Fools - K.sj.

fools - k.sj.

genre: angst, fluff (6.7k)

summary: only fools fall for you. (fools!universe)

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the first time you saw jin, it was at 4 am in the ‘24/7’ library you liked to go to. he was sitting all alone at a circular table, staring intensely at the books in front of him, his eyebrows had scrunched up and his lips were caught in between his teeth in concentration. he only strayed his eyes away from them to see you enter the room. blinking owlishly, he gives you a one over, curiously but then returns back to studying, seemingly not paying anymore mind to you.

you set your books in a table far away from his, and sat down in a huff. you don’t like being around people and even if this man is pretty, prettier than you’d like to admit, he still was no exception and you snort when you see all the sticky notes and highlighters he has out on the table.

what a dork.

you don’t give him too much thought either, instead opening up your books and getting lost in them, immediately taking down notes and groaning in frustration every now and then.

you were so lost in finishing your assignment that you don’t notice his gaze linger on you after he deemed it was safe to do so without getting caught by you. and he continues to do so because you don’t bother to lift your head to look at anyone and jin tilts his head as he plays with one of his highlighters while still looking at you.

did you have different textbooks?

because what could be so interesting that you haven’t looked up for the past hour?

jin shakes his head at himself when he realizes he’s been staring at a stranger like a creep for an hour now. he’s got his own papers to finish so he pats his cheeks roughly, mumbling an apology when the clapping sound makes people look at him with an annoyed expression and starts working again.

he feels slightly bashful because he broke one of the rules of midnight libraries which was no sound, absolutely no sound, not even your steps should make a sound. if libraries are quiet in the morning, they should be as quiet as a graveyard at night.

and the next time he looks up from his books, you aren’t there anymore.

this happens a couple of times throughout the days he sees you, he will see you walk in and settle with your books and even he’s checking every ten minutes to see if you’re there or not, you still manage to vanish into thin air when he doesn’t notice.

jin thinks you’re a ghost.

because he can’t understand how you move so quickly and quietly, even when he sees you in the library the next week, he’s startled because one minute he’s happily using his lime-colored highlighter on text that doesn’t need highlighting only to casually look up and seeing you in your usual spot.

and jin is so surprised that he almost falls out of his chair when you give him a side glance. he’s almost tempted to touch your cardigan to see if you’re even real or not because no one else acknowledges you except him. like literally everyone acts like you’re invisible or you actually are invisible and he just doesn’t know.

there’s a reason why no one acknowledges you but jin doesn’t know that.

you see, jin doesn’t think a lot before doing something and now the mystery of whether he’s discovered a ghost or not is greater than any future embarrassment he might feel.

he strides over to you and slightly pulls on your cardigan, and yes, he feels the fabric, you look pretty normal up close, you don’t have full black eyes or whatever shit ghosts have going on, and he heaves in relief.

“so, you’re real, thank god” it’s only after he mumbles those words, he realizes his blunder because insinuating that you thought someone (someone you’re attracted to) was a ghost wasn’t the greatest way to flirt and he definitely knows his answer if he decides to ask you out because you’re glaring at him so hard, he wants to run away.

yep, his answer would be a big fat no.

before he can apologize or explain why he thought you were a ghost or why he pulled on your cardigan, you shove past him with your books held tightly against your chest and leave but not without whispering curses at him the entire time.

jin fucked up, he knows he did and he couldn’t help but think how stupid he was to just randomly walk up to you, still a complete stranger and pull on your cardigan, jin also couldn’t help that you felt familiar to him, in a way he couldn’t explain.

so, the next time you walked into the library, he was about to come up to you and apologize but then he sees how you roll your eyes as soon as you spot him and even when he stands up to try and talk to you, you brush right past him with a scowl on your face.

jin doesn’t know what to do.

he doesn’t want to risk pissing you off even more but he knows that he has to apologize, but you do look like you are going to kill him if he comes near you. and his life is kind of precious to him.

nevertheless, with fumbling fingers and twitching lips, jin slowly walks to where you are and before he even opens his mouth to speak, you’re cutting him off.

“what, are you going to pull my cardigan again?” you snap at him and he quickly shakes his head, eyes shutting because he cannot believe he got himself into this situation.

“you aren’t wearing a cardigan today” he mumbled and winced immediately when you cocked an eyebrow at him.

what is the fucking deal with him when he is around you?

where is his ‘be respectful, not an asshole’ filter?

“don’t get smart with me” you practically growled, irritation sinking deeper into your skin and jin shamefully nodded.

he had that one coming.

“i just wanted to apologize, i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, i’m pretty sure it looked strange but my intention wasn’t that because the reason i even did it was- “he takes a deep sigh when he notices you sitting up straight, curious enough to want to know why he even pulled your cardigan instead of you know, saying hello like a normal person would.

“it was because i thought you were a ghost” he whispered, feeling the embarrassment settling deep in him as he explained and he snaps his eyes open to look at you when he hears your loud laugh. it gathers the attention of everyone else in the library but you don’t look like you care because you’re laughing so hard that your eyes have gathered tears.

jin doesn’t know why but he feels a certain warmth spread in his chest when he sees you looking so happy, even if it is because he embarrassed himself.

“why didn’t you just talk to me?” you said slightly breathlessly as you leaned back in your seat, a wide grin still on your face and jin felt himself smiling back at you.

“what if you were a ghost?” he retorted and you giggled again, jin was loving every minute of it. there’s nothing more ego boosting than someone you like finding you funny.

“strong point, can’t argue with that.” you lifted your hands in surrender and when you saw him laugh with his ears and cheeks all red, you knew you didn’t deserve whatever this handsome man had to offer.

you couldn’t get attached.

you didn’t deserve to be attached with anyone, especially not this guy who’s been making you laugh and forget about everything, even if it was for five minutes.

“okay, apology accepted, you can leave now.” you curtly nodded, voice devoid of any and all emotion and turned to open your books and jin was baffled because you looked so full of life not even a minute ago.

“you’re not even going to tell me your name?” and you don’t answer, instead staring down at your book even if your mind wasn’t grasping anything so jin shrugged to himself and left you alone even if he really wanted to stay and talk, or make you laugh more because you didn’t always look this happy, at least not in the times he’s seen you.

from then, jin didn’t bother you, of course he still looked your way whenever he could but he never went up to talk to you again and you couldn’t help but feel disappointed even if you were the one who pushed him away. a small solace for you was that you didn’t have to worry about getting attached anymore.

but jin is well, he’s jin and he’s hard to ignore.

so this time, you’re the one who looks up constantly with your pen caught in between your lips, you look up to see the handsome stranger across the room from you (you still don’t know his name) he doesn’t look too far from your age and you could only guess that you both went to the same university, you lean a little and squint your eyes to see any identification and sure enough he had a hoodie draped over the chair next to him and it had your university’s name on it.

how come you have never seen him around?

maybe he didn’t hang out near your block but you move around a lot so it’s puzzling that you have never noticed him before.

maybe he just had a tight circle of friends.

the next time you looked up, you saw him snoozing away with his book open in front of him. his precious highlighters are scattered around his head, he looked cute with his full lips and slightly flushed cheeks. absentmindedly, you gathered your books and sat down in the same table, still maintaining a good distance, not wanting to but looking over to see him every once in a while.

you giggled when his alarm rang and broke the silence in the very quiet, very empty library, so empty that it was only you and him, and a couple at the other end of the library but you were pretty sure they didn’t come here to study. jin snapped his eyes and hastily looked around to make sure no one caught him looking like a fool, only to meet your amused eyes.

and even if you didn’t want to, you started speaking.

“no loud noises in the library, don’t you know that?” you mused and pointed to the huge sign over your head which had the rule written on it in huge letters, a cheeky grin on your face only to laugh once more when he hurriedly bowed to you in apology.

he was still cute. and he was still making it really hard to not like him.

“it’s okay, just try not to sleep here, i can’t imagine the position being any comfortable” you chastised, you know this because once you fell asleep and woke up with such a cramped neck that you couldn’t move it for two days. you watched as his eyes danced over your face, pausing for a second or two and then lifting his eyebrow in a cocky way.

“thanks for the concern” jin smirked your way and you rolled your eyes, of course with a face like that, he was confident and that also made him attractive, it’s been a while since you’ve openly admitted to yourself that someone was attractive.

but it hasn’t been too long since you made the biggest blunder in your life.

you sighed, closing your books and thinking that this was enough studying for you today, not failing to catch jin’s panicked eyes looking at you.

you got up to leave, flinging your bag over your shoulder, and walking away, silently wishing for jin to say something and he didn’t disappoint. he wasn’t going to talk to you but you initiated the conversation this time so he took that as a green light to talk to you.

“wait, what’s your name? i’m jin!” he called after you, now standing in his seat. even from where you stood, his voice was clear as day so he must have been yelling.

“well jin, still no loud noises in the library, remember?” you smirked at him and laughed to yourself when you heard him groan and slump his shoulders.

just like that, you were gone. again.

jin doesn’t remember the last time he’s chased after someone but you looked like you were worth the chase so he brought out the big guns. he put a dent in his weekly budget and bought two expensive coffee infused drinks from the café in front of the library. all while he cursed capitalism, the café itself and even god because why the fuck did he have to pay 30$ for decent coffee?

that day, he kept close watch to the entrance of the library to catch you walk in and you did, looking even better than he remembers. as soon as you sit down in your usual seat, he walks over to you after gathering every bit of confidence left in him and you paused from writing your notes when you saw a shadow on them, looking up to see jin standing there with a nervous smile and two cups in his hands.

and dare you say, your heart fluttered.

“what are you doing jin?” you mused and he hated how much he liked his name rolling off your tongue. he hasn’t liked his name this much before, you just made it sound more beautiful.

“what does it look like? i’m trying to get your name.” and with that, he set a cup in front of you, and you see, it was very tempting to just sit here and get lost in a conversation with jin who seemed more than eager about it but it wasn’t so tempting when you remember your mistakes, you have hurt someone else too much to chat over coffee like this.

“i don’t like coffee.” but you can’t say no to jin.

jin sighs and just as he’s about to grab the cup and leave you, swearing to himself that he won’t return and also convincing himself to just drink the two expensive drinks himself, your voice stutters his movement to a halt.

“but there’s nothing wrong with trying it again, i guess” you sheepishly grab the cup and start sipping, not missing the relieved smile that settles on his lips and you smile back.

one conversation won’t hurt anyone.

-

turns out, jin is a lot more charming when he isn’t picking on your cardigan, and even more handsome up close. you almost choked on your breath when he leaned over the table to wipe an eyelash from your cheek. the coffee was good but you almost forgot to drink it because you were trying to find some, really any flaws in jin’s face, you didn’t find any. you tried to see flaws in his personality, you didn’t see any, or you just painted too pretty of a picture of him in your head but he really hasn’t given you any reason to paint an ugly one.

it was all too cliché. even now, bundled in your sheets, your hand unconsciously strokes where he touched you and warm butterflies fill your chest.

but you shouldn’t feel like this. last time you felt like this, you hurt someone and even if it’s been a few years since that, you don’t have it in you to forgive yourself because you really do think you don’t deserve to be with anyone.

and as much as you like jin, you know that’s it’s only a matter of time before he finds out about what you did and you’re terrified.

jin is the only person who has treated you like you deserved niceness in all these years and in your heart, you know you have to push him away, or either of you will get too comfortable to go.

and the idea of pushing him away only seemed to get harder the more days you spent with him later on, it was like whatever you two had was magnetic. you never told him your name though, masking your fear of him finding about you by just simply teasing him more. you would walk into the library and the first thing you saw was jin’s large grin and two coffee cups in front of him, and just like that, your heart felt lighter and you felt like letting your regrets go.

but regrets don’t just go, they cling to you, and they clung to you even when you dreamed of jin, they also clung to you when you wondered about what he was dreaming of, if it was you like you dreamed of him.

-

“so yeah, i cried to myself at midnight while watching coco instead of finishing my assignment and now, i’m doomed” jin, along with hoseok and jungkook, laughed at taehyung who was furiously typing away on his laptop.

“glad to know you can find joy in my misery.” taehyung clenched his teeth in mock anger and proceeded to anxiously check the time once again. from what he told them, this assignment was 20% of his grade and he was given a month to finish it. taehyung is starting it now.

taehyung is doomed.

magnificently doomed.

“just finish your essay man” jungkook snickered when hoseok shook his head disappointedly at taehyung’s situation. and jungkook also noticed how jin kept looking around the cafeteria instead of laughing with him, his own eyes travelled to where jin was looking and he didn’t know jin found fading posters on their bulletin board interesting but here they were, staring at a particularly moldy piece of paper hanging on for dear life on that board.

“if you want to join knitting club, we won’t judge hyung” hoseok burst into laughter at jungkook’s words, almost spitting his drink out and jin shook off his haze, turning to playfully shove his younger friend off the table. and after flapping hands at each other for a minute and bickering until one of them backed out, jungkook looked a little concerned for jin because jin was never one to zone out or think too much.

“but no, what are you even thinking about?” jin hesitated to speak about you, he really didn’t know a lot about you, he just knew enough to know that he definitely liked you and you spent a lot of time together but you haven’t even told him your name.

and just as he’s thinking about you, he swears that it’s the ghost of you that comes into the cafeteria and you don’t spare a single glance at anyone, walking straight to the vending machine, a couple of eyes turn to look at you and jin misses the way hushed whispers are exchanged as soon as you’re in the room.

jin doesn’t have it in him to walk up to you today, you make him weak in the best way possible and he hasn’t prepared himself to see you in campus. and jungkook notices how jin’s eyes stray towards you, also noticing how he doesn’t look away until you leave the cafeteria.

jungkook knows what’s got his hyung all wind up.

“so, y/n?” jungkook muses, a teasing tone settled in his voice and jin chokes on thin air, he didn’t expect jungkook to know you, let alone know your name.

“you know her name?” he turns to jungkook with wide eyes and jungkook almost laughs at his comical expression, but his humility dies down the second he sees how serious jin looks, he sits up straight and clears his throat. he’s only seen jin serious a handful of times, and he didn’t enjoy any of those incidents.

“of course, i do, everyone does” jungkook shrugs and jin turns to hoseok and taehyung for confirmation. and sure enough, they both nod as well and jin almost lets out a screech at how everyone around him knows you but him.

seeing jin’s panicked expression, a realization dawns on his roommate, hoseok who smirks at his friend proudly after figuring out where exactly he had been disappearing off to these past few nights.

“is she the reason why you have been going to the library every day?”

“nonsense, i just want to get my grades up.” jin nervously utters out as his ears tinge red, he’s never been a good liar and his friends know and they enjoy watching him miserably struggle with his words.

“you haven’t turned in your assignments for two weeks now” hoseok pointed out with a broad, knowing smile on his face.

“are you stalking me?” jin narrows his eyes at his roommate, but his cheeks were definitely red with all the attention of the conversation turned to him.

“hyung, do you really not know anything about her? she literally was all people talked about when i was a freshman” taehyung said, looking up from his laptop for the first time since the past 10 minutes.

“don’t you have an assignment to finish?” jin questioned, raising his eyebrows at taehyung who didn’t seem to care at all.

“i’m failing anyway, i’ve come to terms with it.” taehyung had apparently decided that his luck wouldn’t save him this time and he was just too invested in the conversation they’re having right now to care about the assignment.

“seriously though, i’m still a junior and i know about her, how do you not?” jungkook piped up, looking at jin incredulously and jin sighed, there was no winning for him here.

“fine, she’s the reason i’m going to the library and i do like her a little but she never told me her name so i would very much appreciate it if you told me.” taehyung, jungkook and hoseok looked at each other for a second, silently debating on whether they should tell what they know or not. all while, jin’s eyes danced over the three of them as they continued to stare at each other and after coming to an unspoken agreement that jin indeed needs to know, taehyung finally breaks eye contact with them and looks at jin.

“y/n, she cheated on her boyfriend in her second year.”

jin didn’t know to react.

he imagined a lot of things about you but you didn’t look like a cheater, and he felt betrayed even if he wasn’t involved with you fully. it just felt like everything he knew about you became a blurry mess that he wasn’t sure of anymore.

how many other things have you been hiding from him?

and jin has never been the judgmental kind but cheating, to him, was pretty serious.

“her boyfriend was devasted and he apparently pulled this sympathy card, got everyone to feel bad for him and that made everyone hate her for a while, he was the campus go-lucky guy so when he got all sad, people got defensive and shit, it was a whole thing. from what i know, she lost a lot of friends after that and her now, ex-boyfriend continues to mop around about it, he’s like the typical good guy who got his heart broken so yeah, no one bothers to talk to her anymore.”

so that is why you’re always alone in the library.

-

you didn’t see jin in the library for a while and it confused you, even hurt you a little bit because even if you know you didn’t deserve his presence, he made you feel alive. you missed that feeling of not being an empty void which spoke two words at the most. he actually pulled sentences, paragraphs even from your mouth with little effort. you missed being around people in general but you understood why no one would talk to you.

because you were a cheater.

you broke someone’s heart.

and you knew you fucked up. you knew you fucked up the minute you woke up in someone else’s bed.

you knew you fucked up when you saw the disappointment, anger and then sadness fill your then boyfriends eyes as you told him what happened.

and it didn’t help that he was actually a kind but difficult person to deal with, it didn’t help that you stopped loving him a long time ago, you even doubted if you ever loved him at all.

but those were excuses to anyone who would hear them.

excuses from a cheater.

because cheaters and liars have all the excuses in the world.

that night became a catalyst for the end of your relationship and there was nothing else you needed more, but it felt like you stepped out of a cage only to fall into a hole.

your ex didn’t take the news too well, and word spread around so quick that even your teaching assistants knew about what happened and they shamed you, for your actions, for your underwhelming reactions to any provoking done by anyone because honestly, you felt numb.

you thought college was going to be this fun period in your life that you would enjoy to the fullest, which is why you even moved from home, you were excited to start this new chapter with an open mind and it all crashed down on you before you could embrace it. it all fell apart right in front of you and you couldn’t do anything but watch as your reputation crumbled into fine sand.

and you deserved it. nothing could excuse cheating, not even the shell you called a relationship, not your boyfriend who was actually a good person and didn’t deserve what you gave him, nothing could change that you were exactly what they called you, a cheater.

it took everything in you to not roll your eyes when he went around campus crying to everyone about how you betrayed him and absolutely broke him, and you felt like a horrible person because you were the reason he was hurt. but you didn’t feel anything. you still don’t feel anything.

but there was one emotion that filled you to the brim and tumbled over. one you won’t admit you feel.

regret.

regret filled your every inch with dangerous opacity, regret that you couldn’t love someone as nice as him, regret that you had to hurt someone to move forward, regret that that one night absolutely destroyed everything for you, regret that you’ll only ever be known as a cheater and nothing else in all your college life.

it’s painful to experience the end of something even if you’ve been anticipating it.

you didn’t love your ex-boyfriend but still the end of whatever you were, it killed you just as much as it killed him. there were still nights that you would dream of tracing his features with your hands in the dark while he softly hummed his favorite song to you, there were still days you missed going to the cafeteria with him and just being all wrapped up with him in front of all your friends, there were still days you missed what you were even if it weren’t good for you.

regret rots you from the inside out, slowly kills you but you act like nothing affects you but every whisper, every stare that lasts too long on you, it halts your movements and makes you close your eyes in pure anguish.

“i get that it’s 4 am and no one is actually okay at this time but why do you look like you’re trying to hold in a fart?” jin’s voice broke your daze, your eyes bouncing around to find where he was, only to see him standing to the side of you while holding two cups, and jin thought he was kidding himself when he saw your face momentarily give him a relieved smile.

“just thinking” you replied, voice a little shaky and nervous. and you straightened your posture when you saw jin looking at you with more seriousness in his eyes, none of his usual playfulness or mischief found, his face was blank and not lit up in a smile like it usually was.

did he find out?

the possibility of him finding out about what you did unnerved you a little. and the tension lingered in the air, with both his sour mood and your overactive mind.

“you know, you don’t have to get me this every time, i know these are expensive as fuck” you cheekily said when he slid one of the cups over to you and jin swore, he could’ve kissed you for being so understanding of his thin wallet.

“thank you, i will no longer be getting us drinks from that place, it’s like every time i go there, they increase the prices.” jin complained loudly, an angry pout on his face as he threw his hands around to exaggerate his frustration. and you bit your lip to stop yourself from laughing out loud at his red face. but you felt relieved that he didn’t seem as rigid as he looked when he came in.

“that’s true, they switch up their prices almost weekly besides, we have a coffee machine here in the library, why did you go till there?” jin’s mouth dropped as you said this.

this library had a what now?

“what do you mean, there’s a coffee machine here?”

“yeah, it’s right there, we have three of them actually” you pointed to the opposite side of the room and jin almost cried out in frustration when he saw the brand spanking new coffee machines, all shiny and ready to be used.

“it even makes caramel latte” you added in, just to humor his expression a little more. and his jaw drops further.

so, he almost blew his month’s allowance to get you coffee when there was a perfectly (and free!!) working coffee machine right here?

“great” he pushed his tongue into his cheek to try and conceal the frustration bubbling in him and it took everything in you to not snicker.

“why haven’t you been coming in these days? grades got too good?” you gave him a small smile, only to see that all the tension that dissipated had built back up when his eyes flashed with realization as to why he came here and he straightened himself back to same posture he had when he walked in-rigid and stern.

“i actually wanted to talk you about something” you knew exactly what he was going to ask you about but you settled to hear it from him first, you could already feel your stomach sinking, and you were foolishly hoping he would ask you about the coffee machines again.

“oh yeah? what is it?” you asked with pursed lips while your fingers nervously fiddled with the lid of the coffee cup and jin took a deep breath, contemplating whether to ask you or not but ever the forward person he was, he did.

“i heard a lot about you, just recently actually, i’m pretty sure you know what i’m talking about. but i don’t know how much of it i can believe so i want you to be honest with me and tell me what happened. before we go any further with whatever this is, i want to hear it from you, y/n.”

“so, you got my name?” you delayed answering his question by taking notice of him saying your name for the first time. your name falling out of his mouth made you shiver a little, you swore that no one else could say your name like he did, you ached to hear it from him again and again.

“it was surprising that everyone around me knew but i didn’t.” he shrugged, taking his coffee cup and peering at you from the top, waiting for you to talk.

you see, jin actually thought of never talking to you again, because your situation just felt too messy and he didn’t know if he wanted to get involved.

but then he also felt he was being unfair by not knowing both sides of what happened so what better way to solve his confusion than ask the person who is directly involved?

besides, jin has blown too much money on coffee just to keep talking to you to give up now. and he doesn’t even like coffee.

“you need to be honest with me, i’m not here to intimidate you into talking or whatever, i’m here to listen to your side” and something about the way his eyes softened when he saw your hands shake a little, and then taking your quivering hands in his made you want to tell him.

you wanted to tell him everything with just the pure openness in his eyes and his willingness to hear you out before he concluded something about the situation, it warmed your heart that at least one person wanted to see how you felt instead of calling you names behind your back.

even if you might never see him because he could be disgusted with what you did and what you felt, you told him. you told him what happened, you told him the feeling that pooled in you after that fateful night, the same feeling you wouldn’t even admit to yourself. you even told him how you wouldn’t change anything except someone getting their heart broken because your relationship ended even before you cheated on him.

you told him everything you wouldn’t even whisper into the night.

jin listened to all of it with utmost attention and you even searched his eyes for any signs of judgment but all you saw was kindness.

kindness you didn’t feel like you deserved.

“you know, you keep saying he was hurt but from what you said, you were hurt just as much.” jin was right. but you didn’t reply because you were scared of admitting that if it broke his heart, it had broken you all over.

you were just as hurt over what happened as your ex-boyfriend but you felt like you didn’t deserve to feel pain when you inflicted it. but pain is a two-edged sword, you felt the same pain just in a different way. it was still pain, it was still you crying every night because you had no one to wish you good night except your parents, it was still you avoiding going into the cafeteria just to avoid the way everyone looked at you, your pain was still pain.

and no one but jin understood that.

“do you regret it?” he finally asked, pushing his cup away and looking at you pointedly.

“i regret cheating on him, not the breakup” you replied honestly, gulping a little and he hummed.

there was a tense pause in the air as you warily eyed him for any reaction but he didn’t give you any, keeping a stoic face and you felt like you couldn’t breath with how silent everything got, thankfully he gave your heart a break by speaking again.

“that’s fair enough. next time, let’s just get the coffee here.” he ended his sentence with a gentle smile which almost made you cry out of happiness because he didn’t run away.

he listened to the worst of you and stayed.

and you clung to his words ‘next time’ more than you thought you would.

-

jin meant what he said, he understood you were having a hard time too and he assumed alienation at college would be pretty harsh considering almost everyone knows everyone on campus. it must have been hard for you when everyone knew about your worst mistake and talked about it like it was teatime gossip.

but jin’s met tons of people in their worst moments, he’s learned to appreciate and admire the strength that individuals have to overcome shit instead of judging them for it.

he met jungkook when he seemingly had no aim and was just a lost young boy who was temperamental or sometimes too shy, he met hoseok when he was going through a rough breakup and was still trying to find himself, he found taehyung when he was a lot sterner and lacked understanding of others. and all his friends have been through their own shit, jin’s been through his fair share of shit too, he’s seen all of them and himself grow into who they are today and he’s proud of them and him too.

but jin knows you’ve already grown through the experience, now you just need to heal and be accepted again, and if no one else does that, he will. not because he was a hero or something, he just felt he couldn’t miss out on knowing someone like you just because you made one mistake.

jin didn’t give a shit about hushed whispers or the weird you would sometimes get when you held his hand, he could hear them calling him a fool for being with you but again, jin was determined to give you a chance for yourself and he wasn’t going to back down.

his unshaking faith in you made you believe in yourself too, he introduced you to his friends who were just as welcoming as he was. he felt his heart warm when you held his hand tighter each time someone would start a conversation with you, like you still needed him even with all those people around, jin felt like he could die a happy man, it didn’t take you long before you got comfortable around people again. 

jin couldn’t be prouder.

even right now, the library is still your favorite place, even after several days of spending time with each other, jin couldn’t deny how much more lively and confident you looked as you sat in front of him. this time with coffee made from the library machines near your hands and jin almost leaps from his seat when you look like you're going to knock them over, you don’t even notice how his hands reach out and hold the cup still, instead just going back to write on your brightly colored flash cards (you have taken a liking to bright stationery because of him, you’ve even gone on dates to stationery stores just for the heck of it.)

jin feels endeared and lets out a light chuckle, because you look very cute with your eyebrows scrunched, lips in a slight pout as you furiously jot down points, your hair ever so slightly falls on your face, you just seem so into your own world and like you’ve tuned out everyone else.

but he also frowns at the realization that you’ve probably gotten used to not having anyone around and tuning out everyone was the easiest way you could deal with being alone. he knows that feeling creeps back in you even if you are doing better now.

so, he picks up his books and bag in a hurry making you look up at him with widened eyes, and just as you are about to ask him where he’s going, he seats himself right beside you.

he’s determined to never make you feel lonely again.

he’s also determined to prove to you that it's okay too feel everything you do, be it pain, be it happiness.

he feels like he’s in love? he feels exactly like what they’ve been calling him, a fool.

a fool in love to be more specific, a fool because just by sitting there, you make him want to fight the world for you.

and jin is okay with being a fool. he’s okay with being a fool for you.

thank you for reading and recommending hell in heaven, means the world to me ☁️

📕BTS Fic Reads - 2021 Nov

I know it’s already mid-December and I’m just posting this now (I got kind of distracted by a lot of things, including BTS lol. Especially BTS -  starting with their concert!)

I’d think I didn’t get to read a lot but compiling what I’ve read for the month, I get surprised at the bulk and variety of stories. Hats off to all the authors who shared these stories. Sending you all the love, thank you 🤩

Note: if link doesn’t work, click on author link and go to their masterlist

🥕 Ongoing - most recent chapter [as of date this list was posted] 🥕 Completed - completed one shots | series 🥕 S - smut | F - fluff | A - angst

this doesn’t include AO3 fics read | this is mostly mature, 18+ only please | 

🥕 [Ongoing Series]

Keep reading

hell in heaven - j.hs.

genre: angst (4k)

summary: because falling in love with you was both the best and worst thing to happened to him. (fools!universe)

masterlist     series masterlist

no one’s seen hoseok since that day.

the day that you two broke up.

many turned up at his doorstep only to be brushed off, even his closest friends jin and yoongi couldn’t get him to come out of his house and when they showed up with all his favorite foods, they couldn’t help but notice the dark circles that covered his usually bright eyes, he looked like he hadn’t eaten and none of his energy remained, he couldn’t even force a smile for his brothers, they left without a word from him.

can a break-up really do that to a person? ruin them to the point of no return?

because that’s what it looked like to everyone. the jung hoseok they knew, the one who used to embrace everyone, the life of every party he’s been to, was no longer the jung hoseok that stood before them.

but people knew, how much he loved you, it was obvious with the way you two used to run around campus giggling and cuddling the whole time, known as the campus sweethearts, everyone used to watch in awe as you both proudly showcased your love to everyone, and now, all of that felt like a dream to hoseok, a dream he’s been harshly woken up from.

even right now, with all his friends staring expectantly at him with beer cans in their hand, not all of them faniliar with each other, their common link being namjoon and hoseok alone, with a cigarette dangling from his own hand, hoseok doesn’t feel ready to tell what happened between you two, he doesn’t know if he’s scared of the reaction or scared of living through memories that he wants to forget. he doesn’t want to forget you however, he wants to forget what you two had, because both of you were hurt at the end. and the last thing that he wants, even now, when everything has been over, is for you to hurt.

he's tried to wish you pain, he’s tried to hate you, but every time your last moment together stops him from thinking that way.

you left because you had to before it killed one of you.

“you look better now” jin offered with a weak smile, it pained him to see his once ever so bright friend become nothing but a clump of dull energy. hoseok grimly nodded to that, he did look better now that he started eating and working out more, while they were merely distractions, hoseok still enjoyed having some normalcy come back to him.

they nervously looked at each other, not knowing what to say as hoseok stared ahead at nothing, even yoongi, who usually knew how to break the ice with a joke and make everyone comfortable didn’t utter a word, their friend’s state had silenced them all. hoseok could feel the silence, he knew it was because of him and it was suffocating him, he didn’t blame his friends for being quiet but rather blamed himself for the sour mood.

“jungkook” hoseok softly called out and jungkook immediately leaned forward to his direction, eagerly waiting for his hyung to say something.

“i heard you got your first job and tattoo, and you never even told me, isn’t that too unfair?” hoseok light heartedly joked and jungkook had a rosy blush on his face as he nodded happily, just glad that he was at least talking.

“i started working with jimin hyung at joon hyung’s bakery, and the tattoo just kind of happened, one day i just went to genius lab and asked yoongi hyung to do it, i didn’t even think of a design till i got there” jungkook filled hoseok in with the details of his life from the past few weeks.

“can i look, at the tattoo, i mean?” jungkook immediately got up from his seat to circle around hoseok and showed him the beautiful tiger lily that covered his forearm, hoseok lightly traced his fingers around the tattoo with a small grin on his face, marveling at the intricate design.

“ah jungkook, you’re telling me you designed this? no way, you have grown up so much.” warmth and nostalgia filled hoseok’s voice as he looked at jungkook with the eyes everyone was familiar with, sparkling and filled with love, jungkook almost started crying right there after seeing him look alive after so long.

“i did, i designed it myself, we can design my next one together.” jungkook’s word held a promise, he was going to design his next one with hoseok and he was going to ink it on his body.

“how has everyone else been?” hoseok asked, leaning back on his seat as jungkook returns to his and everyone starts filling in with everything they’ve been up to

jin mentions how university is kicking his ass with five assignments every week, yoongi fills in about how much this one girl keeps annoying him, namjoon explains how bike rides around the river is the most he’s doing these days, jimin shyly mentions his crush on his best friend and the others break into loud ooh’s at that, taehyung is cursing out his professor who won’t bump his subpar grade to above average and jungkook stays silent, only letting a few chuckles slip every now and then with how dramatic some of them got.

and suddenly, as if they’ve run out of things to fill the void, they fall dead silent, jimin looks at hoseok who visibly inflates after the youthful energy in the room dies as quickly as it revives.

“hyung, i’ve been worried sick about you, and i really am glad that you called us to meet after so many days, but i can’t sit here and watch you suffer silently so please tell us, we’re all here to listen to you” jimin pleads with hoseok suddenly, his voice strained and weak with eyes widened and lips pursed as everyone else silently thank jimin for taking the step that they were all hesitant to.

hoseok looks up at jimin’s thin voice telling him to get out of whatever bubble he’s built around himself, to finally tell someone what happened and why it’s ruining him the way it is.

“should we pour a drink first?” hoseok offers with a weak smile and once everyone nods, hoseok gets started about the story in his life he wants to erase.

how you and hoseok got together? it was natural, like on instinct you had to be with each other no matter what, you don’t know if that feeling started at that one party where you got too drunk and finally kissed him, or if it’s always been there and you both just kept denying it till you didn’t.

either way, when you finally got together, you both were so giddy and excited about it that you wanted to let the world know that ‘hey, i love you and i would choose no one but you and i need to tell everyone i’m in love because it’s the best thing i’ve ever experienced’.

and it was, it still is the best thing to happened to hoseok but at the end, he knew it was the worst thing too.

he tells the boys everything, from your first date to every fight that led to the end and they could only hear with wide eyes, they didn’t know that a couple who looked so perfect to everyone, would have so many cracks threatening a disastrous breaking apart. hoseok didn’t care if they were listening or not, he’s gotten used to not being heard but he was going to tell them everything regardless.

you both did everything in the world, with hands around the other.

you went to bungee jumping with him, you went to river crashing with him, you did assignments late at night with him, kicking feet with each other and getting distracted every time, you learned calligraphy with him, you learned baking with him even if you both ended up with flour all over each other at the end, you could just laugh and kiss it off because it didn’t matter, nothing else mattered when you were with him.

every memorable thing in your life had hoseok beside you and hoseok has never wanted to experience anything in his life without you in it.

you had your insecurities, he had his, you didn’t talk about your problems, he didn’t talk about his.

because together, you could forget every problem that plagued your mind, you could forget about the world that was hurting you and instead just stare at each other till sunrise.

soon, your problems and insecurities and his, caught up to you before you could run away once again, and everything you loved about each other quickly became things that started to annoy you.

you used to love waking up to his loud good morning, you would wake up and pepper kisses across his face with a sleepy smile on your face, chest blooming with pride that he was your man, later you just stuffed your face into your pillow and begged for him to stop talking. he used to love eating your experiments in the kitchen, either lying about how good they taste, or kissing you in reassurance that you can always do better next time, his own face twisting to a grin every time you would pout at your failures, later he couldn’t hide the grimace on his face as he swallowed and couldn’t bring himself to encourage you like he usually does.

it was the little things that changed, little things that had a heavy weight in the dynamic of your relationship and it wasn’t like you two didn’t notice, every time you would turn away from hoseok in the morning, his smile would immediately drop and he would silently leave the room, his mind heavy with neglect, and every time he scowled at the food you made, you wanted to never enter the kitchen again, you lost all drive to do anything again.

and slowly, the rush you felt whenever you touched him and the way his heart would leap every time you said his name, both of them faded.

that’s when the fights began, small like any beginning but fatal.

even if it were something as simple as leaving clothes on the floor, you both would fight like your life depended on it, yelling out words only to regret them as soon as you say them.

hoseok never wanted to hurt you, but he did.

you never wanted to hurt hoseok, but you did.

at some point, you both got too comfortable with fighting every day, brushing it off like it was a normal thing that happens to all couples, an excuse, a kind of solace to your breaking hearts that it was okay, it was all okay.

it wasn’t okay.

hoseok wishes he could go back and yell at himself for thinking it was okay, it was never okay.

unknowingly, you both would hurt each other to the point of crying all night and then wiping each other’s tears like you weren’t responsible for it, like you weren’t hurting each other, more so like you were hurting yourself while gripping onto his hands that gently swiped across your face.

that was the first thing that broke hoseok.

crying because of you, crying for you and crying when he was away from you.

you were his home, his broken, falling apart, moldy and dying home. but still his home. you would always be his home.

it got exhausting, but you couldn’t stop loving him, he couldn’t stop loving you.

you were the couple that everyone wanted to be, you couldn’t just up and leave because the words that would leave people’s mouths after would only hurt you more.

so, you stayed.

even if you cried every day, you stayed because at least you weren’t the only one crying, you weren’t the only one who was breaking and losing yourself, you stayed because somewhere in your heart, you couldn’t imagine a life that didn’t have hoseok in it.

you loved each other.

but love can only be beautiful for so long.

the mistakes come after the regret.

regret that if you lost hoseok as a lover, you would lose him as a friend, a companion you could lean on, someone who’s with you even after hearing all your stories, you could lose all of that just because your love was selfish enough to make you pay, your love was poison enough to feel like honey.

the mistakes, you’re not sure when they started, maybe it was when you stopped going to parties with hoseok or when you two intentionally went to different parties or was it when you two no longer looked for each other in a full room? you don’t know.

going to parties without your boyfriend and pretending like you’re single was your mistake.

going to parties and buying drinks for others was his mistake.

it wasn’t long before you stopped coming to his dorm at night, instead showing up to class with hickeys that he definitely didn’t give you and you would find someone else’s clothes lying around his bedroom floor.

he acted like he didn’t notice the hickeys and you quietly put the clothes you found in the trash.

it wasn’t that you forgave each other, you just didn’t have the energy to fight for each other anymore, neither of you were on the right, neither of you could blame the other, neither of you wanted to tell another soul about it, an argument would only end in you both admitting you were wrong.

and you didn’t do it. he never did it.

the boys stopped drinking, glaring at the glasses in front of them, frozen with this new information.

“hyung” namjoon slowly muttered, gazing nervously at his friend, understanding a bit of what was going on and why hoseok hasn’t been the same again, hoseok just gives him a pained smile and returns to silence.

namjoon never thought his friend would be capable of cheating, he never anticipated his friend’s girlfriend who would always give him a bubbly smile when she entered his bakery, was capable either.

and that’s when it hits namjoon that maybe people are a lot more capable to hurt than to love.

the thought scares namjoon, it scares everyone else in the room too.

you and hoseok cheated on each other so much but neither of you made the attempt to break it off.

they didn’t know what to think of that, they couldn’t judge their brother, it would be unfair if they judged you when they didn’t judge him, it didn’t matter who did it first, it mattered that you two moved on like it was normal, like cheating was normal, like being in pain when with each other was normal.

and they didn’t know what to say to him as he downed another glass of whiskey like it was water.

so, they simply just didn’t say anything.

they just let him speak.

the cheating didn’t stop, the lies didn’t either.

the love which you painfully gripped to like gripping to stones, was fading too.

and when the love for each other died, so did the love for yourself.

you hated yourself, he hated himself because you and him couldn’t save it, couldn’t save the relationship or your precious love.

you couldn’t save the relationships around you either, your strained relationship with your family only getting worse with the little effort you put in to be together with them.

your life and his were crashing on you, but you didn’t feel anything.

you got used to the burning in your chest with every movement you made and he got used to the sinking way his heart fell every time you hurt him.

it was like you kept denying, denying and denying, one shot of vodka and one night with someone else at a time, till you couldn’t anymore that something was very wrong with you two.

you only remember how you felt when you came one morning to see another woman in his bed, sleeping peacefully next to him and you didn’t say anything, even if you wanted to yell, kick her out and then yell at hoseok too.

you didn’t say anything, just closed the door and walked off.

hoseok remembers the way his heart twisted in his chest when he came to your apartment only for you to be wearing another man’s t-shirt, he ignored it, he didn’t say anything about the t-shirt, or the fading marks on your neck and clavicle.

you and hoseok were foolish enough to believe that it was just a rough patch, something that you will get over soon and you could slip into that honeymoon phase you used to float around in, often getting excited at the smallest action of affection from the other, something as simple as hoseok kissing your forehead before going to class was enough for you to hope that everything will be okay and hoseok would just be happy if he didn’t find someone else’s scent on you when he hugged you in class.

but your relationship was like a torn paper, no matter how much you try to put it together, it just doesn’t look the same anymore.

and you were the first one to realize that.

you stared at hoseok from your side of the bed, even in deep sleep, he didn’t look like he was resting, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth twitching from time to time, it was obvious he was thinking a lot, and that’s when the weight of everything fell on you.

you hurt him, the one person you promised you would love, you hurt him.

you might have even broken him with how tired he looks.

he didn’t walk like he used to; slouching and trudging his step.

he didn’t talk like he used to; his voice had changed, slower and hoarser as the days go by.

he didn’t smile like he used to; his smile was forced, pained even.

and his smile, oh you used to love his smile, you used to love being the reason for his smile too.

you broke him.

and that killed you.

the first tear was silent and fell on the pillow, immediately leaving a stain on it, and then you cried, you cried and cried as sunlight poured into your room, your hands covered your mouth as your heart squeezed in your chest and hoseok woke up in a startle at the sound of a sob that escaped from your mouth. he hurriedly got up and looked around and then at you. he pulled you close to look if you hurt yourself somewhere and when he didn’t see any apparent injuries, he looked up at you again with teary eyes, he couldn’t bear seeing you in so much pain.

you didn’t stop crying, his grip on your shoulders trying to shake you back into sanity and his voice which urgently called out to you felt too distant to be true.

“i-i can’t find what’s wrong, please stop crying, please just tell me” he hurriedly said, softly wiping your face, frantically checking your arms and head again, searching for anything that could’ve hurt you but it was your heart that was finally bleeding after being plugged up with everything for so long.

“how could i hurt you?” you wailed, pushing your head into your hands, and hoseok paused, his tears building up again as your shoulders shook from how heavy your sobs got.

hoseok couldn’t deny the way his eyes-tinged red at your words, he couldn’t deny that he felt his own heart being ripped from his chest because you were blaming yourself when he wasn’t any better.

“i hurt you too” hoseok muttered defeatedly, his hand falling from your face onto his own lap as he stared off to the side.

defeat, that’s all he could feel. for someone who is used to victory, this was new, and he didn’t like it.

“we keep hurting each other hobi, why?” you asked him helplessly, your voice and his nickname were painful for him to hear and he shook his head, he didn’t know how to tell you that it will be okay because he wasn’t sure himself.

“y/n, it’s normal, happens to couples sometimes, we just have to hold o-“ he reaches for your hands, holding them tightly and rubbing circles on them, he knew you weren’t going to be happy together anymore but he wanted to try, he wanted to know if you could feel the same microscopic hope he did.

“that’s a lie and you know it” you bluntly said, voice hoarse but sure, and his grip falters so does his tiny bit of hope.

you look ready to leave and all he could think of was how to stop you.

“just listen to me, please” he begged, and your heart breaks at his desperate, slouched over form, you silently brought your hand to his forehead, pushing hair off from it and gently patting it back, sniffling every so often. your touch makes him flinch and then sigh shakily, it’s been so long since you’ve touched with affection and not venom.

“we can’t do this anymore; you know we can’t” you whisper as more tears fall down your face and you don’t miss the way he sobs a little and pushes his head into his arm.

he did know.

he fucking knew this was coming.

he’s imagined ways this day would come and nothing could have prepared him for this moment.

was this the end for you two? after all you’ve been through, you were going to end at 5 am on a random morning while crying into each other’s arms? is that what you’ve come to?

you slowly cup his cheek, allowing him to bury his face into your hand and cry, every time his tears touch your skin, you break a little more, and you don’t stop yourself from caressing his skin carefully, like it was the last time you will touch it.

“we’re just scared to be lonely” hoseok lifts his head in a shiver, voice laced with realization and you nod shamefully.

you didn’t stay out of love, you stayed because you didn’t know who would you go to if this was over.

love is a tender pain, and you’ve both experienced all sides of it. especially the worst part of it.

and with that said, hoseok hated himself for coming to that realization, he hated himself for knowing what was wrong with you two.

he wished that he just remained oblivious to everything, he wished that you never got up from the bed after he said that, he wished that you didn’t pack your clothes that were left in his closet, he wished he didn’t hear how you cried as you stuffed your belongings into different bags, he wished that you didn’t kiss his forehead and give him a final, weak smile before you left his room, he wished that he didn’t notice your scent twirling in the air, mocking him.

he wished you didn’t leave at all.

he spent many days, in the same bed you left him in, with your kiss lingering on his forehead, refusing to live without you. he lost count of how many tears he cried, he lost count of how many times he reached for his phone to call you and beg you to come back.

but hoseok knew you left for good.

you weren’t coming back.

and he just had to deal with that.

“i haven’t seen her since then, i asked her friends and apparently she went home for a bit, i don’t think i will bother her again.” hoseok ended his disastrous, tragic love story with a shrug.

a story to the rest of them but to him, he felt every word of it and relived through the memories he’s been waiting to forget.

hoseok watched as all of them gulped, they didn’t know their friend was silently going through so much and they felt guilty for not advising him, for not helping him sooner, it was only jin and yoongi who understood that any advice would have fallen to deaf ears with hoseok when he was still with you.

“that’s how it finished?” taehyung couldn’t help but ask, for two people who tried every trick in the book to stay together, you didn’t seem to try at all at the end.

“yeah, it just happened” hoseok says painfully and the boys felt pity, pity that hoseok or you couldn’t come to your senses sooner so you could stop before you got too hurt.

but the damage was done.

and the only thing left with hoseok was the silence that surrounded him and his friends who swore that another soul wouldn’t know about this.

hoseok, in some sick and fucked up way, still loved you. he still longed for the day you would enter his doorstep with the smile he hasn’t seen for so long but he’s glad you have better self-control than him and stayed away for both of your sakes.

for now, hoseok will just miss you until he can’t anymore.

his home, his heaven in hell, he will miss you till he moves on.

two feet tied - p.jm.

genre: fluff at the beginning, angst, deals with infidelity in detail (11.5k)

summary: do you think of love when the world is at your fingertips? or a story in which jimin dances on the dangerously thin line between love and obsession.

note: i do not mean to romanticize or glorify cheating in any manner, take this as a work of fiction only.

all works in the series can be real individually.

masterlist    series masterlist (colors!universe)

drabble

“we’ll announce the leads now, please come forward if your name is called, and if not, better luck next time” is a simple sentence really.

but your heart wrenched uncomfortably in your chest as you anxiously waited for the results. it was not like your entire life and career depended on those names.

you couldn’t stand still, neither could jimin as your hands wrung behind your backs and your weights kept shifting from one foot to another.

this is it.

this is what you worked and climbed ranks for, in the past two years.

you turned to the side to see jimin mirroring your expression, excitement danced in his eyebrows, but his lips stayed pursed, giving away how nervous he truly was. you couldn’t comfort him even if your hands reached him.

it felt all too familiar, jimin by your side, both of your palms sweaty as you wait for your fate to be recited to you.

‘the black swan’ was one of the hardest theatrical acts to get accepted into, only the absolute top and most talented even thought of auditioning here. once you are accepted, your future is secured, opportunities were expected to fall at your feet so everything is at stake here, especially the pride you both were cruelly robbed off when you first started.

“park jimin” you gasp and jump in your place when his name is announced, a huge grin growing on your face when you realize that jimin got the part he auditioned for; the black swan, the heart of the show.

you could see him trying to hold in his happiness, he still couldn’t scream, not with the officials in the same room and you couldn’t hug him either, so you just squeezed his hand and congratulated him in excited, hushed whispers. he can’t help but smile sheepishly at the floor at how much more excited you look than him and sends a silent thanks to the universe.

but his face immediately falls when he notices how they’ve reached the end of the list and your name didn’t get called.

he turns to look at you with concerned eyes, knowing in his heart how much you wanted this and how hard you worked for it, he isn’t surprised to see the disappointment instantly wash over your face.

everyone starts to leave, some crying, some buzzing with excitement. jimin was just worried because even though you don’t look sad, you wouldn’t look at him as you make your way through the crowd and outside the building, and he follows wordlessly.

he does not know what to do as you sit in the car with your gaze downwards, he knows that any words of comfort would just fall to deaf ears because jimin understood, better than anyone, what this audition meant to you. so, when you curl up on the bed still without uttering a word, jimin knows that he can’t just watch you suffer from your thoughts.

your gaze follows his movements as he gets into bed too, and you almost immediately crumble, reaching for him with desperate hands. he tears up when he hears your sobs against his chest.

this wasn’t how it was supposed to go, you both were supposed to get in together.

the plan was always supposed to do this together, like everything else you have done to this point.

“i-i’m sorry i’m crying like this when i’m supposed to be h-happy for you, i am happy for you jimin, and i’m so unbelievably p-proud. you, of all people, deserved to get that role” you whimper, feeling horrible for dampening his mood along with yours. “don’t be silly, you don’t have to hide how you truly feel, not in front of me.” jimin whispered, caressing your hair as your teardrops continued to soak the pillows.

for a moment, your sobs are the only sound in the room, jimin chooses to remain silent and just stay close to you, but then the piercing shrill of your phone startles you both.

jimin reaches for it, shrugging when there’s no name, and hands it to you. you sit up straight before clearing your throat and answering the call. “hello?” your voice remains surprisingly steady for someone who’s been crying their heart out and jimin just watches as your eyes go wide and your face morphs into a big smile, your hand flies up to your mouth, your eyes darting to him several times as you continuously thank the person on the other line before ending the call and looking at him with renewed energy.

“jimin, you won’t believe this” you shout excitedly as you jump to go next to him, he lets out a small chuckle and gathers you in his arms at your sudden change in mood and bouncing energy, and waits for you to speak. he is more than relieved to see the change in your mood. “what is it babe?” he rubs his fingers over the back of your hand.

“you know the ‘nutcracker’ play, right? the one sponsored by that big studio in france? well, they just called me and they want me to be the senior director for the show! they saw my audition at ‘black swan’ and wanted me to be a part of their play” jimin’s mouth drops open at your words with both joy and awe, being the senior director was something very few actual dancers were offered to be so if they were willing to give you that role, they must have bet a lot on you.

they were not going to regret all this faith they put in you, jimin was very sure of that much.

“see, i knew you would get there, one way or another.” he smiles widely that your hard work was paying off. “but it’s not together” you pout because you and jimin have always been a pair, it is one of the rare sentiments you have developed over the years. “i know, i wish you were my white swan” he sighs as he rubs circles into your hands, “there’s always next time?” you offer with a small smile and he nods, agreeing with you. “next time.”

in the past, even if you weren’t partners for the actual dance, you both were always somehow involved in the same act, either as the choreographer or part of the crew, you just were always in each other’s presence but that wasn’t the case now.

“i’m so excited” you sigh dreamily, just imagining how fun and new it would be to become a director. “i’m sure you’ll excel at it, as you do in so many other things” he kisses your forehead and you resist the urge to bury yourself into him. “i couldn’t have done it without you” you whisper back to him and jimin swears he feels his heart burst at your words, “i wouldn’t have even danced without you” he whispers back to you.

-

jimin takes a deep breath as he walks up to the large, fancy building where he would practice as the black swan. he walks in with confidence, knowing that he’s done his research on what his role entailed and which way he would have to transform for it.

upon entering, he is immediately whisked away to a dancing room with ceilings as high as the sky, he noted that the floor was also polished just enough for him to glide without having to stutter in his step. it’s every dancer’s dream practice room.

“ah there he is, the star of the show” a man, who would soon be revealed as the director of the show, hollers loudly when he sees jimin looking around the room. jimin breaks into a shy grin and the choreographer takes the time to introduce him to everyone involved in the play.

“and our other star, park hyejin, she’s the white swan, also your partner, you both will be working closely with each other so get comfortable, yeah?” the man winks at them as hyejin and jimin bow with a polite smile to each other. “i’ve heard a lot about you mr. park, i’m excited to work on this with you” she compliments jimin who humbly brushes it off with a sheepish smile.

when she looks away, jimin subtly notes how elegant hyejin looks, even without seeing her dance, he just had a feeling that her body lines were always flawless and her posture reflected the prima ballerina she was.

she reminded him of you, a perfect blend of determination and softness was shared in your faces.

he reluctantly looks away and laughs to himself a little, a few moments away from you already had him thinking everything was about you.

but jimin could have never guessed why he actually couldn’t look away from hyejin.

-

by the time jimin gets home, you’re already cooking dinner and dancing around in the kitchen with some jazzy 80’s song playing softly in the background. all of today was great but you are the true light in his day.

he wishes you always looked like this, so full of life and bursting at the seams with happiness.

“i’m home” he announces in a soft voice, face immediately brightening when you throw him backward with a hug. “how was your first day? were you nervous? how were the other dancers? the directors weren’t overbearing, right?” your barrage of questions tumble over each other and jimin just smiles fondly. “well, i can tell you everything if you let me babe.” he teases with a peck to your nose, and you purse your lips with a nod.

“it couldn’t have been better, like you won’t believe how huge their practice rooms are, just imagine our first ever practice room ever and multiply that by ten” he starts, you gasp at his description and patiently listen to every second of his day that he didn’t spend with you.

nor he or you notice that he leaves out the part about his stunning partner.

-

the next day jimin walks into practice, he is taken aback when he sees that hyejin is already stretching in the studio, she lifts her head at his presence and goes up to him. “good morning, mr.park.” he can’t help but feel a little shiver at her smooth voice, he also couldn’t help how his eyes travel across her poised body. now that she wasn’t wearing a flowy dress, her dance practice outfit didn’t leave a lot to the imagination.

he quickly looks away and he doesn’t bother telling her to be informal with him like he usually does with all his partners.

everything about her was so elegant, so put together, that jimin felt intimidated. he isn’t used to having such a qualified partner. not that he minded or anything, he was just always the more experienced one during acts he’s done in the past.

who was jimin to judge anyone’s qualifications anyway?

he greets her as well as he sets his bag down. he thought he was early but clearly not early enough.

during practice, both jimin and hyejin turn red when the choreographer tells them how close they would have to be for the dance. for more than half of the dance, their bodies remain stuck to each other, it’s supposed to symbolize how thin the line is between the black and white swan.

the thin line between love and obsession.

as they get into position, every single one of jimin’s senses is clouded by hyejin, his eyes literally won’t stop darting across her face

she was just so…beautiful.

and she looked so much like you?

why did she look like you when she was in his arms?

the music starts but that isn’t what gets jimin to move, it’s like a mind instinct to follow hyejin’s movements. the second she starts twirling, he pushes his body to follow her, desperate hands just as the black swan reaches the white swan. they don’t break eye contact once and the entire room feels heavy, heavy with their breaths, heavy with the tension growing between them, and for a second, it felt like it was only her and him in the room.

jimin hasn’t feel that way with anyone but you.

“i think you should be closer” hyejin whispers into his ear, with her hand wrapped around the back of his neck, and jimin freezes in his position, he thought they were impossibly close already.

he doesn’t think she’s just talking about the dance.

with a tedious scan of her from head to toe and then meeting hyejin’s sparkling eyes, he follows her anyway, his grip tightening on her waist and she hums in approval.

she sounds like you too.

this feels wrong.

this is wrong.

they start moving again, and jimin just flows with her, just like how he flows with you.

she’s not you but jimin can’t tell the difference between holding you and her. she feels the same, looks the same, sounds the same, and moves her body the same way.

but she’s not you.

a voice screams in his head that the woman in his arms is not the woman waiting for him at home.

“that was perfect, bravo to our swans!” the loud holler from the choreographer freezes jimin once again, face so close to hyejin that he can feel her breath on his face, steady and hot and for a minute, they don’t move. they don’t hear the rousing applause around them, their feet stay glued as they stare at each other and it isn’t until another loud noise around them that he pulls away from her, almost pushing her away from him because jimin doesn’t understand this feeling crawling on his chest.

why did she look like you?

why did she feel like you?

why do his eyes follow her as she walks away to leave for the day?

he doesn’t realize how hard he’s panting until his body starts to bend forward from how tired he feels.

he’s been with partners for dance before, but none were hyejin. he never had to remind himself that you were at home, waiting for him to come back, he never had to remind himself that you were in his life. he never had to actively think of you before, you were just always on his mind.

in a loving, dizzy haze, jimin somehow always felt secure that you were there in his life.

but now, felt scarily different to jimin.

because he didn’t think of you individually even once, not during the whole practice, not when hyejin got unnecessarily close to him sometimes.

he only thought of you when he found traces of you in the woman holding onto him for dear life.

and jimin almost hates it when he enjoys being so close to hyejin, he almost hates how his body jumps to be just as close to her, he would’ve fully hated it if it weren’t for how sweetly she smiled at him each time their eyes would meet.

jimin also hates that he finds himself smiling back at her.

-

you are more than buzzing with energy as you start your first day as a senior director, everyone was so welcoming and warm to you. knowing your experience, they didn’t question any of your suggestions. most of them immediately tried to see if it would pan out and put it into action, and it felt good to work in such a respectable and comfortable environment.

“the dancers should do a different formation for act 2, the same formation looks uninteresting. so try a newer formation, one that is fresh to the eyes, and let me know if there’s something i can help with” you instruct the choreographer who agrees and puts forth his ideas on how that can be improved.

you realized that you liked being behind the camera and below the stage just as much as you like being on it, and looking at the huge stage in front of you reminds you of one person; jimin.

who would’ve known that both of you would grow up to do what you’re doing now?

the ‘you’ from five years ago would have given everything and anything just to get a peek of the stage that you were now directing.

it made you feel warm, that all your pain and hard work didn’t get thrown into a ditch and you definitely couldn’t have done it without jimin.

your eyes stay teary as you drag your feet out of the audition room. it didn’t go well.

you got rejected, to put it nicely. but thoughts of what they said circle your mind in a taunt, ‘you have no talent at all, why did you even think of getting on that stage?’ it was humiliating, a punch to all the practice you did for the audition, a punch to the passion you so strongly held onto since you started dancing.

a soft hand grabs yours making you look up, jimin stands there with his lips set in a grim line and an evident furrow in his eyebrow.

you didn’t have to ask him to know that he got rejected too either.

you both look at each other for a second before crashing into a hug, heaving sobs leaving both your lips as you desperately grab onto him. his hands dig into your sides but nothing hurts more than being denied from something you thought you had.

how did both of you get rejected?

why was nothing ever enough?

you lean back from his face to wipe at his tears and hold onto his cheek, “we’ll get through this, yeah?” after he doesn’t respond, you get worried that your friend truly thinks there’s no hope left. “at 4, meet me in the school’s practice room, let’s practice till no one can say no to us” you say and leave him by himself.

morning comes slowly, and everyone is sound asleep when you slip into the dead night, jimin is already stretching lightly but his eyes are downcast as you approach him.

“it’s only our first rejection and i have a feeling that if we want to continue this, we have to be ready for much worse.” you say softly as you start stretching next to him, his arms fall beside him as he takes in a sharp breath. “i don’t think i can take anymore….maybe i should just stop here” you can tell it’s just his train of thought as he mumbles this but it stuns you that jimin would even think of leaving dancing behind over one rejection.

“are you sure? because you and i both know that you shine the brightest when you’re on stage, dancing your heart out” jimin on stage is a sight to behold, the way he tip-toes and catches the attention of everyone in the auditorium with a simple turn, was no easy feat and you couldn’t let him give up on it.

“it’s hard, i understand, i do. but i’m not letting you give up here, this isn’t the last audition you’re going to take and this is sure as hell, not the last time you’re getting on a stage” your words are stern but filled with warmth, they are directed to you and him. you can’t let him give up and you can’t give up either. jimin is grateful that you’re his friend as he passes by you and presses play on the music.

“you’re right, you always are” he mumbles with a chuckle and you smile with him. he reaches for your hand, giving it a light squeeze and you tighten your grip too.

“let’s prove all of them wrong” you move into position, “together?” he asks, breaking his position to look at you, “who else would it be?” you answer with a smile.

that was six years ago, that was when jimin was still just your friend, but with long hours of practice combined with celebrating your victories and failures together, you were bound to fall in love with him at some or another point. and he was always in love with you.

it was over a couple of bottles of soju and beer after the first time you two got roles in a local theater play, that he confessed to you in a dreamy, drunken haze. you still laugh at how quickly he sobered up when you said you felt the same way.

as you watch the dancers do their routine in a fresh new way, your mind subconsciously drifts to think about jimin and how he must be doing.

you were sure he was doing alright; it was jimin after all. if anyone could fully embrace the role, it was him.

-

contrary to your beliefs, jimin was struggling quite a bit.

it had already been three weeks since they started practicing and this week had been pure torture for jimin. as it turns out, hyejin was the perfect dancer, not that jimin thought otherwise but he didn’t expect himself to not be able to catch up with her. she practiced for hours on end, her body never faltered or missed a beat, while jimin had pretty good stamina himself, his body would give up on him from time to time.

and even if it were minor challenges, the nervousness that comes with starring in one of the biggest drama productions along with the need to stack up to hyejin now, was slowly building on him in a way he wasn’t sure he could handle anymore.

not to mention, he was still trying to navigate through this unusual feeling he had around hyejin, he hadn’t stopped thinking about her since that day, how close they were, how that closeness repeated every day with her. and after tossing and turning for nights on end, he put a label to what he felt for her while you slept peacefully beside him.

he felt attracted to her.

the kind of attraction that was so magnetic, so strong that it made him angry. he was angry that she pulled a move like that on him when she was well aware of his relationship with you.

but.

but jimin wasn’t out of the woods yet either, he not only reciprocated whatever she did, but he also didn’t do anything to dodge or discourage it. if anything, he encouraged her to advance further.

hyejin was slowly proving to be the root of all of his problems.

he sat down in the corner of the dance room after everyone had left, he recalls the disappointment flashing on the directors’ faces every single time he missed or skipped a step, and it placed a stone in his heart.

it wasn’t easy, trying to understand his own feelings while pushing his body to go further and do better.

he can’t lose this role; he can’t give up here but his body and mind are screaming at him to slow down.

he thought that if he got this role, everything would be perfect. he would work on getting a dance studio of his own, run it with you, propose to you and have a family with you, it was all mapped out in his mind.

but he didn’t think that just getting the role won’t help, he’s going to have to fill in the shoes of one of the biggest roles in the industry.

he was foolish enough to think he wouldn’t have to put in too much work to fill them out.

and he didn’t expect whatever was going on with him and hyejin, not even in his wildest dreams.

you were always his ride or die, someone, he could never forget and he hated himself for even looking at someone else through tainted eyes.

he can’t go further with hyejin, not even if it’s maddening to ignore the desires itching at his heart.

his thoughts are interrupted when a soft hand is placed on his shoulder, jimin doesn’t have to turn around to know that it’s hyejin.

“are you okay?” her tone is just as soft as her touch, and jimin looks at her with a bored face, his problems could have never looked more beautiful. “did you forget something?” his rude tone isn’t lost on her but she sits down beside him, which confuses jimin.

“it was hard for me too” she starts and jimin scoffs, he couldn’t believe that she was lying straight to his face. he had seen her practice and she never showed any signs of struggling. “i dance the way i do because i have put in precious time into it” she continues and jimin straightens up to listen to her. “the amount of practice i do, is punishing for my body. i held onto that harsh realization for a while but without punishing it, i can’t do better than i already am.”

it's grim, love and passion just aren’t enough if you want to pursue your art. there’s always a price that comes with doing what you love.

his respect for hyejin skyrockets as she explains how she dances the way she does, but that’s quickly turned to dust when he remembers that he wouldn’t be this miserable if she wasn’t his partner.

didn’t she feel even the slightest bit of guilt for whatever she was doing?

she knew he was a taken man after all.

“that’s insightful, thanks” jimin’s reply is dry and he looks away after that, he fully expects her to scoff in his face and walk away so imagine his surprise when she giggles at him.

he cocks his eyebrow at her, waiting for her to explain what’s so hilarious about his clear frustration. hyejin sighs with a soft smile before turning to fully face jimin. “come on” she extends her hand to him and he looks at it questioningly, hyejin doesn’t wait for an answer as she takes his hand in hers and pulls him up.

again, jimin tries to convince himself that he doesn’t like it but he does nothing to move away or take his hand back.

“we will practice together and only go home when we can’t move a muscle” hyejin announces, letting his hand go to fix her ponytail and she smiles widely when jimin keeps his hand open for her to take again with a dumb look on his face. “don’t worry about meeting anyone’s expectations for now, just focus on me and the music, you have it in you jimin, you just have to believe your talent here.” jimin melts at her words.

you.

you used to talk to him this way whenever he was down.

oh my god, you.

what is he doing?

for that one second, you are everywhere in his mind, every nook and cranny of his brain crowds with thoughts of you and jimin feels unsteady again, but with one more tug from hyejin, everything he knows about you disappears just as quickly.

when they get close again, she isn’t the first one to smile this time, he already has a budding smile on his lips and it gets wider every second he holds her close to him. once again, they’re face to face and jimin sees you in her.

his grip falters as her grip tightens, her hands leaving his arms to caress the back of his neck before subtly bringing his ear close to her lips.

"we could be bigger together, everyone would die to have us in their show, we could do so much together, just imagine the sheer volume of applause they would shower us with,” she whispers to him and jimin listens like a snake to a snake charmer, he can only hear her.

together.

he believes in together, but that was with you.

you and him were supposed to be big together.

jimin looks at the floor, his arms loosening almost completely from hyejin and she frowns.

why couldn’t he see what she saw for them?

why couldn’t he see that he wouldn’t go too far with you? that with her, he could have the world laying itself in front of him? that together, they could run the industry without lifting a finger?

her last words to him have him convinced, she says it slow, she says it like the challenge she is and jimin finally lets himself say fuck it as he pulls her towards him, he knows from the smirk on her face that she doesn’t feel guilty at all, she rather enjoys it.

but jimin is no better when he matches her smirk.

“don’t fight what you feel for me jimin, you won’t win.”

it was the most perfect practice jimin had ever had.

-

that day, jimin stumbles into your home, feeling disoriented among other things. he can’t believe himself, he can’t believe his behavior, the only thing he’s grateful for is that nothing went beyond some groping.

but he shouldn’t be, that’s a pathetic thing to be grateful for. and it wasn’t innocent groping either, he knew he had done and fucked up everything.

“you’re home!” your cheery voice from a distance makes his step stutter, his heart resting unsettled and forming a dull ache.

how could he do this to you?

his face almost betrays him when you come into view. your smile is huge as you skip towards him, he guesses you had another successful day at work and his heart blooms with pride.

you have always been so good at everything you do, very much like hyejin in that sense.

no, no.

hyejin is like you when it comes to working only, you aren’t like hyejin in any sense though, you wouldn’t play with jimin’s feelings and mind the way hyejin did.

you look so happy, so oblivious to what he’s done and jimin doesn’t feel like he deserves to even look at you at that moment.

but he can’t be too obvious so he accepts your open arms and cheek kisses with a forced, broad smile on his face even if everything in him feels heavy with guilt.

“i got out of set early today, we only had minor things to take care of but you won’t believe how well everything is coming along. oh, and what is that you’re holding?” you grab the plastic bag hanging off his hands, immediately being greeted by the smell of your favorite food; wonton soup and tempura shrimp.

jimin couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d done, so bringing you your favorite food was a very underwhelming way to reassure himself that your relationship will be okay.

you squeal happily, taking the bag into the kitchen and thanking jimin a million times over your shoulder, telling him that you were just getting worried about dinner and that he’s your savior in a silly tone. jimin follows your steps, head hung low because again, you have no clue about what he’s done but he does. he remembers it all too well and has the very sudden urge to wash hyejin’s touch off his skin, but it will be in vain.

“don’t fight what you feel for me jimin, you won’t win.”

“jimin!” he hears loudly, his head snapping up to meet your worried eyes. “are you okay, my love?” you approach him with a slight pout on your lips, and jimin gulps when you hold his hands in yours. “you’ve been awfully quiet, is everything alright?” the soothing circles you draw on his skin and your downturned eyes filled with love, only drown in his heart in more sorrow.

he wishes he could tell you; he wishes he could cry into your arms and beg for forgiveness because jimin doesn’t know what else to do, he doesn’t know who else to go to.

with no response from him, you assume that he’s had a bad day at practice, he usually put himself through a lot of self-doubt and hate whenever he messed up during practice. “let’s eat dinner, yeah? and then we can watch your favorite animated movie, boss baby, would you like that?” he lets a small smile slip at the mention of his comfort movie and you take that as a sign to guide him to the dinner table with you.

as you start eating, you remind him that your anniversary is soon when you gush about these new cakes you two should try out this time and jimin feels sick to the stomach that he forgot about your precious anniversary which was approaching soon, it was always such a big deal for you both.

he might not spend another anniversary with you.

you fill him in on every detail from your play, that everything’s going great, the crew are incredible and responsive to your ideas and vision. jimin lets himself forget about what he did as he listens to you narrate things to him with the most excited look on your face.

“oh speaking of dancers, you never told me what your white swan is like” you innocently shove a forkful of food into your mouth, completely missing the way jimin’s fork falls on his plate with a thud.

he was not expecting that and he suddenly felt like the air around him got hard to breathe, how is he supposed to tell you what his white swan is actually like?

“she’s..alright” he offers with a shrug, trying to act nonchalant.

correction, trying to act like he didn’t kiss her.

you raise your eyebrows at him, clearly with no clue as to why he’s so unenthusiastic to talk about his partner. “is she giving you a hard time or something?” jimin almost lets out a mocking laugh at that sentence, that was one way to put the absolute hell she was putting him through.

but he quickly comes to the grim realization that she only put him through what he allowed her to.

it’s on him.

"no, she’s good at what she does.” she’s good at making me forget that i have to come home to you.

his short and dry responses mildly frustrate you but you don’t say anything, not wanting to make his day worse with your questions.

“jimin, are you sure everything’s okay?” you whisper to him when you’re later cuddling on the couch with boss baby playing in front of you. your concern for him stays from hours ago but he does his best to give you his brightest smile.

“don’t worry about me, i’ll be okay.” you should start worrying about yourself, he bitterly thinks as he kisses your temple and holds you closer in his arms.

who knows how much longer you will stay in his arms?

-

“heading home early?” your set producer asks as you start to pack things up for the day, you grin and nod in reply, there was no way anything could make you hide how excited you were for today.

“now, what’s got you so happy?” the choreographer brushes past you with a teasing smile, “it’s me and my boyfriend’s 6th anniversary today” you reply, the smile on your face never faltering, “boyfriend as in park jimin, right?” you happily hum in response and then everyone on set including the dancers, who are supposed to be practicing, make it their mission to tease you.

someone yells about how he hasn’t put a ring on it after so long and even if you laugh it off, you really do wonder why jimin hasn’t proposed to you yet.

“alright, alright, i’m leaving for today. if you need anything, send me a message!” you wave all of them goodbye and get into your car, the butterflies in your stomach fluttered gently at the thought of spending the rest of the day with jimin. it’s been so long since you spent proper time with him, both of you got so busy with your own work that you barely spent three hours together on a daily basis.

but you were positive that you would make up for all the lost time today. on your way home, you picked up the decorations and food, it was a tradition that jimin would bring the cake and you hoped that he would bring your favorite.

as you start setting up the balloons and streamers, you turn to see the time, it was already half past 7. your face falls into a small frown because jimin should’ve been home by now, you always met up at 7 and finished decoration together.

however, you reasoned to yourself that practice probably kept him late and decided to have everything ready by the time he’s home.

that time never comes.

your heart slips with each passing second that he doesn’t show up, you sit in a pretty dress on your couch with a sick feeling churning in your stomach that something doesn’t feel right, your fingers nervously play with the necklace hanging on your collarbones as you wait.

it was already 10.

jimin wasn’t answering your calls or messages.

you lay on your side and watch the clock tick by, jumping at any sound to see if jimin was home or not, and every sound was anything but him. you felt tired as you watched the minutes pass by.

for the first time, you felt unsure about the faith and trust you’ve put in jimin, it was for a brief second that you questioned every single one of his actions leading up to today but you snap yourself out of it.

jimin would never do anything to hurt you.

right?

jimin rushes out of his car, slamming the door and hurriedly locking it as he adjusts his jackets and makes his way upstairs to your home.

fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

jimin’s internal panic rises with each second, he really doesn’t think he can go lower in life than this. he shoves the key in with more force than he intended and pushes the door open, almost stumbling over his own feet as he makes quick, hurried steps to the living room.

his eyes fall on you soundly sleeping on the couch, he breaths out a sigh and leans against where you’re sleeping and on instinct, starts brushing your hair back as he fondly watches your lips naturally being in a pout.

is he really willing to lose everything he has right now just for a future that he’s not sure will be there?

his hand drops against your hair when he takes in how the living room was decorated in a lively way, he purses his lips as his eyes wander around every detail that you have put so much heart into and jimin felt like he failed you.

he turns back to you as you stir in your sleep and eventually open your eyes. jimin notices the relief flood in your expression when you see him.

“you’re home” you mutter so quietly that if jimin didn’t strain to hear you, it would have sounded like gibberish.

“of course i am” he smiles uneasily which doesn’t go unnoticed by you, but you get up anyway and jimin follows your movements as you sit upright on the couch.

you used to be so sure, that no matter where jimin goes, he will come back to you but something about tonight destroys that belief to tatters. and you hate yourself for going so extreme over one night but you can’t ignore your gut instinct telling you that something was very wrong.

you turn to look at the time.

3:00 A.M.

it was way past the time you and jimin agreed to meet but you didn’t want to ask him why he was late, you expect him to tell you himself, he owes you that much. but jimin doesn’t say anything either and he doesn’t even look at your face as you try to meet his eyes.

“did you bring our cake?” it was a simple question but to you, it was asking him if he actually remembered anything about today.

when he gulps and further lowers his head, you have your answer. and that answer falls like a rock in your heart.

“do you even remember what today is?” your voice is tired and laced with irritation but you don’t speak loudly, you don’t want to fight with him.

please tell me you remember.

“happy….anniversary” he offers pathetically and you want to scoff in his face at his lame reply. you were so excited for today; you hadn’t stopped daydreaming about tonight since a week ago and all of that crumbled down in a second.

“anniversary’s over.” with that, you get off the couch with unshed tears and start clearing the glasses filled with wine from the table. jimin watches quietly, the only sounds in the air being your light sniffles and glasses clinking.

he feels like he should say something.

“i didn’t mean to forget about our day,” he starts and when you don’t look at him as he speaks, he continues with an unsure tone, “practice just got so hectic and we were learning all these new moves at once, they didn’t let me go even when i begged.”

lies.

all lies.

there was no practice today, the choreographer had fallen sick so they just went over routines they already knew and everyone was let go in the early evening.

and let’s be real, no practice lasts till 3 in the night.

you honestly would’ve believed jimin until he said the last part.

jimin never begs anyone, and he was the heart of the show, a highly qualified and decorated dancer, if he wanted to be let off for one day, you know that no one would dare to say no to him.

but you let him lie because you can’t press him for a truth that he’s not willing to give you.

you continue to remain silent, moving to the kitchen and sighing as your eyes fall on the food that’s now cold, and jimin sees it too as he follows you in. the guilt that subdued because of his almost convincing lie returned with a vengeance, all this food must have been hard to prepare and the atmosphere remains heavy as you slide the plates into a trash can with a grim expression on your face.

you can’t shake the feeling of something being wrong, you also can no longer hold back the tears that cascade down your face. jimin is quick to rush to your side, making you sit down and lean against him.

“can you at least promise me that you’ll be there for my play?” you whimper, as you hold onto his arm and jimin nods immediately while pulling you in for a hug.

even his hug feels off to you.

“of course, i will, where else would i be?”

where were you today?

the question is at the tip of your tongue, ready to be released but you don’t say a word, you pat his arm in a signal to release you, and jimin watches with sorrowful eyes as you retreat into your bathroom. once the door is closed, you sink down on the floor with your hand on your mouth to muffle your sobs.

you don’t fully get why you’re crying. you’re tired from running all day and getting things done as quickly as you could to reach home for an anniversary party that jimin didn’t even bother coming to, you felt pathetic for putting in all that effort for nothing.

on the other side of the door, jimin hears your whimpers with downcast eyes and raises his hand to knock and hold you all night. but he pauses with his hand raised halfway, he takes a deep breath before stepping away. he doesn’t think he deserves to comfort you after what he did today.

jimin slowly walks to the huge vanity mirror in your room and pulls down his turtleneck to inspect the dark, blooming red patches splattered on his neck and he hates them.

jimin can’t believe what he’s become.

he can’t believe what he let hyejin do to him today either.

his hand hesitates to reach and graze those spots, wincing at the sensitivity. in some twisted way, he wishes for more of them to stain him but it’s not your mark that he wants, not anymore.

all jimin can think of is hyejin’s fingers brushing on his chest and asking him to stay for the night and how he almost agreed till he remembered which day it was.

he knows you’re hurt that he wasn’t there for the anniversary but your wails are just background noise to him at this point.

jimin can’t believe that he’s going to hurt you even more.

-

you stir as bright sunlight falls on your face, you curse to yourself before burying your head in the pillow with a groan. you still feel tired, and your entire body aches even if you slept quite well.

quite well is an exaggeration really, you kept waking up in cold sweat throughout the night because of dreams in which jimin left you, only after reaffirming that he was indeed next to you, did you fall back asleep.

the smell of fresh bread and coffee fills the air which makes you turn on your back, eyes popping from under the cover to take a look as your stomach grumbles involuntarily, reminding you that you didn’t eat anything last night. you see jimin standing there with a nervous smile and a tray covered in different delicacies in his hands.

your heart flutters as you take in the view, you missed waking up to him.

“good morning” he hums in a sweet tone and you sit up, allowing him to place the tray in front of you, it had all your favorites. you don’t greet him in return, your hurt from last night was still too fresh to forget.

“is this an apology?” your tone is as bitter as you feel and jimin hesitantly sits in front of you. “it’s also my attempt at celebrating our anniversary the way it deserves to be celebrated” he mumbles, albeit shamefully as he pulls out candles to stick on the lovely cupcake sitting in the center of the tray.

something about the sunshine falling on his pastel sweater and his hands carefully lighting the candles as his tongue sticks out a little in concentration, something about that sight is enough to forgive him in your heart. but he doesn’t need to know that.

when he looks up with his breathtaking smile and a gesture to blow out the candles, you almost completely forget what he put you through last night.

“i still haven’t forgiven you.” you lie with arms crossing your chest after blowing the candles and jimin nods in acceptance. “i don’t expect to be forgiven so easily babe but i’ll narrate a scene to you and we can make it happen if you want to forgive me.” he speaks softly, with tender loving laced in his voice as he pulls your hands from the defensive stance they’ve taken against your chest, easily breaking every barrier you’ve built to protect yourself.

“let’s say we go to lunch, it’s in the outskirts of the city, in that restaurant surrounded by vineyards that you like so much. you can wear your prettiest dress and i will try to match up on your beauty, i know i’ll fail but a guy’s gotta try, right?” he says with a teasing smirk, you chuckle bashfully as your entire body leaps in newly regained energy, your heart is already so hopeful.

“and then we can go to that bookstore you like or that ice cream parlor you like, really anywhere you want to go. we can come back home or we can stay out all night and go stargazing by the beach. today, we’ll properly celebrate us, okay?” you are all heart eyes as you nod with the biggest smile on your face and he breaks into a large grin himself at your agreement, putting away the tray and immediately pulling you into a bear hug. “i’ll think about forgiving you at the end of today.” you mumble into his neck jokingly and he breaks away with a playful glare.

“that’s just not fair, what do you mean you’ll just think about it?” he whines with a pout on his face and you giggle at his frustration. “oh, you find this so funny, don’t you?” he narrows his eyes at you for a minute before his hands leap to tickle you, you fall back on the bed with breathy laughter and squeals, jimin joins in the laughter as his hands tickle you everywhere he remembers you to be ticklish.

it all looks perfect. it looks like you and jimin again.

but perfection doesn’t hide what jimin did.

jimin’s ringtone blasts through the otherwise giggly and lovingly dizzy environment. you both look back at the phone, and jimin bundles you in his arms as he sits up to answer the phone. you smile childishly and poke his nose to annoy him as he tries to talk to whoever is on the other line, you don’t notice how stiff his entire expression suddenly becomes through his hesitant chuckles at you.

“wait, right now?” your fingers pause on his face as your smile immediately drops, jimin’s hold on you loosens as he continues to talk, and the rush you felt from before escapes your body as quickly as it came. you get off his lap and drop your head back on your pillow as you hear jimin sigh in agreement.

you should’ve known.

“who was it?” you mumble into the sheets and jimin gulps, “the choreographer” he shows you the call history, you don’t understand why but for jimin, it’s his way of trying to make you believe him.

he knew hyejin would call at some point and he couldn’t risk you knowing anything about her at all so as soon as things got not-so-innocent between them, he saved her contact as the choreographer.

the tension in the air is palpable when you don’t say a word, you don’t need to though, your disappointment is evident and jimin does not know what to say, he can’t say no to hyejin but he feels horrible enough for what he’s doing to you, he was hoping that he could salvage some emotion from today but nothing seems to go his way these days.

“babe…they’re saying it’s urgent.” she says we need each other to lap up the industry.

“just go, jimin” you groan out, you’re frustrated and tired and you just want to know why you can’t have him for one day. “i’m really sor-“ he starts but you’re quick to cut him off. “just go.” your voice is strained and defeated as your heart continues to drown in the disappointment of promises he didn’t fulfill.

he purses his lips and almost has the urge to call hyejin and tell her to fuck herself and scream at her for ruining what he already had.

but he won’t.

instead, he will leave you on your shared bed, all alone after destroying every chance of being with you the same way again. he can’t blame her for the choices he makes because jimin knows what he chose at that moment, it was not you.

it will never be you from now on.

-

for the next couple of weeks, you two barely see each other. frankly, you wanted to fix things as soon as possible, but your work got so much more hectic than you had anticipated. there were so many moving pieces to be decided by you and you didn’t have the time or energy to worry about your relationship but it was always in the back of your mind.

you figured you both would eventually work it out.

“today’s my play, it starts at 6 in the evening” it’s one of the few full sentences you tell jimin in so long. you’re eating breakfast together after a ridiculous time apart and you felt like you had to remind him about one of the biggest milestones in your life.

“i remember, of course, i will be there.” he says with a small smile and you smile back because somewhere in you, you so badly hope that whatever this phase you and jimin were going through, would end soon and you could go back to waking up to his beaming face every morning.

but that hope comes crashing down on you as stand behind the velvet curtain and fiddle with the cloth, trying to spot jimin in the dazzling full crowd.

“hey, did you perhaps see park jimin in there?” you stop and ask a crew member who simply shakes their head and runs off to get everything ready to start the play. even as the music starts, you can’t think of anything else, you barely enjoy the work that you have crafted over the months, you don’t feel a thing as everyone cheers and hugs at the end of it.

he missed your play; he actually missed the most important thing in your life right now.

“oh my god!” you hear someone loudly exclaim which snaps you out of your trance, turning around to see jimin run into the small back room with flowers in his hands. “it’s park jimin, bet he’s here for our director” a hushed whisper passes you by and everyone pats you with teasing smiles as they leave the room but you can’t bring yourself to smile back.

before jimin can even utter a word, you’re already making your way out the door. you are seething with anger, every exhale of yours louder than the previous one as you stomped your way out of the room with jimin hot on your tail.

“wait, i can explain!” he yells loudly as he grabs your arm and you pause because you see a few people from your crew in the same corridor. “you can explain when we are out of my workplace, do you get that?” your loyalty to professionalism slipped jimin’s mind and he hesitantly lets go of your arm, he watches as you politely greet and thank everyone before taking heavy steps out of the building.

“are you really going to not even look at me?” jimin glances at your side profile as you stop at a red light, the air in the car got heavier with each second you two didn’t acknowledge the other. but as you keep waiting, jimin keeps getting more anxious because if your relationship was going to end, he didn’t want it to happen this way.

“i’m saying i’m sorry, i seriously am very sorry for missing your play, it’s just practice got hectic and it completely slipped my mi-“ jimin frantically makes excuses and pauses at his grave error. he knows he’s said the worst thing he could when you turn to him with dead eyes.

“slipped your mind? my biggest career milestone so far, slipped your mind?” you bitterly chuckle and jimin gulps, sinking in his seat. “it’s been very busy” he meekly offers and he knows he deserves the scoff you let out.

“what could keep you so busy, jimin? you didn’t come to our anniversary, fine, it was whatever, i was hurt and i didn’t think much of it because i know how important practice is to you. but i can’t sit here and keep excusing every shitty thing you do and if it really is practice, don’t fucking push yourself so much. and do not expect me to let you go all the time!” he lets you scream your frustration out, it was clear you didn’t want to listen to him. he doesn’t say a word even when you reach home and silently sit on the couch, whatever frustration you felt turned into thin air as you realized what this meant.

“you missed my first ever direction” you whisper as jimin sits down next to you and he pauses, taking a deep breath because jimin really didn’t think he would let it get this far.

“i know” he admits, too ashamed to look at you so he looks at the carpeted floor and shuts his eyes when he hears your breath choking.

he shouldn’t have let it get this far, he shouldn’t have believed hyejin when she said that together, they could turn their lives and careers around, saying he had the name and she had the connections. and it would work, it is still supposed to work.

but how is jimin going to achieve whatever hyejin has promised him if you are not there in his life?

no, no.

he needs hyejin.

he just wants you, for his own selfish reasons.

hyejin made sure to remind him of how he would come running after her if they didn’t continue what they had.

“i can’t believe you didn’t come to my debut as a director, we’re supposed to do everything together jimin, what is going on?” your voice hitches here and there as tears fall down your face because you don’t, for the love of god, understand what’s happening with your relationship.

together; the word used to mean so much to him, it meant a future with you, it meant you to him but now, it’s just another word that has lost its meaning somewhere along the way.

i can’t believe it either, jimin bitterly thinks. he snaps himself out of his thoughts when he hears your sobs get louder.

“hey, hey, come here” he holds your shoulder and presses you against his body, letting you cry into his chest. you hate that you’re crying after such a successful day in your career. the play went perfectly, the crew and audience were singing praises of you but nothing in your personal life was adding up.

“you would never do anything to hurt me, right?” jimin’s heart stops as you softly ask him, looking up at him with teary eyes, you don’t know why you ask him but you need to be sure of that one thing, if not anything else. his hand that was rubbing your arms in an attempt to console you, stop in a jerk and his heart drops to his stomach at the way you’re looking at with so much vulnerability.

“why would i?” he nervously smiles, and even if it would have looked unconvincing to you usually, your fragile heart just accepted the false reassurance he gave you.

he’ll find a way to make it up to you, jimin thinks to himself. someday, he will wake up and think of you as he used to, and not hyejin. someday, he will start writing you love letters again instead of apologies. someday, jimin will find himself that loved you so much and everything will be okay again.

-

you stay home a lot, either worrying about your relationship or attending calls with future acts and partnerships. you felt blessed that at least your professional life was looking up.

but you missed jimin a lot, you offered to watch him practice and meet with his crew, and all those times, jimin immediately refused before backing it up with some lame excuse. you don’t push him though; you know that the play is weighing heavily on his mind with how silent he got around the home but you didn’t know that he was actually thinking of ways to let you down slowly.

he never ends up telling you.

before either of you know it, the day of jimin’s play arrives, he leaves home early and you’re left buzzing with excitement at home to finally see jimin as the black swan on stage.

you hummed as you got ready with a faint smile on your face, you were happy to see the play but you were actually happier that once it’s over, you could finally talk things out with jimin and build your relationship again together. you wanted him to know you forgave him, you consoled the angry part of you that there would be even more to look forward to in the future.

you carry this renewed hope all the way to the grand theatre where everyone looked and were expensive in every sense, the black swan wasn’t open for just everyone, it was a highly exclusive guest list and you couldn’t care less about all the glamours, you wanted to see the black swan himself and his white swan, who you were more than curious about.

you clutch the flowers in your hand tighter in anticipation as you take your seat and the lights start dimming away. and you let out an audible gasp when you see the white swan starting the stage, she’s a strong woman adorned with wings that look as pure as her but you could notice that shift in her eyes, the shift between passion and madness. you watch with wide eyes as she falls down, dragging her feet along the stage, begging the floor and her body to dance again before she’s pulled away.

and that’s when your breath is truly taken away. because jimin enters with onyx wings and smudged black eyes as she is being dragged away, and when jimin twirls on stage, the crowd holds their breath, not a single person wanting to forget how magically he moved on stage.

it’s the next scene that reels you in because the white and black swan are so close, you can’t even tell where the white swan begins and the black swan ends, it’s like the child-like purity and innocence dance right along with the absolute submission to your craft and the consequences that come with it.

you shift uncomfortably at the proximity the two share which was weird, you have never felt this way with any of his other dancers but something about the way they looked at each other, as they moved together, irked you.

but you don’t have time to think, the music becomes louder and louder, invading your senses fully and signaling finality to the play and the swans move quicker, sharper, and closer. your eyes burn with newfound jealousy as they finally leap into the sky, both their bodies remaining graceful even in the air with arms wrapped around each other, only to fall back down together, the music ceases immediately and the curtain falls on their heavy breathing but unmoving bodies.

the theatre is silent for a beat or two, everyone trying to encapsulate the truly terrific performance they just saw, and then the silence is replaced with the loudest applause you have ever heard in your life.

the kind of applause that hyejin promised jimin.

you stay in your seat, still a little dizzy from what you just experienced and you try to ignore the weird feeling in your stomach, trying to reassure yourself that dancing together required the right kind of chemistry and that’s it.

it is not connected to the many nights jimin has not come home, it is not connected to him suddenly insisting to do his own laundry, it is definitely not connected to him missing your anniversary and debut as a director.

it can’t be, jimin wouldn’t do that to you.

but your gut knows that something is terribly wrong and you’ve missed something huge from the past couple of months.

you slowly walk to where the reporters stand, hoping to see jimin and they all chatter loudly, preparing every question in their mind to ask the stars of the night, you nervously hold your bouquet close as you keep walking to the stage.

and your steps pause.

because jimin and hyejin, now free of costumes but with their theatrical makeup, step out from behind the curtains while holding hands with beaming smiles on their faces.

you tilt your head in confusion because jimin’s never held any of his dance partners’ hands when they walk out, your gut instinct pulls at you and just as you’re about to shrug it off, hyejin leans in for a kiss with jimin.

the camera flashes go off, all the reporters wildly shouting at them to pose and your blood runs cold, your body remains completely still as you watch them pull away with adoration in their eyes. you almost recoil from the sight as you feel the breath knocked out of you, you want to get away from this because it can’t be your jimin on the stage kissing someone else.

“are you two finally confirming the rumors?” a reporter yells on the top of his lungs.

what rumors?

hyejin rests her head on jimin’s chest with a happy nod, the questions come in rapid speed after that.

your heart submerges in pure betrayal because this was jimin, he was your day one, he was the reason you fought to stay alive in this industry for so long, he was supposed to be your future, you never imagined growing older without jimin by your side.

you look at jimin, trying to meet his eyes, trying to get him to explain what was happening and why he was holding her the way he was, why was he looking at her like he looked at you? but he doesn’t spare you a glance, he only has eyes for the woman latched onto his torso.

you feel sick.

you feel sick and angry as your vision fills with red.

you see red, all you see is dirty, dark, spilled and stained red clouding your mind and you hate that your gut was right, it’s been right from the very beginning. each time jimin didn’t come, it wasn’t because he was working hard, it was because he bought into every fantasy hyejin narrated to him but you don’t know that.

jimin finally meets your gaze, his heart racing a million miles as he senses the full force of betrayal and disappointment in your eyes, he also sees raging anger which has him looking away from you. even standing here with everything that hyejin promised, jimin doesn’t feel good, he’s like a shell, he doesn’t feel the same warmth in his heart that he does after every performance.

for a split moment, jimin doesn’t want what hyejin is giving him but he hesitates and hyejin always knows when jimin hesitates, so as soon as his grip loosens around her hand and she knows where he’s looking, she tightens her hold and gives him a tight smile.

“i told you, there’s no use fighting me, jimin. not anymore” she whispers sweetly into his ear with a grin, it would look like she was being an affectionate lover but jimin senses the warning in her tone.

so, he resists fighting anyway.

the thing is, jimin could fight, he could search desperately for a part of him that loved you but he chooses not to, he chooses to give you up.

she feels like you anyway and he’s already lost you; he can’t lose everything else too, especially not this loud applause and flashing cameras, jimin cannot risk giving his career up to god.

so when he glances back at you and the crumbling bouquet in your hand with pity on his face, you deem him a coward.

a coward for hiding behind hyejin, a coward for not ending things with you the way you both deserved, a coward for lying every single time you needed honesty from him, and a coward for looking at you with pity when he was more pitiable.

but you can’t help but feel like you were just as much a coward like him. a coward for not confronting him about his odd behavior earlier, a coward for not wanting to know why exactly he wasn’t coming home, a coward for forgiving him for the sake of keeping your relationship intact, and you feel ashamed of yourself.

once it becomes clear to you that jimin wasn’t yours’ anymore, you gather the energy to walk out of the theatre with your head held high because you are not the liar here, you didn’t stomp on someone’s heart so you will crumble only when you’re alone again.

and jimin stays right beside hyejin, while trying to ignore the sinking feeling his heart puts him through as he watches you leave through his periphery, he shudders as the door shuts behind you and he lets his eyes wander on the beautiful red roses spilled where you stood.

jimin’s definitely lost you now so with teary eyes and flashbacks of you two with the word ‘together’ stilling in his mind, he straightens up and flashes a bright, uneasy smile to the cameras and hopes that the flashes make him forget about the pain he’s caused you.

but jimin would never forget.

he will never forget the spectacular red pool that he drowned your relationship in.

a collection of things that have made me feel a certain way

casual disclaimer: istg i love all my 7 boys but i hv to admit im d biggest hoe for kimtaehyung and jeonjungkook so i end up reading things where theyre usually the main characters. i promise im educating myself and am starting to read things w the other members as well!! anw i’ll update this every now and then!

oh and if you guys have anything you have read and absolutely loveddd pls share them w me !!!!! my messages are open!! (at least i think so!) i cannot tell you guys how much i’ll appreciate it

Social Media AU! (text messages/ snapchat/ twitter/ insta typa vibes)

Tiger Flower  - @v-hope (JJK × reader/ KTH × reader)

hella fluffy. makes my heart do the uwu. very much wholesome. something i stayed up till 6am reading

11/10 would stay up till 6 reading it again.

also the significance of tiger lilies is insanely aDORABLEEE 

my love for jjk has just grown a gazillion times more

Under A Shadow - @firebettercallnct (KTH × reader, slight JJK × reader)

a lil angst and a lil fluff. (as all good stories will have)

kinda wish it was longer idk. im a sucker for super long stories.

ALSO !! we get some side yoonmin action !!!!!!!!!!!

Stole your shirt - @firebettercallnct (JJK × reader)

one of my personal favs. super cute and also everyone’s on some kinda crack or sum shit idk.

p damn fluffy and when you reach the end you’ll j kind of wish you could go back to before u read it because u wna experience all the feelings agn.

ALSO!!!! we hv some namjin and yoonseok action !!!1!!

Rumour Has It - @bangtann-bangdamn (KTH × reader)

very much wholesome.

genuinely found it quite funny and it had me laughing at 2 in the morning

i dont rly hv much to say just pls go read it. 

everyone should read it once in their lives

Belong - @v-hope (KTH × reader)

okay this isn’t completed though so um…

but it’s something i chanced upon during my late night fanfic times and like let me tell you. a whole fucking new world. 

this was quite the read and i really couldnt stop myself and so i was hella pissed when i realised it wasnt completed bcs omg i wna know what happens at the end.

teehee give this a read. all yall artist!taehyung fans r rly not gna regret it

Actual written things !!

love of my life - @latetaektalk  (MYG × reader)

okay this shit be painful af. this fucking broke me. idk have never been the same since. would still read it all over again.

this was about 7k words? so not the longest but it was long enough for something so sad :( 

in general really sad and emo. if you want to feel like the whole world is crashing on you pls give it a read.

the art of the rom-com - @gukyi (JJK × reader)

first of all wtf. made me feel single af. 

it’s our fav kind of enemies to lovers energy. slowburn. college au. yeah you get the gist. 

super fluffy but we love to see it. also mildly angsty but it’s all g we will get over it.

okay but also this was so longggg!!! what an experience. a solid 33k words. i nv thought i would reach the end of it but i did.

super solid read. i hope yall read it too.

the snow king - @bloomsuga (KTH × reader)

you got fanatsy stuff going on. you got hella angsty and fluffy all at the same time. besties i think we found the best ice prince! kim taehyung out there.

also we have some slight cutie jimin moments. ( a definite plus!)

oh yea and it gets smutty but in like the most beautiful way.

also this was a long read of 25k words. but it’s a an absolute beautiful creation. did not know that we could put 25k words altogether to make such a masterpiece.

lowkey wanted to cry bcs its way too good.

blossom - @namfinessed (KTH × reader)

okay first off, yall alrdy know i love hella long fics. this was 38k+ words.

please only read this when you have the time istg i was staring on my tiny screen and really wanted to just fall asleep but also it was too intriguing to just sleep on.

yall rly be sleeping on this though. a very solid read.

i mean you really can’t go wrong with florist!taehyung energy amirite

bad influence: collection - @noteguk (JJK × reader)

so this is an ongoing one as well. 

truth is i havent finished reading whatever has been posted yet. BUT i do have a very good reason for it, which is that i’m not ready to be in a position where i realise i’m going to be done reading it.

frm wtv i’ve read this is some sexy ass story. 

honestly you could read it as individual parts i guess? but for the real feels pls read all the way from the first part. 

oh and it’s a hella hot badboy!jungkook so yes if you r into that you def should add this to your must read list.

easy - @itsamejin (JJK × reader)

okay so here’s the deal with this. collegeau! fuckboy energy. bets are made. yea you kinda get it.

It’s a very basic boy takes bet and ends up falling for the girl kinda thing but idk i really enjoyed the process of reading it. 

you get the good fluff and angst balance in this too so :>

Thoughts Of You Keep Me Awake At Night - @hollyhomburg (MYG × reader)

yoongi asking for cuddles i-

reason stated above should be reason enough for you to go read this

it’s a short 2.1K word situation here so you don’t have to spend a whole hour on it heheh

very nice experience if you’re reading this while it’s late at night and you are alone in bed and can’t seem to fall asleep.

Get You The Moon - @bymoonchild (KTH × reader)

enemies to lovers. do i really have to elaborate on this?

you get to see soft!taehyung and also like jock!taehyung all in one !!

i felt shy reading this. was super absorbed.

ooh and it’s smutty too! 

it’s relatively long (we’re talking 19.6k words besties) but wow the build up, the plot the everything is peak!!!

Paper Cranes - @aquaminwrites (KTH × reader)

we are talking best friends to lovers. some next level fluff. kim taehyung is completely to die for here. i kid you not.

made me wish someone would like me this much lol.

i felt the butterflies reading this. got some post reading depression after this,,,

18.3k words about how you n kth are like the best in the world?? so like go read?!!

anti-baby fever - @gashinabts (JJK × reader)

pls this was so funny and for WHAT!?

it genuinely made me laugh out loud at 2.32 in the morning. 

okay but it’s smutty so you gotta be able to like the spice to read this

it’s also short (4.5k)!! so which is a blessing if you are planning to read smth real quick before going to bed!!

but i found myself relating to this though bcs i do not want to have babies unless it’s w bts :’) 

SIN CITY - @btssmutgalore (PJM × reader)

okAY YALL so this is the one thing that lives in my head rent free. istg there was a period a while back when i went on a social media cleanse or smth but i just had to go back onto tumblr to get updates on this

genuinely the one thing that keeps me going

it’s completed so u can experience all the emotions in one sitting if you are up for that. 

has my whole heart.

dear @btssmutgalore i love you for writing this. pls marry me.

and yes it is spicy my dears. very spicy.

you do get a decent amt of fluff n angst ish n smut so yes it covers all bases.

and you get sum dancing jimin :>

you won’t be able to control yourself istg pls go and read. 

Waking Up Next To The Sun - @houseofwhalien (JHS × reader)

this do be wholesome hours w bby jung hoseok

wholesome morning becomes spicy morning and then back to wholesome morning

okay and this is truly the duality of jung hoseok. like i can literally picture the man being exactly like this

is a short 1.8k of sunshine to bless yall !

koi no yokan - j.jk.

genre: fluff (6k) 

summary: koi no yokan; a japanese phrase which doesn’t mean love at first sight, it roughly translates to love at second sight, it’s described as the feeling when you meet someone that you’re going to fall in love with them. maybe you don’t love them right away, but it’s inevitable that you will. and jungkook thinks its the best way to describe how he feels about you. (fools!universe)

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the feeling you get when you first meet someone is special.

whether it be annoyance, anger, joy or nonchalance, the first impression matters because it sticks to the person if you don’t plan on knowing them any further.

but what was this feeling that jungkook got when he saw you?

there was this faint chiming somewhere in the back of his head and he’s sure that there’s no bells around him.

he positively felt his heart dip and do a somersault when he first saw you. his palms are sweaty and he’s pretty sure he stopped breathing when he gulps at your presence, and jungkook swears he busts a nerve when you glance at him with a smile dancing on your pretty lips. it’s a brief glance, he’s not even sure if you registered him in the room but he still feels his throat clench around nothing.

who are you? and why do you make him feel things he can’t explain?

you’re just laughing with your friends, and the light is hitting you in all the right places as you throw your head back, and jungkook just can’t take his eyes off you, not until he feels a smack on the back of his head. jungkook immediately drops the cup that he’s wiping with a towel from his hand and winces when he realizes he has to explain this to the manager.

“what the fuck?” he muttered while rubbing the back of his head, turning around to see jimin sitting beside him on a stool while eating an apple and scrolling through his phone, as if he didn’t just attack unassuming jungkook.

“you’re staring like a creep; we don’t do that jungkook” he continues scrolling, as jungkook gapes at him.

“i w-wasn’t staring please, that can be hardly classified as staring, i was just, you know, just- “jungkook desperately tried to explain himself and jimin gives him an uninterested glare.

“just staring like a creep, yes” jimin finishes his sentence for him and quickly turns away before jungkook could say anything to defend himself and jungkook buries his head into his hands, groaning in frustration.

“fine, i was staring at them but not in a creepy way, i promise.” he mumbles into his hands and jimin snickers a chuckle at his slumped over form and rubs a hand on his back to get him to calm down from being so flustered. jimin found joy in messing with his introvert friend from time to time, mainly because jungkook never disappointed with his reactions, often responding with red, flushed cheeks and pouted lips stretching out a whine just like he was now.

“okay, then why were you staring at them?” jimin asked, in a much gentler tone now that jungkook looked close to blushing his face off, jimin turns to see the crowd of people in the corner of the bakery they worked at as jungkook slowly lifts his head.

how is he supposed to tell jimin that he knows he’s going to fall in love with you, while not knowing you at all?

how is he supposed to explain the goosebumps crawling on his skin were simply because of your laughter?

how is supposed to tell jimin that he’s never felt his heartbeat faster than it is right now?

he can’t explain what he doesn’t understand himself.

so, he settles for an answer that would explain enough.

“i don’t know.” he shakes his head as he says this, he can feel his palms sweating even more, he warns himself to not hold anymore coffee cups, and jimin is concerned for his friend when jungkook slams his head on the counter in front of them.

jungkook is a sensitive guy, not in a naïve or gullible way, he just is a sucker for love, he’s grown up with movies, stories, songs that describe love as this feeling you can’t get enough of, this feeling that is like magic twirling between your fingertips, he’s dreamed about holding that magic in his hands, he’s dreamed about falling in love, being with the one person who makes even the worst situations feel alright, he wants that.

he’s learned about soulmates and how some are destined to meet, red string or whatever, he believes he will hear bells when he meets his soulmate and its only now that he realizes an invisible chiming keeps ringing in his ears and he’s heard it only after he’s seen you.

“oh, your friend, our senior came in today” jimin calls out to jungkook while wiping down the counter, who finally lifts his head from the counter.

“jin hyung?” jungkook questioned because he’s noticed how jin has been coming in frequently to the bakery, and jimin nods.

“i don’t know why he keeps coming back, he’s always complaining about how expensive it is and how i should be giving him a discount. what did he take anyway?” jungkook remembers how jin would come in during the afternoon only to bug him for a while about discounts and asking him for a job as if jungkook was the manager here.

“he took two cups but there was no one with him and it was so late at night too.” jimin wondered out loud and jungkook’s ears perked up, tilting his head slightly.

hmm two cups, even after the constant complaints about the price, huh?

he is definitely going to bother jin about this when he sees him.

“um hello” they hear a soft but deep voice call them out and their heads snap to see you at the counter and jungkook swears he’s going to drop another cup, jimin notices how big jungkook’s eyes have gotten and just to agitate him further, he pushes jungkook near the till where you’re waiting, laughing delightfully when jungkook throws a glare his way and nervously clearing his throat before looking at you.

wow, your eyes are pretty.

and jungkook immediately looks away, his cheeks flaring up again and he wants to dunk his face into ice to calm himself down.

“h-how can we help you?” jungkook stutters out, nervously fiddling with the buttons on the cash register, not sparing a glance at you and jimin almost bursts into laughter next to him. he’s enjoying this way more than he should.

“i’m going to pay for table 13.” you pointed behind you towards the table that was previously occupied with your friends but there was no one left now. jungkook hummed and looked up your bill.

lots of strawberry.

strawberry milkshake, strawberry tart. you looked like a strawberries kind of person so jungkook silently assumed that it was your favorite flavor.

“okay, that’s going to be 60 dollars in total” jungkook adds as he punches the number in and holds his hand out for the bill, and as you fiddle with the wallet in your hand, jungkook dares to look at you again, almost gasping at the close proximity of your faces. you look even better up close and he can notice a faint smell of this teddy bear candle he always burns in his home, and only then realizes the homely scent is from you.

you even smell of his favorite candle for fucks’ sake.

you gently place the amount in his hand and jimin almost snorts when he sees how jungkook’s hands are shaking as he takes them and jungkook clears his throat again while handing the bill to you. you’re looking at him with your head tilted to the side and like you’re thinking about something, and jungkook nervously looks around, he’s not going to survive if you keep looking at him with those bright and curious eyes.

“do we know each other?” something about jungkook feels familiar, like you know him even if you don’t know him? and jungkook is not sure how he’s going to respond, do you feel the same way he does?

“i don’t think so- “and that’s when your eyes travel to the tattoos on his hands and widen in realization, you snap your fingers like you’ve figured out the secret to making a woman orgasm. jungkook is only slightly scared of your realization.

“jeon jungkook, that’s you, right?” you ask with the same wide eyes and a giddy smile, and jungkook feels his soul leave his body slowly because there’s just so much to process.

1.you know his name, oh my fucking god.

2.you look excited about knowing him?

3.wait a second, what do you know about him?

jungkook swears he’s never seen you before because c’mon if he did, he definitely would’ve frozen even back then but he doesn’t have a single clue about you.

which is why it makes him anxious that you seem to know him.

“yep, that is him.” jimin comes over and announces as he slaps a hand on jungkook’s shoulder to snap him out of whatever daze he’s gone back into, jungkook looks white as a sheet and you are slightly concerned.

“oh, don’t get me wrong please, it’s just i saw you around my brother’s tattoo shop and your name has been in the registry for a while so yeah” you nervously giggle, brushing hair out of your face and jungkook can finally breath again.

so that’s how you know him.

that’s not bad at all, jungkook loves his tattoos.

thank god it wasn’t because of the frat parties he’s been to, he’s not sure you would look at him so excitedly if you knew about those.

“genius lab? your brother is yoongi hyung?” jungkook didn’t mask his surprise well, his voice coming out drier and more forced than he would like it to but who can blame the poor guy?

first, he has a crush on this person who just walked into the store and he’s been following your every movement like a puppy (he’s very grateful that you didn’t notice that), second, this person comes up to talk to him and third, this person already knows him and he has no knowledge of them prior to this.

he is one conversation away from having a meltdown.

“yep, that’s him, you seem to be his favorite client.” you slightly chuckle at the memory of yoongi raving about how his new client, jungkook, is so talented in drawing and has been doing his own designs, and how he wants to offer him a job at the parlor, obviously jungkook doesn’t know about this. yoongi also seems to be very fond of jungkook, always talking about him with a small proud smile on his face.

‘when he got his first tattoo, he was shaking so much y/n, i had to give him like five lollipops throughout the entire time and now he doesn’t even flinch’ he explained to you excitedly one day when you were closing the shop together, it was something he always did, tell you stories about his clients whether you listened to him or not, and you remember dismissing him without a second thought because you could care less about who your brother meets. but now looking at jungkook, you understood why your brother gushed about him.

and jungkook is lost, terribly lost. since when did he become yoongi’s favorite client? sure, he gave him an extra lollipop sometimes but that was about it, and before he could question you about it, he sees you check the time only to slightly gasp and turn to him with panic in your eyes.

“my name is y/n by the way, it was nice meeting you jungkook and- “you look over at jimin who’s yet to introduce himself and he straightens when you look at him, offering a hand with a warm smile which you take gladly with an equally warm smile.

y/n, he likes your name.

“jimin, park jimin.” jungkook snorts at jimin’s attempt at the ‘bond, james bond’ line and even you snicker with a hand covering your mouth, jimin looks with disbelief at the two of you, you two barely know each other but you seem more than okay with making fun of him, and before jimin can voice his irritation, you wave a hand to brush it off.

“it was very nice meeting you jungkook and jimin, but i gotta go, hopefully we will meet again” your eyes catch jungkook’s at the end and he can’t help but melt into a dopey grin that doesn’t go away even when you have left the bakery.

“she’s gone, you can drop the smile” jimin nudges jungkook and disappears into the kitchen, it takes everything in jungkook to not throw a cup at him. jungkook then turns back to look at the empty store and sighs as he takes a seat in his stool.

he doesn’t know why but he needs to see you again.

-

jungkook has had a lot of ideas and none of them have worked in his favor so what did he decide to do?

well, right now he’s staring up at the ‘genius labs’ sign with a design ready in his hand.

and no matter how much he tries to convince himself that it isn’t to see you, that jungkook just really wants a tattoo but even jimin knows he is lying through his teeth and also knows exactly why jungkook suddenly wanted another tattoo, only after a month or so from his previous one.

jungkook pushes the door open with one arm, the other arm tightly clutching the strap of his backpack like his life depended on it, he almost feels bad for how tightly he’s holding it and writes a silent reminder to apologize to it later on in his mind.

jungkook looks around and the store looks busier than usual, jungkook searches for any familiar faces (he’s searching for you) and immediately snaps his head when he hears someone call his name. his shoulders slump when he realizes it isn’t you.

it’s yoongi who’s calling him over with a wave and jungkook pushes past the people all while muttering silent apologies, most wave him off, some curse him out and very few pay him any attention at all, and jungkook feels at peace because he hates attention anyway.

“ah jungkook! the store has been feeling empty without you, how have you been?” yoongi asks with a warmth in his tone, as he carefully patches up a client with tape and wrap, his tongue slightly sticking out in concentration and eyes carefully trained on the client’s arm.

i have been looking for your sister because i’m pretty sure i’m going to fall in love with her even if we’ve only met once didn’t seem like the right answer and jungkook didn’t know if yoongi was one of those protective kinds of brothers so he kept his mouth shut about you.

“um i’ve just been around hyung, working at the bakery and assignments and yeah that’s about it” jungkook is distracted as he speaks, eyes still looking for you and only looks back at yoongi when yoongi rises from his kneeling position to wipe his hands and thank the client, letting them go their way.

“oh, you have a design today?” just as jungkook is about to nod yes, he notices you walk into the room from the back, patting someone on the back and sending them away with a warm smile, and jungkook’s heart halts for a minute in his chest as he nervously gulps at you. yes, he came all the way over here just to see you but he wasn’t ready to see you in any way at all. he feels his cheeks flush up again, silently cursing himself out for getting so flustered.

yoongi doesn’t miss any of this, watching jungkook’s reactions with a glint in his eyes and a small smirk growing on his face.

“y/n, come here!” he suddenly yells at you making you look at yoongi, ready to yell back at him only to see jungkook right beside him, looking as pale as a ghost and your own heart leaps in your chest at the sight of him, you quickly make your way over to them with an excited smile on your face.

“jungkook, it’s so nice to see you again” you reach over to take his hand in yours for a delicate handshake and jungkook feels his stomach dip as if he were on the edge of a rollercoaster and he’s just descended suddenly into the track. your hands are warm in his and jungkook can’t help but notice how perfectly they fit together and before he can write a poem about your hands in his, you pull away your hand with the same smile you always seem to have.

“again? you guys have met before?”

oh right, yoongi is still here, jungkook forgot about his hyung for a minute there.

“yeah, i met jungkook at the bakery he works at like two days ago, i’m glad we meet again like this” you grin at him and tap his arm a little, jungkook wants to shove himself into a cupboard because he doesn’t know how to think when you’re touching him like this and it’s an innocent touch really but jungkook’s heart warms that you feel comfortable with him.

you, on the other hand, are trying to making it obvious that you are interested in him but since you’ve met, jungkook doesn’t seem half as excited as you are and you feel dejected every single time he looks away when you try to look at him. you are clueless that the poor guy could die happy in this moment with the way you’re looking at him.

“yeah, we met hyung, i didn’t know i was your favorite client” he slightly teases yoongi who flushes red and looks at you with a glare.

“why did you tell him that y/n?” yoongi groans in frustration and you give him a shrug, a huge grin dancing on your face and jungkook feels himself smile just by looking at the side of your face.

“i’m never telling you anything again” yoongi scolds you playfully and then turns to jungkook, gesturing towards the paper in his hand.

“what’s that tattoo you want jungkook? show me” jungkook hands over the paper of his drawing to yoongi who inspects it with a proud smile, jungkook really did have a talent for drawing and yoongi is seriously considering hiring jungkook as soon as possible.

yeah, yoongi could do this tattoo in little over two hours, it’s nothing hard for him but then he eyes the way you two seem to look at each other, blush and turn away, this repeats at least ten times and yoongi wishes he could bleach his eyes.

wait a minute, yoongi doesn’t even have to do this, he thinks with a happy smirk on his face, he could have you do it because that’s what good brothers would do :]. (he very much supports whatever you and jungkook have going on because jungkook is a nice, talented kid and maybe being your boyfriend would make him more interested in the job yoongi is going to offer him.) it’s purely for you, no selfish motive here, just to see your budding love grow, it’s not so that jungkook will work for him.

“sorry jungkook, i’ve got too much work today, like three more clients and it’s going to take too long to get to you” yoongi hands him the paper with a shake of his head and almost feels bad for outright rejecting him when jungkook looks at him like he kicked his puppy.

he’s doing this for him for fucks’ sake.

“but y/n can.” yoongi adds enthusiastically and ignores the way your head snaps towards him.

“she has way too much free time on her hand and this could be a nice way to test her skills, so if you’re okay with it, she will do it instead of me.” yoongi places one hand on your back when you look at him with confusion written all over your face and pushes you towards jungkook, in your hurry to curse yoongi out loudly, you miss the way jungkook has his hands wrapped around your forearms to keep you steady as you almost fall into him, yoongi hasn’t missed it and he very much is enjoying this version of jungkook and you.

“just go and do the tattoo, you’re such a brat sometimes” yoongi grumbles and your mouth falls open as you punch him on the arm and he’s laughing at how frustrated you get, jungkook is watching the exchange with a smile of his own, sibling banter was always fun to watch.

“just go for fucks’ sake, he’s waiting, you can annoy me later” yoongi gives one last smirk to jungkook and leaves to the other side of the room, your glare softens by a lot as you look back at jungkook and point towards the back, gesturing him to follow you.

“my room is at the back, i only started a few weeks ago and i didn’t like doing it front of everyone” you explain, more like shout at him, over all the chaos littered around the shop, jungkook follows you carefully, being sure not to bump into you and he outright glares when someone slightly pushes you back.

after you enter the small room in the back, you walk around the room while rolling your sleeves up, it’s only then that jungkook notices all the tiny tattoos littered on your arm, you quietly gather the basic things you need and walk over to him with a small smile and jungkook notices how you have glasses on now.

you look cute.

“can i see that design?” you put your hand out and jungkook immediately places the paper in it, he watches with pursed lips as you look at it for a few seconds without saying anything, because that’s his design you’re holding and he really hopes that you like it because he’s quite sensitive about his art.

“i can tell why yoongi wants to hire you here” you grin as you take the design to your table to trace it and jungkook walks over as you sit down and start tracing, pushing your glasses up your eyes.

“yoongi hyung wants to hire me here?” he asks with wide eyes and you nod happily, then pointed to his design, it’s a simple but well-done design and that’s really what matters.

“who wouldn’t want to hire you when you draw like this?”

at your compliment, jungkook feels like he could fly and tries to stop himself from grinning like a mad man.

“do you want this exactly the same as it is?”

“yep, just how it is.” jungkook then takes a look around the room, and he feels like for someone who is complimenting his art, you are exceptionally good yourself, he hums lightly as his eyes skim over the designs you have pinned on a board.

right now, in his eyes, you are not only the most beautiful person he’s met, but also the most creative because some of these designs have him intrigued enough to have them on his own body.

“where do you want it jungkook?” your voice makes him jump a little and he turns back from the board.

“ah you were looking at my board” you put down the glasses, getting up from your seat and walking over to him, jungkook panics, what if your designs were personal to you and he just completely invaded your privacy by looking at them?

“i’m sorry, i really didn’t mean to peek around or anything, they just fascinated me” jungkook explains with guilt laced in his voice as he fiddles with his fingers and you giggle a little at his reaction.

“it’s totally okay, which one do you like by the way?” you look back at the board you’ve carefully curated and then at him with the same bright and curious eyes he loves.

yep, he could die a happy man right now.

“i can’t pick one, all of them are good” jungkook replies with his answer right away, looking away from the side of your face and back to the board.

“that’s one way to flatter a girl” you tease lightheartedly and jungkook’s cheeks flare up almost immediately. but jungkook doesn’t want you to think that he doesn’t appreciate your art or that he only wants to woo you.

“no, don’t take this the wrong way but i really am not trying to flatter you, all your designs are so precise and detailed but still very unique and fresh, that is something i want with my designs, i want to learn from you.” his answer is honest and with no doubt at all, and for the first time, jungkook isn’t nervous in his actions or words, he’s more than confident in his compliment, he knows he means every word.

you almost do a double take at his words, no one has shown such respect to your art, sure you knew yoongi respected it, he wouldn’t have hired you if he didn’t but you don’t get more than an approving nod from him when you show him the designs, but jungkook, oh god jungkook, he just said all the words you’ve been waiting to hear since you started to take art seriously and he doesn’t even know you all that well, but he seems to know exactly how to make you feel special.

“thank you, like genuinely thank you so much and i would love to help you any day, you just have to ask” you can’t help but feel immensely grateful to jungkook and his encouraging words, you feel a lot more motivated to continue doing this.

“you don’t have to thank me, just telling the truth, is all” he smiles down at you and this time, you’re the one who’s blushing and looking away. you clear your throat and tilt your head, hating how your insides seem to be warming up too.

“so, where do you want it?” you walk away from him to slap some gloves and put your glasses on again, jungkook is sure that his favorite thing in the world right now is you in those glasses.

“above the elbow” he answers and takes a seat on the chair, making himself comfortable by stretching a little and moving until he settles, you bring out rubbing alcohol and start cleaning the area, gulping a little at the size of his biceps, and how they seem to flex unconsciously from time to time, the funny thing is, jungkook doesn’t even seem to know how attractive he is.

“are you nervous?” you ask gently, eyes darting to his face so that you stop staring at his arms and jungkook smiles at you cockily.

“not at all” his response makes you smile, his confidence with tattoos is definitely something you admire because you were a whimpering mess even when you got your fifth tattoo done and that’s exactly what you tell jungkook.

“who did your tattoos?” jungkook darts his eyes to your arm and winces a little as you start dragging the needle across his pale skin, which quickly turns into the color of the ink and you silently apologize even if you’re getting paid for doing this.

“yoongi did most of them, some i did for me, one i got when i was drunk so i don’t remember who but yeah that’s it” you answer him and he keeps asking you questions about your art, how you started out, your family and conversation flows easily between you two, like you’ve known each other forever.

and that’s how jungkook feels about you, you don’t feel new to him at all, almost like he was waiting to meet you all his life and now that you are finally here, it feels right. it feels just right.

jungkook notices how your eyes perk up every time you answer a question, so he assumes you love talking and that’s perfect because jungkook doesn’t talk a lot, he’s happy to let you do all the talking.

but his shy nature doesn’t stop him from answering everything you ask. even when you’re done tattooing, and only cleaning and sealing is left, you both don’t stop talking.

and just as he’s telling you about his friends while you’re wrapping his elbow, he notices a tattoo on your collarbone that he didn’t notice before and it’s a strawberry, a fading red and green strawberry right on your collarbone, something that is only visible when your shirt drops down your clavicle.

“your tattoo” he trails off, eyes trained on it and you nod with a smile, pushing your collar a little more out of the way so he could see it clearly.

“a strawberry” a strawberry, just like the one on his elbow now.

when jungkook was raking his brain for ideas, strawberries and the teddy bear scent was all his mind were clouded with, and even if he didn’t know where you two would go or if you would be seeing each other again at all, meeting you was something he wanted to remember, just in a more subtle way.

the design is a bit different from yours but it’s the same red and green strawberry that is fresh on his body.

did he just unintentionally get a matching tattoo with you?

“i’ve just loved strawberries a lot growing up, i used to make strawberry tarts with my mom a lot, this is just like a reminder of my childhood but hey, we have the same tattoo now” you excitedly say, it was one of the reasons you were so pleased with his design, you knew exactly what you felt about jungkook and unlike him, you weren’t as scared of feeling the things you did.

just like how you felt right to him, he felt right to you.

you always thought the idea of destiny or fate was corny, lame even, it never seemed realistic to you because why would two people, two completely different people, meet just to become one?

but as much as jungkook feels right, he’s also proving you wrong silently with how he keeps making it feel like it was fate that you two would meet.

you remember the jitters you experienced when you first saw jungkook in the shop, and silently observed him from a distance because you were trying to get a grip on how one person can make you feel so new but old at the same time, you remember the wide grin he gave your brother as he wrapped his tattoo, being polite but playful and that was when you knew you had to see him again.

so, what did you do about that?

you took your friends to a very expensive bakery after finding out from your brother (you had to work for free for one week so that he could give up that information) that jungkook works there, and you didn’t do a good job at hiding your interest but it seemed like he didn’t either, you weren’t deaf, you heard the way jimin chastised him, you heard the mug break, and all that while, you tried to stop yourself from giving the world a gracious smile with how things fell into place.

and that is when you felt ‘the premonition of love’.

you were sure jungkook would be in your life somehow the first time you saw him, the second time, you were already in love and the third time, you were waiting for him to fall in love too.

and you didn’t have to wait any longer because with the way jungkook couldn’t take his eyes off you as you circle around him, blooms hope in your chest that maybe you’re not the only one in love here.

“do you feel it too?” jungkook questioned suddenly, making you pause in the middle of wrapping his arm, looking at him unsurely, was he talking about what you think he’s talking about?

“what, jungkook?” you look up at him with your hands still loosely holding his arm and right then, jungkook knows you feel the same way, your hands are slightly tightened around his skin and you’re looking at him with so much vulnerability and hope. he feels good that he’s not crazy like he thought he was. he feels even better that you like him just as much as he did you.

“when you said i feel like i know you, and i didn’t have a clue to who you were, i’ve literally never seen you, i would remember you if i did trust me, but you still felt like someone i’ve known forever, like we’re just meeting after waiting? and god i don’t even know how to explain but i just, the only thing i know is that i love you, if it’s the idea of you or just you but yeah i really like everything about-“ after you finally got to hear the words, you quickly silence him with a soft kiss on the cheek and it works wonderfully because jungkook swallows his words up and stares at you with his mouth agape.

“i feel the same way” you whisper carefully and your eyes widen, then flutter close in bliss when he pulls you into his arms and nuzzles his face into your neck and you sigh in happiness because there’s no where else in the world you would be. because for once, jungkook is not running from his feelings but running towards them. and you, you are just glad to hold him.

“i’ve been wanting to do this since the day i saw you” he mutters against your skin and your heart does several flips at his soft tone.

“me too” you whisper back to him and you tighten your arms around him, falling in love shouldn’t be this easy but with him, it was the easiest thing you’ve ever done and you both feel the magic twirling around you, the same magic jungkook’s been fascinated by, the same magic you’ve been waiting to hold and now, it’s wrapping you up into your own little world that you never want to escape.

and as it turns out, jungkook starts working for yoongi shortly after, much to yoongi’s joy and jimin’s despair, after jimin whines for the 100th time that he’s getting lonely, jungkook takes up a shorter shift at the bakery to satisfy the shorter man, he still breaks a glass or two when you surprise visit him there, he sneaks the expensive desserts to you without anyone knowing but it isn’t that easy to escape jimin’s eyes who all but kicks you two out every time he catches you.

since jungkook doesn’t like being around people either, he works with you in the back room, away from the rest of the world and your magic only grows stronger the more time you spend with him, there isn’t anything about jungkook that you don’t want to know, you want to know it all and he wants to know all of you, slowly but carefully, he wants to know all your stories, all your feelings and you don’t disappoint.

he learns from you, you learn from him, he admires your mind, you admire his ever growing enthusiasm for new things, it isn’t long before jungkook starts tattooing you and himself, walking into work becomes a lot less dreadful with jungkook’s beaming smile right in the morning.

and you love, you love and love until there’s nothing left in you but love.

koi no yokan.

a single phrase that describes you both beautifully and accurately. like a fairytale coming to life, that’s what it feels like, a fairytale you want to become one with.

he loves you and you love him.

it’s that simple sometimes.

just love and nothing else.