First Time Smut Writer: Um. Hope This Is OK? It's Only A Bit Of Smut At The Very End Of The Epilogue

First time smut writer: Um. Hope this is OK? It's only a bit of smut at the very end of the epilogue and you can skip it, it's ok. So sorry, um. Oh dear me. Please don't judge me. Nobody read this omg what have I done 😳

Seasoned smut writer: *ringing bell* Come get uR PORNOGRAPHY! 10k pwp, it's KINKY AS HECK so share it with all your friends!!! If you've got any suggestions for my Kinktober just drop it in the comments, I will write whatever wet, messy & DOWNRIGHT FILTHY fic about these two idiots 👏

With all due respect Mr Jackman, HOW DO YOU KNOW-

HE’S A GREAT WHAT—?

Thank you so much for this beautiful piece @bladesandbhaalspawn 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍😭😭😭

The Great Raccoon Chase

A Halsin x Tav Ficlet

for @maul-of-shame

Pairing: Halsin x Tav (Eilis, she/her, half-elf, ranger)

Words: <1k

Rating: G

Summary: A furry fiend rampages through Greenhollow; Eilis and Halsin work together to wrangle the raccoon back into nature.

want your own? check out this post!

"Someone catch that raccoon!" a villager shouted, wielding a broom with desperate zeal. Another followed suit, brandishing a wooden spoon as if it were a sword.

Eilis' eyes widened as she finally spotted the source of the chaos: a small, furry rascal with a mischievous glint in its beady eyes, zooming around the village square, shattering the peace of the little village of Greenhollow. It had managed to scale a stack of flour bags, leaving a trail of white dust in its wake - as well as a cacophony of panicked screams and the clatter of falling metal pots.

"Sorry, my heart, the tour will have to wait," the ranger told her partner, eyes never leaving her target, body preparing to pounce.

Halsin raised an eyebrow, trying to stifle a chuckle. "I take it that's not part of the usual village routine?"

"You'd be surprised," Eilis said, her tone a mix of exasperation and amusement. "That little rascal has been pilfering food from every vendor it can find. The day before you arrived, I swear I was just about to catch it when it decided to put on a show and run right through town."

With that, Eilis sprang into action, her practical braid bouncing with every step. She darted around the market, weaving between villagers and overturned carts. The raccoon, now perched triumphantly atop a loaf of bread, was clearly enjoying the chaos it was creating.

"My heart, watch out!" Halsin called as the raccoon leaped from the bread onto a tower of oranges, sending citrus flying in every direction. Eilis, determined not to let the creature escape, skidded to a halt, narrowly avoiding a shower of orange pulp.

"Not today, you furry fiend!" the ranger shouted, diving forward. The raccoon, sensing the hunt, scrambled up a nearby vegetable cart, scattering potatoes like confetti.

As Eilis managed to corner the raccoon next to a cart of cabbages, the creature made a final, dramatic leap. It landed directly on Eilis' shoulder, clutching a half-eaten carrot as if it were a trophy.

The villagers erupted in laughter and applause, clearly entertained by the sight of Eilis, her face smeared with flour and a carrot-clutching raccoon on her shoulder. Halsin arrived just in time to see Eilis' surprised but triumphant expression.

"Need a hand?" Halsin offered, his eyes sparkling with mirth.

"Only if you can wrestle this little troublemaker off me without getting turned into a snack," Eilis replied, trying to keep her tone light despite the raccoon's determined nibbling right by her earlobe.

Halsin, with practiced ease, murmured soft words and coaxed the raccoon into his arms, fingers deftly grabbing the fiend by its scruff. "How's that for teamwork?" he said, his voice full of affection.

Eilis sighed in relief, leaning against him as she caught her breath. "I don't think I've ever had such a chaotic afternoon, and I've had an illithid tadpole in my brain. Thank you for the assist, my love."

Halsin chuckled softly, wrapping his free arm around her waist. "Always, my heart. Though I must admit, this wasn't quite the welcome I was expecting when I came to visit you in this new part of Faerûn," he teased. "I do hope dropping off this little rascal back in nature will grant us a moment of peace."

Eilis gave him a playful nudge. "I wouldn't bet on it. With me around, life's never dull." She grinned up at the druid, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

As they left the village behind, the little raccoon still happily munching away on its carrot, Halsin and Eilis headed back into the lush wilderness where they both felt most at ease. Their laughter echoed through the trees, a reminder that amidst all the chaos, they always had each other.

hi, could i get an invite to the poolverine server? my husband is in there already and i've decided to join him in poolverine hell :')

I tried dming you but it's blocked ;-;

[spotify / apple music / youtube music, thanks to @liamismylight and @plasticcyborg]

Here’s a playlist to explore the intersection between violence and sex and love and hate and the versatility of a large size family van that might not get you where you want to go, but always gets you where you need to go.

neurodivergent and queer people how are we feeling?