2. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Shallow Grave (1994)

2. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Shallow Grave (1994)

To celebrate Ewan McGregor's 53rd birthday I think it's only fitting to review his movie debut!

First, a couple fun facts about this movie. Shallow Grave will turn 30 years old on May 16th this year! 😱Also, this movie was released 10 days after Being Human which was our first review and had Ewan's first big screen role.

Alright, let's dive in!

Movie Review: Shallow Grave is a Drama/Thriller directed by Danny Boyle and also written by him and John Hodge. This was a movie of firsts. It marked Danny Boyle's debut as a feature film director, John Hodge's first screenplay, Ewan's big screen debut, and the beginning of a close working relationship between the three men. The reason I'm calling this movie Ewan's debut even though he was in a movie before this is because he was just an extra in that movie. In this one, he plays a leading role. The movie also stars Kerry Fox and Christopher Eccleston. Shallow Grave is about three friends living together who come across a large sum of money when their new housemate mysteriously dies. In deciding to keep the money, they have to outwit the police investigating the death, protect the money from others looking for it, and eventually, protect themselves from each other. The protagonists are all assholes which makes for a unique viewing experience because you're not necessarily rooting for them to win. This movie is vulgar, violent, and has lots of blood. There's a couple frontal nude shots and for those that like Christopher Eccleston, an ass shot. You also get to see Ewan in drag which is a plus in my book. Unfortunately, I think there's a brief depiction of blackface (not by Ewan) which shocked and greatly disappointed me. It's a blink and you'll miss it moment but let me know if you see it or if my eyes are playing tricks on me.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character Alex Law. Like the other characters he is a grade A asshole and majored in sarcasm. Damn if he's not pretty though. His character is integral to the plot this time. Ewan does a phenomenal job playing Alex and I think the casting directors knew what they were doing because his good looks definitely help you forgive his more rough personality.

Screentime Percentage (All numbers are rounded to the nearest whole number): Ewan has a grand total of 41/93 minutes making his SP 44%. If that still sounds low to you, keep in mind that his previous role was an abysmal 2%. Trust me when I say that when you watch the movie for yourself it will feel like he's in every scene because he's so connected to the plot.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is Shallow Grave worth watching for Ewan content alone? Yes yes yes! From the fantastic haircut, the super 90s outfits, the underwear shots, the drag, the post fight scene, and more! There is enough Ewan content to satisfy your soul. Is the movie worth watching in general? Another resounding YES! You can easily classify this movie as a Psychological/Thriller. I've watched it several times and find something new while also being left with more questions.

Where to Watch: Shallow Grave is currently uploaded for free on YouTube through the account "deejay bains". Just search "Shallow Grave 1994".

Conclusion: Shallow Grave is a passion project made by some plucky nobodies without a clue that it would start their careers down the path of success. It's charming, gripping, and has some good comedic moments. I would encourage you to watch this movie with friends. It's a fun time and will have you on the edge of your seat.

Twins?

Movie: The Island (2005)

Character: Lincoln Six Echo

Oneshot/Ficlet

Word Count: 382

Synopsis: Lincoln Six Echo encounters twins for the first time.

A/N: I am thinking about making a collection of oneshots for this character centered around his first experiences in the real world. Maybe call it “Firsts” or something. I also want to challenge myself to write a fic once a week so that I can improve my writing.

Lincoln Six Echo was taking a morning stroll on his local park’s walking path. His best friend, Jordan Two Delta, was still asleep when he left the house. Although they normally did everything together, he loved how peaceful she looked while sleeping and didn't want to wake her. He breathed in the fresh morning air and smiled at the joggers that passed him by. At the Institute, the clones participated in daily morning exercises. The harsh overhead lights and frigid air conditioning of the Institute could never compare to the soft glow of the rising sun and the cool gentle breeze of the outside world.

He then saw a woman walking towards him and pushing two large connected chairs with wheels. A "stroller" he remembered learning from Jordan Two Delta who loved talking to mothers at the park. Each chair seated a young child and as the woman drew closer, he noticed the children were dressed in matching outfits. Oh, Jordan is going to love hearing about this! He smiled at the woman and then realized that the children weren't just dressed the same, they looked exactly the same!

"I have never seen a clone this young at the Institute before. And the Institute was destroyed weeks ago, so where did she get a clone?" Lincoln wondered.

The woman smiled back at Lincoln and he stopped her before she passed him.

“Excuse me, ma’am! Your-your child has a clone. How is that possible?”

The woman looked dumbfounded at Lincoln, then at her children, then back at Lincoln before bursting into laughter. “You know what?” She laughed, “I've never heard twins called clones before but I guess they technically are! I'm going to start saying that just to mess with people. You have a good day, sir! And with that, she continued on her way.

Lincoln was just as confused as he was before but he didn't want to chase the lady down for answers. "Twins, she said. Is a twin like a clone but not a clone? What is the difference?" Lincoln pondered. If only McCord was still alive. He always had the answer. Maybe Jordan could help him understand.

"The more I learn about this world the stranger it seems." He thought. Lincoln shook his head and started back home.

8. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Emma (1996)

Genre: Comedy/Romance

Rating: PG

Director: Douglas McGrath

Starring: Gwyneth Paltrow, Toni Collette

Synopsis: "Emma" is a movie based on the Jane Austen novel of the same name. It boasts a large cast of talented and recognizable actors. Several of them will go on to work with Ewan again in future projects. The movie is about Emma Woodhouse, a young socialite. Although she is an available bachelorette, she enjoys secretly matchmaking couples in her town instead of finding love for herself. She believes greatly in her matchmaking skills, though her pride and naivety cause her to fumble more often than not. When Emma befriends Harriet Smith, a debutante with unknown family heritage, she makes it her mission to find her new friend a fitting husband. Instead, she finds herself more trouble than she knows what to do with.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character Frank Churchill. Frank is the stepson of Emma's friend and former governess, Mrs. Weston. He is a charming young man who thrives on being the center of attention. When he arrives in town to visit his father, the townswomen immediately become enamored with the handsome bachelor. Even Emma, who previously thought she was not interested in marriage, can't help being swept off her feet by the gentlemen's advances. Ewan wears a wig in this role I believe because his hair would still be short from filming "Trainspotting." It's not a bad wig but there were some moments where I had to squint and say "yeah, I don't think that's his hair" lol. He uses an English accent for this role and honestly, it doesn't sound very good. He's done English accents before but this one just doesn't sound natural, especially compared to his co-stars. He sings twice in the movie! He performs two duets and the first one always makes me laugh because of how he randomly jumps in. He's also in a dance scene which was really fun. As far as his performance, it's nothing special in my opinion. Again, maybe it's because he was surrounded by a large cast of talented actors, but he didn't seem to shine like he normally does. Or maybe he was tired from filming four movies back to back and the fatigue had begun to set in. Luckily, since his character is a minor one, it doesn't really matter and I still had a good time watching him.

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 13/121 minutes making his SP 11%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan content alone? My opinion is no. He's a fun perk that you get with the movie but I wouldn't turn it on just to see him. Is the movie worth watching in general? Yes! It's fun. It's cute. It has a happy ending for everyone. It even won two Oscars for best movie score and costume design. It's a calm, low stimulating movie that's still entertaining.

Where to Watch: "Emma" is currently available for rent on YouTube and can be streamed on Amazon Prime Video if you have a subscription.

Conclusion: If you like period pieces then I think you'd like "Emma". It's a beautiful movie and a nice change of pace from the overstimulating movies of today.

9. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Brassed Off (1996)

We made it to our last movie of 1996 and boy, is it a good one!

Some fun facts before we begin!

Pete Gunn has a minor role in the movie as the character Simmo. You might remember that he worked alongside Ewan in the movie "Blue Juice"!

While the movie takes place in the village Grimley, the story is actually inspired by the mining village Grimethorpe whose pit was closed just three years before the movie released.

The Grimethorpe Colliery Band performed all the band numbers in the movie.

Ewan's character plays a tenor horn in the band. I think it's a fun fact because when Ewan was a teenager, he played the French horn!

Genre: Comedy/Romance

Rating: R

Director: Mark Herman

Starring: Pete Postlethwaite, Tara Fitzgerald, Ewan McGregor

Synopsis: "Brassed Off" is about the 1980s pit closures in the United Kingdom. It takes place in Grimley, a coal mining village, that is next on the chopping block to have it's colliery shut down. The village is also home to the Grimley Colliery Band which has existed for 100 years and the characters are all part of. But with the possibility of the pit closing comes the possibility of the end of the band for good. Band leader Danny (Pete Postlethwaite) challenges the men to fight one last time to win the National Brass Band Competition in London. When Gloria (Tara Fitzgerald), a former resident of Grimley, makes a surprise return to the village, she joins the band and sets out to bring hope to the weary miners.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character Andy Barrows, a coal miner and member of the local band. Andy is initially excited to be reunited with Gloria as the two had a former romance. However, when he learns why Gloria has been keeping her return a secret, he becomes unsure whether he can trust her or if they were ever meant to be. Ewan wears an earring in this role and speaks with a Yorkshire accent. His character is broody so expect a lot of scowls which is a change of pace from his many smiley characters. He has an implied sex scene and a makeout scene. His acting, along with the rest of the cast, gets an A+ from me!

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 26/107 minutes making his SP 24%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan alone? No. He already doesn't have much to do in this movie and he's part of an ensemble cast so the story is spread out over several different characters. Honestly, I found myself more interested in other storylines than his. He's good when he's on screen and is nice to look at but this just isn't a Ewan content heavy role. Is the movie worth watching in general? Absolutely! This movie has an amazing story, the actors have great chemistry, the music is phenomenal, and you get to learn in an intimate way about an important time in history. I can tell you that before watching this movie I didn't know anything about the miner strikes or pit closures. Now, I'm reading up on the history!

Warning before watching: There is a suicide attempt scene.

Where to Watch: "Brassed Off" is available for rent on YouTube, Fandango at Home, and Amazon Prime Video. You can also watch it for free on soap2day.

Closing Thoughts: This movie so creatively weaves together a story of anger, depression, and hope. The characters are fleshed out and feel real. You hurt for their plight and root for their fight. The movie has a bittersweet ending. I applaud the director, Mark Herman, for sharing with the world the harm done to the miners of the U.K. and their perseverance through it all.

10. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Nightwatch (1997)

New year, new movies! In 1997, Ewan starred in three movies and all of them had some pretty bizarre plots lol. Let's start at the beginning with "Nightwatch"!

Genre: Horror/Mystery

Rating: R

Director: Ole Bornedal

Starring: Ewan McGregor, Nick Nolte, Josh Brolin

Synopsis: "Nightwatch" follows Martin Bells, a college student, who takes a job as the new night watchman at a morgue at the same time a serial rapist/murderer is on the loose. As the police hunt for the criminal, and more evidence is brought to light, Martin comes to the terrifying realization that he is their prime suspect!

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the main character Martin Bells. Martin is in college as a law student and is best friends with a mean, sexist, and inconsiderate (the list could go on) prick. Ewan has a female love interest and they have a couple kissing scenes as well as a really tender moment early in the movie. He speaks with an American English accent which isn't too shabby except when he gets scared and then he pretty much drops it lol. Speaking of scared, he spends a lot of the movie screaming, and crying. He has a bathing scene with no real nudity but if you pause at just the right time it's possible to see his package from afar. He also gets a public handjob, beat up, bit, and bound. In other words, you get a slew of very weak, vulnerable, and submissive Ewan content.

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 52/102 minutes making his SP 51%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan content? Yes. Is the movie worth watching in general? Yes. Caveat: if you wish to be entertained then the movie will entertain you. But it espouses such harmful views of women that you might not be able to look past it and enjoy the story.

Warning before Watching: there is a violent murder within the first 3 minutes of the movie and another towards the end. There are close ups of mutilated, naked, dead bodies and lots and lots of blood. The movie is also incredibly sexist and revels in cruelty against women.

Where to Watch: You can stream the movie for free on Pluto TV or soap2day. It's available for rent on YouTube, Amazon Prime Video, Google Play Movies, and Fandango at Home.

Closing Thoughts: This movie is in the horror genre seemingly because of the gore and suspense. The true horror of this film is the misogyny and general treatment of women. I was more disturbed and disgusted by the way the male characters interacted with the female characters. Mind you, this movie is not a cautionary tale. It is not about the pitfalls of sexism. The male characters do not receive comeuppance for their behavior. It is treated as natural. It is celebrated. We are to understand and sympathize with these chauvinists. We are to find humor in their hatred and charm in their cruelty. The funny thing is, you could (and I did) read a homoerotic subtext within the relationship of the two male best friends because they truly only love each other while their female love interests are just an afterthought. This movie is gross for all the wrong reasons and I will not be watching it again.

Only the Shadows Know

Movie: Mortdecai (2015)

Characters: Inspector Alistair Martland

Oneshot / Yandere / Drabble

Word Count: 100

Synopsis: While her husband is away, Martland pays Johanna a secret visit.

A/N: So of course the moment I said that wanted to write at least once a week, I didn't touch the computer for a full month 🤦‍♂️. Well, no better time than the present to start again! I wasn't feeling any inspiration and didn't know who to write about. Finally, I realized that inspiration isn't something that's always there. Sometimes, you have to just sit down and start writing. Otherwise, you may be waiting for inspiration for an eternity lol. This is my first yandere. I've become interested in the genre and wanted to give it a shot. This is only drabble so it's very short but dang! Writing exactly 100 words was way more challenging than I expected lol.

Martland gazed lovingly at the woman deep in slumber before him. His desire to see her, to protect her, outweighed the risk of being caught. Besides, the sleeping pill he encouraged her to take was doing its job well. How could Mortdecai roam the world and leave his most valuable treasure defenseless? “I would never leave you, my love.” He softly muttered to himself. One day, he will confess his devotion to his angel and she will understand her place is with him. But for now, as he hides in the dark recesses of her room, only the shadows know.