Wayv 2021 Back To School | Lucas & Yangyang

wayv 2021 back to school | lucas & yangyang

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Fighting for Justice

Synopsis: Justice will be given

Pairing: Wonwoo x fem!reader

Genre: angst :)

Warnings: school violence and violence in general

Word Count: 3K words

Getting to school early was only one of the things that made students on campus call Wonwoo a “teacher’s pet”. That was in addition to his perfect grades, perfect attendance, and perfect school record. He was the top scorer in all exams and never had a graduation ceremony where he didn’t walk up the stage with some kind of medal or award. Not to mention the fact that his family sponsored most of the university’s endeavors and projects. In the eyes of a teacher, he really was perfect.

If he wasn’t in class, people would often find him sitting in the library, quietly studying, or typing away on his laptop. They speculated that it was the side effect of being a teacher’s pet. Some pitied him for not being able to have any fun but most people just found his presence annoying. There was no point in studying and it looked like he was just doing it for show. His parents were already paying the professors to give him a high grade. Or so they believed.

Wonwoo could hear their whispers but choose to ignore them. After all, he understood where they were coming from. He felt his phone buzz and started packing his things after reading the message.

As he moved away from the table he was sitting at, Wonwoo’s eyes fell on a bunch of “elite students”, the ones who paid to stay on top. He knew that bribing people with money was one of the easiest things in the world for those who had an abundance of cash. The names that were at the top with his on the score sheets were printed on there with cash. Children from well-off families didn’t need to study for their names to be on top of the list, money got it there for them so there was no need to even lift a finger.

That system of “bribery education” lead to the formation of a secret organization, a rebellion, Laqueus. According to them, their main goal was to expose under the table dealings that robbed hardworking students of their rightful place at the top. They were after justice and a fair opportunity for all students. Your place should be determined by your hard work, not your status in society or the amount of money you had in your bank account. All the students— aside from the ones who bribed their way to the top— silently adored and supported them, though nobody knew who was actually affiliated with the group. In one way or another, having such an organization gave them hope that this injustice would end. They endured, believing that the leader of the resistance was sure to come to save them from their misery.

On the other side of the library, _____ pocketed her phone and sat back in her chair as the members of Laqueus entered their hideout. A file was opened on her laptop, emailed from their leader which contained the meeting agenda he had set for the day. Packaged books were stacked on the shelves surrounding a large metal table where various floor plans for the entire school were laid out. The book storage room at the back of the library wasn’t the ideal place to hold secret meetings but it was all they had.

A knock came from the door, making all the members perk up. _____ quietly stood up and motioned for the others to hide. If the faculty found out that they had their secret meetings in the book storage room, their plan of achieving justice would fail and all their hard work would come to nothing.

_____ knocked once on the door. “Fiat Justitia.” a boy’s voice came from behind the door. Breathing a sigh of relief, she opened the door and came face to face with their youngest recruit.

“Hey, leader!” Chan chirped, beaming at her. _____ sighed. “For the last time, I’m not the leader, Chan. I just receive his messages and deliver them to the team.”

She ushered him inside. The boy gave her a smile and limped into the storage room. _____ looked down at his feet and noticed that Chan’s right foot was bandaged. She frowned. “You were injured from yesterday?”

“Yeah,” he answered sheepishly as one of the other members helped him onto a chair. “I was trying to get away as fast as possible.”

_____ could only shake her head. It was normal for at least one of them to get injured from a strike. Preparing the materials, executing the plan, and getting away without being caught was very dangerous work. If any of them had been seen it would mean the end of their school life. Expulsion was the punishment for such an offense against the school and being expelled meant that you couldn’t fight anymore.

Checking her phone again, _____ told the members that they would start the meeting once the new recruit showed up. They shifted nervously at the news. Getting new members was risky business. You could never tell who would betray you.

“Don’t worry,” she assured them. “The leader says that he’s a good one.”

Another knock came at the door. After making sure that everyone was hidden, the vice-leader approached the door. _____ knocked once. She counted, one, two, three seconds before receiving an answer.

“Fiat Justitia.”

A smile formed on her mouth as she opened the door to welcome their newest member, an asset that would be a great addition to their cause. The other members of the resistance gaped at who was standing at the door.

Jeon Wonwoo.

__________

_____ figured that it would take a lot of convincing to get the other rebellion members to stop harassing the poor boy with questions. But she couldn’t blame them, who wouldn’t be suspicious? If there was one person who would most likely betray them, it would be the infamous teacher’s pet. She had already brought up this concern to their leader but the head of the resistance seemed to have great trust in Wonwoo.

“And why exactly should we trust you?” Seungcheol demanded, banging his hands on the metal table and leaning close to the new recruit’s face. _____ could only smile and stay quiet. After the few conversations she already had with their secret leader, the girl was already convinced that the quiet student would never betray them. From what she heard, his hatred for the unfair system probably amounted to more than hers. Plus, with a mind and bank account like his, their plans and attacks were bound to be more successful. To her, Wonwoo was a force to be reckoned with even if he didn’t know it yet.

“First of all,” he said in a surprisingly steady voice for someone who was being interrogated, “I already know where your hideout is.” Seungcheol’s open mouth closed itself. With just one sentence he managed to silence one of the fiercest members of the resistance. “Second, I don’t need to be on the receiving end of the injustice to know that what those people are doing is wrong.”

“Everyone deserves a fair chance to place on top. The only thing that should get a student’s name on the list is the grades that they’ve cried and bled for. A fair chance for everyone is all anyone is asking for. I know how hard it is to stay on top and the fact that there are people who don’t have to do anything to be able to surpass what I’ve achieved on my own angers me.”

Wonwoo eyes looked around at the other members as he spoke. _____ saw a light burning in them and spread like a wildfire to the other members in the room. It looked like she didn’t need to step in and convince them to accept him as a member, the new recruit was doing that quite well all on his own.

“We have the same goal.”

Seungcheol walked up to him and held out his hand for Wonwoo to shake, his mouth breaking into a proud smile. “Welcome to the resistance.”

__________

_____ thought that accepting Wonwoo was proving to be one of the best decisions their secret leader had made. She even considered making him a vice-leader along with her. It was like he was born to be a member of Laqueus.

When there was a hole in their plan, he would always be the first to point it out. Funding for their strikes wasn’t a problem anymore with his expendable bank account. It seemed that the thought of him betraying them had already been forgotten. Wonwoo was such a big help to their organization that upon hearing of his acceptance ceremony, the entire rebellion wanted to come.

“It would be too much of a risk.” _____ reasoned out with them. “Having a lot of people in one place, especially in a place where they aren’t supposed to be, will just put us all in danger of being found out.”

In all honesty, the acceptance ceremony wasn’t much. It was just called that way to make it seem more dignified.

“You’re just here to receive this.” _____ said as she handed him a small box. Wonwoo opened it and found a thin red ring inside. “Are you proposing?” he joked.

_____ smacked him lightly in the arm. She raised her own hand and showed him the red bracelet clasped around her wrist. “That’s just a way for us to see who’s on which side.”

“That red band is a simplified version of the blindfold that the greek goddess Nike wears.” Jeonghan, the team’s Intel, said as he strode leisurely into the storage room with Jihoon and Seungkwan following behind him. “The blindfold means that justice is given regardless of who the person is.”

“And why is it red?”

“We’re at war, idiot.” The girl’s voice came from behind him. Wonwoo looked at _____ and smiled when she put her hand on his shoulder. “Red is the color of war.”

The sound of a pen tapping on the table made him turn towards his other friends. The core of the resistance looked back at him.

“What’s your decision Wonwoo?”

He looked towards Jeonghan and Jihoon who were seated around the table. “Well, we don’t have all day.”

Seungkwan placed a paper on the desk and tapped it with his finger. Wonwoo leaned over the desk and read the words printed onto it.

Laqueus

Member: Jeon Wonwoo

Position: Vice-leader.

The newest member of the organization picked up the pen and signed his name, the red ink stark against the white parchment. The other members smiled and stood to shake his hand.

“Welcome to the core team, vice-leader.”

One by one, each core member came to him and shook his hand. “I hope you answer correctly,” Seungcheol whispered into his ear, patting the boy’s back before exiting the room with everyone else.

_____ was the last to stand in front of him and shake his hand. Wonwoo raised his eyebrows at her, their hands still clasped around each other’s. He knew from her expression that she was about to ask him something. She had the exact same expression his professors had before they announced a pop quiz or surprise recitation.

“What is the meaning of our secret code?” _____ challenged him, though she already had a feeling that he knew. Wonwoo was one of the smartest kids after all. It wouldn’t be a surprise that the meaning of Latin words was just general knowledge to him.

“Fiat Justitia,” he smiled, shaking her hand one more time. “Let justice be done.”

__________

Wonwoo could only keep silent as he watched the members of the core team pace around at the sudden news. He internally face-palmed himself over and over again for not checking which email he had been using before he sent the plan for their strike at the nearing media conference. He was too coffee deprived last night to even register that he was using his personal email rather than the one he had created specifically to use for things that involved Laqueus. Lying to them about his real identity was useless. They would see right through him. All he could do know was tell them the truth.

“So,” Jihoon said shakily, his hands gripping the headrest of the nearest chair. “You mean to tell me that you’re our leader? All this time?”

He looked towards _____ who was still staring at the computer screen where Wonwoo’s email address was written as the sender of their top-secret plan. Wonwoo didn’t answer. Honestly, he wasn’t sure if they were happy that he was their leader or not. From the blank expressions on their face, it was hard to decipher what thoughts were running through their heads. He was especially aware of _____, sitting a little to his left with her lips pressed into a thin line. She ran a hand through her hair. “Everybody out.”

From the look on her face, anyone could tell that disobeying was not an option. As soon as they were alone, she sat in front of him. After confirming three times that he really was their leader she laid her head on the table.

“Are you mad?” Wonwoo carefully asked, afraid that his mistake would ruin the organization. _____ laughed weakly. “Mad? I’m relieved.”

She lifted her head and stared at him as if she couldn’t believe he was real. “I’m just so happy that you of all people turned out to be our leader. Man, I can’t wait until the others find out—”

“You can’t tell them,” Wonwoo said sharply, cutting her off. Her big surprised eyes met his own, in disbelief that he didn’t want to share this with the rest of the team. “But they’d be so happy to know—”

“_____,” Wonwoo’s voice was low and quiet. _____ froze under his piercing glare. Never had she seen him this serious, not even during important meetings. “If we ever get caught, it’s easier to say that you don’t know when you really don’t than to lie because you know.”

He bent down to look her right in the eye. “This is my way of protecting them.”

The leader of the resistance walked towards the door and threw it open, revealing the embarrassed faces of the other core members who were caught eavesdropping. He looked back and forth between them and _____. “You will tell no one. That’s an order.”

__________

Sabotaging the media conference was the hardest strike they had ever executed. It was also the plan that got their organization caught. None of them, not even Wonwoo, had presumed that the police would be involved.

As the last of the members were pushed to their knees at the foot of the stage, Wonwoo could do nothing but blame himself. He was ready to face punishment on behalf of the organization. That much he could do as their leader. From his place on the stage, his eyes flickered around, looking at the beaten, bloody faces of his comrades. It hurt to see them look so defeated.

"Who is your leader?” the principal’s low voice pierced through the silence. With the media gone, he was free to do with them as he pleased. The blank faces of most students made it clear that they didn’t know. The principal took a breath to ask again but he was cut off by a low voice from behind him, from someone on the stage.

“I’m the leader.”

Wide-eyed students turned in his direction. The fact that the top student in the school had just claimed that he was the leader of the very rebel group that was going against the system was a big shock to the student body and faculty. Wonwoo held his head up high as the principal stormed towards him. The school head grabbed him by the hair, making the boy look him in the eyes. Despite the fear growing in his heart, Wonwoo glared back at the principal, undaunted.

“You had so much potential. Why did you have to throw it all away for poor stupid brats like them?” the principal exasperatedly hissed into his ear as if he were begging Wonwoo to deny his leadership in the alliance. But Wonwoo was anything but unloyal. Even as he was beaten and dragged off to be imprisoned, Wonwoo didn’t deny his identity. He was proud to have led such a noble cause and be followed by such honorable people.

The cries of his comrades when the guards were called to take him away echoed in his ears. They watched as his hands were bound by handcuffs, screaming for the police to take them instead. Without a leader, the members of Laqueus felt like their chance of gaining justice was gone.

“Fight,” Wonwoo told them as he passed by. He caught sight of _____’s tear-streaked face, almost making him regret exposing himself and leaving her. But as the leader, sacrifices had to be made.

“Fight,” he repeated louder. The spark that had been put out lit up again. A solemn atmosphere spread throughout the room like a fog, blocking the sight of those who didn’t have a fire burning in their eyes. His comrades knew what he meant and that’s all he needed.

And as the police car that he sat in pulled out of the area, Wonwoo saw the same defiant faces that looked at him when he posed as a new recruit, the ones who were tired of having to be a slave to the unjust system and ready to fight for what was right. He knew then that this fight was far from over.

Even if Wonwoo was gone, the resistance was still at war. His last words echoed in their ears, filling them with determination. Especially _____, who Wonwoo had clearly looked at in the eye as he delivered his ultimatum. She nodded at him, promising to finish what he had started. Their leader had given an order and they would follow through.

“Fiat Justitia. That’s an order.”

I’m missing you //

Pairing: Bang Chan x female reader

Genre: Fluff and maybe a bit of angst

Warnings: No warnings <3

Word count: 2K

Tags: @stayhavens

A/N: This is my first time taking part in a writing event, hopefully this is not boring

{04:45 pm}

I tried to focus, on making new music beats; since I decided to complete it by tomorrow, I have to do this because I know if I don’t then I will miss him like crazy and my overthinking will kill me. While making music, I was occupied by Chan’s thoughts

 {6 days ago}

08:01 pm

I opened the door and saw Chan standing, he was holding rose bouquet. “this is for you” he gave it to me, I took it and hugged him tight, he lifted me up, and brought me inside. “I missed you so much, so so much that I my mind couldn’t stop thinking about you.” I told him

He put me down and we settled on the couch, I looked at him, he looked adorable. He suddenly pinched my cheeks, “Awwww I missed you too baby”

 “Chan I wanted to ask you something” he nodded “You didn’t forget about our date right? I wanted to take you out… I just… wanted to spend time with you… you told me you’re free” he looked at me with his loving eyes.

“How can I forget Y/N? It’s been three years we are dating but till now we couldn’t spend our Valentine's Day because of my schedules and this time I got chance and how am I supposed to forget? Of course, I remember. I can’t wait” and pecked me on my lips, I looked at him, he leaned closer and kissed me. My hands were securely wrapped on his neck, he pulled me closer and my breath hitched but he didn’t stop kissing me. We met after two weeks and he is on a break now, it’s very difficult to meet him because of his schedules; and I missed his touch, I missed him.

He let me go after he was out of breath; our breathing was uneven. He was about to kiss me again, but I stopped him and he pouted; I gave him a peck since he was cute.

“Wanna go out for dinner?” he asked me and I nodded,

“Let me go and get changed, give me 10 minutes” I told him and went back to my room.

I got changed into peach colour dress and wore black cardigan, applied very light make up. Took my sling bag and went downstairs, Chan was playing with his phone.

“Baby” I called him.

“huh?” his eyes diverted towards me. I walked towards him and he was coming towards me, soon he was standing infront of me. He pulled me closer by my waist; he was leaning to kiss me again, “Not now, or else we might get late Chan. Let’s go” he pouted again and his hands left my waist and held my hands.

“As you wish madam” he said cutely and I smiled at him.

I locked my house, and we went towards his car, I sat inside. He got seated and was about to start driving but his phone started ringing, it was Hyunjin. I don’t know why but he was staring at the caller ID for too long instead of picking it up, “Chan, Hyunjin is calling pick it up” I told him and he snapped out from his thoughts. “Huh? Huh hmm” he said and was about to pick up the call ended. Hyunjin called again, he picked it up.

“Something happened? Jinnie?”

……………….

“Now?”

………………

“Okay, I am coming” he looked at me while talking.

“Yes, I am going there straightaway, don’t worry. It won’t take long for me to reach. Bye” I had a hunch that he is going back to his company.

“I’m sorry.” Chan looked down, I didn’t want to make me feel bad or apologetic, “It’s okay Chan, go and we can meet later.”

“I’m really so-

I cut him off by pecking his lips, being with Chan for 3 years; I know him how he always feels sorry for me when our plans get cancelled but I always understand him because his work is important and dating an idol isn’t easy, I trust him with everything and I don’t want to make his life harder; I am here for him as his support and love; I will never ever come between his work.

“Now go and let me know later, okay? Take care” he nodded and I got off his car and waved at him. I saw his car going and I went back home; I changed into comfy clothes and cooked something for myself, I wondered if he ate something or not. I miss him.

 {1:00 am}

 I was battling with myself should I text him or not, I wanted to ask him if he ate or not but I didn’t want to bother him. I was about to text him and a text popped up from him.

‘Y/N but I am going to Australia for work, I am on the way to airport right now. I really wanted to spend my whole week with you but I am sorry, I am really sorry. Sometimes I wish I could love you more than you love me.’ I closed his text and without thinking twice I grabbed my jacket, phone, car keys and wallet. I went running downstairs. My head couldn’t think straight, he was leaving and he doesn’t know when he will come back. He is on his way to airport right now and how am I supposed to stay calm knowing that?

I was driving my car, my tears started falling, I don’t know why it started hurting me a lot. I know he was feeling sorry but I can’t leave him like this. I had no idea then when did he left his dorm and I had no idea when will he be reaching airport and when is his flight. I tried calling him but being Chan, he won’t pick up. I was going crazy, how can he leave like this without a goodbye,

“Chan, Chan, CHAN, are you thinking you’ll leave me without a goodbye right now? I am not letting that happen when you always inform me about your schedules and always tell me to wait so why now? I am not letting that happen” I was talking to myself and crying. It took me 40 minutes to reach airport and I had no idea about him. I wanted to call everyone else but I had no guts inside myself to talk to anyone. I parked my car and went inside, I was running and searching for him. I tried calling him again, but he didn’t pick up. I went towards the “check in” area with hope, I was running and my eyes were searching him. I went around the airport for good 15 minutes, I tried calling him again, “Chan pick up, Chan please, uh please pick up” I was murmuring.

“Y/N”

“Chan” I broke down, I missed his voice.

“Y/N” I looked back and saw him standing. Without thinking twice I went and hugged him tight. “Y/N don’t cry” his words made me cry more, for some unknown reason I didn’t wanted to let go of his warmth right now, everytime he went out of country, I felt sad but this time I don’t know why I felt worst. I wanted to hug him because I was sad.

“baby, I am here. Don’t cry.” I looked at him.

“I’m so-

“Stop saying sorry, it’s not your fault. I missed you and how can you leave without a goodbye. How can you? Tell me” I started crying again.

“I felt sorry, I know how much you wanted to spend these days with me but because of my schedules-

“Chan don’t be sorry, I am proud of you. Schedules can’t be helped and I can only wish you all the best and take care of yourself. And it’s okay, and don’t feel sorry, ok? It’s not your fault and I love you” he wiped my tears away.

He hugged me, “I love you too and thankyou for being so supportive and understanding me always”

I looked at him and smiled.

“Hyung, we need to go and do our check in right now, others are waiting.” I heard Jisung say, he came towards us.

“Y/N, you’re here?” he looked confused but understood. “This time too, Chan hyung is going with us, don’t worry we will try to complete our work and will try to be back as soon as possible. And don’t cry too much for him, do you know how sad he was while informing you and he kept ignoring your calls because he didn’t want to make you sad and it was Hyunjin who saw you and told him to find you.”

“Yah, why are you telling her everything like this- Stop Jisung” Chan shut him up.

“Chan, don’t be sad and I am really okay. Just be ok and take care of yourself. And Jisung take care of yourself and be safe.” I let him go, my heart wanted to cry out again but I stopped myself and held my emotions from an outburst.

“Chan go, it’s time. And have a safe flight, I love you” I told him. He pecked my lips, “Love you too and don’t miss me too much” I waved at him. He was smiling and how could I cry. I turned back as soon as he was out of my sight and my tears started falling.

 {Present}

{06:00 pm}

I sighed and kept my headphones on the table. I wanted to make this song for Chan and wanted to give him today as a gift. I miss him again. We talked 4 days ago and till now there’s no update of him. I miss him and I really want to meet him, it’s not even possible. He’s not here.

My phone started ringing, I went to pick up in a hope it can be Chan. I looked at the caller id it’s my bestfriend.

“Tina”

‘Y/N you’re free right now?” she asked

“Yes I am”

‘Let’s go out for dinner and have some fun.’

“Huh? Now? Suddenly?” I asked. I wanted to turn her offer down but then I thought it’s better to go out somewhere rather than staying at home and missing Chan and crying over him.

“I am coming, send me the address” I got excited

‘Wear something pretty, I’ll be waiting there. Be there in 30 minutes. Bye’ she hung up.

I went back to my room and started choosing one outfit. Something told me to wear white and red. I took out white dress and red sweater. I put on light makeup and didn’t forget to wear my favorite pendant and the couple ring with Chan. Somewhere deep in my heart, it told me to wear the ring because it’s a symbol that I am taken by him. I took my sling bag, my car keys, wallet and my phone and went downstairs. I wore white heels and went out.

 I started driving to the address, Tina texted me. It took 20 minutes to reach there. I went there, it was a beautiful place. I looked at the view and it was decorated with red roses and different flowers, because it’s 14th February.

I started missing Chan, I wanted to meet him and started craving for his warmth. I went inside and sat on the vacant table. I called Tina but she didn’t pick up my call. I was waiting for her and then something caught my eyes. I was looking for Tina but I saw Chan coming with a bouquet of red roses; I thought I am day dreaming and I stood up because my eyes can always betray me. I could hear his footsteps and he was getting closer and closer.

“Happy Valentine’s Day baby”

He said, I blinked few times, my eyes started getting teary. I don’t know but it was teary. He gave me the bouquet, I took it.

“Awwww baby don’t cry. I am glad I made it here and how’s the surprise?”  he looked at me and I was still amazed. I hugged him tight and he hugged me back.

“I missed you Chan and thankyou for everything. For everything” I could feel he was smiling. I was just holding him too tight, “I missed you too” he said.

“I love you Chan” I looked at him.

“I love you too” he was smiling.

I tiptoed and kissed him

[8:08 pm]

“Seungcheol one shot”

Pairing: Choi Seungcheol x female reader

Genre: Angst,

Warnings: mention of blood and self harm

Word count: 1.3 K

A/N: i want to say, don't hurt yourself no matter what, things will get better, just don't hurt yourself, you are really precious to some people out there. If things get hard, hang on there, things will get better

.

[8:08 pm]

I shut the door, infront of her face, she can’t make me feel shit like this, she can’t, not after I wanted to be happy for once. She didn’t have to come to me just to make me feel miserable.

Even I have no idea how devastated I was, everything just hurts at this point. I wanted to get rid of all the thoughts, I was helpless, her guilt tripping worked on me, and I am really feeling like a mistake.

‘You are the worst child ever’

‘You don’t deserve to be here’

‘Hope no one ever gets a child like you’

‘I wish I never had you’

‘You are of no use, why are you still here’

‘You are such a rebel who never does anything I want and never listens to me. You will be alone, forever. Everyone will leave you’

‘You can never survive, no one needs you here’

These words hurts me, everytime I hear from her, but today it did something more to me, which I never wanted myself to feel, she told me everything I was feeling the same. Her words worked on me; I wanted to do something for once and finally I did but she can’t see my happiness and she cares about her reputation and everything? Is it this hard for her to accept me the way I am.

Am I really a mistake?

Will I be alone? Forever? Everyone will leave me one day? These thoughts scare me everytime, and this is scaring me, this is my biggest fear. I can’t stop crying, my heart hurts, I am alone, I miss warmth, am I really alone?

I want someone to hug me tight, I want someone by my side, because I can’t do this anymore, I want to end this suffering, I was few steps away from self-harming, I stopped it but why am I looking for ways to do this? just because it’s my coping mechanism? i can’t do this to myself not after he saved me. He always told me he will there be by my side, whenever I feel alone.

The room is filled with my crying noises only, “No, I can’t do this” this was the only thing I was saying to myself just to calm down and stop whatever I am doing but it wasn’t helping, my mind wasn’t listening to me.

I was holding phone in one hand, I went through the contacts and called him right away, I can’t do this anymore, I need to hear his voice. My tears were blurring my vision, I tried calling him once, twice, thrice, but my call was never answered, my phone fell from my hand. My legs went weak, I couldn’t think straight, is this everyone wants? Am I really a mistake? Should I leave? No one needs me here, everyone left me alone already, what am I waiting for?

“one more step and suffering will end here only.” The devastation in me was clearly visible, which couldn’t take it anymore.

Tears started falling more, I couldn’t stop crying, the feeling of being alone was eating me, my comfort person is not here, why can’t I deal with myself alone?

‘If you are depressed, you have to get help from people around you. Don't do it on your own’ his words were ringing in my ears, but my mind wasn’t listening to it at all.

I am just alone after all, I wish I was bit stronger to handle this, her arguments make me hurt more than anything else, it was not the first time I am like this, she was the reason I started self-harm, she never knew, she can never, I was losing myself everyday but there was this one person who helped me to get back at myself, I thought I was getting better but I don’t see myself doing better, she can break me into pieces. The power her words hold that she can make feel shit, unloved, alone, miserable and I can’t help but to absorb it instead of ignoring.

What can I do she is my mother after all?

I was holding the blade, so tight, that my other palm was already bleeding, “one more step” and everything ends.

That’s when I thought everything is over, there I saw him running, he came running towards me, and hugged me tight, the blade fell on the floor.

Blood already started flowing through my hand and leaving the stains on the floor, my legs went weak, I fell, he was still holding me tight in his embrace.

“Erica!”

There I broke down, my cries got louder, how he comes and saves me everytime?

“what were you trying to do just now?” he shook me hard, looked at me and then hugged me again

“You are not this weak Erica, you are not this weak, how many time I have told you, I am here for you, I can’t lose you Erica not you”

“I can’t do this anymore Seungcheol, I can’t do this anymore” I was holding him tight, my bloody hands were holding his shirt tight, making his white shirt go red. He was caressing my back, he was trying to calm me but I wanted to let it out, I just couldn’t stop crying. My cries got louder and louder; I just couldn’t think straight. What was I trying to do just now, I was trying to end everything? What about my loved ones?

“Please stay Seungcheol, please stay.” I was sounding so desperate; I just couldn’t think of anything else but him and his warmth.

“I am here love, I will never leave you, so stop hurting yourself.”

“This hurts, she hurts me everytime cheol, this is so sick.” My cries were never ending.

He lifts me up, and made me sit on the bed, he was about to go, I held the hem of his shirt, “I am not going anywhere. I am here” he removed my grip and went to bring the first aid box. He came back, he was sitting on the floor, he took my hand, he was cleaning the blood

“don’t give the power to anyone to ruin you and make you feel like this, that you want to end everything” his words making my body numb, I couldn’t help but to cry harder. “always remember you are someone’s pride, happiness and source of strength”

“I’m sorry” that was all I could utter, even I don’t know myself what was I doing back then, how come he always makes me feel better whenever I feel like everything’s over.

He cleaned the blood carefully and applied ointment; he was dressing it carefully. I couldn’t help but to cry more. He always takes care of me.

“Is it hurting a lot?” he asked softly, I shook my head.

“Cheol?”

“Hmm” he hummed

“Can I please cuddle with you? Please?” my voice broke while speaking.

“Let me keep this first aid box” he was so tender with his words, his voice is my comfort, I just can’t help it but to love him more, how come I was thinking of leaving everything behind and put everything to and end. The way his love made me stronger, I don’t want to leave him, he is my everything, my pride, my happiness and my strength.

He kept the first aid box and came towards me, he was cuddling with me and pulled the blanket and covered me, I hugged him tight and I felt safe. He was caressing my hair, “love” his voice was nearly a whisper

“hmm?”

“don’t care too much about other, love and trust yourself more and I am here for you, forever. So never do it again please, it scares me. I don’t want you to do something like this because of someone who never cared for you.”

“I’m sorry”

“I love you, I can’t lose you, you are so precious to me and to everyone” he kissed my forehead.

“I love you, thankyou so much for everything Seungcheol” I said and closed my eyes.

Nyiur

Nyiur is a header Tumblr theme for writing-heavy blogs. It’s simple and clean with readable fonts. A good theme for writers and blogger, but not limited for others. A redesign of my old theme that was made in 2016, under the same name.

Preview blog and install here

Features

Responsive layout and looks good on mobile screen.

A built-in search form to help you find what you are looking for.

A dark mode toggle button to switch between dark and light mode for your blog, the dark mode comes with a predefined color scheme (optional)

A featured posts using tag system. You can use this to highlight your favorite post. Just tag your post with “featured” and it will be automatically shown (optional).

A table of contents that is dynamically generated from the heading post. You can use this feature by tagging your post “posts text” and it will be generated on the permalink page.

Localizations.

Dashboard-like reblog chains.

Credits

no.js photosets by annasthms and espoirthemes

tumblrControls.js by rachaelthemes

npfPhotosets() plugin by codematurgy

Expanded Tumblr localization by codematurgy