Relationships

Relationships

I find it easy to look down on people, for being stupid yet somehow conceited, for being deviants, for being rude, for a lot of reasons really. I can't deal with people I look down on, they're not worth my time.

On the other side I can't deal with kind people, genuine good people. They don't deserve someone like me, they deserve a real person, another kind person, not this hollow facade of a person.

There is no middle, no sweet-spot where I feel like I belong.

Delusions

In a clinical environment or with close friends, I can share my hallucinations, because I know they are, they're external, foreign. But delusions are internal, they're part of me, I can't tell where the actual idea ends and the delusion starts. I know exactly what will happen when I share this, I will be told that all my odd beliefs are delusions, but I can't accept that. So what if they're weird or inappropriate, I can't just get rid of them, and why would I? Every single possible reaction scares me, so I just keep quiet and never know.

apprentice (i always enjoyed their repoire, i think they would make great allies. khyber holds more respect for ben than a lot of his friends do)

that was unhinged, let me contextualise. I only had twenty minutes in my break to cry and clean up, but I did it faster. Nice

Crying any% sub 10 minutes let’s gooooo

I need to stop masking, let people have a glimpse at the real me.

Emotions

I do not believe that I have a full set of emotions. I have anger, loneliness, and fear. When I’m not angered, I say that I am calm, without knowing what actual calm feels like. When I’m not lonely, I call that love, without knowing what love means. When I’m not afraid, I say that I’m content, without ever feeling relief.