I'M CRYING IN THE METAPHORICAL CLUB OH MY GOD

I'M CRYING IN THE METAPHORICAL CLUB OH MY GOD

I WAS SHOPPING IN THE DEALER’S ROOM WHEN SOMEONE BEHIND ME STARTED YELLING AND I HEAR “ISN’T SHE SO ADORABLE?! AND IF YOU LIKE HER YOU SHOULD SEE MY WIFE” SO I TURNED AROUND AND I JUST

Nothing felt really sad for it was always hated. The only people that ever liked nothing were the minimalists, the people who exaggerate at not exaggerating. But even they wanted something, no matter how small.

So Nothing wondered and pondered why do people dislike nothing? Nothing has always been an abstract concept because even nothing is something. So as the writer thought about what kind of 'nothing' will her main character be and how paradoxical this story actually is, Nothing has decided to travel the world. It hoped it will become something.

But, meeting people made Nothing realize just how complicated it's existence actually is. Some people wish to be nothing. They kill themselves hoping to never exist again, not knowing how despairing is to actually be like Nothing. Nothing felt sad again, people never understood how they always have something, even if the something is the smallest something that there is. They don't know that people can solve any problem, if they put their minds to it (except licking your elbow, but fuck that shit). People always have something to look forward to, even if it's just the act of breathing. Poor humans, sick humans, abused humans, they are all valuable. They matter.

Nothing stopped in it's tracks. It realized that it was trying to change itself for others. It realized how absurd it was of it to try to turn into something. It realized that nothing, just like a human mind, is a space to be filled. Nothing is essential for the existence of something, because the white sheet of paper can be filled with anything, making the anticipation of painting more exciting than the painting itself.

Thank you for reading.

writing tip #2021:

write what you know: nothing

This is just incredible!

Here, have some fur and feathers

One of those conversations

(a Royai oneshot)

Roy hurried his way down the stairs. He had hated the rain ever since he put his gloves on. It has always reminded him of how useless he is. The Alchemist was about to exit Eastern Headquarters half an hour ago, but General Grumman felt the need to interrupt him with his unnecessary talks. And a game of chess. Which ended as a draw. Even if Roy wasn't in the mood (just like the weather), he had to admit that ending as a draw against Grumman was like a Philosopher's stone for his mood. However, the law of Equivalent exchange hadn't forgotten Mustang. He groaned as he quickly paced to his car in the spring downpour. After three minutes of rainy torture he got to his vehicle. He was soaking wet.

"If I ever go to Hell, I hope it never rains there", he thought while annoyance was picking on his nerves. Roy started the car after ruffling his already messy and moist hair. He'll be staying at a hotel tonight. He wasn't in the mood to drive or take a train all the way to Central and, as a State Alchemist, he could afford a good hotel. The Colonel was passing next to HQ when he looked at his rearview mirror. The Lieutenant. She was standing on the steps, obviously unwilling to take a step into the rain. A dark brown coat was covering her, not giving much better protection than the clothes underneath. He stopped his car and opened a window.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye!", he called.

Riza was snapped up by his voice and looked towards the road.

"Sir!", she exclaimed and noticed the wave of his hand, telling her to sit next to him. She ran swiftly, a ghost-smile perked up on her lips. A 'thank you' could be heard from her as she sat down next to him. Roy continued driving down the road.

"There's no need to thank me. I am just delighted that you aren't as soaked as I am. What were you doing now?"

"Finishing some work", Hawkeye replied, starting to look at the foggy window. After she wiped it with the palm of her hand so that the glass became see-trough, she continued: "Rebecca then felt it would be humorous to take my coat and make me chase her around."

Roy held back a laugh with a snort. "As expected of her. I really wish I could see your face then."

"We're lucky we didn't get caught."

"I am conflicted about you. It appears like you hated it but you sound like you had fun."

"It was fun hating it."

Roy sneezed. Riza stopped eyeing the city and turned towards him. He had rain in his hair, which made it look like black moss. Parking was always difficult in East City. Or at least around the Headquarters. She decided to exchange her question about his 'unfinished business' for a sentence:

"Colonel, you cannot go on a train like this."

"I won't. I am planning to get to a hotel and stay there. Besides, I can sleep a little longer if I cut the travelling time."

Riza smiled. It was doubtless that being state-certified made life a lot easier. Specially when unplanned troubles jump on the road. Guilt pinched her neck when she realised that Roy went the opposite way of the closest hotel so she can get safely home. He was cold no doubt. Soon they were sitting in comfortable silence. It lasted for a couple minutes which Riza used so she can fiddle with her gun. Roy noticed it and smirked:

"Always ready. Ready and prepared. One among many reasons I trust you with my back." He stopped at the crossroads and turned right.

"Many reasons? I would like to hear about them."

Roy chuckled. He then pondered for a moment. She was the only woman who could make him think about a compliment like he was weighing gold. Neither less nor more. Just as much as the customer says. If he gives more, he'll be damaged; if less, she'll be damaged.

"I would say a smaller one would be because I feel the need to watch your back as much as you do mine. I owe you. You saved me many times in Ishval. And.. I owe my master."

He didn't want to behold her eyes for that second. Riza wasn't very close with her father yet Roy felt like mentioning him hurts her. He gave an apologetical sigh. He's going trough with this.

"You are skilled. Disciplined. Brave. Shortly- you have qualities of a soldier." He paused to look at the Lieutenant.

She was now preparing her other gun. Her lips were shut tightly. Another person would think she was ignoring him. He knew she was paying close attention.

"Breaking the line of those qualities, you have another one. A line of qualities that are human. You are a moral compass more accurate than Falman's memory. You would never allow me to stray, Lieutenant. Furthermore, you grow as a person. You grew from someone timid, nervous and weak. You grew into a confident, strong and calm soldier. Hawkeye that I met long time ago would refuse to shoot me if I lost my way. I can trust this Hawkeye. I know she'll never chicken out, no matter how horrible things get."

"We were in Ishbal after all.", she said. Roy noted that her tone was more explanatory than humble.

"Thank you for those words. I don't know what to say." It was true. All the time she spent reading proved fruitless. She could think of an answer but it would never do justice to these words. Her having none wasn't a good one either. However it's an honest reply. That proves it to be worthy enough.

"Say nothing. I wasn't expecting one of those clever replies. Imagine I made a statement on the weather. You either agree or stay silent. I am not accepting negative retorts."

She heeded the advice. Her guns returned to their holsters and she wiped the window again so she could stare at the city. She couldn't do it for long. They were approaching her street and she wanted to fight against his fire with fire. She had difficulty igniting it. Maybe it's the rain.

"There's a reason I wish to guard your back, sir. Your back is ready and strong enough to carry the load of a leader. A man who can consciously carry the weight of his sins doesn't feel difficulties that will lead him to redemption. So you won't feel the difficulty of losing power if it leads to good. Colonel, you can communicate with people who follow. You don't listen because you feel like it's your duty, you listen because you care- you want to hear the other side. Ishval changed you too. You learned about being ruthless towards the Enemy. But, I know you too well to-"

"We have arrived Lieutenant" Roy said interrupting her. He didn't feel pleasant for doing so, but the Flame Alchemist wasn't like the infamous Hawk's eye- he couldn't sit patiently in one place for ages when he felt tense and his entire world was shaking. He decided to excuse himself.

"I am thankful for the praise, but I am aware of what you had in mind. It sounds condescending, but it is sincere. We should stop now, before this turns into a conversation of an improper length", he smiled, "Now, I would rather find a room and dry my wet head than freeze-"

"I'll have to do the interrupting now, sir. Wait here." She got her coat and pulled it across her head. Lieutenant reached her building in a few quick strides. She vanished behind the old, worn door only to return carrying a black scarf and a white towel in her hands. The Colonel gave a confused look as his Lieutenant sat next to him.

"Here sir." She said having in mind everything she didn't have the chance to say. "Wipe your wet head. You'll get sick."

Roy took the towel and rubbed his head roughly with it. Then, when he wanted to say something, Lieutenant interrupted him by enveloping the scarf around his neck. He silently observed her. Her hands, the one that he saw loading a gun, were gently wrapping the cloth around his neck. The scarf had a scent of a strong flower-like perfume. It was warm. Like an embrace. Her eyes were concentrated on tying an ascot knot. She killed many enemies while carrying that look. With this concentration. Words Mustang prepared were stuck in his throat. He should beg her to untie the scarf so he could get done with them. But he couldn't. He didn't want it. Roy wanted her to tie a billion more knots, on top of this one: so he can stare at her longer, if only a second.

Riza felt incredibly clumsy. The kind of tension that is in between them now has always been a mystery to her. She tried to wrap the scarf the best way she knew and then tried to loosen it up. It was difficult and his smell wasn't helping. It was... unusual. Last time Hawkeye felt his scent was the hell called Ishval. When she took Colonel's coat to warm up their sick comrade. It felt like ash...and blood- death. Now a fresh scent replaced it, throwing her off balance. The Lieutenant tried to ignore his alluring presence. To ignore his eyes who were still, like dark onyx stones. The inky stare was making Riza nervous. Those eyes were always so analytical and now they were chained onto her...in a daze? After finishing she hastily moved from him.

"Is it too tight?" She asked stoically.

"No" Roy responded. "Thanks. You really-"

"I know. I didn't have to. Drive safely sir."

Roy waited as Riza entered the building and stared at her, making the most of this moment. Just like every other time the curtain had finally fallen. He pressed his forehead against the steering wheel. The stronger he pressed it, the more he felt it necessary to eliminate the painful regret. Ten seconds felt like ten minutes. The scarf was a warm comfort while the rain pattered on his windshield, unable to outvoice the thought.

He didn't tell her.

Some edits (lockscreen size) of the Brave Enough cover art* *The cover art obviously belongs to Lindsey Stirling and I take no credit for it (only edits)

“A Thread of Tips” by Shelby

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