She's Trembling.

She's trembling.

She's trembling in his arms but there's such calm stillness in her eyes. As if Death was a fine wine she knew had been poisoned. He couldn't comprehend.

"You're afraid." He said, hoping that would shake her from her stillness.

"Yes." She said and her voice was shaken like her body.

But she didn't run. Didn't scream. He could tell she was thinking about it, every instinct on her body demanding it. But the strange, strange creature in front of him did not move.

"You're going to die."

"I'm aware."

"Won't you try to run?" He crooked his head. "To beg?"

"Would it change anything?"

He scoffed, half amused, half incredulous.

"I suppose not." She nodded at his answer, her eyes curious as they shone to him. "Are you suicidal?"

"No." She blinked. "Why would you think that?"

"People who want to live usually try to do something to ensure they do."

"Good point." The corner of her lips turned up. He could hear her beating heart wildly inside her ribcage. "I suppose I like the idea of dying in the hands of a vampire. It's an interesting death, even if no one will know."

"An interesting death?" He was captured by the insane idea as if her words had been a trap for an innocent prey.

But he was no prey.

"It's better than the alternatives, I suppose. Every death I can think of living is either boring, painful, too quick, or all of the above." She looked him in the eyes, fearful but not wavering. "Are you going to do it now?"

"Why would you want to die?"

"I don't but I don't suppose you'll let me go as well" He didn't respond. She hesitated. "Will you?"

"Would you like that?"

"Yes." There was no hesitation this time but they still danced around each other like they were aliens, other species completely. Which, to be fair, he was to her. "But will you?"

"I don't know." He was honest and she got quiet. "Why are you so complicit in your own death?"

"I don't want to die like a human, I guess." She laughed a bit at the irony of it all. "I don't want to be afraid even if I don't want to die now because if I am afraid... fear is the last thing I'll ever feel."

"What do you want to feel like as you die then?"

"Warm"

He blinked, that only word feeding at his heart like predators over carrion. It had been a long time since he had died but he couldn't help but try to remember what it felt like, his beating heart matching hers as memories long forgotten flooded his brain.

"If you died, would you tell me?" He asked then, his voice as soft as summer rain. "What it feels like?"

"I don't want to." Her quick comprehension made him chuckle.

"Why not, doll?"

"What future is there for you, or me, or anyone who lives forever? Where will my loved ones be in thirty years? Fifty? Where will I be when humanity finally manages to destroy itself? What will be left but despair and death and a touch of amused malice?"

"Strange. You seemed like the hopeful type."

"My hope lies in the present. Not in the future. I don't hope for things I know are just a fickle possibility, an echo of what shines bright and loud right now. And I won't trade the burning flames of the present for the certainty of the future. I can live with my anxiety over what's next. I won't live with the empty promises of tomorrow."

He felt his temper flaring.

"Don't you wanna know what it's like to be powerful? What on Earth wouldn't you trade your pitiful human life for eternity and the ease of a darker kind of life?"

"I fear I'm not that power-starved." She sounded amused by his impatience. "Nor am I so easily swayed by promises of a better existence. We're made of the same stuff, you and I, even if yours is better utilized. We're stardust and connected energy, we're freaks of the Universe and still, we're both suffering. Again, we cry and weep over and over. What is there for us, creatures of the same element, then to make the best we can with what we have, and hope the randomness of the Universe grace us with some kind of mercy? I cannot bear to be the protagonist of this story. I cannot bear the thought of suffering without my bright lights and my feet on the ground. I am not made for the intensity of eternity or the pain of idle life. To dream about grandeur is a better thing than to live it."

"So it's a coward's choice." He was disappointed.

"Could be." She said looking at him with the same confusion he looked at her. "Do you like it? Your meaningless existence? The loneliness drenched in despair you wear like a coat? The memories that haunt you every minute of every day against the cold reality of this existence for eternity? Drowning in arrogance and beliefs of Darwinian self-importance so that you can bear it? The fear of going mad slowly in a spiral because you can't remember how it feels like to be human anymore?"

He was heaving. Her lips touched his ears, a shiver running down his spine.

"What are we but desperate creatures, clawing our way through the dirt of our own cores?"

Truth is... I cannot live with my own heart

It was just that... there was so much loneliness in adult life, so much loss. If she thought about it, Annie could make a whole timeline of her life with the things she had lost as she grew up:

At first, she lost things she didn't care about anyway, like clothes, shoes, and jewelry. Then, she lost toys and blankets and beds as she grew a bit older. Then, she lost friends—both sides forced to separate because of changes in their parents' lives (Annie believed that was why there was so much rebellion in adolescence: nothing but a desperate struggle for a bit of control so that the losses weren't so many, so extensive, so painful, to make things stop disappearing just for a second).

Then, suddenly, people were no longer so kind, so lenient. Suddenly, an adventure was just a trip, Christmas was just another celebration, songs became a little less magical—things started to become duller, less bright than they once had been to her childish eyes, things were no longer a mystery to be discovered. Suddenly, the people who had always been around her started to disappear, leaving only an irreparable void inside her.

But for Annie, the most devastating loss of adulthood was what everyone seemed to call so confidently independence, though to Annie it just sounded like loneliness; it was the belief that because she was an adult now, she should know what to do with all those feelings, with all those emotions, with all those sensations and those situations, with all that life that she didn't fully understand; it was the dichotomy between placing the responsibility of being an adult on her shoulders, but doubting her ability to be one competently with every step she took.

But more than all that, it was the complete and desperate loneliness of being left alone with her own emotions as if they were a messy room she needed to clean up, but that only kept getting messier no matter how much she tried. Alone because other people had their own messy rooms to clean up and Annie could no longer depend on them. There was so much loneliness in being an adult—no more mother's lap for you, because if you need help, it's because you're not ready. No more hands to support you while you walk, no more training wheels while you ride, no more of everything you took for granted yesterday.

Annie was only twenty-one years old, but she was already tired—no, exhausted—of adult life, because it was too many losses from all sides, it was too much emptiness, and it made her understand why adults accepted any desperate form of love that came their way just so they wouldn't have to face that life, that world, with the awareness of that loneliness.

TBH

I find so funny when I'm scrolling on these hashtags and then find some post with a hashtag like "I don't endorse abuse" of smt like that bc you'd think, with a media like IWTV, that'd be a given

We obviously don't like these characters because they are sane babygirl

You knelt down.

You knelt down in front of me.

For me.

You looked up to me

Knelt down on the cold hard floor

In front of me like some old ages knight

You knelt down

Your sins and your mouth laid down on my feet

On my lips.

You knelt and that has been all I can think about since then

another campaign i want to highlight: Khalil Abubaker Khalil lost his employment, as did his father, leaving them all with no chances to support themselves during this war. they have exhausted all of their savings and no longer have hope that the situation in Gaza is going to get better.

that's why this family needs our support. Khalil made a campaign at the beginning of the month for him and his family so they have a chance to evacuate and start a new life in Egypt. time is of the essence. with every passing day, the situation in Gaza becomes more dire, dangerous and unliveable.

tragically, this gfm is only for half of his family: his parents, his youngest sister and himself. many Palestinian families are being forced to decide who gets to evacuate and who stays behind in Gaza, facing an unknown fate. i urge you to read through their story in their own words in the link of the gfm. as of today (06/20/24) they have reached €712 / €30,000, still very far away from their goal. let's help him and his family not only get enough funds but also give them back their hope for a better future.

gofundme.com

Donate to Help My Family Survive and Evacuate from Gaza, organized by Khalil Abubaker

Compassionate Hearts Around the World, My name is Khalil Abubaker, a… Khalil Abubaker needs your support for Help My Family Survive and

Overanalyzing my OCs' relationship at 2AM just because I can

I know no one you'll read this but I wanted so bad to make a character analysis of the characters of my latest book series, so I'll just do it and leave it here for anyone who might be interested,

So, one of the things I love about Khaos and Amalie's dynamics (and something that is vital to understand about their relationship) is that they don't fall in love with each other until the third book because the romance is not what their stories are about.

Of course, they feel attracted to each other but they really, really don't like each other in the first two books. The thing about Khaos and Amalie's relationship in the first book (Prison of Darkness) is that they are learning to trust each other as people who can do the job they are assigned to in their mission - the one thing they do share and are obliged to in the story, the thing that brings them together.

The first book (for them) is about establishing Amalie's trust in Khaos' ability to lead and to actually respect those who are below him in this group's hierarchy, and about Khaos' ability to actually trust that Amalie will go through with her promises and stay by their side even when she has such a strong set of morals. Once they recognize that the other has the capacity to be and do what they need them to be or do, they realize they can trust each other to be a reliable part of the same team.

That's the point of the first book in regards to their relationship - to establish trust, not between romantic partners, but as part of the same team.

Then, by the first book, once Khaos is forced to confront the worst demons of his childhood, Amalie is forced to see the humanity of Khaos. And it's in this context the base of their romantic feelings will be set later on in the third book, but I digress: the point of the second book is that Khaos is not a good person and that's not supposed to be ignored by the readers - Khaos is not a good person and he isn't a good person by choice.

Amalie sees that, and she despises him for it, and she is right to do so because Khaos is aware of the pain and suffering his actions as well as his inaction put people through, and he still chooses it every time. And unlike some dark romances would make us believe, it's not actually sexy, healthy, or even healing to not give a damn because of trauma. It's actually the opposite of it.

Of course, Khaos has his reasons, he has deep-rooted trauma to overcome on the path to becoming a better person than he chooses to be but what Amalie is forced to see in the second book (Crown of Death) is that, deep down, he's not cruel or vindictive or insensitive for the sake of it. What she is forced to recognize and accept throughout the second book is that Khaos is very much human just like she is, and he has the same complexity she has.

It happens with Amalie's perception of other characters as well but especially when talking about Khaos, the second book forces her to see him in a new light so that the pot twist in the ending lands more heavily on her. The story of the second book will reveal to Amalie that even through his cruelty, Khaos is capable of not only caring but also capable of choosing better options, choosing to do better by himself and the people around him.

And for Khaos, the second book is about showing him that he can do better without losing himself like he fears will happen because of his trauma. It's about his understanding that change can happen and as such, forcing him to recognize that his perception of Amalie is jaded, is tainted by his trauma's lenses. For him, the development of his character gives Khaos the chance to look at Amalie as someone who can not only rival his intelligence but also push him in the direction he not only needs to be pushed but also wants to be pushed to, just by her personality alone.

It's about him understanding that Amalie was right, and being humbled by it, and accepting that he was wrong in his choices - albeit justified - and thus opening a path for him to change in the ways he needs to.

And that's the point where we reach the third book (Treason of Blood) and I absolutely love that Amalie and Khaos just start to sincerely love each other in the last book because it's only then they actually become the people they would fall in love with.

I could never have written Amalie falling in love with Khaos before because I could never fathom loving a person who thinks so little of my principles and morals, so little of my capacity to understand the world around me, like Khaos does for her. And for Khaos, I could never convincingly write someone falling in love with a person who thinks so little of me, of the person I am, who judges me even though she knows nothing of my struggles or my past or the things I've been through.

So the third book is about change, it's about becoming better versions of ourselves, and more than that: doing right by the rest of the world because of it. The third book is about forgiving bad deeds but demanding change for them, accepting traumas but also holding themselves and others accountable for their own choices (even when guided by these same traumas), it's about falling in love with a person because they're trying to do better (not for you but just because they realized they had a shitty attitude) and falling in love because of their capacity to forgive, to be kind and amorous even when we can't forgive ourselves.

I just love their dynamic so much, I wish more people knew about them.