Best Friend

“Best friend”

She was a fiery mess but disguised it with clever smiles and pastel aesthetics.

Her heart was full of knots but she kept it in a guarded corner of deceiving fake laughs.

Her wrists were buried in white scars but she covered them with designer sweaters and passionate kisses.

She had no emotions left but she concealed this with intensity and well thought out lies.

Her blue eyes burned through me with their icy stare but curiosity melted my carefully built walls.

stay alive not because your mother will never stop crying but because you can look up at the sky on a sunny day and see the clouds moving by and you’ll take a moment to wonder if it is because the earth is spinning or because the wind is blowing stay alive so you can answer that question stay alive so you can ask someone else that question, then wow them by knowing the answer or be wowed that they already knew it as well stay alive because you’re never too old to look up at the sky and see figures in the shapes of clouds a cumulonimbus that looks like a dog will never fail to make you smile stay alive not because your father will blame himself for the loss of his baby but because your favorite band might come out with a new song or your favorite show might get renewed for a new season or your favorite person might like your tweet on twitter stay alive because the future is unclear and that may seem terrifying, not knowing what’s to come, but it’s worth taking that chance gambling is never a safe bet but the house always wins and you, my dear, are the house stay alive not because your best friend will never forgive themselves for losing you but because of the feeling you get when you do see your best friend that calmness, that peace, that happiness – that feeling is genuine happiness and yes, you are capable of experiencing it you’re allowed to experience it you’re allowed to be happy stay alive because you’re allowed to be happy and there are countless reasons to feel that joy radiate like sunbeams like licking melted ice cream off of your hand as it drips from the cone or the way the world slowly changes from green to orange in autumn or seeing the first snowfall of winter or that first sip of a hot beverage when you’re absolutely freezing or wearing your favorite underwear or finally seeing the Big Dipper at night or the perfect amount of Parmesan cheese on top of your pasta or your pet crawling into your lap stay alive because at least one of those things make you happy and you should experience it one more time stay alive not because i’ll miss you but because one day life will feel the way a brand new notebook feels - intimidating, but exciting and more importantly, a fresh start stay alive because you deserve to be around for that fresh start

(cc, 2017)

havent used this account in two years but my other one randomly got deleted and its the place where ive been logging my recovery 😃

it’s 2:12 am and im crying about how sad the cat looks and how i realized that im just as sad as the kitty

When you scroll through social media and feel ugly af compared to everyone else

-e.z. (photo: idk)

im currently hung up on the one that got away and the regrets.

There’s your very first kiss and the one that got away

The never gonna happen and the maybe someday

We all have our favorites, we all have regrets

The ones we wish worked out and the ones we wish we never met

But we know we’ll find someone someday that makes the regrets all go away

and makes everything we went through seem worth it, necessary, and okay

tw

im over three months clean today. i want to get better. i tried to get better. i dont know how much longer i can handle this