!! ' !! Where I Share My Personal Thoughts.

!! 𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐃𝐘'𝐒 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐑𝐘 !! where i share my personal thoughts.

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚

!! 𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐀𝐓 𝐌𝐈𝐃𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓

✰ greed and pride

✰ product

!! 𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐄𝐒 tw: disordered eating

✰ count my ribs

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚

𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐄

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚

I need love; yet I am both too greedy and prideful to be deserving of such a luxury. My pride forces me to convince myself that I don't need a soul by my side. I am greedy for a person to touch, and love, and mar with my affections. There's always conflict within me. I'm confused.

I need love; yet I can't look past myself, my desires for my own being and success, to accept another being to harbor any care for. I want to succeed, excel, rise above my peers. But, if I get to the top, do I really want to enjoy the view alone? My head tells me both yes and no. I'm still confused.

Do I really enjoy being alone? Or have I convinced myself and become so accustomed to my own self-isolation that I can't think otherwise? Maybe I don't truly like being as alone as I am. Maybe, against everything I've believed my entire life... I don't want to be alone. I not only want to love, but I want to be loved. Even if to just love and not receive any in return - this doesn't sound as horrible as it should. I'm desperate for anything.

I don't deserve this, though - or anything good. I've spent my entire life pushing people away, building walls, and forcing wedges in relationships. I don't know why I do this. I am self-sabotaging at best, I have realized. I wish I knew why. I crave the best, to be the best, everything the best; yet, I hate myself enough to dangle what I want in front of my own eyes, just to rip it away and wonder what happened. But I know what happened - what really happened.

I wish I could fix myself, but where the hell would I even begin? Sometimes giving up feels easier, but yet again, my greed and pride kick in. Too greedy to give up what I have and what I could; too prideful to take the cowards way out. But this unexplained sadness I've felt for years eats away a piece of my heart. Self-betrayal? Just one more conflict to add to my sleepless nights.

I want to be a good person, but not because of obligation. Instead, I want to be genuinely good.

I want to be kind, but not through gritted teeth and a forced smile.

I want to be confident, but not because I want to intimidate and seem the strongest in the room.

I want to be someone I can be proud to be. Instead I have grown to hate myself with the realization that I am nothing I've ever pretended to be. Why am I content being everything I act to be? And then take the praise? I'm a joke of a human.

Sometimes I wonder if my cats even love me. I pour so much, if not all, of my love and affection into them, as if it's my only comfort, but they don't look at me like they love me. Maybe they don't. At this point I can't say as I blame them. They've seen me at my worst. They know how I am. I wouldn't love me either.

I wish I hadn't created this facade of this confident, strong-willed, opinionated woman. I reek of nothing but luke-warm consciousness. The act is such a tedious, tiring, and annoying thing to upkeep. Should I show how I really am? How would people react? They'd hate me. I'm a fraud. Why do I insist on these what-ifs? People barely like me as is, as if I need to give them an excuse to make me a punching bag. At least with this facade, people have learned to keep their distance and to not fuck with me. I guess that's one win for me.

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚

moodyhaaze | 07•23•23

❛ when you run into your ex… ❜ pt2 — younger bros

synopsis. it’s been years since you’ve seen your ex. but on an excursion to your hometown in the human world with your boy, you run into them…

tags. headcanon | slightly NSFW | gn!mc

< part 1 - older bros | part 3 - dateables >

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚

— 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐍

I think would be pretty stoic about it because he knows you’re his. Doesn’t feel the need to even spare a glance at your ex… Until they do something stupid like approach you and place a hand on your arm. Then Satan is stood between the two of you telling them to fuck off. He gets pretty mad pretty quickly, saying things like “Touch them again and you’re dead!” while his horns begin to peak through his hair. It takes all of your strength and persuasive abilities to convince Satan to leave with you, but you’re finally able to get out of there with no bloodshed. Once you’re home Satan drags you to his room, pressing you against his bookshelves smothering you with kisses. “I won’t let them touch you again. Only I’m allowed to touch you. Tell me, tell me only I’m allowed to touch you…” Proceeds to plow you until you’re numb and can only think of him.

— 𝐀𝐒𝐌𝐎

just laughs. He keeps looking them up and down and can’t help but laugh. “This—” he says, pointing his finger at them, “This is your ex? Look at them, absolutely horrendous!” Asmo’s really playing it up, though, only because he’s actually incredibly pissed and doesn’t want to show it. He knows it’s a waste of time to get into an altercation because there’s better things to do with his time, but the longer he looks at them, the angrier he gets. “I can’t believe they had their filthy hands all over my precious darling. How disgusting,” He mumbles through gritted teeth. It’s rare to see Asmo worked up like this, but it’s oh so hot when he is. But to spare the bloodshed, you grab his hand and pull him the opposite direction. The look on his face is still pretty serious as you’re walking away, so you ask him if he’s okay. “Oh, of course I’m fine!” At least it seems he’s back to his normal bubbly self, “But I want us to stop by the shops and pick out a new lipstick for me. I want the prettiest shade we can find! Because tonight I’m going to be marking what’s mine.” His last few words spill with a certain venom that make a heat grow between your thighs. Asmo’s not letting you out of his sight today.

— 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐋

couldn’t care less. Honestly. He is yours and you are is, he knows this and that’s enough for him. I think the only problem that could arise is if your ex tried to touch you. Then, all hell breaks loose. Other than that, he’s chill, though he really doesn’t want you talking to them nor does he want to. Beel won’t admit this, but what bothers him the most is the thought of somebody else having previously been intimate with you. But that just means he needs to make sure you never want to be with anyone else ever again. “Babe, I’m hungry,” Beel says, grabbing hold of your hand and pulling you the opposite direction the two of you were walking. You insist on continuing the way you were already headed, mentioning the countless restaurants and food stands on the way. “No, I said I’m hungry.” Get ready to have your legs shaking and mind go numb for the next few hours.

— 𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐄

is possessive and isn’t afraid to show it. He’s too tired for theatrics like some of his brothers, so he keeps his hatred a little more low key. Like Beel, Belphie knows that you two belong together, so he has no fear of a past lover coming to sweep you away. So instead of wasting time with a brawl, an argument, or a grand show, Belphie simply grabs your arm and tugs you away as he shoots a deathly glare at your ex. You explain to him that it was rude to abruptly rip you away from your conversation, but Belphie shoots back, “So what? Why waste your time with them? We’re going home.” You try to argue but Belphie simply ignores you and continues to drag you back to the House. Once inside, your brought to the attic and guided towards the bed where Belphie barely gives you enough time to kick your shoes off before throwing himself over you for an impromptu nap. You shout at him to at least let you get comfortable, but he instead nuzzles into you, his arms snaked around your shoulders possessively. “You’re mine. You don’t get to waste our time together on your ex. We’re staying here in bed until I feel like you understand.” You figured that was the end of it, until you felt something hard against your thigh.

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚

© moodyhaaze | 07•10•23 — do not repost, modify, plagiarize, or translate my writings. likes + reblogs appreciated.

cross posted to ao3.

ty for the tag @akimbo628 !!! ( ˘ ³˘)

Last song: You First by Paramore

Currently watching: The Walking Dead (on season 8!!), Inuyasha

Currently reading: No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai, Solita by Vivien Rainn, Frankenstein by Junji Ito

Current obsession(s): Obey Me!, oldman!Lucifer, horror related stuff, cats, gothic fiction novels

people i’d like to know better (๑ˇεˇ๑)

@rubystarraven @silentstreetserenity @thedevilspearl @devildomsoup @beelscustard @lucifersimp333 @hisvillainess @mylovescara @babybeel

tag nine people you would like to know better: tagged by miss Mao herself what an honor <;3 @itoshisoup I will win the competition for most boring hehe

last song: Here’s the Thing by Don Bronco! toxic as hell but its catchy af. ever since I saw them in concert a couple of weeks ago ive been bingeing their music

currently watching: jigokuraku, rewatching neon genesis Evangelion (im already on rebuild #4 it went by so fast booo). im gonna need a new anime someone drop some suggestions T_T

currently reading: I had ordered 2ha months ago and they are both currently sitting on my shelf but I’ve made no progress LOL. I did just order the entire 86 light novel series I might end up reading that first </3

current obsession: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I can’t really say im obsessed with something per se. I need a new hyper fixation </3 im very brainrotted on yuuta as you know but what else is new

no pressure tags: gonna go through my notifs and tag the first nine peeps in there LOL but everyone is tagged in spirit pls go ahead!!

@touyangel @tyga-lily @yeagerbombs @dabisqueen @gunfiendbabymama @yuutaok @pinkkittysaw @buerriberry @gojoest

!! 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 !! rules of my blog and dni + byf.

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚

!! RULE 1.

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

!! RULE 2.

be nice ! i wont be nice if you aren’t.

!! RULE 3.

i won’t stand for any kind of discrimination. it’ll be an immediate block.

!! RULE 4.

do not repost, modify, plagiarize, or translate my work in any capacity. i crosspost my writings to AO3.

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚

!! BYF 1.

be 18+ years or older. i don’t feel comfortable interacting with minors.

!! BYF 2.

you need to be okay with NSFW themes and topics like mental health !

!! BYF 3.

some topics i post about could be triggering but they will be labeled as such to limit exposure for people who may not want to see it.

!! BYF 3.

understand that this is an obey me centric blog !

!! BYF 4.

also understand that i will criticize solmare. if you’re the type to cry about it or take it personally don’t follow me.

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚

!! DNI 1.

if you fit the basic piece-of-shit criteria: homophobe, sexist, mysoginist, racist, transphobe, etc. you know who you are.

!! DNI 2.

if you lewd luke. you disgust me. be gone ! this will result in an immediate block. he is this fandoms collective son and i will die defending his honor.

!! DNI 3.

are a minor attracted person or pedophile.

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚

this will be updated as i see fit. — ✰ moody

nobody:

not a single person:

not one soul in any of the three realms:

me: forcing chat gpt to write me fanfic about Lucifer holding me to curb my touch starved ass :)