Normal

Normal

Whenever I feel and act "normal", there's a profound sense of discomfort attached to that. Discomfort isn't the correct word, it mainly feels wrong, it makes me feel empty inside.

There's also constantly a mosquito in my room, I hate this.

Medical labels

In my stay there was one possibly diagnosis that, when brought up, always welled up some anger. It was Depression, because I see it as an invalidation of my feelings. It means directly that I do not have good reason to feel sad or empty, that this is a mere chemical imbalance. A complete dismissal of the mindless droning boredom of the ward, it's emptiness infected me like a plague and they blamed me for that.

Well, I guess I can't complain too much, they did have shitty wi-fi and one and a half activities for a full day and also zero places to be alone in. Yeah, I really can't see why I stayed in bed on my laptop all day. Fuck you people for validating my trauma with psychs.

I THINK WHERE I COME FROM IS LEAVING, a 13-page hxh fancomic i made for @zine--garden. (thank you so much for having me T__T everyone keep an eye out for aftersales!)

Scary

We all know that once you understand something, it stops being scary, you can work around it, counter it, avoid it. Natural phenomena can easily be understood and conquered, so can animals, they're all susceptible to our weaponry. They can only scare when they're hidden from us.

The mind can not comprehend itself, it is simply impossible. You can't make model something as complex as yourself. In this vain understanding others becomes intensely difficult, predictions will never reach certainty.

So in conclusion, the only things that can not be understood is people. You yourself are unpredictable, so are all others around you, there can never be security or comfort in that. People are scary.

slow motion

I remember a lot of moments in my childhood were my heart would race, but not uncomfortably so, and the world just slowed down, everyone was happening so slowly. I felt like I had super speed. I didn’t know then that was a symptom of my declining mental health. I don’t feel super anymore

goddddd stpd moment but i hate names. I'm not supposed to have a name all of them have Symbolism that Lock you into things you are and things you are not. I don't want people to be able to have a me in their brains and the concept of true name and true self is such bullshit i am like 8 different people in trench coat and i keep having mitosis if you call me differently because now that's a new Persona. i keep accidentally thinking about names and discovering later I Stole It from some random person and now i have their thoughts in mine and it's Very Annoying. does this make any sense.

ppl were talking about it on the stpd reddit but honestly i'm assuming anyone with Problems with being a person probably has Name Troubles