Effort

Effort

It's hard to find the balance between stressing on smth so hard, obsessing over every single detail and actively avoiding doing anything, and trying to just reach the bare minimum. Idk what this is called, but I have this problem, some kind of executive dysfunction maybe.

Normal

Whenever I feel and act "normal", there's a profound sense of discomfort attached to that. Discomfort isn't the correct word, it mainly feels wrong, it makes me feel empty inside.

There's also constantly a mosquito in my room, I hate this.

apprentice (i always enjoyed their repoire, i think they would make great allies. khyber holds more respect for ben than a lot of his friends do)

goddddd stpd moment but i hate names. I'm not supposed to have a name all of them have Symbolism that Lock you into things you are and things you are not. I don't want people to be able to have a me in their brains and the concept of true name and true self is such bullshit i am like 8 different people in trench coat and i keep having mitosis if you call me differently because now that's a new Persona. i keep accidentally thinking about names and discovering later I Stole It from some random person and now i have their thoughts in mine and it's Very Annoying. does this make any sense.

ppl were talking about it on the stpd reddit but honestly i'm assuming anyone with Problems with being a person probably has Name Troubles

Relationships

I find it easy to look down on people, for being stupid yet somehow conceited, for being deviants, for being rude, for a lot of reasons really. I can't deal with people I look down on, they're not worth my time.

On the other side I can't deal with kind people, genuine good people. They don't deserve someone like me, they deserve a real person, another kind person, not this hollow facade of a person.

There is no middle, no sweet-spot where I feel like I belong.

Crossroads

When I die, I will go to the crossroads. An infinite amount of paths layered out before me. Looking back the way I came from no longer exists. A guide approaches me and states in a remorseful tone: “Child, you can never proceed, you do not belong in any of these places”. I sit down and eternity passes in solitude.