This Is Amazing

This is amazing

List of Things GCPD Officers Have Seen The Batfamily Doing

Author’s Note: I liked doing this one Tags: @etherealdemeter @darkfaethedestroyer @jason-todd-squad @angelgl16 @imjustnightwingingit @mellowstatesmanhandsempath @it-is-dana

ª     Watched the Batfamily stand on top of the roof and do the YMCA while Batman arrested Two-Face but changed the letters from YMCA to GCPD.

ª     Saw Batman chewing out Red Hood for tossing Robin down a laundry chute.

ª     RH didn’t really listen.

ª     He was still laughing at the way Robin screamed bloody-murder going down the chute.

ª     Watched Red Robin yell Bazinga! before swan diving off a ledge.

ª     Nightwing followed screaming something about forgetting his grapple.

ª     Also saw RR buy five espressos the same night.

ª     Followed by Nightwing chucking each of them into the bay as RR broke down in tears talking about exams to study for and cases to solve.

ª     Walked into the evidence room to see Red Robin and Robin arguing about how to retrieve Batman’s electromagnetic gun without breaking the glass case, only for Red Hood to shove his fist into the glass and go, ‘Problem Solved.’

ª     Heard ungodly curses from outside GCPD and walked outside to see the entire Batfamily playing a game of Mario Kart on the side of the wall.

ª     Red Hood was blue shelled by Nightwing.

ª     Twice.

ª     Then he ran over banana peels left by Robin.

ª     More curses followed.

ª     When asked how they set it up, RR just said, ‘We plugged it into the second story outlet. Don’t worry, it isn’t wasting too much electricity.’

ª     When asked what electricity it was wasting, he replied, ‘Just the juice used to power your break room.’

ª     Mario Kart was shut down after that.

ª     Watched Robin whack his head on the counter and scream a stream of cuss words.

ª     They weren’t sure what language he was cussing in.

ª     But they think it was Arabic.

ª     Nightwing happened to walk in and ask, ‘What happened?”

ª     Robin looked up and screeched, ‘I whacked my fucking head! What does it look like?!’

ª     Saw RR walk into GCPD, ask for Gordon, then faceplant into the ground and take a nap.

ª     Red Hood was beside him when it happened.

ª     When asked if they should help RR, he just waved them off and said, ‘He’ll be fine…I think.’

ª     Observed Nightwing flirting with a new officer only to be dragged off by Batman muttering something about ‘Patrol now, flirt later’.

ª     Nightwing came back ten minutes later and picked up the story he left on.

ª     Opened one of the lockers and watched RR trip out saying, ‘Oh thank god. It was getting hot in there.’

ª     When asked what he was doing in there, he simply replied, ‘I was betrayed by my brother…and now I’m going to strangle him.’

ª     They assumed it was Robin who locked him in.

ª     It was.

ª     Watched Batman die a little inside when Robin asked how to use a rotary phone.

ª     Then he held up a floppy disk and asked what it was.

ª     Batman had to sit down and hold his head for ten straight minutes.

ª     When they asked if he was okay, he said, ‘I’m trying to figure out how I got so old all of the sudden.’

ª     Saw Red Hood riding down the street blasting, ‘Highway To Hell’ from the Batmobile.

ª     Batman was seen following him yelling, ‘PULL OVER!’

ª     Red Hood didn’t listen.

ª     He then cranked ‘Stacy’s Mom’.

ª     The next night, RR and RH were blasting Twenty One Pilots from the Batplane.

ª     It’s safe to say, they were banned from the Batplane and Batmobile for a while.

ª     And the best one yet, watching the Batfamily, save Batman, do a full rendition of Michael Bolton’s ‘Lean On Me’.

ª     It went on YouTube and was seen at least a million times.

ª     Half of the officers at GCPD made it their ringtone.

ª     They planned to sing something else, but Batman said no.

ª     It didn’t last long.

ª     The Batfamily sang ‘I Want It That Way’ next.

ª     They watched Batman groan and wish he’d never had kids.

dick: i do wonder, how do you get ‘dick’ from 'richard’?

wally: god i wish i knew

dick: what

wally: what

‘Oh shit there he go’ - wally west, everybody

Oh my heart

Circus Meals

Feat. Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth & Bruce Wayne Warning: Excessive amounts of fluff [Inspired by @kuradoodles]

“Oh, and celery.”

“Celery, mushrooms, and onions, Master Richard?”

“Yeah…” The young boy’s legs were crossed on the chair with his elbow on the table, propping up his head. “It was kind of liquid-y.”

Alfred scribbled on a pad of paper clinically. “Some broth.”

“But not that liquid-y… Like a sauce that’s really thin.”

“And it was cheesy?”

“Definitely cheesy. But not like mozerella or cheddar cheesy… just, like…”

“Parmesan?” 

Dick shrugged his shoulders dramatically. “Yeah, I guess.”

Alfred set the pad of paper down and overlooked their notes. “Perhaps your mother was fond of making chicken tetrazzini.”

“I don’t remember her ever calling it that but maybe,” Dick answered.

“Well,” Alfred said, standing up. “One way to find out. A trip to the store is in order.”

Dick untangled his legs and was on his feet with a scrape from the chair on the tile floor. “Right now? Are we going to make it tonight?”

“I don’t see why not,” the butler answered, straightening out his suit jacket. “The mystery of Mary Grayson’s homemade recipes won’t solve itself.”

“Let me grab my shoes!” Dick said, running out of the room.

A trip to the store later and the kitchen counters were filled with bags of groceries. Alfred bought extra ingredients so they could guess the missing gaps in the recipe with Dick giving his commentary as they went:

“I think there may have been flour in it?”

“No, trust me, my dad hated those leaves…”

“You mean there’s alcohol in here?”

“It’s sherry, Master Richard, a wine commonly used in cooking.”

“Isn’t that technically illegal if I’m ten.”

“Other activities will be more likely to land you in jail.”

Forty-five minutes later, Alfred pulled the casserole from the oven. The warm smell invaded the kitchen as they waited for it to cool. Dick was balanced on his knees on a kitchen chair, scooping some onto his fork. He glanced across the kitchen as he tried a bite, the look morphing into contention. 

“Hm.” Dick fell back so he was sitting on the chair instead. 

“Something wrong, Master Richard?”

“It’s good…” he said, looking a little confused. He gave Alfred an apologetic glance. “I think it’s too good. My mom didn’t make it this well…”

Alfred chuckled. “I suppose we can’t easily recreate the conditions your mother cooked in. A small trailer sized kitchen, wasn’t it?”

Dick spread out his arms. “Our trailer was smaller than this kitchen.” His arms fell down. He was looking at the dish they made critically. “Your cooking is too perfect, Alfred. What if we got Bruce to help us instead?”

That drew a genuine laugh from the man. “A worthy use of Master Bruce’s time, I think. Certainly an endeavor worth pursuing.” 

So it was that Bruce was drawn into the kitchen by Dick, looking well outside his comfort zone.

“I don’t cook,” the man reminded his partner. 

“Yeah, but… please, Bruce?” Dick was already at the counter, pulling down the bag of flour. “Alfred and I came really close… my mom made this dish around Christmas every year for the other performers. She’d make, like, three. It took her all day.”

Bruce stepped up to the counter, apparently won over, if not confused over why he was here at all. The first thing he did was pick up Alfred’s notes, the elegant cursive listing off ingredients and instructions. Bruce glanced over his shoulder to where the butler was sitting at the table, a pair of reading glasses on his face as he turned a page of his book.

Bruce went back to studying the notes, then set them aside, taking the measured flour from Dick and pouring it into a mixing bowl. The flour was packed in tight and fell with a puff of white air that speckled white on Bruce’s clothes. After a moment, the man huffed, as if radiating disapproval at the inanimate object in the bowl while Dick started laughing. 

The process took twice as long with Bruce helping. Alfred was better at timing ingredients at the same time, causing Dick and Bruce to spend moments waiting for the sauce to finish heating or the noodles to finish cooking. Another forty-five minutes later and Bruce carefully set the dish down on the stove, removing his oven mitts.

When it cooled, Dick went on the tips of his toes and used his fork to twirl some noodles around it, falling back on the flats of his feet as he took the bite. The sauce was runnier, the noodles were overcooked, and it didn’t have as many spices. Bruce was watching Dick’s reaction carefully, as if a lot was riding on this. Several seconds later, Dick nodded. “Yeah, that’s it. That’s my mom’s cooking.”

“Excellent,” Alfred said, setting his book on the table. “I’ll create a copy for your records, Master Richard. That’s one of Mary’s recipes down, and I imagine, several more to go.”

The team up we never thought we needed but damn did we deserve 

Batman & Robin Eternal #26

Literally Damian: