Hey Primus Its Ur Thirteenth Son

hey primus its ur thirteenth son

i need to see optiratch hold hands or something iduno tehyre awesome old men

I love them so much they get my silly

Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??

As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue

the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD

He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.

like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...

The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"

and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it

does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING

like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow

For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat

Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation

Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with

Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)

But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time

Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell

Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch

idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room

Optimus looking for answers on the Internet and getting more and more horrified when it says the chikdren are going to die (like when you look up your symptoms on Google and every sugestion is death)

I’m apart of the ‘frequent nosebleeds when it’s dry AF’ club, and I know it has to be dry as a motherfucker in Neveda, so how would the TFP bots react if one (or Primus forbid all three) of the kids got a (or multiple) nosebleed because of dry air?

I feel you on the nosebleed thing. Dry areas SUCK. As for the reactions of the bots? Well-

Ratchet would take a moment to notice, but once he notices one or more of the children clutching their noses to try and stem the bleeding, he's going to assume the worst. Having never seen a human BLEED FROM THEIR FACIAL ORAFACES, he wouldn't take it well. When a Cybertronian is leaking energon from the intake or optics, it means something has gone horribly wrong with something in the processors or internal components. That fact does not translate well for his view on the children's situation. He would likely drag the kid in question over to the medical berth and hastily begin preparing everything under the sun just in case he needs to perform emergency surgery.

Bulkhead and Wheeljack wouldn't panic immediately, but seeing the sheer amount of blood leaking from the kid in question, they would start to worry. Red is a very bright color, and it tends to look a lot worse than it is. Especially on such a small person. They would do their best to be strong for the child, if only so that whoever it is doesn't worry. But they would be quietly rushing to call up June for fear of losing one of the kids to strange blood loss.

Arcee's reaction would be similarity mature. Her focus would be on keeping the kid with the nose bleed calm. She's seen mecha drop dead on the battlefield because they panicked and bled out faster. So her entire focus would be on distracting and comforting in her own gruff way. She would be the one providing new tissues and yelling at Smokescreen and Bumblebee so that they can go make themselves useful.

Smokescreen and Bumblebee would quickly follow Arcee's lead and help whichever kid(s) are not experiencing the nose bleed. Damage control is their role, and they would do a rather poor job at not showing their worry. Most of their efforts would revolve around preparing to have to give horrible news in the event things go south. Ultra Magnus would, as always, be ready to go with funeral preparations and a speech ready to honor the fallen. Optimus would TRY to make himself useful, but at most he would start trying to get ahold of Agent Fowler and hastily dig through the human internet for some sort of guide regarding what to do to help the child in question before death becomes inevitable.

The team would be organized and controlled. They've dealt with death before, albeit amongst their own kind more than anything else. Moving with practiced precision, they would do what they could to be prepared for any scenario until June or Fowler can explain and the whole team can relax.

If Ratchet checked on the child in question repeatedly over the following days, not a spark said anything. None would say so aloud, but the fear of losing one of the children is strong.

yall want another one?

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from the rescue bots point of view optimus is such a deadbeat. half of the messages they send he doesn't respond to and the other half he only responds to bc griffin rock has something he needs. i bet sometimes he just sends vague ass inspirational quotes to the rescue bots hoping they'll be able to draw something from them bc he's too tired to think of anything. i mean the guy is currently in the middle of leading a miserable war i think heatwave losing his job is the least of his problems. he's trying okay