Life Tip #52

Life Tip #52

how to pass your finals:

get off tumblr first, dipshit

Life Tip #62

“reblog for good luck” posts are fantastic and they give the same kind of giddy excitement that you had when you were a kid throwing a penny in a wishing well but friendly reminder that even when you reblog something and something really good happens, luck is only 5% and every single good decision you’ve made up until that point constituted the other 95%.

good things happening to you isn’t just luck. the universe decided you deserved it.

Life Tip #66

if one of your friends starts dating a jolene, simply end the friendship right then and there. dolly parton doesn’t deserve this disrespect. 

combine them and try eating a tree

Life Tip #49

wHAT UP FOOLS, I’M HERE TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH BETTER YOUR LIFE IS GONNA BE IF YOU THROW YOUR UGLY SENSE OF HUMILIATION OUT THE WINDOW!! sHAME?? tHAT BITCH IS CANCELLED!! y’all are gonna have to step outside and sLAM your face into a fistful of grass!! buy yourself some roses!! bake three trays of brownies so you can give them out like a baking god!! eAT A WHOLE RAW TOMATO! CLIMB A FUCKING TREE! PAINT AN UGLY SELF-PORTRAIT IN WATERCOLOR AND HANG IT INSIDE YOUR BATHROOM!! THROW A KARAOKE PARTY WITHOUT AN OCCASION!!

THERE !! IS !! NO !! SHAME !! IN !! BEING !! HAPPY !!

Life Tip #59

how to tell if someone is actually a piece of bread:

chomp.

Life Tip #58

Some good things to remember that you might forget:

No one is guaranteed a second chance but people can change. You as a person are perfectly capable of evolving and adapting. You will always have the option to become better.

Don’t microwave marshmallows for longer than twenty seconds. It’s tempting but don’t.

It’s okay to have wanted something and not get it. You don’t need to use hindsight bias in every situation. (ex. Getting a bad grade on the test and being like “oh, I didn’t even really try anyway.”) You don’t have to make every shot you take.

If you have bad food in the house, you will eat the bad food. Eliminate the temptation entirely by having a set grocery list when you go to the store and try crossing out processed foods to the best of your ability! Your body is gorgeous and I want you to take care of it.

Don’t fucking touch the horsehair on string instrument bows !! Don’t do that !! 

Please please please do not eat the crunchy fall leaves, they are not good for munchies.

Telling somebody about your problems does not make you demanding. You are a human being and your emotions are valid. 

People don’t have to like you. You don’t exist for anybody else, no matter how many times somebody will try to reinforce that idea. 

The parsley comes out of the bottle faster than you expect. Be ready. Do not allow it to dominate.

It’s hard to say “I love you” but it’s good to practice. Tell yourself “I love you” a lot more often than you think you should. Chances are, it’s never going to be too much.