a member of the military division that gets sent to their deaths every expedition.

But still, you approached them with a smile and introduced yourself. Erwin gives you Levi a glance after, one that you couldn’t interpret the meaning of. At first, you thought that Erwin didn’t particularly enjoy your presence there. But he gave you a smile and even pushed the smaller man in your direction. He even gave you a wink behind his back.

Since then, Levi, a wonderful name for a breathtaking man like him, continued to come back every month.

And here you are now, standing at the edge of a cliff from the pressure of accepting a marriage for convenience versus your feelings for the captain of the Survey Corps.

It was silent. Not even the sound of air whistling or the birds chirping can be heard in the dead of the night. You can only hear the sound of your heart beating. You can hear his heart in sync with his. You can feel his pulse as he closes a hand over yours. Not fast. Not slow. Perfectly balanced. His rough hands held your soft ones, caressing them with his thumb. Fond, caring, and comforting.

“It’s him, isn’t it?”

Carefully, he smiles. A painful one. If you knew that the first time you’d see him give you a smile like this, you would have never asked for it.

After spending a long time with Levi more than his monthly visits to Sina, you’ve come to learn more about him. You were his only friend outside the scouts and if he were to choose who he’s the closest with among them, you know he’d choose Erwin. He highly respects him and he told you how he vowed to follow the great commander to the darkness. And you know fully that what you’re asking of him will collide with Erwin’s decisions. He can’t be with you. He can’t love you.

Gently, two words come out of his mouth. “It’ll pass.”

They were not the three words you longed to hear. But you smiled back, holding back the tears with an accepting smile. He nods, smiling back as if he was convincing himself. It was there that you realized that he was saying it to himself more than to you.

There was another silence. But this time, it no longer holds the weight. And yet, you don’t feel any relief, no burden lifted, and no thorns plucked out of you. You could only feel his hand for comfort and you looked down on it once again, memorizing the veins on his skin as if it will be the last time you look at it. You trace your fingertips over them, blinking away the tears that seemed to fall without your consent. The blurriness in your sight that your tears caused is going against your purpose to capture his hand in your brain. You don’t want to forget him. Ever.

You would rather memorize his face and how he looked knowing one day, you might forget his face. But with his hand and the way he holds yours, you know that both your dreams and nightmares will be plagued by it. You want to see it. You want to remember how it felt to be loved like this—to be loved by him, even if he didn’t say it yet. You know. You always knew.

His forehead is close to yours and you can feel him trying his best not to make them touch, he’s hesitating—pulling away in fear that he might never want to break it. His lips are quivering and he draws them in tightly into a line to halt it.

You don’t know how long you sat there but somehow, Levi was able to pull away, mutter he has to leave, and stand up. He takes a few steps away from you before pausing, back turned on you.

You called his name, the ache in your chest intensifying as it rolled off your tongue.

“I’ll see you next Sunday.”

He turns around, the same pained expression on his face. The corner of his lips twitches up ever so slightly in amusement. Both of you know that things will never be the same again. You will never come to see him in the market and he will probably never come to buy tea personally again. But still, he nods and lets out an unexpected response to your statement.

“…I love you too.” It came out in a whisper but it was loud enough for you to hear. He looked into your eyes for a few more seconds before looking away entirely. Before he turned around, you see a single tear fall from his eye. You watch as he walked away until you could no longer see his form fade into the darkness.

It never passed. Not even as the truth about the Titans and the people outside was uncovered. Not even as you survived all that, somehow. Not even as you held your child from a man that wasn’t him, a gold ring adorning your finger. Not even as you saw him again, wounded, and being wheeled by two children. Not even as your eyes met his cold, gray one.

It never passed.

© levisolace. please do not copy, translate, claim any of my works. my works are cross-posted only on my ao3 account. thank you.

I just know if you asked Levi to send you a dick pic the response would be:

And then there'd be several minutes of no response where you aren't sure if he's actually upset or not, followed by the most unflattering, kinda-blurry picture of his cock.

He's sitting, thighs spread wide, and his slacks are only barely tucked down beneath it. You can see the dark trail of his public hair, thick against his extra pale skin, peaking out from where he has his dress shirt pulled up. You can barely follow the blue lines of his veins twisting along his abdomen, and you can tell that he's a little flushed and sweaty. He's not even holding his cock, it's hard and flushed a needy pink and the tip is shiny with a ooze of glistening white, angled straight up towards his belly.

The angle is terrible, clearly he's just pulled himself out and tilted the camera down between his thighs. The tip of him is somehow directly facing the camera, and you can see a trail of cum beading out from the little hole there that must be throbbing oh-so-needily. It's blurry as hell though, you don't know if he couldn't figure out how to focus the camera in the lighting of his office or if his hand was shaking. Maybe he just so happened to twitch at the exact moment he clicked. There's also a hint of his thumb in the upper right corner, which somehow makes it more endearing.

The picture is immediately followed by another text:

liability

levi ackerman x f!reader

summary: the tables are turned when you save Levi during a mission, nearly getting yourself killed in the process. he's furious, but you don't quite understand why.

word count: 1.6k

content: feels, confessions, kissing

“What the fuck were you thinking?”

You startle as the heavy wooden door to the room bursts open, hinges groaning weakly in protest as Levi strides in, slamming it just as hard behind him. The warm glow from the small lantern sitting on the desk beside you contrasts sharply with the cold steel of the eyes it illuminates when he comes to stand before you, everything about his posture conveying the extent of the anger roiling dangerously inside of him. 

Carefully closing the notebook you were recording field notes in for Hange, you let go of the pencil in your hand and try to ignore how uncharacteristically ruffled Levi’s hair is, as if he’s been repeatedly dragging his hands through it. You quell your urge to comment on it—because any other day, you’d make a remark just to get a rise out of him.

But you know better than to poke the bear right now, not when you’re well aware you’re the origin point of the fury that he’s outright shaking with. A trail of dried blood remains crusted to the side of his face, matching the dark stains along the torn and tattered remains of his dark green cloak. 

He almost died today.

And so did you.

“That you were about to be Titan food if nobody stepped in to help you,” you offer in a flat tone, arms crossed over your chest.

Levi clicks his tongue against his teeth in annoyance, swiping a thumb across the cut on his bottom lip as he continues to level you with that piercing stare. “I was fine,” he snaps.

He was two seconds from being torn to shreds by the three Titans that cornered him while he fought to re-engage his malfunctioning ODM gear, and if you hadn’t come ricocheting through the trees to distract them, humanity may have very well finally lost its strongest soldier.

You tell him as much, throwing your hands in the air in exasperation, and he takes a step toward you, borderline shouting, “I told you to stand the fuck down.”

He had.

You’d locked eyes with him the moment you careened through the thick cover of the branches, had clearly heard what he shouted at you the moment he realized what you were about to do—and you’d promptly ignored his command.

“I didn’t hear you,” you shrug, though you both know it for the bald lie that it is.

He moves closer.

“I’m your Captain, and I gave you a goddamn order.”

“It was a shitty order. You would have died,” you retort.

Levi nearly closes the distance between the two of you, your back pressing against the wall behind you as the toes of his boots scuff against your own. With one hand splayed flat on the surface beside your head, his breath is hot on your face as he seethes, “You almost died.”

A Titan had grabbed you, almost crushing you to death in the process as your fingers fumbled for purchase on your sword, hoping that your last remaining blade would hold out. You hadn’t had time to think through a solid plan, your body having jumped into action without a second thought the moment you realized Levi was well and truly fucked when you could no longer see and hear him soaring through the air. So you’d acted on pure instinct, buying Levi the precious moments he needed to get his gear back in working order, and he’d then immediately killed the Titan that had you in its grip.

It was fine. You both survived.

Barely.

You’d hardly had time to say a word to Levi afterward, both of you caught up in rejoining the main fray of the battle alongside your fellow Scouts.

“I’m fine,” you counter, turning your head to the side to break the intense eye contact.

Levi grasps your chin, turning your head to face him again, mouth set in a hard line. “You’re reckless,” he growls. 

You sigh in annoyance, fighting a losing battle to temper down your body’s reaction to Levi’s close proximity, the whisper of his body heat like a beacon to your tired, weary bones. 

Right.

So maybe your reckless decision wasn’t just made out of the goodness of your heart as a Scout, but also was heavily inspired by one inescapable, undeniable fact—you’re in love with Levi Ackerman.

Your crush had been innocent enough at first, a bright flare of feelings sparking to life inside of you the first time you watched the way he effortlessly operates on missions. One would have thought that, as you became familiar with his cold and merciless demeanor up close, his piss poor attitude with you and your fellow Scouts would help quell the frantic beating of your heart every time he was in your proximity.

But that wasn’t the case, not at all.

Rather, you found yourself even more drawn to him, craving the few and far between moments when you’d catch him letting his guard down. The moments when, despite his scathing remarks, it was abundantly clear just how much he cared about each and every member of the Scout Regiment.

The moments when you saw just how far he’d go to protect those closest to him. 

And when you found yourself transferred to run under Levi’s command, stamping down on the inconvenient, endlessly smoldering embers of your laughably unrequited crush only became more difficult as you were forced into even closer quarters with him than ever before. The only thing that helped after that was Levi’s unfailing tendency to express one of only two emotions toward you at all times: stark indifference or annoyed exasperation. 

Unable to formulate a smart response to snap into the scant space remaining between your mouths, you mutter, “You’re reckless, too.”

Levi places his other hand on the wall on the other side of your head, effectively caging you in, his hair brushing against your forehead. “Well you can’t be,” he seethes.

“I’d argue that your life matters more than most of the others here,” you offer plainly, meaning every word.

“Not to me.”

You roll your eyes, “Self-deprecation doesn’t suit you, Capt—”

“Your life matters more to me,” he cuts you off roughly, voice nearly breaking.

If it weren’t for the steady pressure of the wall holding you up, you would have swayed. “What?”

One of his hands curls into a fist, his eyes falling shut for a moment as he takes a deep, steadying breath. “I was furious when you were switched into my squad.”

Yeah, he’d been downright incorrigible for days.

“I noticed,” you comment, deflating slightly. 

Your life? The lives of your fellow Scouts, of all of you. 

Of course.

“That’s not what I…” He stares at you, eyebrows knitting together, a strange expression on his face. “You don’t know, do you?” Stormy slate softens to the soft gray hue of the skies after a storm as his eyes scan your face. 

“I know that I annoy you to no end and you spent weeks petitioning Erwin to move me elsewhere,” you roll your eyes.

“Because my feelings make me a liability on the field with you under my command.”

Blood rushes in your ears, and your next words are so tentative, so small, “Your feelings?”

Levi pinches the bridge of his nose, clearly underestimating just how unbelievable the words coming out of his mouth are. “I can’t think straight around you,” he chokes out, his forehead falling against yours.

“But you…” you trail off, trying to reconcile the conflicting meaning of what he’s saying with what you’ve come to believe for so long. 

“I’ve been trying to avoid this, how I feel, because it wouldn’t be fair to you. It’s why I…act the way I do around you.”

Idly, you wonder if it’s actually possible to forget how to breathe. “What do you want, Levi?” you ask quietly, carefully placing a hand over his chest, his heart beating steadily behind his ribcage. 

He covers your hand with his own and murmurs, “Something that would be really goddamn selfish in the grand scheme of things,” glancing down at the winged emblem on his jacket.

“And what if I want you to be selfish?”

A sharp inhale from Levi is your only warning before he cups your face in his hands and brings his lips crashing into yours. 

Your body sinks into his embrace as he wraps you up in his arms, fingers splayed possessively along the small of your back, pulling you flush against him. He kisses you hard, like he’s trying to convey everything that he’s been holding back, every touch he’s denied himself in your presence. 

The cinders in your chest ignite, burning hotter with each press of his plush lips against yours, each nip of his teeth along your bottom lip. His fingertips are a searing brand on your waist as he grasps your hip, tugging out a small, needy whine from your lips in return, and his warm, answering chuckle has your legs threatening to give out beneath you. 

You both freeze suddenly at the sound of two rapid knocks against the door, followed by the sound of Hange calling out, “Hey, did you want to go over those notes?”

The look Levi gives your notebook, innocently sitting atop the table, is downright scathing as he barks out, “She’s busy.”

“Levi?” Hange asks, tone brimming with curiosity.

“We’re busy,” he exhales, tilting his head up toward the ceiling in annoyance.

The answering noise that leaves Hange’s mouth can only be described as complete and total delight as they laugh before walking away, footsteps pointedly loud as they make their way back down the hallway.

Realizing that you had actually noted a few important things regarding new discoveries on Titan behavior, your eyes stray back to the notebook, uncertain. “Are you sure I shouldn’t just…”

“Absolutely not,” Levi cuts you off brusquely with another searing kiss, tugging you toward the bed in the corner of the room. “You’re mine tonight.”

blipped: before the snap (preview)

title: blipped: before the snap pairing: brother’s best friend!yoongi x female reader genre: major angst !!, fluff, brother’s best friend au, unrequited love, set in the marvel cinematic universe (mcu), slow burn?, implied age gap, heavy themes, the blip is kinda fucked up if u think abt it, brother!namjoon, bestfriend!taehyung warnings: manipulative and abusive mom, family issues, y/n has a careless one night stand, no smut for this part yet, this part is a bit boring i'm really sorry. word count: 19k (bruh,,) teaser word count: 695

At the age of 21, you confessed your feelings to your brother’s best friend, Yoongi, which he rejected. One day later, Thanos snapped, turning fifty percent of the world population to dust, leaving the other half lost, confused, and mourning–including you. Five years later, Bruce Banner snapped everyone back to life, including Yoongi, who doesn’t really know you anymore.

a/n before i wrote it: it’s okay to read this if you aren’t into the marvel movies. i just think that the concept of the blip is a really interesting (very traumatic and sad) topic for civilians. imagine the adjustment of your loved ones disappearing and then they just come back. a/n after i wrote it: holy shit i thought this was a fun idea but this is just pure devastation writing about the blip is no fun at all. so i'm not really happy with this one but it's looooong overdue so fck it i'll just post it and get it over with.

release date: October 30, 2022 playlist: blipped.

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Silence filled the air for a few minutes. It’s always like this with Yoongi. Silence, comfort, and safety. It was never quiet with you. Not in your life. But whenever Yoongi come into it, it became quiet. He has made you feel at peace. He has made you feel warm.

The warmth he offered sometimes hurt, you admit. But it was not his fault. You are greedy. You want more of the warmth than what he can offer. But you would take this hurt everyday than go back to the chaos and noise that you have known before him. And tonight, you feel you can allow yourself to be more greedy.

“Do I look pretty tonight?” The words come out of your mouth before you even think. The beating heart in your chest seemed to want to run away from your brain with how fast it went.

“What?” Yoongi undoubtedly found the question unusual as you have never asked him questions like this. You weren’t one to worry about your appearance. They know that you’re definitely insecure about a myriad of things but you refrain from letting people know about it. Indulging the people you care about your problems is just not you.

“I’m asking you if you think I’m attractive.” You repeat, cheeks blushing and eyes set in the other direction. Where you’re getting your confidence right now, you’re not sure where.

“Tsk.” He cocks his head and began to remove his jacket. “You are attractive.”

“No.” Your hands are now by your stomach, fiddling and playing together. “I’m asking if you think I’m attractive.”

There was a pause in the air for a few seconds. It seemed like he was thinking. “Come here.”

When your eyes lift up, you find him offering his jacket to you. He was holding it by its shoulder part, the back facing him and ready for you to slide your arms into the empty sleeves. A black long sleeve shirt was left on him, complementing his growing ebony hair that was reaching the back of his neck. He was yet to get a haircut and you’re thankful for that.

“My arms are gonna die, get in.” He pleads and you comply. You’re disappointed he doesn’t answer the question but you decide not to press into it further due to sudden embarrassment.

You step in and turned around, sliding your right arm first and then your left. You fix the jacket on you as you look straight ahead the empty sidewalk. This was his favorite one. The black one adorned with white details of dragons on the chest and the sleeves.

“Put your hand in the right pocket.” He instructs and you did. You feel something box-like and fish it out of the garment.

It was a rectangular black velvet box not bigger than your palm. “Wha–”

“It’s your present.” He interrupts your confused reaction.

Inside the box was a gold necklace with a pendant not bigger than half an inch. It resembled a butterfly. The wings were carved by horizontal lines but was connected to four tiny diamonds on each wing’s inner part.

“Is this real?” You ask, eyes squinting at the necklace now in your hand.

“Are you saying I’m cheap? Of course, it is. I had my friend from work get it. That’s where I stopped by before going in.” He answers and takes the necklace from you from the back.

Before you knew it, his arms were in your peripheral vision, ready to put the necklace on you. He clasps it around your neck and you feel the cold pendant on your hand, admiring it.

Cold hands turn you around by the shoulders, making you face him.

“You look beautiful.”

And he smiles. His hands are still on your shoulders, literally making him an arm length from you. The smile on his face is the cutest you have ever seen. It’s toothless and his cheeks more fluffier than ever. The way his eyes sparkled competed with the street lights and the present stars the night sky above the two of you.

He looked so beautiful.

You’re so fucked.

You’re irrevocably in love with Min Yoongi.

© wolfvmin. please do not copy, translate, claim any of my works. thank you.