Wade Wilson - Tumblr Posts

i need 2 give head to both !!

creds: 6feetq

Every time a fic is written where a canonically scarred or insane character is suddenly cleared of all ailments, an angel loses its wings.

just saw deadpool and wolverine and it reignited my marvel phase oh i am DEFINITELY adding superheros to my masterlist 😭🙏

deadpool!

….as your boyfriend.

description: deadpool as your boyfriend!

pairing: deadpool x you!

contains: 18+, mentions of sex!

|an: just saw deadpool & wolverine.. couldn’t help myself.

- awful with emotions but always finds a way to make up for things whether through humor or sex.

- speaking of humor you’re never not laughing with him, or bickering, or fucking

- you’re the only person he can actually feel vulnerable and comfortable with, he cherishes that and he loves you so much for that.

- you’re his person, he would genuinely kill for you if it meant he would lose someone so important in his life.

- if someone makes you sad, mad or uncomfortable ooo…not his babygirl.

- he usually doesn’t keep people or friends in his loop often, they could find him annoying or over the top but not you.

- you love absolutely everything about him, his outlandish humor, his extroverted personality, his big ol’ mouth. you think it’s so hot.

- so hot when he’s mean to you so hot when he’s soft with you

- you literally bicker like two teenage girls all the time and he always somehow clocks your tea it’s ridiculous but you also find it impressive that he always has something to say that you cannot come back from😭

- god you need to pray that no man ever even has the thought of coming on to you… he’ll experience some banter with your boyfriend before it’s lights out.

- not only are you his but he’s yours! he’s super loyal and if he can’t get someone to back off , you sure will!

- you’re always having fun with him date nights are some of the best times of your life, he always finds a way to entertain you no matter what you’re doing.

- always gotta hand somewhere, your ass, a singular cheek, a titty, somewhere. how could you expect him not to! you’re all his.

- you literally have him wrapped around your finger, he’d do absolutely anything for you.

- also always bullying you he is so straightforward😭

“hon that has got to be the ugliest shirt i’ve ever seen on you”

“wade-“

“i know you got better in that closet that i snoop through and try on all your clothes when you aren’t home now go!”

- he’s so tall so if you’re short oh wow…you’re never catching a break

“soooo how’s the weather down there.” wade said, placing his elbow on the crown of your head.

“prick…”

…

“yeah that’s enough of that dirty mouth!” your boyfriend had announced before bending down and wrapping an arm around your behind, throwing you over his shoulder and positioning his palm on your ass.

“god, wade put me down!” you’d laughed playfully hitting his back.

“don’t make me have to spank you!” he said, lighting pinching your ass.

- do not get an animal bc it will quickly become his center of attention and he will defend it over you.

“wade, we’re having my mom over please put it in the room”

“ugh…she’s so mean isn’t she sugar?” he’d said stroking your pet, followed by a “yes she is yes she is!” as the animal licked his face.

sigh.

- good lord we got a cuddle monster on our hands!

- absolutely adores any type of affection and practically begs you for it 24/7. he loves being little spoon specifically. also loves it when u scratch or message his back, bc that also gets him going..

- speaking of, you got this guy rock solid 24/7

“hungry for seconds?” he joked, hugging you from behind and pressing his hardened cock against your ass.

“we literally jus-“ you’d started just to be interrupted mid sentence.

“so! cmon baby throw a dog a bone.” he muttered, hand already gripping your inner thigh.

you’d sighed, god you can’t resist him.

- it doesn’t matter what you’re doing he finds anything you do hot i stg

- a M-U-N-C-H! for life, literally came in his pants from eating you out once! he loves making you feel good.

- a goofball during sex he cannot do shit seriously😭 he be talking you and your pussy thru it!

- again, if you’re petite god help you bc he is large.

- babe, you better match his freak because yall doing anything.

- trying a new thing every night multiple times bc that sex is never vanilla and that dick is never tired! at some point he’s just making positions up😭

ok i think i’ve read every deadpool & logan fic on this app! back to writing ur requests😘😘

I have a request for a deadpool fic, if you could make a very angsty story where deadpool thinks he is undeserving of love and never thinks someone in this world would fall for him 😭 he is self-conscious about his looks and never in his right mind it crossed him that he has a chance with the reader, but he would do anything just to feel loved. he's just a constantly depressed ball of sadness, and the only way he copes with his thoughts is his dark humor. while the reader is head over heels for that man, and she's showering him in love, but he only thinks it's because they're friends 😭🫶🏼

monster

description: wade wilson being insecure about his looks, not knowing if the girl he loves would ever love him back.

paring: wade wilson x reader!

contains: angst! with happy ending (i didn’t know how to end it😭)

w.c: 1.2k

|an: finally writing forreals again! i needed to get back into it. thank u for ur request, i hope u like it😇 reader is a baker bc i couldn’t think of a more wholesome career path😭

you’ve known your best friend, wade wilson, for almost a year now. starting off as just occasional friends, hanging out at each other's apartments, watching chick flicks, and eating your weight in junk food until your friendship grew into something deeper, feeling nothing but love and admiration for another and the desire to be something more.

he’s so in love with you; he knows that now. he tried to deny it; he tried telling himself there’s no way, there’s absolutely no way a woman as intelligent, as confident, and as kind as you could ever love a monster like him. He knew you deserved better—a handsome, young, intelligent accountant or something.

his field of work is dangerous; he knows that. killing random people he doesn’t even know for cash. large sums of cash, sure. but, nonetheless, killing. he honestly always found it humorous, a trained marksman, mercenary, and vigilante , with his super cool awesome, still in school to become a pâtissière best friend!

he knew you’d leave; he knew no human being on planet earth could bear even looking at his rough, bumpy skin. that’s why he’s yet to show you his face, never failing to wear his mask around you, even though you’ve known each other for so long now. he didn’t know why you were still around after all this time even with the mask on, he knew most people found him to be annoying, aggravating, and just an all around piece of shit person, but for some reason, you liked him, and you enjoyed being around him.

he’s never had someone so close to him, as you are with him. you’re so kind, so affectionate, and so touchy. he thinks it’s just pity, you’d never think of him as anything more than a friend.

he dreamt of being the man who loved you the rest of your life; he wished that he could fall asleep and wake up to your face every day, make you laugh every day, eat every meal with you, watch every movie and every show, spend every holiday together, fuck, even start a family. he craved you. he craved your love, your care, and your kindness; he wanted to be normal with you, but he’s not normal, far from it. he knew better than that. he knew he didn’t deserve that. he would never be the man that you love.

he’s not ready to let you go, but he can’t keep his feelings for you inside any longer. he honestly dug himself into an even deeper hole, choosing to come over almost every free night he had. he couldn’t stay away from you; he hated being away from you. during every mission and every fight, all he thought about was coming home to you. you’re the only person who truly understood him for the man that he is, and he loves you for that. he’s never opened up to anybody the way that he’d opened up to you. you were special, so special to him. he was terrified.

you felt hopeless, stupid, and desperate. every advance you made, you’d failed. from baking him his favorite treats, to holding his hand while you watched a movie on the couch, to giving him hugs that lasted a little longer than necessary after a long mission, you couldn’t get your best friend out of your mind, not if you tried. hou crave him, his love, his care, his stupid fucking jokes that never end, his sarcastic nature, his sass—you don’t think you have ever loved a man the way that you love wade.

sometimes, he made you think that he might like you back, that he might have some sort of romantic interest in you, but it was quickly shut down after he made a joke, basically telling you that it would never happen.

you and wade were sitting on the couch, just talking, telling stories, and catching up after a particularly long time apart. until you had thought of a statement, that could’ve told you whether or not wade may or may not feel the same way.

your best friend, mia, had mistaken you and wade for a couple while on the phone. when you denied her statement, she apologized, saying she’s sorry for assuming, but you did spend all your time together..

when you told wade what she said, he doubled down in laughter before spitting out, “you? me? never. who is this friend? have i met her? has she seen me before? you might need to get her 5150’d.”

which did shatter your heart into a million pieces, but nonetheless, it wouldn’t stop you from trying to show him how much you care, how much you want to be with him, and how much you want to love him. he deserved love, and you wanted to give it to him.

each time he made a self-deprecating joke, it broke your heart. it was torture for you. the most he would ever do is lift his mask slightly when he ate with you, only to pop a piece of food in his mouth, then sheathe his face with his mask once again to chew, repeating the process until he’d finished. but even then, you never looked out of respect.

there were multiple occasions where you could’ve snuck a peek, where you could’ve turned around and saw his full face, but you knew how genuinely insecure he felt and how scared he was for you to see his face, so you never looked, not wanting to betray his trust or make him uncomfortable. you loved him, and you wish he understood that absolutely nothing could change that. especially not the way he looks.

today, you were sat on your couch, waiting for him to arrive. He said he’d be over tonight for the usual—rom-coms and junk food. but today, you felt different, your balls finally dropped, and you were ready to admit how you felt, whether it was a good or bad outcome, you were ready.

every single worst-case scenario clouded your thoughts, making your palms sweaty and causing a deep ache in your chest until you heard a knock at your door, saving you from plummeting even farther into your head.

you open the door, and time feels slow motion. you didn’t see deadpool; you saw wade for the first time- the real wade. standing there with an anxious expression plastered across his mottled face, snacks in one hand and flowers ripped from the dirt outside of your apartment complex in the other.

your stomach dropped along with your expression, the shock stunning you into place as you began to gather your thoughts. this is what he was hiding, you thought. jesus christ, all of that trouble for this? you could almost hit him.

wade, on the other hand, paced in your hallway, back and forth for 15 minutes before this, trying to decide whether he should just bail and leave the fucking country or finally stop being pussy and just show you his goddamn face.

after seeing your initial reaction, his head dropped, his gaze on the floor, as he muttered, “i know. total freak show, right? freddy kruger? craterface? cmon, lay it on me.”

now was your chance, as you cupped his face with your hands and pressed your soft lips against his dry, cracked ones. you felt his tense muscles drop and relax as he melted into the kiss, relishing in the feeling and making sure it was real, too.

you’d pulled away, looking him in the eyes and flashing a smile his way before placing kisses all over his cheeks, forehead, nose, and chin.

your gaze fell across his face once again, this time meeting you with a shit-eating grin plastered across his face.

“so— ten things i hate about you, or steel magnolias?”

These bitches gay. Good for them..good for them

ive seen gay sex straighter then whatever was going on in that fucking honda odyssey (updated with a new one bc theres too many scenes)

I died

wow

RYAN REYNOLDS as WADE WILSON X-men Origins: Wolverine (2009) dir. Gavin Hood

bonus:

Why are people in the Deadpool 3 tag writing Wade with blue eyes I’m so confused and it throws me off. Buy him brown contacts pls

wade: you’re so mean >:c

logan: if you weren’t so fucking stupid, i wouldn’t have to be so fucking mean. change starts with you

wade:

logan: i’m sorry

Spider bros au

Peter: Andrew, did you eat my gummy worms

Andrew: and your gay bacon yea

Peter, cocking a gun: so you have chosen death.

Tobey: How did you get a gun??? I will just buy you more gay bacon Ohmyfucking-

[Spider-man meeting Deadpool for first time]

Peter: mr wade sir, why do you wear a red suit?

Wade, delighted: So bad guys don’t see me bleed!!!

Peter, vibrating with excitement: omg are you on your p e r i o d ?

Tobey: I can’t believe Mr. Harrington gave you a D on that last test. You’re a top student, how do you get a D?

Andrew: he answered half the questions, told Mr. Harrington the test was stupid, burped, then left.

Tobey:

Peter: and that’s not worth a D+? ,,,,I smell t r a n s p h o b i a,,,,,

Deadpool: short people are always so angry. i think its cause they're always hot- y'know always being the closest to hell? must suck.

Peter: you just lost your knee cap privileges giraffe face.

-

Tobey: I hate you!

Andrew: i hate me more!!!

Tobey: ...

Tobey: come on, Dude, we've talked about this...

-

Michelle (abt gender): maybe I just want people to look at me and be confused

Ned: a big hat

Peter: enter every room screaming "C O R N"

-

May: why are there tiny hand prints on the ceiling?

Tobey, whispering: Pete, why are there tiny hand prints on the ceiling?

Peter, hiding his hands: h o n es t l y f u c k y o u g uy s

“Monogamy? In this economy???”

-Andrew Parker

-

Peter: bro, pick up your eboy, he’s curled up in my living room quivering, speaking in tongues, and surrounded by an impenetrable wall of writhing venom.

Deadpool: that’s not my eboy that’s my malewife !! they’re supposed to do that !!!

-

Interviewer: So spider-man are you and the…other spider men…brothers…or something ??

Tobey: No…these are my…clones.

Tobey, seeing Peter and Andrew off to the side pretending to make out with goblins mask and videoing it: ...They’re defective.

Spider bros Au

[on patrol]

Tobey, humming: Spider-man, Spider-man

Andrew, joining in: Does Whatever A Spider Can!

Tobey: Spins A Web! Any Size

Andrew: Catches Thieves!

Peter: eat’s those guys! Look out here comes the spooder-man

-

[on a date in the park]

Andrew: the stars are beautiful tonight

Deadpool: y-yeah! They are! *whispers* w h a t d o i s a y ???

Peter, in a tree above them: s a y y o u h a v e b e a u ti f u l e yes

Deadpool: he’s wearing a f u c k i n g m a s k

Peter: F i n e. y o u th ink of so m eth i ng.

Deadpool: you volunteered to be my wing man you little shit !!

Peter: d on ’t m a ke m e c o m e d ow n t h er e !!

Deadpool, standing up: Come down here? Buddy, I’ m c o m i n g u p.

Andrew: lovely stars. Truly.

wade meeting may

Andrew: it's just an introduction- it's not a big deal we can do this.

Wade: okay. okay, we got this!

-

May:

wade:

May:

Wade: i have 20 allegations against me and I commit crimes less than an hour ago.

Andrew: ...

Andrew: babe-

Wade: she's scary okay???

Andrew: why did my last two brain cells have to be a sad one and a dumb one

Tobey: Gee, Andrew, why do you get two brain cells ???

-

Peter: wh a t d oe s bdsm s t a n d f or ??? Andrew: Bondag-

Tobey: BIBLE DELICIOUS SUPER MAN.

-

Andrew spider-man: *practically annihilates team of super villains single handedly*

Deadpool: there goes and semblance or heterosexuality i had left in me.

-

MJ: Do you take constructive criticism?

Peter, already crying: s u re w ha ts u p

-

Aunt may, holding up baby trans peter: stinky

Uncle ben: no. dont be mean.

Aunt may, spinning them both around: Stinky bastard man

Uncle ben, distraught: nO.

Tobey, watching the whole thing: Naughty boy, brat bastard.

Peter: I t’ s tr u e, m y cr i me s a re un f or gi v ab le.

Uncle ben: NOOOOO !!

spidey bros au

Peter: perhaps i’ll drink my sorrows away.

peter : *stabs straw through up&go*

-

[on patrol]

Tobey: How long is he gonna do this?

*Andrew spider-man and deadpool arguing in the kmart parking lot*

Peter:

Enemies to lovers. 100k words. #slowburn #mlm.

Tobey: H-how did you do that ??

-

Andrew: I asked to share wades queen sized bed with him

Andrew: to which he responded that he’s a queen and therefore it is at maximum capacity.