Obligatory Post, Cause I Havent Felt Like Paying Anything In A Bit.

Obligatory post, cause I haven’t felt like paying anything in a bit.

I’m insanely easy to irritate, because I finally figured out what I wanna do after finishing my apprenticeship, which is to study a very specific thing, but I get absolutely zero support when I talk about this to anyone. Like thanks dad for immediately pivoting to hours I need to work more.

Aside from that I’m thinking of doing something like a coffee diet, but possibly with juice also, cause I crave taste in my mouth. My oral fixation is really biting me on this stuff

Emotions

I do not believe that I have a full set of emotions. I have anger, loneliness, and fear. When I’m not angered, I say that I am calm, without knowing what actual calm feels like. When I’m not lonely, I call that love, without knowing what love means. When I’m not afraid, I say that I’m content, without ever feeling relief.

Crossroads

When I die, I will go to the crossroads. An infinite amount of paths layered out before me. Looking back the way I came from no longer exists. A guide approaches me and states in a remorseful tone: “Child, you can never proceed, you do not belong in any of these places”. I sit down and eternity passes in solitude.

Scary

We all know that once you understand something, it stops being scary, you can work around it, counter it, avoid it. Natural phenomena can easily be understood and conquered, so can animals, they're all susceptible to our weaponry. They can only scare when they're hidden from us.

The mind can not comprehend itself, it is simply impossible. You can't make model something as complex as yourself. In this vain understanding others becomes intensely difficult, predictions will never reach certainty.

So in conclusion, the only things that can not be understood is people. You yourself are unpredictable, so are all others around you, there can never be security or comfort in that. People are scary.

Phone call

Need to make a call. Stress about it. Push it further. Stress builds. Not much time left. Decide to do it. Dying of stress. Fumble hard. Burnout. Call over. Exhausted. Bit later, relief.

goddddd stpd moment but i hate names. I'm not supposed to have a name all of them have Symbolism that Lock you into things you are and things you are not. I don't want people to be able to have a me in their brains and the concept of true name and true self is such bullshit i am like 8 different people in trench coat and i keep having mitosis if you call me differently because now that's a new Persona. i keep accidentally thinking about names and discovering later I Stole It from some random person and now i have their thoughts in mine and it's Very Annoying. does this make any sense.

ppl were talking about it on the stpd reddit but honestly i'm assuming anyone with Problems with being a person probably has Name Troubles