I Wish You Would Forgive Yourself.

“i wish you would forgive yourself.”

you sit on the wooden railing of the balcony with your back turned to the world, legs kicking back and forth slightly. wangshu inn is a lantern lit heaven in the night, and you happen to be one of the many fireflies it has attracted.

xiao stares at you like you’re insane. “someone like me doesn’t deserve forgiveness. not after what i’ve done.” his mouth twists into a frown and you can already see him start to brood. “i’ve told you this.”

you sigh for the millionth time. “and i’ve told you that you shouldn’t suffer for something out of your control. and you’ve done more than enough to atone. besides—“ you take his hand in yours. “you’re so much more than your karma. i think you should recognize that.”

his scoffs at the idea, but you notice he doesn’t move to untwine your interlaced fingers. you grin a little.

“so, are you gonna come to the lantern rite?”

"Huh, my intuition tells me that something very interesting is about to happen…" Happy Birthday to the number one detective, Shikanoin Heizou! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

Art by Skradio with some help from Arwaiel! 🌀 🍃

he looks starstruck.

the stars seem to hold their breath in anticipation and freeze mid-twinkle.  it’s silent for several moments and despite the darkness, it’s the clearest you’ve ever been able to see. his eyes are wide, and a little nervous, but they’re asking quietly. it’s adorable.

there’s a delicate balance that both of you are aware could be broken by the tiniest of things. the ringing of a bell, the sound of a bike. it’s a balance you’re not sure you want to break just yet.

you have always trusted yourself to have common sense. for most of your life, you have known what to do, sometimes what to say. it’s how you had survived life thus far.

except you aren’t sure you know anything right now.

kageyama is so, so close. if you were to lean forward just a little then—

well, the balance will certainly be broken. but this is kageyama. kageyama who had been there when you needed it most, kageyama who loved and loved volleyball and more but so quietly that no one would notice if they didn’t pay attention.

and this is the kageyama you love.

you settle for resting your forehead on his. his eyes flutter shut and yours do too. you both stay like that for a while. it’s warm. this is familiar, this is safe.

this is what home feels like.

Can I have him?

he knows that he cares for you more than he should.

and yet how can he resist? you are magnetic. you had managed to see the darkest part of him and go head to head with it. you fought it, and in the process tore down his walls irreparably.

he’ll never admit it, but he is in awe of you. he wouldn’t mind spending more time with you.

ah, but you already have tobio. you’ve already stolen perfect, talented kageyama tobio’s heart. oikawa sees the way you look at kageyama, with muted adoration and pride. you looked at oikawa with fire and something that almost resembles care. and that was all it took to make him fall.

but he would be selfish to tear you away for himself, especially when you already have a soulmate in kageyama. he wishes he could be angry at the setter, at you, and yet you are perfect for each other. he can’t.

so he settles for the teasing insults, the little compliments, and keeps his feelings locked away. you know he’s hiding something, but you don’t push. he’s glad.

it’s better this way.