[8:08 Pm]

[8:08 pm]

“Seungcheol one shot”

Pairing: Choi Seungcheol x female reader

Genre: Angst,

Warnings: mention of blood and self harm

Word count: 1.3 K

A/N: i want to say, don't hurt yourself no matter what, things will get better, just don't hurt yourself, you are really precious to some people out there. If things get hard, hang on there, things will get better

.

[8:08 pm]

I shut the door, infront of her face, she can’t make me feel shit like this, she can’t, not after I wanted to be happy for once. She didn’t have to come to me just to make me feel miserable.

Even I have no idea how devastated I was, everything just hurts at this point. I wanted to get rid of all the thoughts, I was helpless, her guilt tripping worked on me, and I am really feeling like a mistake.

‘You are the worst child ever’

‘You don’t deserve to be here’

‘Hope no one ever gets a child like you’

‘I wish I never had you’

‘You are of no use, why are you still here’

‘You are such a rebel who never does anything I want and never listens to me. You will be alone, forever. Everyone will leave you’

‘You can never survive, no one needs you here’

These words hurts me, everytime I hear from her, but today it did something more to me, which I never wanted myself to feel, she told me everything I was feeling the same. Her words worked on me; I wanted to do something for once and finally I did but she can’t see my happiness and she cares about her reputation and everything? Is it this hard for her to accept me the way I am.

Am I really a mistake?

Will I be alone? Forever? Everyone will leave me one day? These thoughts scare me everytime, and this is scaring me, this is my biggest fear. I can’t stop crying, my heart hurts, I am alone, I miss warmth, am I really alone?

I want someone to hug me tight, I want someone by my side, because I can’t do this anymore, I want to end this suffering, I was few steps away from self-harming, I stopped it but why am I looking for ways to do this? just because it’s my coping mechanism? i can’t do this to myself not after he saved me. He always told me he will there be by my side, whenever I feel alone.

The room is filled with my crying noises only, “No, I can’t do this” this was the only thing I was saying to myself just to calm down and stop whatever I am doing but it wasn’t helping, my mind wasn’t listening to me.

I was holding phone in one hand, I went through the contacts and called him right away, I can’t do this anymore, I need to hear his voice. My tears were blurring my vision, I tried calling him once, twice, thrice, but my call was never answered, my phone fell from my hand. My legs went weak, I couldn’t think straight, is this everyone wants? Am I really a mistake? Should I leave? No one needs me here, everyone left me alone already, what am I waiting for?

“one more step and suffering will end here only.” The devastation in me was clearly visible, which couldn’t take it anymore.

Tears started falling more, I couldn’t stop crying, the feeling of being alone was eating me, my comfort person is not here, why can’t I deal with myself alone?

‘If you are depressed, you have to get help from people around you. Don't do it on your own’ his words were ringing in my ears, but my mind wasn’t listening to it at all.

I am just alone after all, I wish I was bit stronger to handle this, her arguments make me hurt more than anything else, it was not the first time I am like this, she was the reason I started self-harm, she never knew, she can never, I was losing myself everyday but there was this one person who helped me to get back at myself, I thought I was getting better but I don’t see myself doing better, she can break me into pieces. The power her words hold that she can make feel shit, unloved, alone, miserable and I can’t help but to absorb it instead of ignoring.

What can I do she is my mother after all?

I was holding the blade, so tight, that my other palm was already bleeding, “one more step” and everything ends.

That’s when I thought everything is over, there I saw him running, he came running towards me, and hugged me tight, the blade fell on the floor.

Blood already started flowing through my hand and leaving the stains on the floor, my legs went weak, I fell, he was still holding me tight in his embrace.

“Erica!”

There I broke down, my cries got louder, how he comes and saves me everytime?

“what were you trying to do just now?” he shook me hard, looked at me and then hugged me again

“You are not this weak Erica, you are not this weak, how many time I have told you, I am here for you, I can’t lose you Erica not you”

“I can’t do this anymore Seungcheol, I can’t do this anymore” I was holding him tight, my bloody hands were holding his shirt tight, making his white shirt go red. He was caressing my back, he was trying to calm me but I wanted to let it out, I just couldn’t stop crying. My cries got louder and louder; I just couldn’t think straight. What was I trying to do just now, I was trying to end everything? What about my loved ones?

“Please stay Seungcheol, please stay.” I was sounding so desperate; I just couldn’t think of anything else but him and his warmth.

“I am here love, I will never leave you, so stop hurting yourself.”

“This hurts, she hurts me everytime cheol, this is so sick.” My cries were never ending.

He lifts me up, and made me sit on the bed, he was about to go, I held the hem of his shirt, “I am not going anywhere. I am here” he removed my grip and went to bring the first aid box. He came back, he was sitting on the floor, he took my hand, he was cleaning the blood

“don’t give the power to anyone to ruin you and make you feel like this, that you want to end everything” his words making my body numb, I couldn’t help but to cry harder. “always remember you are someone’s pride, happiness and source of strength”

“I’m sorry” that was all I could utter, even I don’t know myself what was I doing back then, how come he always makes me feel better whenever I feel like everything’s over.

He cleaned the blood carefully and applied ointment; he was dressing it carefully. I couldn’t help but to cry more. He always takes care of me.

“Is it hurting a lot?” he asked softly, I shook my head.

“Cheol?”

“Hmm” he hummed

“Can I please cuddle with you? Please?” my voice broke while speaking.

“Let me keep this first aid box” he was so tender with his words, his voice is my comfort, I just can’t help it but to love him more, how come I was thinking of leaving everything behind and put everything to and end. The way his love made me stronger, I don’t want to leave him, he is my everything, my pride, my happiness and my strength.

He kept the first aid box and came towards me, he was cuddling with me and pulled the blanket and covered me, I hugged him tight and I felt safe. He was caressing my hair, “love” his voice was nearly a whisper

“hmm?”

“don’t care too much about other, love and trust yourself more and I am here for you, forever. So never do it again please, it scares me. I don’t want you to do something like this because of someone who never cared for you.”

“I’m sorry”

“I love you, I can’t lose you, you are so precious to me and to everyone” he kissed my forehead.

“I love you, thankyou so much for everything Seungcheol” I said and closed my eyes.

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No body, No crime

Synopsis: “I think he did it but I just can’t prove it." 

Pairing: Seungcheol x fem!reader 

Genre: crime/mystery, not really romance 

Warnings: mentions of blood and dead/dismembered bodies, death, kinda creepy 

Word Count: 1.7k words

The dingy diner was a place she frequented even when Jeonghan was still there. It was a small building near the lake and dock with a red neon sign that said ”The Diner“. He said he liked the food there better than the famous restaurant near the entrance of town. There weren’t a lot of people who came in, especially during dinner time, which made it an ideal place to talk without being overheard. This was also good for her since she and Seulgi were now using the diner as a secret meeting place.

_____ walked towards the diner with her hands in her pockets when she heard footsteps behind her. Careful not to slow down and alert the strange person that she had noticed someone following her, she strained her ears to listen more closely. The footsteps were heavy which would point to the person following her be most likely a man. It didn’t sound like the person was wearing normal leather shoes that white-collar workers of the town typically wore. From her intuition, the male behind her was wearing boots, those thick ones that were usually worn by laborers or people who tended to move around a lot.

The mysterious male entered the diner shortly after her which confirmed her suspicion that he had been tailing her. _____ was also right about him wearing thick boots to which he paired with dark jeans and a black leather jacket. His face was splattered with dirt like dark freckles across his face which would have been quite handsome had he not been scowling. The man was staring rather creepily at her, his eyes narrowing when she glared back.

After sending a quick text to Seulgi to inform her of the strange man, _____ ordered her regular set and took her seat on one of the stools by the counter.

"You’re _____ right?” the girl turned in her chair to come face to face with the strange man, his face now free of dirt. He took a seat on the stool next to hers. “I’m Seungcheol. Seulgi told me about you.”

Seulgi told him about her? What did that even mean? _____ was very sure that her friend would never double-cross her, considering that it was her own brother’s disappearance that they were investigating. She didn’t know whether to consider this as a betrayal or not.

The diner’s door opened, revealing a breathless Seulgi. Her pants were dirty near the shoes as if she had been wading in a dirty river. But it looked like she didn’t even notice as her expression clearly said: “I found something.”

“Both of you follow me,” she said before running out of the diner and not even waiting for their response. _____ and Seungcheol looked at each other then ran after her.

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love is a strong word | seo changbin

pairing: changbin x fem! reader

au: ice skating (based on)

genre: angst, very little fluff if you squint ig

wc: ~13k

warnings:  injury (related to ice skating), issues of abandonment, self doubt, making out, mentions of sex (not described), reader being unable to express their feelings, alcohol, i prolly repeat words, particularly ‘love’ i mean…duh

a/n:  listen yo, this is absolute shit okay? courtesy: my extended date with writer’s block, and life in general.

tags:  for @stayhavens​​ event “stay together: will you be mine?) i do make the season of love seem depressing, so sorry about that(っ °Д °;)っ ; @angstyskzclub​

Your thumbs hover over the keypad, doing a little dance as you chew your bottom lip in thought.

The frown that had etched itself on your brows had not ceased since the past five minutes, and you had yet to come up with a coherent sentence to type out.

Your eyes flicker to the first blue bubble from your end.

[ you ] : hey, long time…

You grimace at it; does one usually start off a message like that to someone they haven’t talked to in almost a year?

You were already starting to regret this.

Gazing into the distance as you try to come up with a possible explanation for the sudden influx of texts you had bombarded Changbin previously, your eyes glaze over with the thick winter air, your mind slowly diverting from the box in your hand to your surroundings.

The lights from the cars shimmer on the wet street in fuzzy patches, decorating the street with a momentary carpet of red and yellow.

The rain patters down on the tarpaulin in a steady drizzle with a low hum, splaying a curtain of soft golden by the ongoing cars, like bright beacons on the busy street.

You stand under the stall, the heat of the pan beckoning you closer to its warmth and you obligate by huddling near the steaming pan of fried noodles, an exquisite scent of red hot chilli sauce wafting into the air that you sniff at in delight.

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city stars.

pairing | hwang hyunjin x reader (gender neutral)

genre | angst, fluff, romance, illegal street racer!au, established relationship!au

synopsis | ‘racing is dangerous, he knows it, and it could cause much more damage than you would be able to handle. the topic remains a heated discussion at home as well, until both of you are panting in thinly veiled love and anger. as much as you love the city, you would never love the racing, not for how your heart pounds in your chest every second that his car isn’t in his view. he makes a comeback each time, however, zooming into view first and foremost, and your heart relieves. but, the pain of uncertainty is what scares you the most.’

warnings | swearing, illegal racing, some suggestive scenarios and phrases, mentions of anxiety and paranoia, death, first degree murder (planned and executed), some mentions of blood, grief

word count | 12k 

taglist | @heartyyjeno​​ @xiaocvlts​ @secretwhisperer​

notes from vee | hi hi! welcome to the final draft of city stars! some things you should know before you dive into the fic is that y/n is gender neutral with no pronouns mentioned whatsoever (including they/them pronouns)! hyunjin refers to y/n as ‘my love,’ ‘angel,’ and other petnames, however, but any other direct reference is by name! hyunjin and y/n are also engaged throughout the entire fic as mentioned before in the teaser. there are mentions of illegal things (as this entire fic takes place ‘underground’), murder, death, and grief, which may not be suitable for everyone. there are a few mentions of blood and a fight, but there’s nothing graphic whatsoever. but regardless, please read with caution. anyway, if you do read this and enjoy it, please leave feedback! please don’t let this fic flop lol, i worked hard on it! <3

Seas of people fill your vision: flashes of white and blacks flipping through like panels, short but significant glimpses at frayed jeans and loose-fitting tops, long gazes from sharp eyes lined with deep color, or preying stares from unsuspecting viewers. The air remains crisp when you inhale—the crippling scent of burnt-out cigars filling your nostrils and contaminating the moment—and exhale. Loud music booms from ugly speakers at the end of the row, the beats offering a vibration along with each ear-splitting cheer the crowd shows. Enthusiasm, you think, might be a factor of their efforts.

Slow-motion is not much of a bother. When your mind processes the chaotic situation at a relaxed pace, it changes the course of your thoughts, reverting them back to the reason why you’re standing amongst a vast area of lusters. There’s only a particular one you have your eyes on when the crowd erupts in the backseat of your senses, signaling the arrival of the contestants. They all count up to nine total.

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