Background Of Life

background of life

she’ll be laughing and crying and she won’t be denying that her emotions are way too out of whack

she’ll be singing sweetly and speaking meekly ‘cause her voice has never had her back

and she has always known that she is just an extra in the background of life

secondhand

She herself had nothing in particular about her that would make her subject to verbal or physical abuse. She herself was born with nothing in particular about her that would make someone dislike themselves. She watched the life around her like a movie, never feeling truly involved, but that fact not bothering her in the slightest. The only thing that kept her connected to this world was her wild and bucking emotion. Sometimes her best friend would go to her for advice, but not because she knew anything about what was happening to them. They would go to her because they knew that she knew about feelings. They were bad at feelings. So she felt for the both of them. She would tell them whatever she felt about what they were feeling. She never knew if she was helping. She liked to think so. And she felt very deeply about them and these problems that were so important to them. She found that it was important to her as well. She found that helping them out with their baggage helped her sort out her own life, even if she never went to anyone else with questions. And along the line, she started to wonder if she was so comfortable with giving all of this advice because she was similar feelings. But that didn’t make sense, she would know. She knows about feelings. But that one thought made her think, maybe she really didn’t know that much at all.

circle of sky

here, the sky doesn’t go on forever. it stays draped between the trees. it stays just overhead and just out of reach. it’s private and constant. it’s ever-changing and perfectly familiar.

here, the sky is a personal thing. here, the sky is separate from everything else. here, the sky has it’s own place.

it fits in well with my fantasy, this piece of sky, deep purple, dotted acrylic stars peeking out behind lazy watercolor clouds, the moon’s iridescence lighting up the small world around me.

this piece of sky isn’t much

but it’s mine

where i am

it is dark, but the grey-orange glow of the city bounces off of the clouds and seeps through the window. i can hear rain, and the occasional whisper of distant thunder or a car’s tires on the street outside. the couch is too hot, but it is soft.

i am the only one. i wish i could bring you here, but you are far away, aren’t you?

slow motion

Who really has time for that? Go in slow motion. I wonder what it would be like to live life that way.

Does it really matter? Slower, slower, Even slower Take it slow, slow.

Does anything really change? Will it?

Don’t think about it. Just go slow.

Stop.

life away

Life changes. Mostly in small amounts that you never really notice. Sometimes bigger things, but things that don’t affect your life personally. Mostly it just seems too far away to matter. Like hearing about an earthquake halfway around the world. Yeah, it’s sad, but you’ll forget about it eventually. You’re allowed to do that. It didn’t happen to you.

And then life changes in a big way. a really big way.

This isn’t the way it works. This isn’t how it’s supposed to happen.

It seems distant until it happens to you. Then it’s up close and personal.

And you don’t understand why everyone else treats it as a distant problem.

This is huge. Why don’t you care?

The world spins at 1,040 miles per hour but nobody feels a thing.

Distant news.